Lily saw Sam through the screen door, opened it before he knocked.
“Hey,” she said. Again the air was heavy between them, some ridiculous force field.
“Hey,” Sam said.
“We have lasagna.” Lily felt like a fourteen-year-old.
“Does that mean I’m invited?” He stashed a battered brown leather suitcase under the hall table. “Hi, Cassie. Quite a day.”
“Got that right,” Cassie said. “Listen, I’m gonna go see how Petra’s doing. Maybe she could use a second cook.”
“Petra?” Sam asked as Cassie left them.
“Nanny,” Lily said. “Come in. Sit.”
The music from the kitchen wafted in, and a scent of cheese and oregano and tomato mixed with the fragrance of the lilies. Lily sat in the far corner of the couch. Sam took the big chair, diagonal.
There was silence, thick silence, and Lily wanted to fill it, needed to fill it, could not think of what to say. Sam was—still Sam. Still, ridiculously, married. But this time, happily.
“You were horrible at the beginning,” Lily said, and then regretted it instantly, what a stupid, stupid way to start a conversation.
Sam leaned toward her, forearms on blue-jeaned knees. “Guilty,” he said. “My wife was—enraged. Crazed. Convinced me you had ruined my life, and hers, and never, ever, not for one moment, let me forget it. That was hardly the place to bring Rowen. I had to keep her away.”
“You didn’t seem too upset about it.” Lily remembered it so clearly. Sam’s dismissal, the emotional doors slamming shut.
“I—what can I say?” He stood, turned away from her, then back. “She’s gone, my life has changed, and so has yours. You have all this now.” His gesture swept the room. “And a perfect daughter. Who I’ve missed every day.”
“She’s upstairs.” Lily pointed. “And she wants you to keep reading the Antarctica book to her.”
“How do you feel about that?”
“I feel like…” Lily paused, assessing. “I feel like I’m keeping a secret from her.”
The silence again, then laughter and barking from upstairs.
“Should we tell her together?” Sam asked. “And then figure it out? Isabel will be—thrilled. And I know Rowen will live here. With you. It’s fine. It’s better. My plane is tonight, the Uber is coming back for me. I just—I don’t want to lose her.”
Lily stood, and they were face-to-face, and she didn’t know, couldn’t decide, how could she, whether to hug him or shake hands or burst into tears.
* * *
The Jeep’s driver’s-side door was open. Cassie on one side of it on Lily’s driveway, Lily on the other. Rowen, holding the old Penny, stood on the front steps, still in her jammies, watching. Give us a moment, Lily had told her.
“We could still come see you, though, couldn’t we?” Lily pleaded. Friday morning. Cars crisscrossed her street, a school bus chugged by. Lily’d let Rowen stay home today while she decided what to do about the betrayal of Maryrose Glover. School cafeteria inspections, fire drills. Probably Glover had fed Smith both those stories, maybe he’d even paid her for those, too. Maybe public school was safer. At least the headmistresses didn’t take bribes. “Please. Tell me where you live. What you do.”
Cassie shook her head. “Everyone will know who you are. It’s too dangerous,” she said. “Duggan—he was just a tiny part of the—the thing. Even if he’s out of the picture, I still did what I did. I testified against them all, and as far as they’re concerned, no matter what happens, I’ll never be safe.”
“But Banning—Duggan—is not dead!” Lily needed to convince her. “Kirkhalter had nothing on you—it was—it was—and it was such a long time ago!” Lily got angrier every time she thought of it. Greer was so wrong. Cassie—her sister—was a victim. And long ago and far away, Lily had been in love with an unhappily married man. If her audience didn’t like Lily as a result—that was their problem. But she predicted they’d love her even more.
She and Cassie had talked about it all night, arguing, explaining, cajoling, entreating.
“After Jem Duggan’s trial, it’ll all come out anyway,” Lily said. “And it wasn’t even about your drug testimony, right? It was Duggan’s personal revenge.”
But Cassie had stayed firm, no matter how Lily tried to persuade her.
“I can never feel safe,” she said.
“Cassie, listen,” Lily said now, unwilling to let her sister leave again. “I can do a big story about it. Whatever. I’ll quit, if I have to, to write it. It doesn’t matter what people think. You’re more important. Justice is more important.”
“Thank you, honey.” Cassie reached out, touched her arm. “But the world isn’t perfect, Lily. Even you can’t make it be. And the more you try to force it, the more it laughs at you.”
“But—”
“And I love you, Lily, and our Rowen—but I won’t ever feel safe. Not ever. Not for me, not for you, not for her. You’re probably right, but I have to go. I’m better out of the spotlight. You’re better in it.”
“But I don’t even know how to find you.”
“And that’s how it has to be. For now, at least. And I do know where to find you, baby sis. Maybe I will.”
Cassie reached for her and enveloped her, and she was that little girl again for that brief moment, loved and protected and safe.
“Remember me, okay, little Lillow?” Cassie whispered. And then she let go.
The car door slammed, and the Jeep pulled away.
Lily walked through the grass, the green of the morning blurred through her tears.
“Mumma?”
Lily saw the concern on Rowen’s face as she approached the front porch.
“Are you sad that Aunt Cassie is going?”
“I am, honey,” she said.
“Do you want to hold Penny?”
Lily took the plush black-and-white toy. And watched the Jeep disappear.
“I’m happy about Sam, Mumma. And Val is, too, and Penny is, too. Aren’t you, too?”
“I am,” Lily said.
“And, Mumma?”
Lily looked down at her daughter. Cassie had tied her penguin ribbons this morning in perfect bows. Rowen’s life was about to change in ways the little girl couldn’t have imagined. Or maybe she could.
“Know what would be perfect?” Rowen asked. “If I could be just like Aunt Cassie when I grow up.”
“I hope you will be, honey.” Lily handed Penny back to her rightful owner and draped her arm across her daughter’s shoulders. “They say you can’t choose your family,” she told her. “But if we could, we would still choose Cassie.”
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Acknowledgments are the opportunity for the author to thank everyone who helped make the book possible. But for this book, there’s so much more to acknowledge.
On March 12, 2020, I was sitting in seat C3, flying to Palm Beach, typing this book madly on my laptop, and feeling gloriously happy. I love this book, I was thinking, as I typed. I was on my way to a big book event to celebrate The First to Lie, and I thought—wow, what a perfect life. I love being an author. The next day, homeward bound, I sat on the return flight, laptop closed, terrified. What would happen to us all?
I came home so relieved to see my husband, knowing our lives would never be the same. The next day I decided deadlines were deadlines, and I went back to my manuscript. I stared at my computer, but I couldn’t write. My beautiful, fabulous book seemed so … unnecessary. Entertainment? I thought. Storytelling?
And then I realized, more powerfully than ever, that I had decided to be an author, with agency and intent, and that writing this novel would be the very best thing I could do. It’s always safe inside a book, I decided, and I powered forward.
And here’s what brings tears to my eyes. So many people in my book world did that, too. My incredible editor, Kristin Sevick, home with her family and homeschooling her kids, rearranged her life to make room for me and this book with gra
ce, brilliance, and her usual genius. My incredible and brave agent, Lisa Gallagher, almost trapped in London, persevered throughout and never broke our connection. My brilliant and talented family at Forge Books also pivoted, regrouped, and powered forward: Our invincible chairman, Tom Doherty, the man who started it all. Fritz Foy at the helm. Thank you: Linda Quinton, Lucille Rettino, Eileen Lawrence, Jenn Gonzales, Brian Heller, Christine Jaeger, Brad Wood, Laura Pennock, AJ Murphy, Talia Sherer, Alexis Saarela, Libby Collins, and Laura Etzkorn. All of you transformed into superpeople and kept the fires burning. When it came time for a cover, the brilliant Katie Klimowicz created this luminously gorgeous one. From home. I am in awe of this team.
At Jungle Red Writers, we made the same decision. My sister bloggers—for eleven years now!—Rhys Bowen, Deborah Crombie, Hallie Ephron, Jenn McKinlay, Lucy Burdette, Julia Spencer-Fleming, and I leaped onto email—should we stop? Did blogs matter anymore? Yes, we decided. They matter more than ever. And we came through this together, with endless ups and downs, and with each other.
My gang at Career Authors, too, renewed our intent to share our experiences with those who want to make a career of being an author. I am grateful every day to Brian Andrews, Dana Isaacson, Paula Munier, and Jessica Strawser (and tech whiz Jon Stone). I treasure our Monday mornings at 10 when we laugh and plan and commiserate on Zoom.
And I am joyful to acknowledge the amazing Hannah Mary McKinnon. Our friendship bloomed during the pandemic, as I joined her on her groundbreaking First Chapter Fun, which she created to help writers in this horrible time, and which she and I have now grown to incredible success. I would not have been involved without the pandemic. Would not have known her. They are strange thoughts.
The brilliant Karen Dionne and I came up with The Back Room, another way to handle the woes of pandemic writers. We are so proud of our Zoom up close and personal events, inviting authors and readers to share in our interactive panels. This never would’ve happened without the hideous pandemic, and Karen and our Back Room crew are such shining stars.
Think of how we have all grown during this! Andrea Peskind Katz at Great Thoughts. Pamela Klinger-Horn. Ann Garvin and the glorious Tall Poppy Writers, dear friends and crusaders and so talented! Ann-Marie Nieves. Suzanne Leopold. A Mighty Blaze, still blazing with Jenna Blum and Caroline Leavitt.
Bookstores, too, had to figure out how the heck to handle the pandemic. The Poisoned Pen, Wellesley Books, Brookline Booksmith, Murder on the Beach Mystery Bookstore, and Page 158 Books all sprang into action, helping readers stay connected with the books they devoured. Congratulations, you rock stars, and thank you for everything.
With infinite gratitude, too, to the brilliance of Dick Haley at Haley Booksellers. Kym Havens at An Unlikely Story Bookstore and Café. Book Club with Style, Jamie’s Grab You a Book, Tattered Page, A Novel Bee, and Annie McDonnell at The Write Review, and oh, the incredible Friends & Fiction podcast!
For Robin Agnew, Janet Rudolph, Lisa Unger, Erin Mitchell, Kristopher Zgorski, Dru Ann Love, Laura Rossi, Barbara Peters, Lisa Scottoline, and James Patterson.
For the skill and talent (and patience) of Mary Zanor, Maddee James, Mary-Liz Murray, Nina Zagorscak, Marie Ricci, Mary Lou Andre, and Charles Anctil. For my darling producer, Mary Schwager, and my dear sister, Nancy Landman. For my neighbors Amy Saltonstall, Maureen McKibben, and Rene Augesen—we all navigated the River Street pandemic together.
And oh, the West Newton post office! What a lifesaver.
I have to acknowledge you the most, dear readers. We are getting through this together, through horribleness and fear and incredible uncertainty—and I truly would not be here without you.
And Jonathan, Jonathan, Jonathan.
As always, I am so happy with our traditions: some of the names in the book are from generous auction donations, but I will let you all guess. I have tweaked some geography to protect the innocent. And thank you—I love it when people read the acknowledgments.
BOOKS BY HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN
Trust Me
The Murder List
The First to Lie
Her Perfect Life
THE JANE RYLAND SERIES
The Other Woman
The Wrong Girl
Truth Be Told
What You See
Say No More
THE CHARLOTTE MCNALLY SERIES
Prime Time
Face Time
Air Time
Drive Time
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
USA Today bestselling author HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN has won five Agatha Awards, in addition to the Anthony, Macavity, Daphne du Maurier, and Mary Higgins Clark Awards. As an on-air investigative reporter for Boston’s WHDH-TV, she’s won thirty-seven Emmy Awards and many more journalism honors. A former president of Sisters in Crime and founder of Mystery Writers of America University, Ryan lives in Boston.
Visit her online at hankphillippiryan.com, or sign up for email updates here.
Instagram: hankpryan
Twitter: @HankPRyan
facebook.com/HankPhillippiRyanAuthor
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CONTENTS
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter 1. Lily
Chapter 2. Greer
Chapter 3. Lily
Chapter 4. Greer
Chapter 5. Lily
Chapter 6. Greer
Chapter 7. Lily
Chapter 8. Greer
Chapter 9. Lily
Chapter 10. Cassie
Chapter 11. Lily
Chapter 12. Greer
Chapter 13. Greer
Chapter 14. Lily
Chapter 15. Cassie
Chapter 16. Greer
Chapter 17. Lily
Chapter 18. Greer
Chapter 19. Greer
Chapter 20. Cassie
Chapter 21. Lily
Chapter 22. Lily
Chapter 23. Cassie
Chapter 24. Lily
Chapter 25. Cassie
Chapter 26. Lily
Chapter 27. Cassie
Chapter 28. Lily
Chapter 29. Cassie
Chapter 30. Lily
Chapter 31. Cassie
Chapter 32. Lily
Chapter 33. Cassie
Chapter 34. Lily
Chapter 35. Cassie
Chapter 36. Lily
Chapter 37. Cassie
Chapter 38. Lily
Chapter 39. Cassie
Chapter 40. Lily
Chapter 41. Cassie
Chapter 42. Lily
Chapter 43. Cassie
Chapter 44. Lily
Chapter 45. Greer
Chapter 46. Lily
Chapter 47. Greer
Chapter 48. Lily
Chapter 49. Greer
Chapter 50. Lily
Chapter 51. Cassie
Chapter 52. Lily
Chapter 53. Cassie
Chapter 54. Greer
Chapter 55. Lily
Chapter 56. Greer
Chapter 57. Lily
Chapter 58. Cassie
Chapter 59. Lily
Chapter 60. Greer
Chapter 61. Lily
Chapter 62. Greer
Chapter 63. Lily
Chapter 64. Cassie
Chapter 65. Lily
Chapter 66. Lily
Chapter 67. Lily
Chapter 68. Greer
Chapter 69. Lily
Acknowledgments
Books by Hank Phillippi Ryan
About the Author
Copyright
This is a
work of fiction. All of the characters, organizations, and events portrayed in this novel are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously.
HER PERFECT LIFE
Copyright © 2021 by Hank Phillippi Ryan
All rights reserved.
Cover photograph by Kiselev Andrey Valerevich/Shutterstock.com
Cover design by Katie Klimowicz
A Forge Book
Published by Tom Doherty Associates
120 Broadway
New York, NY 10271
www.tor-forge.com
Forge® is a registered trademark of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC.
The Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available upon request.
ISBN 978-1-250-25888-5 (hardcover)
ISBN 978-1-250-25883-0 (ebook)
eISBN 9781250258830
Our ebooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at 1-800-221-7945, extension 5442, or by email at [email protected].
First Edition: 2021
Her Perfect Life Page 33