He laughed. “She was. Her form needs some work, but she’ll get there.”
“Does that mean my daughter will be on the future women’s hockey team from San Majoria?”
“You never know.”
“She loves you.” Astrid leaned her head back against the wall. “I knew she was missing out on having a father, but I don’t think I really understood how much she needs that father figure in her life.”
“I’m not just a father figure, Astrid. For as long as she’ll remember, I’m her father.”
“I know, but you know what I mean.”
Before he could say anything else, Sofia called to her, and Astrid was spared whatever else the conversation might bring. She just wasn’t ready for it.
With a growl of frustration, Jordan pushed back from the desk.
It wasn’t working.
He picked up his phone and flipped through the contacts until he found the right one. There was no answer, so he sent a text instead.
At least he had full access to the good photo manipulation software these days. Too bad he didn’t know how to use it.
Rolling his chair back to the desk, he opened one of the other programs - the one he’d been using for years that he’d found for under a hundred dollars online.
With it, he could sort of do what he wanted.
His phone buzzed. Swiping across it, he breathed a sigh of relief. “Hey. Thanks for calling me back. I could use some help if you have time.”
After half an hour on the phone, it still wasn’t working.
“Would you mind coming by?” he finally asked. “Whenever is convenient for you. It’s probably something simple that I just can’t figure out.”
Chris laughed. “Most likely. Seems like it usually is. Don’t worry. We’ll get it figured out in time for Christmas.”
“Thanks.”
They made arrangements for the photographer to stop by a couple of days later when Astrid wasn’t supposed to be home. Jordan didn’t want to hide anything from his wife, but he also didn’t want her to know what he was doing. That would kind of ruin the surprise.
As he suspected, Chris was able to fix what was wrong in three clicks by setting a menu, one Jordan didn’t know existed, to viewable.
“I knew it was something simple.” He leaned back in his chair, movement outside his open office door catching his attention. Jade was already back. Astrid might not be far behind.
Chris spent several minutes explaining how to do what he wanted, walking him through doing it with two different pictures.
“I think part of my problem is I don’t understand the one setting on my camera.” He pulled it over from where it sat on the side of the desk. “How does this even work?”
She took the camera from him. “Is there a balcony or something we can use? I can show you.”
Jordan pushed back from the desk and stood. “I’m sure we do.”
For the next hour, Chris walked him through some of the camera settings, taking pictures of inanimate objects, then ones of Chris to get practice with a real person. Those would get deleted as soon as he knew what he was doing. He wouldn’t want Astrid to find them and get the wrong idea.
“Papa!”
Jordan let the camera hang from the strap around his neck. “Hey, kiddo. What are you doing down here?” He picked up Sofia. “Did you have a good nap?”
“No nap!” She fiddled with his collar.
Gretchen laughed. “She took a nap.”
Jordan kissed Sofia’s forehead. “She just hates them. I understand.” He set her on the sofa. Was there a different name for one so fancy? “Can I take your picture, Sofia?” She was a little ham. She’d love it.
Sofia grabbed the back of the sofa and jumped. “Yay!”
He laughed and pulled the camera back up to his eye. Click after click, he took pictures of his step-daughter, the one he’d adopt in a heartbeat if he could.
Chris helped get Sofia situated in several different locations around the room, then out on the balcony, though far away from the railing. He wanted to get some pictures in her playroom, but he wasn’t comfortable taking Chris up there. He’d have to practice elsewhere.
Jordan held Sofia in his left arm as he shook hands with Chris as she left. With his camera still around his neck, they went to Sofia’s room. When he set her down, she went straight to her mini-stick and began practicing her swing.
He sat on the floor, his elbow propped on a knee to steady his camera and began taking more pictures.
If he could just keep the project a secret for a couple more months, he’d be able to surprise Astrid at Christmas.
25
Visions of Jordan with another woman danced in Astrid’s head as she stared out the window of her office and willed the tears to stay put. She’d returned an hour earlier than expected to find them huddled around the computer in his office, though they hadn’t noticed her.
When she’d worked up the courage to go find him, introduce herself because surely it was an innocent thing and no reason for her to suspect the worst, she’d found him taking pictures of her in the Green Reception Room.
All of it combined to be more than she could handle. Returning to her office, door locked behind her, she felt safer. Away from what could hurt her. It took nearly half an hour to get herself under control, to convince herself there was another explanation, though she wouldn’t be able to bring herself to ask Jordan about it. Not yet. Maybe someday.
When she left her office, he was back in his, with Sofia in tow. The little girl toddled around, her little hockey stick in hand, and hit the ball all over before deciding to lay on the floor to color.
“Hey!” Jordan stood as soon as he saw her. “When did you get back?”
Astrid shrugged, but accepted his light kiss. “A little while ago.”
“How’d the tea go?”
“Fine. Same as always.” She sighed. “They’re all about the same. Different food, different faces, same person on display.”
He slid his arms around her and pulled her close. She didn’t want to, not until she understood what had been going on, but she still relaxed against him. Her hands clasped together at the small of his back.
“I don’t like that you feel like you’re on display.” He kissed the side of her head.
“It is what it is. People see what they want to see, and a member of the royal family at an event is on display.”
“Still doesn’t mean I like it.” His hand rubbed up and down her back. “I wish everyone could just see the real you and not the princess they want to see.”
Astrid wasn’t going to hold her breath. No one had ever really seen the real her, except maybe Jordan those days on the beach, before he knew who she really was.
Not even Andrei.
Struggling to hold in a sigh, she moved back from the comfort of his embrace. She still wasn’t ready to go there with him, even before seeing him take pictures of another woman.
“It’s the way things are.”
Sofia finally noticed her. “Mama!” She ran over for Astrid to pick her up. “My miss you.”
“I missed you, too.”
Sofia laid her head on Astrid’s shoulder. Astrid closed her eyes and soaked up her daughter. Sofia saw only her mother. She didn’t know anything about what made them different from everyone else.
At least there was one.
“I have to go back to work.” Astrid hugged her daughter a bit tighter. “I’ll see you for dinner, okay?”
Sofia squeezed then wiggled down and went back to her coloring.
Jordan turned off his monitor. “I think we’re going to go upstairs.” He gave her another quick kiss. “We’ll see you in a bit.” He held out a hand. “Come on, munchkin.”
Astrid went into her office and stared out the window again. The little cove looked so much like the one where she met Jordan. With supreme effort, she went to her desk.
By the time she left her office, Jade and Thomas were both long gone. She
stood in the door to Jordan’s office, staring at his computer. What could he have been talking to the strange woman about?
Shoving her conscience to one side, she went and sat in his chair, turning his monitor back on.
No password was required. Astrid frowned. She’d need to have someone talk to him about that, but what she saw surprised her.
The folder held picture after picture. Tons of pictures of Sofia from earlier in the day came first. Then a few of that other woman, but they seemed... different somehow. Soulless almost.
And then...
Photo after photo of Astrid herself.
Some were of her with Sofia, rocking and reading a book or playing on the floor. A couple of her with her daughter at their wedding. Even a few on the beach in her wedding dress.
But then... more pictures of just her. Some had clearly been taken on his phone, but something about them...
Astrid perched on her heels talking to a little girl who held a bouquet of flowers.
Astrid on the phone in her office.
Astrid laughing at something unseen.
Astrid in her pajamas reading over some paperwork in the big chair in their sitting room.
Astrid on the beach the day they met, though she had no idea how he managed to take the picture without her knowledge.
Picture after picture as Astrid had never seen herself before.
As no one had ever seen her before.
As she scrolled back to the top, a picture of her with Sofia caught her eye. They were laying on the twin bed in Sofia’s room. Astrid held a book over their heads. Sofia pointed at something, and they were laughing. She remembered the moment a couple of weeks earlier. She didn’t remember what was so funny, but she remembered having a hard time controlling her laughter.
This.
She’d wanted this for so long.
What she’d spent her life wanting.
Someone to see her.
Really see her.
Whether she was in her pajamas or with her daughter or meeting the public or conducting business, Jordan really saw her.
Maybe the time had come to trust him with the truth.
After paddling close enough to shore, Jordan climbed out of his kayak. Astrid had come to the beach, sitting on a blanket, but not wearing the swimsuit he would have expected. Pulling the kayak far enough up the beach that it wouldn’t wash away, he left it and went to sit next to her.
He didn’t say anything, and Astrid didn’t seem to be inclined to either. In fact, ten minutes passed before she did.
“We met on a beach a lot like this.”
Where was she going with it? Had he forgotten some anniversary or something? “Yes, it was. The imposing palace was a bit further away.”
“You wouldn’t have come into the cove if you’d seen a palace.”
He thought about that. “I might have. I was pretty worn out by then.”
“When you said something about knowing you couldn’t go any farther, you meant your heart, didn’t you?”
It had to come back to that somehow. “Yes and no. I was in good shape. I’m in better shape now, though I’m not ready to run that marathon yet or anything. But sometimes, occasionally, I get tired more quickly than I’d normally expect, things like that. I’ve learned to listen to my body and know when I can push through and when I can’t. I’m much more likely to listen now than I was before the transplant. Some of that is probably just getting a bit older and not being quite as stupid as I used to be. Some of it is probably the transplant.”
“I see.” She wrapped her arms around her legs. “There are a couple things we need to talk about.”
“Okay.”
“First, my parents had planned to attend a wedding in Ravenzario but have asked us to attend instead. Queen Christiana is getting married in a few days. We won’t be there long. Just long enough to attend and leave that evening. We’ll be gone less than thirty-six hours most likely.”
“Okay.” How old was this queen anyway? Surely not that old.
“We’ll probably be seated with the Eyjanian representatives. My father will want us to pick up any bits of information we can. He’s still worried about Benjamin’s uncle having too much influence.”
“I think you’ll need to explain all that to me again later, so I know what I’m supposed to be looking for.” He couldn’t keep the politics of all of it straight.
“I will on the way.”
“The second thing is a bit more difficult to talk about.”
Jordan leaned his weight back on his elbows. “I can wait.”
The silence lasted a few minutes. “The prime minister has mentioned to my mother that we are expected to produce another heir soon.”
“And it’s his business because why exactly?” It infuriated Jordan that others were so interested in their plans to have more kids or not.
Astrid launched into an explanation of ancient laws not fully repealed and their implications on the heir presumptive, which seemed to be a gender-neutral term for Crown Prince or Princess.
“So basically, they all think it’s their business when we have a kid,” he interrupted.
“Basically.”
“And they got your mother to do the dirty work.”
She nodded.
Jordan pushed back up to a seated position, and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. “Don’t worry about them, Astrid. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen and not before.”
His wife surprised him by relaxing against him. “I know.”
“Besides, isn’t it still possible there already is another heir on the way?” The thought had occurred to him several times, but he hadn’t found the opportunity to ask.
“Possible, but I don’t think it’s likely. I think I would have some clue by now.”
That both relieved and saddened Jordan, but he could do nothing to change it.
“Andrei was cheating on me.”
Her blurted admission caused Jordan’s heart to stop in his chest.
Andrei’s heart.
He’d never know how he managed to control his reaction, but he did and waited for her to go on.
“I think he was. If he wasn’t, he would have been before long.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I saw him several times talking to one of the maids. When I asked him who she was, he shrugged it off like he was asking her for something innocuous. I asked her separately, and she said they’d dated once upon a time. The look on her face was too much, though. I knew there was more to it than a couple of old friends who dated catching up. They were standing too close together, glancing around too much, and too much guilt on her face when I asked her how they knew each other. That wasn’t the last time either. I don’t know for sure they were sleeping together, but it seems unlikely they wouldn’t have at some point.” She blew out a breath. “I was already pregnant with Sofia by then. I hoped a baby would put a stop to it.”
He kissed the top of her head where it rested against his shoulder. “I’m so sorry, honey.”
“You know how you crave strawberries sometimes?”
Where was she going with this? “Yes.”
“What if it’s more than just food cravings or aversions? What if the way his heart wasn’t solely mine also means your heart isn’t solely mine?”
Tears began to fall onto his bare chest. “Oh, Astrid. There’s a big difference between a food craving and cheating on my wife.”
“I know.”
“But that’s part of why you could never be with the man who had Andrei’s heart, right?” So much made sense.
She nodded.
Jordan shifted until he could cradle her face in his hands and look her in the eyes. “This heart, my heart, is yours. Now and forever.” Not waiting to see if she’d push him away, he leaned down and kissed her softly. “You are the only one for me, the only one I’ll ever kiss, the only one I’ll ever love.”
Her tear-filled eyes stared into his
as he brushed the moisture off her cheeks. “You mean that?”
“I do. I love you, Astrid.”
“Oh, Jordan,” she whispered. “I love you, too.”
26
When she went to the beach, Astrid hadn’t decided if she was going to tell Jordan about Andrei or bare her soul like that, but she was grateful to find herself in her husband’s arms again, even if they didn’t do more than share a few tender kisses before falling asleep together several hours later.
Well, Jordan had fallen asleep. She still stared out the window into the night.
The trip to Ravenzario could be good for them. They would have thirty-six hours more or less alone. A few of the hours would be spent at the wedding and reception, but most of it wouldn’t be. They would fly overnight, freshen up at the consulate, attend the ceremony, mingle while waiting for the reception to start, mingle some more during the reception, then fly home.
She’d never actually met Christiana or the other young royalty from the Commonwealth of Belles Montagnes. It made her far more nervous than meeting with Benjamin had. Of course, she probably wouldn’t do more than say hello to most of them, if that.
Eventually, she dozed off.
A couple of days later, they boarded the plane. Prior to take off, a text came in, something Astrid had completely forgotten about. She smiled, texted back, and slid her phone into her pocket.
“What’s that grin for?” Jordan sat next to her on the couch.
Astrid leaned her head against his shoulder. “Nothing you need to worry about. A girl’s got to have some secrets.”
He muttered something she didn’t catch, then spoke up. “I saw an article this morning.”
“What about?”
“You and your sudden change in fashion. They quite love it. I know my sister does. They’re all wondering what brought about the change, though.”
“They can keep wondering, but I’ve had several comments about it myself.” She yawned. “As soon as we take off, I think I’m going back to the bedroom to go to sleep.”
“I’ll probably join you before long.”
Crowns & Courtships Compilation Volume 1 Page 19