Mattie closed her eyelids at the absurdity of the situation. How could God allow such a connection but provide no clear way for them to be together?
“Before you say more, agree to go with me tomorrow to see the estate I want to buy.”
So he could tempt her even more? “I’ve come this far, you might as well show me everything. But I warn you, nothing will change my mind.”
THE NEXT MORNING, GIL MET HER IN THE LOBBY OF THE HOTEL TO take her to the property he wanted her to see. They drove out in his SUV, and as they approached the estate, Mattie’s breath caught. When she crossed the threshold of the majestic home, she recalled her taunt from the night before and blushed. In her defense, she’d never considered such a dwelling as this, with its towering ornate ceilings and arched doorways that led to rooms more spacious than her entire apartment had been back home.
The blonde-haired realtor took them past a spiraling staircase, then down a short hallway to a gourmet kitchen.
“Look Mattie, two ovens,” Gil teased. “You could bake cookies and biscuits to your heart’s content.”
Mattie swept her hand along the marble counter and imagined the meals she could prepare. The idea seemed hilarious compared to the antique stove she used now. After a few minutes of consideration, they entered a narrow enclosed porch with a fireplace in the middle.
“This is the solarium,” the agent said. “An intimate place to retreat on cold nights with a cup of cappuccino when it’s just the two of you . . . and then in warmer weather you can entertain out on the lanai.” She walked them through an open passageway where an outdoor veranda spanned the entire back of the home, bordered by exotic plants and concrete arches braced with tall pillars.
From that point on, Mattie followed along in a trance, unable to believe people actually lived in such luxury. Gil might be able to fit in to this sort of lifestyle, but how could she with her meager country ways?
She wouldn’t know where to begin.
As they neared the end of the tour, they entered the master bedroom, which boasted a private sitting area the size of the kitchen with closets alongside a mirrored dressing room. The adjoining master bath was no less elegant, boasting an oversized spa centrally located behind a huge bay window that overlooked an enclosed view of a privacy garden.
“I’ll let you look around for a few minutes before we continue,” the agent said, then moved out to the hallway.
Gil came to Mattie’s side with a cheeky smile that would rival any Cheshire cat. “Did I tell you, or what?”
“Can you really afford this . . . palace?” She hated to admit that a part of her enjoyed imagining the possibilities, while her more conservative side argued the place was too pompous for any self-respecting person to own.
“You haven’t seen anything yet.” Gil kissed her on the nose, completely oblivious to the whirling doubts within her. “Wait till you see the barn.”
THIRTY-SIX
“YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU WEREN’T IMPRESSED?” GIL ASKED AS he headed west toward the coast, wanting to show Mattie another of his favorite spots. He didn’t believe Mattie’s objections for one minute. What woman wouldn’t jump at the chance of being the mistress of such an estate?
“I never said that. I simply suggested the place was too pretentious for my tastes. No one would deny the home was beautiful . . . breathtaking, even.”
Gil smiled at this description, more fitting of his passenger. She was gorgeous last night, but her outfit today suited her more. Dressed in a tiered skirt and a denim jacket, her simple beauty took his breath away. He especially liked that she’d worn her hair down again and not in its usual braid. “Then you liked it — could even picture yourself there, especially in the barn? With the private clinic I plan to build, you’d be the envy of every vet in the country.”
She stared down at her lap and played with the layers of her skirt. “What makes you think I’m so ambitious?”
He thought of how hard she’d worked to build her clientele in Diamond Falls. “I know how much your practice means to you.” He reached for her hand, but she evaded his grasp.
“I was mistaken when I said you understood me,” she said. “If you think I care about money, then you don’t know me at all.”
Gil trained his eyes on the road as he went through a series of curves and passed a cluster of weathered businesses. “I know you want to succeed. You want to be accepted.”
“But you can’t buy my affection with a lavish house and a fancy barn. Can you really picture me in that place, entertaining your football buddies or prospective horse buyers?” Mattie’s voice became slightly shrill. “Who are we kidding? You’re used to a lifestyle I can’t imagine, and my home is on the prairie. I need an uncomplicated life, Gil — not one where I have to pretend to be someone I’m not.”
Gil squeezed the steering wheel. Life back home was anything but simple for him. It was extremely complicated. “If we care about each other, we should be able to work through these obstacles. You give a little, I’ll give a little.”
“That sounds good in theory, but not if it means I have to give up the one thing I care about most — and I don’t even understand why.” She gripped his shoulder. “What are you afraid of? You’re so busy pushing this place on me that you stopped giving Kansas a chance. Why won’t you work out your problems with your dad and help run his ranch? Make that your future instead of this overpriced hacienda . . . which seems too good to be true, by the way.”
Her gaze penetrated and unnerved him.
Swerving off the main highway, he parked alongside the road on a rugged cliff. The salty spray of the Pacific coastline whisked into the cab of the Escalade as he took a deep breath and stared out over the ocean. Far beyond the outcrop of jagged rocks, the white-capped breakers rushed onto the pebbly shore, only to draw back into the dark blue depths, just like his long-buried emotions.
He considered the last few months, his inclination to return home to make amends with his father, only to be swept away by an onslaught of waves — Dusty, Mattie, his dreams of raising horses and owning the California ranch — all of these things had served as deterrents to his original objective.
When had Mattie become his end goal? He’d become so taken with her that he’d glossed over the problems that had followed him all of his adult life. Gil suddenly realized that football wasn’t the only thing he needed to retire from; he needed to retire from deceit and the distance he’d put between himself and his dad. He wanted peace. “I’m sorry for pushing you. I guess I have been coming on a bit strong.”
“Just a little.” Mattie opened the door to get out, and Gil followed her to the scenic overlook. A gusty wind whipped against his shirt, and he went to grab his jacket.
“The view here is beautiful,” she admitted as she gazed out at the western horizon. “But to me, these pounding waves are as unsettling as the life they represent.”
“No more unsettling than a Kansas tornado.”
“Or a California earthquake,” she quipped.
“With the prairie, what you see is what you get. It doesn’t hide anything.” She held down her skirt as it flapped in the wind. “It’s not a majestic mountain or hypnotic seashore, but it’s honest . . . unpretentious and tranquil. Winter snows and summer droughts come, but you prepare for them, and as the seasons change, you get a chance to start anew.”
Gil zipped his windbreaker. “Why do I get the feeling you’re talking about more than dates on a calendar?”
“I recall a man who wanted another chance with his father.” Her eyes challenged him. “Why don’t we concentrate on that first, then maybe we can deal with this other stuff . . . when and if we have the footing to handle it.”
Unable to resist, Gil stepped closer and pulled her into his arms, welcoming her sturdy, yet slight body next to his. She rested her head against his chest as he stared out at the Pacific. The timed surge of the swells as they foamed against the beach whispered in his ears like the distant wind on stems of tallg
rass. At that moment, he felt in his heart that he’d do nearly anything for this woman, even if it meant coming to terms with his past and admitting his faults. He just prayed his confession wouldn’t destroy their prospects for a future.
“Do you mean you might still give us a chance?” he asked.
Mattie looked up at him with a gleam in her eyes. “All I know is I’ve been in this state for two days, and already I’m itching to get home. Any chance you’d fly with me tomorrow?”
After a moment’s consideration, Gil nodded. A four-hour flight would give him time to build the courage to tell her about his past. And if Mattie took the news about Jenna badly, which he guessed she would, they’d be forced to work it out, talk it out, right there in the passenger seats, thousands of miles in the air.
Where Mattie couldn’t run — and neither could he.
“I think that could be arranged, on one condition.”
“What’s that?”
“There’s a shack up the road that serves some of the best crab dinners. Go there with me? Their clam chowder will make your mouth water.”
“More so than your chili?” Her voice lilted in amusement.
He scrunched his forehead. “You can’t compare beef to chowder. Kansans know their steaks, but if you want seafood, this is the place to be.”
MATTIE TURNED THE TAP TO FILL HER HOTEL BATHTUB WITH bubbling water, then adjusted the belt on the white terrycloth robe and considered her day with Gil. Never in her life had she seen such a magnificent home. A part of her felt guilty at having curbed Gil’s excitement with her persistent doubts.
But she couldn’t help it. The place was too . . . extravagant. She much preferred his father’s house with its sandstone walls and centuries-old décor. A home like the Lightning M was more than plenty — more than she could hope for.
Mattie watched as the glistening water gushed into the tub. To her dismay, she realized that in her entire time with Gil, neither of them had mentioned love — not once.
Did she love him?
There were moments in his arms when she wouldn’t hesitate to think that she did. At times, Gil could be the gentlest, most caring and compassionate man she knew. Those tender moments, however, were offset by tense arguments and the ever-present knowledge that they were too much alike in their bullheadedness and too different when it came to deciding their future.
If she truly loved Gil, wouldn’t she be willing to follow him anywhere? It shouldn’t matter where they lived, as long as they were together, whether it be the West Coast or the Midwest. If she loved him . . .
Mattie clipped her hair into a coil on top of her head. By the same token, if Gil loved her, he ought to be willing to sacrifice his dreams and put her desires above his own. In so doing, he would surely come to realize their aspirations were not so different.
They both wanted a ranch, and Gil could raise his horses in the Flint Hills as easily as he could in California. As a bonus, in Kansas he’d have more acreage and be able to work on his relationship with his dad . . . if he loved her.
THIRTY-SEVEN
“DID YOU ENJOY SAN FRANCISCO?” GIL ASKED AFTER THEY’D SETTLED into their first-class seats on a nonstop flight to Kansas City the next day.
Mattie played with the air controls above her head. “It was . . . interesting.”
“Meaning you liked it, but you don’t care to return?” He tried not to sound offended, but it aggravated him that the city made little impression on her. Their trip to the coast hadn’t changed her feelings either, and this discouraged him even more.
“Don’t put words in my mouth.” Mattie pulled a container of ibuprofen from her purse, then asked the flight attendant for a bottle of water.
“But I’m right, am I not?”
She closed her eyes and pressed her hand to her forehead. “I’m not up to a battle of wits this morning, Gil. But yes, if you must know, I’m glad to be going home where there aren’t so many people.”
“You get used to it after a while. But you’re right, the population of Diamond Falls wouldn’t fill the vacancies at the hotel.” He grinned, but Mattie covered her eyes with her hand, apparently not up for jokes this morning.
After the stewardess brought a bottle of water, Mattie downed the caplets. When the airplane readied for takeoff, the seat belt light blinked on, and the captain’s voice came over the loudspeakers. Mattie clutched the armrest, her body as rigid as a goalpost.
“I take it you don’t like to fly?”
Mattie peered at him from the corner of her eye, her head unmoving. “This is the second time I’ve been on a plane.” With that, her face turned a ghastly shade of green, and she covered her mouth.
Gil reached for the little white bag stuffed inside the pocket of the seat in front of him, but by the time he snapped it open, it was too late. She had leaned over her knees and vomited on the floor.
A putrid smell seeped up to his nose, and he dug in his coat for a handkerchief.
“I’m so sorry.” Mattie rose from her bent-over position, her forehead beaded with sweat.
Wanting to ease her embarrassment and discomfort, Gil dabbed at her mouth with the white cotton. “Do you feel better now?”
She nodded, and as soon as the plane stabilized, he had them moved to a new location. After a trip to the bathroom, Mattie rested against the seat and closed her eyes. Gil prayed this wasn’t an omen of how the rest of their trip would play out.
Halfway through their flight, Mattie woke in his arms, her face revived of its color.
“I’m sorry about before,” she said. “It must have been something I ate.”
“Don’t worry about it. You almost missed my shoes.” Her look of distress caused him to laugh. “I’m teasing,” he said as an attendant came by to offer Mattie an iced drink and a bag of snack mix.
“Are you brave enough to let me eat?”
Gil checked her color. She looked much better. “You be the judge.”
Mattie nodded and tore open the sack. “But give me that barf bag, just in case.”
“I’m glad your sense of humor has returned, because there’s something I want to talk to you about.” Her nap had given him time to consider how to explain the situation between him and Jenna. He wanted to come clean so nothing was hidden between them, and knew he needed to get it over with before he lost his nerve.
“It has to do with why I left Diamond Falls all those years ago,” he said, his words somber. “And part of why I’ve struggled to come back.”
Mattie’s expression now matched his, and she set her snack aside. “Because of Frank’s death, right?”
“Partly, but there were many factors. You already know that Dad and I don’t get along. There are reasons for that, other than us both being stubborn.” He forced a grin and swallowed the fear crawling up his belly to his throat. “I’ve told you he got along better with Frank. I was jealous of that, and jealousy can make you do some pretty stupid things.”
“We all do foolish things when we’re young. Mistakes can be forgiven. God gives us the power to forgive.” Mattie squeezed his hand, and her smile willed him to go on.
“I’ve sought God’s forgiveness, but I’ve never admitted my sins to Dad. Different times I’ve tried, but I’ve always fallen short.”
The truth was he’d never had the guts. Gil knew from his Bible studies that God could forgive his sins, but accepting this as his own and in his heart was another thing entirely. And if there was even the slightest chance that his heavenly Father wouldn’t forgive him, how on earth would his dad, who wasn’t a believer?
Once again, doubts stirred within — made Gil question the power of God’s grace. His torso flushed with heat, and sweat soaked his shirt. Gil closed his eyes to will back a semblance of control.
Please, Father, help me tell Mattie the truth. Help me not to hurt her. Help her understand.
“Believe me, I want things to be right between us,” Gil continued, “for Dad and me to stop bickering. But there are so
many things I want to tell you. I need you to understand, Mattie . . . It was a long time ago . . .” He pulled his hand from hers and wiped his palms on his jeans.
“If you’ll trust me, I’ll help you get through this.” Mattie rested her hand on his neck and combed her fingers through his hair. The soothing action, combined with the earnest look in her eyes, made him believe it might be possible. “We can do this together.”
Oh, how he cared for this woman. No one else had ever been able to comfort him this way, not even his mama. “You say that now . . . but there are things you don’t know. Things that involve your sister, Jenna.”
Mattie drew back at his words, and doubt inched its way into his heart.
“With her dating Frank, you probably shared many secrets, things I know nothing about.” Mattie smiled tentatively. “After all, when she was seventeen, I was only eight.”
Oh, Mattie, but if you only knew the secrets we share. Father, do I have to risk losing her?
“She’s coming back, you know.” Mattie played with the hairs on his neck.
Gil’s muscles tightened as his heart began to race. “Jenna’s coming home?”
Mattie nodded, but her expression seemed void of emotion. “A cousin of ours is getting married. Jenna’s flying in for the wedding. Our whole family will be there.” Her voice edged with tension, and Gil wondered what was coming next.
“I hate to ask, but . . .”
At this point, Gil welcomed any diversion. “Ask away.”
Mattie took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “At the risk of having my family swarm around you, I wondered if you might accompany me to the wedding.”
To the wedding, where Mattie’s entire family would be . . . including Jenna?
A shiver spliced through Gil as he considered her request. He suddenly doubted the wisdom in telling Mattie the truth about his relationship with Jenna. The entire situation had disaster written all over it. “Sure. I can do that.” He swallowed the dread that lodged in his throat. “When is it?”
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