‘That’s fairy, not angel,’ Alice interjected, but he ignored her.
‘—but I can’t not do this. Just once.’ And with that he dipped his head, bringing his lips to hers with the same decisiveness she’d come to expect from him in everything.
Except this time it didn’t annoy her. It set her whole body alight like the Christmas tree behind her.
For a shining moment Alice forgot that the whole village would be watching, forgot that Liam was still trying to find a way to get her out of Thornwood Castle. Forgot, even, all those incredibly good reasons she had for never getting involved with another man again.
Instead, she let Liam’s kiss wash over her like a cascade of stars in the darkness, bringing the night to life around her.
And then he pulled away and reality came crashing down.
She stumbled backwards and this time he let her go. ‘We shouldn’t have done that.’
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ Liam said, looking far less flustered by the kiss than she felt. ‘Seemed like a good idea to me.’
A good idea? It was possibly the worst idea in the history of terrible ideas. She couldn’t get involved with the man who basically had the power to throw her out of her home and force her to abandon her vocation. And she really couldn’t risk a relationship with the man who was helping her take care of Jamie—if only because when she had to say goodbye to both of them it might break her all over again.
But Liam didn’t seem to understand either of those concerns.
‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Let’s get to the Fox and Hare before they give our table away to someone else.’
* * *
Alice was freaking out.
Oh, she was keeping it very quiet and civilised, but Liam could tell her brain was going crazy with all the reasons why it was a mistake to have dinner with him. Well, and to have kissed him. He imagined that might be preoccupying her a bit too.
A day ago he’d have agreed with most of her arguments, he decided, as he queued at the bar in the Fox and Hare. Over at their table, Alice was fussing with Jamie and refusing to meet his gaze.
The thing was, a day ago he hadn’t had his brainwave. He was known in his company for flashes of genius—for the one second, game-changing idea. He’d thought he’d had one yesterday, when he’d decided to ask Alice about faking a family so he could keep Jamie. But now he realised that was only the start.
He knew, better than anyone, that family could tear you apart, that love counted for nothing when things went wrong. But that was the beauty of it—Alice knew that too and, crucially, they weren’t in love. But he’d come to respect and like her over the past couple of weeks—and he hoped she felt the same about him.
And from the way she’d kissed him back...there was no doubt in his mind that the physical attraction was mutual too, no matter how much she might try to deny it.
Which left them with an unprecedented situation in his life. One he intended to take full advantage of.
Liam took the bottle of beer and the wine glass from the bartender in exchange for the payment he handed over and headed back to the table, already running counterarguments through his brain.
Alice immediately started rooting through Jamie’s change bag the moment he sat down.
‘What’re you looking for?’ he asked casually.
She stopped fiddling with the bag and sighed. ‘Honestly? I have no idea.’
Chuckling, he nudged the wine glass across the table to her. ‘Calm down. Have a drink. This is just dinner, remember?’
Alice looked up at that. ‘Just dinner? We kissed, Liam. Well, you kissed me.’
‘I might have started it, but you have to admit to being an enthusiastic participant.’ He could still feel the touch of her lips against his, the fire they’d sent streaming through his veins. That was no ordinary kiss. And it was definitely something they should do again.
Alice flushed, her cheeks as red as her sweater. ‘Fine. I might have joined in. A bit.’
‘A lot.’
‘But it was your idea. So you need to tell me exactly what you’re expecting from this.’ She looked up and met his gaze head-on, her eyes no longer confused or cautious but demanding and stubborn.
And for once Liam felt strangely compelled to tell her everything. To give her the truth.
* * *
‘What I’m expecting?’ Liam shook his head. ‘That’s the wrong question.’
‘Then what’s the right one?’ Alice asked, frustration leaking out in her voice. The man was beyond infuriating.
‘You want to know what I’m proposing.’
‘I think I got a pretty good handle on that,’ Alice said drily. After all, that kiss had not been subtle, and they’d been pressed very close together. She could well imagine exactly what he’d been proposing. Too well, really, since it probably shouldn’t happen. Probably.
Liam gave her a lopsided smile. ‘You think this is about sex.’
‘Isn’t it?’
He shook his head. ‘It’s about Jamie.’
Alice’s blood ran cold, and she resisted the impulse to wake Jamie in his pram and hold him close, just to be sure he was still there. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, Jamie needs a family.’
‘Yes, he does.’ Oh, she really didn’t like the way that this was going. ‘But there’s still been no luck tracing his mother. So social services will probably want to take him soon.’ Something she was trying very hard not to think about.
‘Except Jamie’s mother left him for us to care for, right?’
‘I’m not sure that note would stand up in court. And we’re hardly the ideal carers for him, are we? You’re going to be flying back to Australia as soon as you’ve got things set up here, and I’ll be moving on as soon as we find a new location for the groups and we get everything up and running.’ Something else she’d been avoiding dwelling on.
Somehow, it seemed her whole life had turned around until she was entirely focused on where she was, and not where she could run to next, for the first time since she’d left her marriage behind in a pool of blood.
‘What if we didn’t?’ Liam asked. Alice stared at him and he went on. ‘We both know that family and blood and love and all that don’t guarantee you a damn thing.’
‘Right.’ But she wanted it for Jamie, anyway. Wanted his experience to be different to hers, to Liam’s.
‘We’re both too damaged to even try for that fairy tale, I reckon,’ he added, looking to her for agreement. She nodded. ‘But we could give it to Jamie.’
Her heart stopped. He was offering her exactly what she needed. ‘How?’
‘By convincing the courts that we are a stable, loving home for him. That together we can raise him as heir to Thornwood.’
‘You mean we fake being a couple?’
The look he gave her was heated. ‘It doesn’t have to be entirely fake.’
Alice bit her lip. ‘I don’t understand.’ His words didn’t seem to make any sense in her brain, and she reached for her wine glass. Maybe there’d be some truth in there.
‘It’s simple. Stay here, with me. In my suite—in my bed—wherever you want. You know what I want.’ He smirked, and she felt the heat flooding to her cheeks again as she remembered how clearly she’d felt what he wanted. ‘But that side of things is up to you. All I want from you is a promise that you’ll stay at Thornwood with me and Jamie until I’m allowed to legally adopt him.’
‘Wait. Until you’re allowed to adopt him?’ Of course, it couldn’t be that perfect, could it? Sooner or later, he’d push her out.
Liam shrugged. ‘Or us. If you decide you want to stay. And I hope you will. But if you do...that’s it. You’re in it for life. No running away to the next thing the moment you think you’ve stayed too long.’
‘I don’t—’
‘Don’t you?’
Alice looked away. Of course she did. Every time. The one time she’d stayed—in her marriage—she’d had everything ripped away from her. Her love, her future—and any possibility of having children.
‘Why?’ he asked softly. ‘Why run so much?’
Could she tell him?
She’d have to, she realised, if she wanted what he was offering. It might not be love and fairy tales, but it would be a life together. A family. And he might have...expectations. Ones that she could never meet.
It was only fair to tell him exactly what he’d be signing up for.
‘We’d be a proper family?’ she asked, her voice small.
‘You, me and Jamie.’ Liam nodded, sure and certain. But then his expression changed, and she could actually see the moment the other possibilities came to him. ‘And maybe more kids one day, if you wanted.’
He wanted. She could tell by the smile on his face. And that small, wistful smile was exactly why she knew this could never work.
And yet...
She wanted it. So badly. It was everything she’d ever dreamt of—the vision from that day on the hill—everything she’d thought she had to give up for ever.
Alice was a practical woman. She didn’t need true love, not the sort that films and books talked about. She needed an everyday affection, fondness from a partner—someone she could work as a team with.
And hadn’t Liam shown her he could give her that already?
Over the past two weeks Jamie had fulfilled every dream she had of being a mother, and many she’d never even imagined.
Between the two of them, they could make Alice happier than she’d ever imagined being.
If Liam still wanted to, after he knew the truth.
‘That...the more kids thing. That can never happen.’ The words came out staccato and sharp, and they felt like glass in her throat as she spoke them.
Liam’s eyebrows furrowed. ‘You don’t want more kids? Really? Because the way you are with Jamie—’
‘It doesn’t matter what I want,’ Alice interrupted. ‘I can’t have them. Ever.’
‘Why?’ he demanded, obviously confused.
Alice reached for her wine again and took a long gulp. ‘You asked me what happened with my husband. And why I run so much. Well, it’s the same answer to both.’
‘Tell me.’ Liam’s tone was no longer demanding. Instead, it was entreating. Begging her to trust him enough to bare her soul and tell him everything.
Could she? Alice knew she had to try.
So she took a deep breath and began.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
LIAM KNEW FROM the moment she opened her mouth that he wouldn’t like this story.
He’d thought he needed to know about her past, her secrets—needed to understand what had brought her to Thornwood, and what would make her run again when the time came. But, in truth, they were her secrets and she had every right to keep them. And now it was time to hear them out loud...he’d give anything not to have to listen. For it never to have happened. For Alice’s life to have been blissfully happy and untroubled.
Except, if it had been, she wouldn’t be there with him and Jamie.
So he listened.
‘My husband... I told you he was a violent man. And I hoped he would change, or that I could, and that we could be happy again. You asked me why I stayed, but the better question is...’
‘Why did you leave?’ Liam whispered when her voice trailed off.
Of course it was. That was the question he should have asked on their walk that day. If she’d stayed so long, what had changed to force her to leave?
‘I was pregnant,’ Alice whispered, so soft that he had to lean across the table to hear her. His heart clenched at the misery in her voice, the lost expression on her face. He reached out and took her hand, and she squeezed it gratefully.
Whatever had happened to her, just remembering it was enough for her to accept his support. That alone told him how bad this was going to be.
‘I was six months gone, and those six months had been so different. He’d been supportive and thoughtful—all the things I thought he was when I married him. I was honestly starting to believe that this was what we’d needed to make us happy. That the baby would make him a different person—a father, a loving husband.’
She wasn’t the first woman to hope that, Liam knew. He suspected his own mother had believed that, once presented with the evidence of a child, his father would have suddenly welcomed them both into his privileged existence.
He hadn’t, of course. And he already knew that Alice’s husband hadn’t changed either.
‘One night, just before Christmas, he came home drunk and furious. I didn’t understand, because nothing had happened, nothing was different. But whatever it was that had upset him—and I don’t think I ever even knew—he blamed me. He yelled, he glared, and he reached out to push my shoulder. I stumbled back and hit the table and I realised, in that split second, that nothing would ever change. That I could not bring up a child in that house. So I grabbed my bag and started shoving things in it.’
‘What did he do?’ Liam asked quietly, his stomach already sinking at where the story must be going.
‘He followed me around the flat as I packed, screaming abuse at me. But I couldn’t hear him any more. I was lost in my moment of clarity, knowing that from this moment my life would be different. It would be me and my child against the world, and I would never let anyone make me feel the way my husband had, ever again. I was so fired up with the possibilities in front of me I didn’t even consider the problems. Or what he might do to try and make me stay.
‘As I walked out the front door of the flat, into the stairwell of the building, I turned to him and I told him I was never coming back. And then I spat in his face.’ Alice looked away, her fingers toying with the beer mat on the table before her. Her gaze darted to Jamie, then away, then back again. Liam didn’t push her; he just waited silently.
Finally, she spoke again. ‘That was what did it, really. His face turned bright red, almost purple. And he grabbed my arm, yanking me around on the landing outside the flat. And then he flung me down the stairs.’
Liam had known what was coming more or less since the story started. But nothing prepared him for the white-hot rage that surged through him as Alice spoke. He knew that violence wouldn’t help the situation, or endear him to Alice, but he couldn’t help the primal response that rose up inside him.
He supposed the only thing that made him different from Alice’s ex-husband was that he conquered it. Swallowed it down and held Alice’s hand tighter instead. He needed her to know he was there. That she could trust him, even if she never trusted any other person again.
‘I woke up in hospital two days later, on Christmas Eve.’ Alice looked up, and Liam lost his fury in the wide, sad pools of her blue eyes. ‘I lost the baby, of course. But there were other complications. Along with the broken bones and concussion, they had to operate to save my life as I miscarried. They did their best, of course. But in the end they told me—’ She broke off with a sob, her gaze dropping down to the table.
‘You could never have children,’ Liam finished for her. ‘God, Alice, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so sorry.’
So many things that had puzzled him fell into place as she finished her story. Why she’d kept such a distance from babies—but fallen so completely for Jamie. Why she never let herself believe she could have that happy ever after that everyone else seemed to want. Why she always, always ran. Because if she kept moving she could never care enough about anything for it to matter when it was ripped away from her.
It was as if he’d stripped away a suit of armour from her, and when she met his eyes again he could see the whole of her for t
he first time since they’d met.
He knew who Alice Walters was now. And he only loved her more for it.
No. Not love. That wasn’t what she wanted, or what he needed. He admired her. Liked her. Wanted her in his life very badly.
But that wasn’t the same thing at all. It couldn’t be.
Could it?
Liam shook his head. This wasn’t the time to be worrying about such abstract things as love. He needed to focus on what mattered most—convincing Alice to stay at Thornwood and help him give Jamie the life he deserved.
And maybe, just maybe, he and Alice would find the life they dreamt of in the process.
* * *
Alice watched the flood of emotions playing over Liam’s face, and knew he’d say no now. That she had to leave. That she couldn’t give him what he was looking for.
She was damaged goods. Literally.
‘I can’t imagine how devastated you must have been,’ Liam said slowly. ‘But I think I understand now. You, I mean. I think I understand you.’
Alice shrugged. Maybe he did. ‘So you see why I can’t agree to your plan, then?’
‘No. That part still baffles me, actually.’
‘I can’t give you what you want.’ Did he really need her to spell this out? ‘I can’t give you more kids. Jamie would be it. And if we weren’t allowed to keep him...’ Then she’d lose everything again. Her baby and the man she’d hoped to build her life with. The man she...
No. She couldn’t think that.
But she knew the risks. If she stayed with Liam, if they were together...he’d already taught her to trust again. To hope.
What if he taught her how to love once more?
How could she ever recover from that?
‘They’re going to let us keep him,’ Liam said, with far more confidence than she felt. ‘They have to. Trust me.’
She wanted to. Oh, how she wanted to. ‘But if they don’t?’
What if they take him, and I’ve already fallen in love with you?
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