by CoraLee June
Someone handed Violet another drink, and she lost herself in guzzling the burning liquid. Once the cup was empty, she tossed it on the ground and wrapped her arms around my neck. “Thank you for coming tonight. I know you’d rather break your leg, but I’m glad you’re here. I just needed this.”
“You know I’d do anything you asked me to,” I replied with a grin before doing an awkward spin. Violet laughed at my lame attempt at dancing, then wrapped her arms around my waist.
“That’s ’cause you’re the best,” she slurred. “My bestest friend in the entire world. No matter what.” I was about to ask her how much she’d had to drink when a crash sounded to my right. We both turned to stare at the commotion as two guys on the football team started throwing punches. “Shit!” Violet screamed as another guy joined in. “Can you go get Chase? I will find Kai.” I eagerly nodded, desperate to get away from the violence.
She went off toward the kitchen, and I made my way to the stairs, taking the steps two at a time to get away from the commotion. Once at the top, I started shouting Chase’s name while heading toward his bedroom at the end of the hall. Another shattering of glass echoed from downstairs, accompanied by a scream. My feet moved faster to get to him, and I was so eager to get out of there and feel safe that I didn’t knock. I just barged in his room without a second thought.
Big. Mistake.
The first thing I saw was Celeste’s black heels with the bright red soles facing me. She was kneeling, her legs crossed at the ankles. Her hair fell in waves down her back. The next thing I saw was Chase’s face thrown back in ecstasy, his teeth sunk in the plush pillow of his bottom lip as he thrust down her throat.
It was one thing to know your crush was fucking desirable girls, and it was another thing entirely to witness it. “Shit,” I croaked, making Chase’s eyes snap to mine. His eyes widened in shock, but he didn’t stop. He kept his hand on the back of Celeste’s head and kept fucking her mouth as I stood transfixed.
It was wrong. So damn wrong. But I stood there like an idiot, watching with my mouth hanging open as my best friend’s brother eyed me. Molten heat pooled between my legs, and I squirmed on the spot. His grunts filled the room, and with Celeste’s back to me, she didn’t realize that I was getting a front-row seat to the dirty show Chase was putting on. “That’s right, baby. Choke on that cock.” Celeste mumbled in what I assumed was enthusiasm as I touched my neck. I could feel myself growing flushed with embarrassment and heat.
I should have left. I shouldn’t have stood there, listening to Chase’s dirty words as he came down her throat. I should have left when she wiped her lips and thanked him.
But I stood paralyzed. Watching. Enraptured. Tainted with this push and pull simmering with wrongness between us. “What the fuck?” Celeste’s voice rang out, knocking me to my senses. I felt my cheeks heat with shame as I stuttered through my explanation.
“Violet sent me up here. Th-there’s a fight downstairs. She needs help.” My excuse sounded lame now. Why didn’t I speak up sooner? Why did I just stand there and watch?
Chase pulled his pants up, rushing through his movements with charming protectiveness, lust wholly gone from his system. “Were you watching us?” Celeste asked in a shrill voice. I didn’t have to answer her. She knew. She could see the embarrassed heat in my gaze. She could see the way my legs trembled. “You fucking perverted, petty bitch!” she screamed.
“Shut up, Celeste,” Chase sneered before diving past her and grabbing my wrist, dragging me through his bedroom door and down the stairs. The commotion in the living room was in full swing. But before Chase ran off to intervene, he pushed me against the wall and groaned in my ear. “We will talk about that, Breeze.” His thumb pressed against my bottom lip, making me tremble with lust and disgust.
“There’s nothing to discuss,” I retorted, earning me a wide, boyish grin.
I heard another crash. Screams. Shouts. The world had slowed while watching Chase, but everything seemed to speed up at once. Chase dived into the jumble of fists, and I hurried down the wall, headed toward the front door. They knocked a bowl of chips over. Phones were ringing, and people ran across the floor. I covered my eyes as someone sprayed beer across the wall with a manic laugh. Violet emerged from the crowd and rushed over to me. Her mascara was smeared like she’d been crying. Her hair was a mess, and her shirt was soaking wet. Was that vomit at the corner of her lip? “Someone called the cops!” she yelled. “Go outside. Find Kai. He’ll take you home. I have to stay here.”
“Come with me!” I pleaded. There was no way in hell I was leaving her here.
“Chase is here. Can’t let the asshole get in trouble without me,” she grinned mischievously.
“I’ll help you find him,” I offered.
“I don’t have time. Please.” She pushed at my shoulders. “Go. I’ll call you.”
I nodded my head and squeezed her hand. “Be safe,” I yelled over the crowd. This was insane. She disappeared while screaming Chase’s name, and I made my way to the door, squeezing by drunks that had the same idea as me: Get the fuck out of there.
Outside, I could hear police sirens in the distance, and I was scrambling through the grass to find Kai. I was so mad that I didn’t drive myself. “Kai!” I screamed. “Kai!”
I wouldn’t put it past Violet’s boyfriend to bail without a single thought about anybody else; he seemed like the type to only worry about himself. I rounded the house, sandy grass pressing beneath my flip-flops as I yelled his name. More drunks got into their cars. Crunching metal and laughter met my ears, and once against the wood siding of Violet’s house, I turned to see that two cars had collided. “Kai!” I yelled again while hugging my middle. I hated this. I just wanted to go home.
I looked around, but it was so dark I could barely see anything. The clouds overhead veiled the moon, and blue and red lights flashed in the distance. Shadows of drunk teens slumped by, giggling and gossiping while piling into cars. Finding Kai in this chaos felt impossible. I wasn’t even entirely sure I wanted to. He had been drinking, and I guessed he wouldn’t be open to taking secondhand orders from his girlfriend’s bestie.
I didn’t want to come to this party in the first place, but I never imagined it would end with voyeurism and sirens. I swallowed a furious ball of anxiety over leaving Violet and reluctantly started heading toward my house. She wanted to stay with Chase, and it was pointless for both of us to go down for underage drinking. My parents would kill me. Hers would probably just shrug their shoulders and pay the cops off. It wouldn’t be the first time.
My house was fifteen minutes away by car, but it would take me much longer to walk those same roads. There was a beautiful nature preserve with a path that Vi and I would ride our bikes through when we were kids to get to each other’s houses. It would cut my walk home in half. The trees would also hide me from view in case any cops were looking for stragglers.
As I was about to enter the preserve, a big pickup truck pulled up beside me, and the window rolled down. I smelled him before I saw him, the powerful scent of Marlboro Reds assaulting my olfactory senses. Most of the people I knew used vape pens with fruity flavors, but Kai Lewis was old school.
“Violet would kill me if I let you walk home by yourself,” he said from behind the steering wheel. His distinct voice was low and full of gravel, most likely a side effect of the cigarettes. “And it’s not safe. Lots of drunk idiots wandering these woods.”
“Is that your way of offering me a ride?” I asked, shifting my body to face him.
He gave me a tight nod. I weighed my options and then hopped in the passenger seat. We were in a safe area, but it probably wasn’t my smartest idea to go traipsing through the backwoods by myself in the middle of the night.
The moment I got inside Kai’s car, he didn’t wait for me to settle or buckle in. His lead foot pressed on the accelerator, pushing me into the cloth seats. “That was a fucking mess. I hate bullshit parties,” Kai complained while hugging the cu
rve of the winding road. “Did Violet get out?”
“I’m not sure,” I replied. “She went to find Chase.”
“Of course she did. This was stupid. I hate it when Violet is destructive and throws keggers. I’m surprised you even go to them.”
I shrugged, the adrenaline from before still coursing through my veins. He wasn’t wrong; this wasn’t my scene, and what just happened further reinforced my choice to avoid them. “It’s her birthday, can’t fault her for wanting to celebrate. You know as well as I do, that whatever Violet wants, she gets.”
“I’m not so sure about that anymore,” Kai replied cryptically. “You can only push people so fucking far.”
The glow of his radio reflected off his clenched fists, which were gripping the steering wheel so tight I was sure his knuckles had turned white. “Are we talking about the party or something else?”
“I’m talking about something that is none of your fucking business.”
I rolled my eyes. I’d gotten used to his irritable behavior over the last few months, but his macho display of alpha-male posturing didn’t fool me. “Everything about Violet is my fucking business,” I snapped back.
“Is that why you have a constant lady boner when you’re around Chase?” Kai asked.
My cheeks flushed, and I quietly thanked God we were in the dark cabin of his truck so he couldn’t see the evidence of embarrassment dancing across my cheeks. “Fuck you, Kai.”
“You could do better than fucking Chase, Breeze.”
“It doesn’t matter. I don’t like him,” I lied.
“Right. You just stare longingly at him for shits and giggles, huh?”
“Why do you care? You don’t know me.” I didn’t like how assuming Kai was. Was this how he was with Violet? Did he always push her buttons?
“I know you better than you think. I’ve seen how you are when we’re all together. Why are you friends with Violet? I mean, really. You’re complete opposites.” His question caught me off guard. “She’s like the star of the show, and you hide behind the curtain. It’s weird. Don’t you ever tire of it?”
I mulled over his question for a moment. Nights like this made the differences between Violet and me seem more daunting, but I still loved her. “You know how it is. Violet is like this force of nature. You can’t help but want to be around her. She just draws you in.”
Kai frowned. “Yeah, well, I’m not so sure anymore. Hurricanes are also forces of nature, and look at how destructive they can be.” Kai turned onto my street, and I felt a surge of protectiveness for Violet. I didn’t like what he was insinuating.
“Careful. That’s my best friend you’re talking about,” I gritted. Kai pulled his truck to a stop, and I quickly got out, turning to look at him before going inside. I took a deep breath. I needed to at least be cordial to my best friend’s boyfriend. He gave me a ride home, after all. “Thank you for the ride. If you talk to Vi, can you tell her to call me? Let her know I’ll take her shift at the surf shop tomorrow.”
Kai stared at me for a lingering moment, his eyes revealing nothing about his thoughts. He was like lake water. Calm. Still. You couldn’t tell what murky secrets were hidden beneath the surface.
“Sure. And, uh, sorry for what I said. It’s none of my business. I was just worried about you,” he replied. Worried about me? Why?
“No need to worry,” I said as I slammed the door. Kai was confusing. No wonder he and Violet were always fighting.
The door to his truck had barely latched closed before he tore off, the rumbling from the engine loud enough to wake the entire neighborhood. It bothered me just a little that he didn’t wait to make sure I got into the house safely. I don’t know why it did. Earlier, I was ready to head into the pitch-black woods by myself. Besides, Kai wasn’t known for his gentlemanly manners.
A shiver went through my body from the slight chill in the midnight air, reminding me I was still standing outside, staring after Kai’s truck like an idiot. I spun to face the front door and took another deep breath. We lived in a small home on the beach. It was falling apart and barely had enough room for the three of us, but the views from our backyard were priceless. The exterior was painted white, but the paint had faded and chipped over the last few years. Rotted planks in the deck created a landmine of holes, but I knew where to step. I could navigate it blindfolded. We didn’t have much, but we didn’t need much. When you lived in paradise, you didn’t need a fancy home to enjoy life.
I briefly prayed that the noise of Kai’s truck hadn’t woken up my parents, and slipped up the walkway to the front door. They wouldn’t care about me being out late, but I tried not to worry them too much. I slid the key noiselessly into the lock and tiptoed up the stairs to my bedroom without hitting a single creaky stair.
Dad had converted the attic to a loft three years ago, and I loved my private space. Once I was safely inside my bedroom, I checked my phone for Violet’s phone call. Nothing yet, but she was probably still dealing with the police and hadn’t hooked back up with Kai yet. I sent her a goodnight text just in case she could look at her phone.
I got ready for bed and snuggled under the covers to catch up on my social media. There were already pictures of the party on Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat. Wild rumors of why it got shut down accompanied the images, ranging from Violet running a brothel to drugs and everything in between. I giggled at the thought of Vi being a madam. Everyone would be so disappointed when they learned that some neighbors called in a noise complaint. While scrolling, I found a photo where I was off to the side and leaning against the wall. Chase was leaning over me, his smoky gaze hooded and heated. I looked like a deer caught in the headlights. My mouth parted in awe as I looked up at him. I suddenly felt pathetic.
When I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore, I slid on the Do Not Disturb feature. I closed my eyes to sleep, but images of Celeste deep throating Chase invaded the back of my eyelids. Replaying the scene I had trespassed on earlier sent a surge of heat between my legs. I was as confused as I was excited. I wanted to be the one to cause that blissed-out look on his face. The way he threw his head back and bit his lip was playing on a loop in my mind.
I reached down and slid two fingers on top of my panties. Using the friction of the fabric to my advantage, I massaged my clit, building my pleasure. I heard Chase’s voice inside my head, telling Celeste to choke on his cock, and I slipped two fingers inside, moving them furiously. I thought about his clenching muscles as he fucked her mouth. I bit my lip and choked back moans as I envisioned the moment where Chase realized I was watching. His hooded eyes. His mischief. His excitement. I quickly exploded, arching my back in bliss, his name on my lips.
Later, I would realize the tragedy of this moment. Later, I would look back on my furious fingers working my body, with trepidation and guilt. Weeks from now, when I’m drowning in grief and analyzing every little detail of my night, I’d wish I would have turned on my phone and walked through the woods behind Violet’s house, screaming her name.
Shame was nothing but an ocean. I’d swim across it if I could.
But I fell asleep with sticky thighs and hot skin, thinking the world would just keep spinning and that the ocean was nothing but waves and sand.
Dear Diary,
I’ve always been afraid of the dark and attracted to torches. He was like a tall, proud lighthouse, and he knew the effect he had on me. The first time we kissed was at the beach. My feet were buried in sand, and my best friend was just a few feet away. She didn’t see the way our lips collided. She didn’t see the angry way his hands took without question, cupping my breast and pinching my nipple through the flimsy bikini I wore. She didn’t see how he kept his eyes open the entire time, watching her from afar.
XOXO,
Violet
“Wasn’t Violet supposed to work the morning shift?” my father asked as I poured myself some orange juice and grabbed a granola bar. I spun around to greet him, smiling cautiously. I was out pretty late last
night and wasn’t sure if Dad would be angry about it. I didn’t have a curfew, but that didn’t mean I could push it.
My father was born in the sand—literally. My grandmother went into labor on the beach, and since he was the youngest of five children, there was no holding back his debut. He’d been a beach bum ever since. Dad had sun-bleached hair and wore his usual attire—board shorts and a surf shop tee. His skin was golden, and a lifetime of laughter framed his blue eyes. My father was handsome with a surfer’s body and bright teeth.
“She wasn’t feeling well this morning,” I offered with a blush while answering his question as vaguely as I could.
It wasn’t the first time I’d covered for Violet. She didn’t really need the job. She started working at the surf shop just for the chance to flirt with the local surfers and hang out with me. I covered her shift for her more times than I could count. She approached work the same way she did her life—with a carefree spirit and zero accountability.
“So she’s hungover?” Dad deadpanned. “I noticed you got home late.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek while fumbling with the granola bar in my hand. This was exactly the kind of conversation I wanted to avoid. “Cops busted the party,” I admitted.
Dad sighed. I was very lucky with two parents that trusted me implicitly. We had a transparent relationship. I didn’t feel the need to lie to them, because it was rare I did anything that would warrant getting in trouble. I didn’t have many rules. I kept my grades up and kept to myself. But even they had their limits. “You need to be careful, Breeze. Have you heard from Violet?” His eyes peered at me as he gripped the kitchen table. I winced at the annoyance rolling off of him, and he averted his eyes. Dad had been very stressed lately. I hated adding to it.