by Emily N. Kay
And I wanted to barge in and tell her that the “people” she was talking about were the bus driver, two old ladies and me!
Not wanting to hear another word, I walked out, and before I could comprehend what’s going on, my legs had brought me to Frank’s room.
But what had stopped me from going in there was the sound of Mum and Frank coming through the front door. They were laughing about something. I started to imagine the two of them coming up to their room, unaware of what was wrong. Then they’d have dinner, wondering why I hadn’t come down to dinner yet. They would tell V to come and get me. She would find me. Again. But this time, I would have wounded her for life. It would break her. And I just couldn’t do that to her. I couldn’t…
And with that thought, I went back to my room and chose to relive the memory of that night when V saved me, and I could find some solace in that.
**********
“Sorry I can’t stay and help you close up,” I tell Jerry as I hurriedly head to the storage room to change out of this hideous bright-red polo shirt.
“No worries, mate,” Jerry says after me.
I like Jerry. He’s tolerable. Well, I feel like everyone is more tolerable today. It’s one of those days that I feel optimistic. And it’s all because of V.
I come back out wearing a plain black t-shirt. If I had known earlier that V wanted to eat out today I would have worn nicer stuff—like those plain shirts that V likes to say are “some of my better-looking outfits.” But whatever, I don’t have time to go back and change now. I need to get to Berry Bliss and pick V up for dinner.
It’s been a few days after that fight we kind of had. We didn’t exactly talk about it. And none of us thought it’s a good idea to bring it up, so we just let it sit there, the air heavy between us. But this morning, V made me breakfast and asked if I wanted to grab dinner today. I said yes, of course, without a doubt, happy that we can both get past what happened and finally move on.
It’s almost seven when I arrive. The tables outside are still there, but without the dreadful neon-pink umbrellas. I try to peer inside but the pink curtains are drawn. I told V to wait in front of the shop but she’s not there.
I try her phone. She is not picking up. I tell myself not to freak out and dial again. Just then, the shop door swings open.
“Surprise!” V squeals and runs toward me. She is holding a mini-sized cake with chocolate frosting.
I look at her, puzzled. And as I’m about to say that it’s not my birthday, I can see now that it’s not just V who is here.
Kyle, Stacey and some dark-haired boy who I can only assume is Stacey’s boyfriend are also there behind V. What the fuck are they doing here?
Before I can even open my mouth, even more people are pouring out from the shop—Sammie and the blonde girl I met that day are here, plus two other girls I’ve never met before.
Sammie gives me a strange smile. I can’t bring myself to smile back.
“What’s going on?” I ask V, trying my hardest not to sound as agitated as I feel.
V keeps her smile on. “Aren’t you surprised?”
I furrow my brow in response.
“We’re here to celebrate, Joshie! On you getting the scholarship!” she announced matter-of-factly like I’m an idiot.
She puts the cake on one of the larger tables and gestures for everyone to sit. No one moves as they wait for me—to be the one to take a seat first. But I can’t bring myself to move. I stare at her, frozen.
V quickly notices the awkwardness in the air. “You remember Sammie, right?” says V, turning to Sammie. “She really likes you for some reason so she talked to the manager to let us use the place.”
Sammie blushes a little. “You’re welcome.”
“V… I never said I’m taking the offer,” I remind her, my voice cold.
The air shifts.
V’s smile starts to fade. She looks around, embarrassed. “Are you sure?” she says under her breath, her tone threatening.
“I’m not, V! And that’s exactly why I told you I needed time to think about it!” I hiss, my face heating up. “And now you’re shoving it down my throat by getting these people involved…” I trail off, suddenly realising the horrible truth.
No way…
A realisation hits me like a brick to my face. She’s doing this not because she wants to reconcile or make it up to me like I stupidly thought. She’s doing this because she wants to convince me to accept the offer. No, she is pressuring me. By bringing everyone here and making it a congratulatory party, it would somehow make it official that I’m going to Sydney.
She wants me to go…
V is now looking like a ghost, her face pale and her lips are trembling. Stacey and Kyle exchange a look, as though they’re amused by the situation. Like everything is funny to them. Like my life is a joke. Like V’s feelings mean nothing to them. And that pisses me off even more.
As if things couldn’t get any worse, a new arrival shows up.
“Shit. I’m too late, aren’t I!” says Caitlin as she approaches with an apologetic smile, clueless as to what’s going on. She is wearing a velvet slip dress that shows a lot of skin. After a beat, she picks up the tension. Her face changes. “What’s… going on?” she asks no one in particular while darting her gaze around.
I don’t wait for anyone to say a word. “You told her, too?” I ask, my voice coming out quiet. Now I’m certain that my patience is wearing out.
Caitlin looks at me with hurt in her eyes. “Well, I was waiting for you to tell me but I guess that’ll never happen,” she says bitterly.
“I wonder why that is…” Kyle utters, letting out a chuckle as his gaze roams all over Caitlin, stopping on her cleavage. Caitlin also seems to notice as she stares back at him with a scowl on her face.
And his tone… it pisses me the fuck off, and I can’t take this any more. “Can you just fucking stop?” I explode.
“Excuse me?” Kyle raises an eyebrow at me, his jaw moving.
“V is standing right there, and you’re—”
He doesn’t let me finish as he steps closer to look at me in the eye. “I what—checking your girl out? Come on, Josh. We both know that’s not why you’re mad.” He flashes me his infuriating smirk and I want to punch him so bad my fist itches.
What the hell is he getting at?
Stacey lets out a surprised sound, a hand covering her mouth. “Shit is getting real,” she mutters. Her boyfriend agrees with a nod of head, seemingly amused by all of it.
To say that everyone here looks uncomfortable would be an understatement. Sammie and the other girls are shrinking like they don’t want to witness any of this, as though they’re intruding on a private matter (well, they are). And Caitlin just stands still, watching, her mouth pressed in a tight line. Even people passing by are starting to turn their heads and watch.
V glares at me, appalled. “Josh… Stop it.”
I scoff. “Me? You think I should stop?” I cry out exasperatedly. “I didn’t ask for any of this, V! What’s wrong with you. It’s like… you never listen to me any more!”
V’s throat moves before she strides over, takes my arm and yanks me away from everyone. I have to be surprised at how hard her slim fingers are gripping me right now.
When she thinks we are far away enough that no one can hear us, she lets me go and looks at me with such fury I’ve never seen on her face before. It’s not the kind of anger for when she doesn’t get what she wants. It’s the kind that can’t just be sorted out by taking her shopping or buying her Cotton On gift cards. The line has been crossed, and I don’t know if we can come back from this without scathe. I don’t know if we can come back from this at all…
Chapter 14
Violet
2020
Violet had been thinking a lot lately about telling someone—about that night Josh tried to kill himself. She did not know how much longer she could keep it to herself. Especially not when Josh was losing it. She could tell
… by the distressed look on his face whenever she ignored him, and by the way he seemed to shut down whenever she told him she was going somewhere with Kyle. It made her feel so guilty every time she had upset him. Like she had failed him somehow…
And she didn’t want to feel guilty any more. She wanted someone to know. She wanted to share the burden of this knowledge. She couldn’t handle the pressure alone.
But also, she made Josh a promise—to keep quiet. And Violet couldn’t bring herself to betray him. From time to time, she liked to convince herself that he’s healed, that he will never go down that path again, and she really believed it. But of course there were times when Violet couldn’t handle seeing Josh so sad that she felt like she needed to say something—to someone.
Obviously, she couldn’t tell her friends. Violet loved Stacey, but she also knew exactly how her friend would react—she would make a joke out of it and be all twisted and become even more attracted to Josh than she already was. As for Kyle… she did not trust that he will be able to keep this secret to himself, especially when it meant that he would hold the card over Josh. It scared Violet sometimes how much she didn’t trust Kyle. He’s supposed to be her ride-or-die, and yet she couldn’t trust him. Not when it has anything to do with Josh.
Violet could not tell Meg either. Or her father for that matter. They’re grown-ups. And grown-ups would never get it. They would freak out, and they would take Josh to a shrink, and they would blame her for keeping the secret for this long.
So when Caitlin showed up, Violet felt a glimpse of hope—that there was finally someone who could take her place and fill the hole in her brother’s heart and make him all better, and that this person will be able to make him happy when she couldn’t.
“Your brother isn’t much of a talker, huh,” noted Caitlin when the bedroom’s door was closed.
“Yeah, he’s not,” Violet agreed. “Don’t mind him. He may seem rude to you now, but I promise he’s a sweetheart—once you get to know him, I mean.”
It was pure amusement when Josh swiped his gaze over Caitlin on the bus. It was almost the exact same face Caitlin liked to make when she looked at Violet, judging her. And Violet couldn’t help but feel like she had been avenged somehow.
Caitlin was trying to talk to Josh all the way home—over Violet’s head. But Josh was being Josh. He was relentlessly rude. But in this case, Violet allowed it.
“Is he, like, seeing someone?” Caitlin asked.
Violet turned to look at her, a knowing grin forming on her face. “Why do you ask?”
“Nothing! I’m just curious,” she said defensively, blushing.
“Relax,” Violet said, rolling her eyes. “You’re not the first, you know. My brother kind of has an effect on girls.”
Caitlin huffed out a breath. “Whatever. We should get started now.”
“Right.”
They spent the next hour working on their science project. Yes, the one they were randomly assigned to do as partners.
It was excruciating having to work with Caitlin for Violet could not stand this girl. Everything about her was pretentious. From her tight smile when they were assigned partners to her I-am-better-than-you attitude. She kept brushing off Violet’s suggestions, acting like she’s superior.
And that judgmental look of hers… Ugh! Violet hated the way Caitlin’s lips turned slightly downward when she flicked her gaze across Violet’s body—when she thought Violet wasn’t looking. Violet could read her mind, you’re too skinny.
Well, sorry not everyone has an ass like yours! Violet wanted to yell.
They were not even half-way done when Caitlin brought up Josh again. “You close with your brother?” she asked without looking at Violet, her eyes fixating on her notebook.
“Super close.”
“Hmm,” Caitlin mused, chewing her lips thoughtfully. “I’ve always wanted a brother.”
Violet looked at her partner. “You don’t have any siblings?”
“No. And it sucks. My parents got divorced a few years back, and I felt so alone. I mean, if I had a brother—or a sister—then at least I wouldn’t have to go through this shit alone, you know?”
Violet suddenly felt sorry for the girl. They never talked about stuff outside of school before, and now she was sharing something so personal. Violet was caught off guard.
“I’m sorry,” Violet said with what she thought was a gentle tone.
Caitlin just shrugged. “Don’t be. And for the record, I wasn’t trying to make you feel sorry for me, okay? It just came out,” she said plainly.
“Okay.”
They were quiet for a while before Violet blurted, “I was an only child, too…”
At that, Caitlin’s gaze instantly blazed with interest.
Violet elaborated, “Before Josh, I mean.”
Caitlin’s blue eyes became wider and her lips parted.
“He’s my step-brother,” Violet finished wearily. She was sick and tired of having to clarify this to every single person when the conversation inevitably led to this piece of information.
“That’s… unexpected,” Caitlin said breathily, stunned. “You two just looked so—”
“Yeah. I know,” Violet agreed with a chuckle. “We do look alike.”
Caitlin shook her head slowly, like she’s still trying to wrap her head around it. “But—I mean—since when?”
“Since I was ten.”
“Oh…” Caitlin trailed off, then she looked at Violet as if she’s about to say something she shouldn’t but decided to say it anyway. “So… it’s not weird for you or anything? I mean, having a stranger—a boy—living with you. In your house.”
Violet almost choked on nothing. “Josh isn’t a stranger to me! He’s like my real brother ever since I can remember, seriously.”
“Okay…”
“Anyway,” Violet said, shifting the direction of this conversation, “I guess I know how you feel. I mean I love my dad, but… I’m not gonna lie it was fucking lonely before Josh and his mum came along. I can’t imagine my life now without them.”
Caitlin seemed to consider Violet, her face hard to read. “You’re pretty damn lucky, you know that, right?”
Violet couldn’t tell if she’s being genuine or what, but she cracked a smile anyway, feeling slightly triumphant. “Yeah… I guess I am,” she replied.
And in silence, they finished their assignment not long after.
“I’ll see you out,” Violet said as she followed Caitlin out.
Caitlin seemed hesitant. She suddenly stopped.
“Did you forget something?” Violet asked.
“Should I say goodbye to your brother first? I mean, it’d be rude to just… leave, you know?” she quickly said.
Unbelievable… Violet thought, wanting to scoff out loud. It was clear Caitlin fancied her brother. But Josh would never be interested, Violet was sure of that. He never batted an eye for any girl before—no matter how gorgeous they were. And it troubled Violet every time she tried to come up with an explanation for why that might be… Because of what Kyle said…
Before Violet told Caitlin to just give up, a thought rushed to her. Maybe Josh’s journey to true love just needed a little kick-start!
Caitlin was clearly not good enough for Josh, but well… no one will ever be good enough for her brother anyway. So to hell with it, right?
Yes. It could work.
Caitlin could make Josh happy—in a way that Violet never could. And that was good enough.
“You know what?” Violet said with a grin. “It’s late. Why don’t you stay for dinner?”
**********
Violet still could not stand Caitlin, by all means. Just because she was kind of going out with Josh now, it did not mean that they were friends.
It was clear Caitlin was trying so hard to be nice to her—because of Josh, no doubt. After the dinner they all had together, Caitlin became relentless in pursuing Josh. Although she did not say it outright to Violet—that sh
e’s super attracted to Josh—it’s still pretty obvious. And Violet would have been fine with it if not for the fact that Caitlin was acting like they were the best of friends now. As if she thought she was becoming Violet’s sister-in-law or something.
Stacey detested Caitlin. Not just because she was jealous, but also because she believed Caitlin to be an ass-kisser. And Violet did not disagree on that. Before Josh, Caitlin would never waste a breath on Violet if she didn’t have to. She even mocked vegans in front of Violet when she knew Violet was one. Now, though, her brother’s girlfriend could not shut up about how she admired Violet and her lifestyle choices, and blah blah blah. Long story short, Violet still could not stand her.
But why should Violet complain… She was the one who made this happen. It was all her doing. And besides, Josh finally had someone to spend time with other than her. That was always her intention.
She wasn’t going to lie. It definitely was not easy seeing this Caitlin girl with her big ass and big tits be all flirty and thirsty over her brother. And it was not easy to witness when Caitlin finally asked Josh if they could hang after school. She almost couldn’t bear it. God… anyone but Caitlin… she thought then. At first a tiny part of her wished that Josh would just reject Caitlin right then and there—the same way he did to every girl who ever had the courage to ask him out. In fact, she almost threw out her plan to get Caitlin together with Josh—because although she wanted her brother to date, she had a lot of doubts about Caitlin.
Violet was waiting for Josh to tell Caitlin off, telling her he wasn’t interested. She was ready for the satisfaction of seeing Caitlin’s smug face turn sour when Josh rejected her.
But then… the strangest thing happenned… Josh looked at Violet once before he turned to look at Caitlin’s anticipated face and he said yes, he would love to hang out with her. And with that, it was too late… So Violet let it go.