by CoraLee June
“Breeze? What are you doing here?” she asked in her signature snotty tone.
“I’m looking for Violet. What are you doing here peeping in the windows?”
She smiled viciously. “That’s an interesting choice of words...peeping...” Yep. I deserved that. I tried to keep my face from turning red. “I’m looking for Chase. He’s not answering his phone, and I left my Louboutins here last night. Sexy as hell but not exactly the best getaway shoes,” she finished. An image of the red soles on her heels from the night before flashed through my mind. I lost the battle, and my face turned the same shade of crimson as her stilettos. I turned away from Celeste to face the front door and slid my key into the lock.
Sweat dripped down my back, and my fingers trembled as I opened the door and motioned for her to follow me. “So, did you enjoy last night?” Celeste said, her voice cocky and dismissive. “I mean, I didn’t take you for a creeper, Breeze. But I guess that’s what you are.”
If Violet were here, she would have ripped Celeste a new one. I was never good at standing up for myself. Anxiety was like a snake wrapped around my throat. I didn’t have time for this mean girl bullshit, but I couldn’t escape it either. Where was Violet?!
“Does Violet know you have a crush on her brother? I should have told her last night when I saw her, but she was too busy looking for you,” Celeste purred. Her words made my ears perk up.
“Did you see Violet last night? During the commotion? Where was she? What was she doing?” I took a step closer to Celeste, and she threw up her hands, as if I was a rabid animal.
“Whoa, are you like, obsessed with her or something? She said she was going to escape through the woods and look for you. She asked me to tell Chase, but I was preoccupied. We were too busy fucking on the side of the road.” Celeste shivered and bit her lips.
The woods? Vi went into the woods looking for me. “Fuck,” I cursed before pulling out my phone and heading outside. I sent a quick text to Kai and Chase, telling them to meet me there to search before heading under the shadowed cover of the tall trees.
When we were kids, Violet and I would explore and play here. We’d pretend we were woodland fairies or pirates or landlocked mermaids searching for gold. What if she tripped and hit her head? What if she was too drunk and was disoriented? What if she was lost?
I followed the familiar path through the trees, calling out Violet’s name as I went, feeling somewhat optimistic now that I finally had a solid lead on where she was. I was more than a little anxious about what state I would find her in and indulged myself in a fantasy of a safely sleeping Vi snuggled up with a squirrel, using leaves for a pillow.
I walked along the path a little while longer but strayed when I came to the grove Violet and I would sit in for hours talking, laughing, and eating snacks we had brought along. I went down into it but didn’t see any signs that she or anybody else had been there. But, instead of returning to the trail, I kept going further into the trees, my feet crunching over the fallen leaves and twigs that covered the undisturbed earth.
I was deep enough into the preserve that I couldn’t hear the ocean anymore. The only sounds came from the wind rustling through the leaves and the occasional bird. The massive branches from the trees bowed over my head, creating a thick canopy that effectively blocked out the bright, afternoon sun. An icy shiver ran down my spine, and gooseflesh covered my arm. I didn’t remember the woods being quite so intimidating when I was a kid, but then again, my childhood innocence hadn’t yet been crushed by the cruel realities of the world.
I heard yelling off in the distance, and it snapped me back to the present. I couldn’t make out what the voices were bellowing until they got closer. After a minute, I could finally make out my own name being shouted along with Violet’s.
“Kai! Chase! I’m this way,” I hollered back.
We yelled back and forth until they eventually found my secluded spot. I filled them in on what Celeste had told me back at the house about Violet coming out here to try to find me. They looked at each other and then back at me, clearly worried. Worried enough that they were here—together—and not ripping each other to shreds.
“I called the cops, but they said they couldn’t do anything until it had been a full twenty-four hours. They didn’t take it seriously at all,” Chase growled while running his hand through his hair. “They said that especially with her history, she would probably be home with a funny story by dinnertime.”
Kai looked stoic, standing beside him with his feet planted in the ground and his arms crossed over his chest. “It’ll be dark in a couple of hours.”
I checked my phone again, noting that my phone was about to die. “Should we split up?” I asked.
“No,” Chase and Kai replied together. They snapped their necks to look at one another, and I let out a sigh. Time was wasting, and my chest felt like someone was sitting on it.
“Let’s make a line and walk. We can yell for her until it’s dark, then try the police again. Violet grew up in these groves. It’s not like her to get lost.”
I swallowed. I preferred her being lost to being anything else.
We wordlessly fanned out and started walking through the wooded area, calling out Violet’s name and letting the forest swallow our pleas. Chase kept close to me, and I swatted at Ceratopogonidae or, as Mom called them, No-See-Ums, at my neck. Sweat dripped down my body, and dirt covered my sandals. I tied up my hair while stepping over a fallen log. Gasping when I saw a flash of pink on the ground, I crouched.
“Chase,” I called, my voice broken and choked with emotion. “Chase, come look.”
I felt a heavy presence at my back and knew it was Kai based on the angry energy rolling over my skin. I reached down and picked up the pink scrunchie, immediately recognizing it. “It’s Violet’s,” I whispered, as if my voice would break the spell of despair caging me in.
“Fuck,” Kai grunted. “We’re going back to the police. We need a search team.”
Chase jogged over to us and stared at the scrunchie in my hand. “I’m not leaving these woods until we find my sister,” he replied, his voice dark.
I didn’t want to leave either, but this just confirmed that Violet was here somewhere.
“You go back, Chase and I will keep looking,” I whispered before standing and pocketing the scrunchie. “We need to mark that we found it here for reference.”
Chase tore off a strip of his neon surfing tank and tied it to a nearby branch. “There. Let’s keep looking. She’s got to be close.”
Kai shook his head and kicked the ground. “We need the police. It’s going to be dark soon. You have no flashlights. Breeze is in sandals. It’s not safe.”
“I don’t give a fuck!” Chase yelled. “If you don’t care about my sister, you can just waltz back the way you came. I’m not leaving until we find her.”
Kai clenched his fist. “Of course I care about Violet. I’m just trying to be smart about this.”
“Like you were smart last night? Where were you anyway?”
“I was driving Breeze home!” Kai yelled back.
I pinched the bridge of my nose while listening to them argue. Time was wasting, and I didn’t have time for their fucking pissing contest. Kai was right, it would be nighttime soon, but I didn’t want Chase exploring the woods alone. We needed more people to comb through the trees and search for Violet. We needed flashlights and water and maybe police dogs. Holy fuck, Violet. Where are you?
The boys continued to yell at one another while I gathered my thoughts, but movement in the distance caught my eye. “Violet?” I whispered, taking a step forward. Kai’s and Chase’s voices droned on as I walked. My legs moved forward with heavy trepidation that wholly consumed me. My heart panged as more movement in the shrubs spurred me forward.
“Breeze! Stop. It’s just a wild pig,” Chase yelled. I guess they finally noticed that I was moving away from their bickering. Wild pigs were common in this area. They were known for tearing up farms
and fighting with pet dogs. They were a nasty sort of animal, and I was trained at a young age to avoid them.
But what was it doing? The loud voices of the guys would have surely scared it off.
I kept walking. Walking. One step. Two steps. Branches crunched beneath my feet. My fingers trembled. My eyes widened as I slowly approached the wild animal and shoved thick branches to the side for a better view.
And then, my world stopped.
The first thing I saw was blood. So much blood. It coated the pig’s fur. It watered the dirt with its thick, curdled, crimson stain. The pig’s mouth was filled with flesh. Pale legs that were stiff and too still were perched beneath it.
I screamed. The terror bubbled up my throat and past my teeth like an exorcism. It rattled the trees. It spooked the wild pig. My legs shook as I tumbled forward to the grotesque and gory scene in front of me.
Violet.
She was dead.
Intestines like snakes were scattered around her. Violet’s body was mangled and her face lifeless. Her eyes were opened and glassy, her mouth parted with foam coating her lips. She looked like she’d been picked apart with sharp teeth. Flies swarmed her stiff body, and the smell, oh God, the smell. I covered my mouth as I fell to the ground. Mud and blood and leaves clung to my skin as I screamed and screamed and screamed and screamed.
Dear Diary,
Today, he asked me what kind of girl I was. I thought it was an odd question. He knew me better than most. He knew what my tongue tasted like after I ate chocolate. He knew that I screamed his name when I came. He knew that my favorite thing to do was fuck on rainy afternoons. All the other details weren’t important. I was the kind of girl that loved to spill secrets with my body, and he was a willing listener.
XOXO,
Violet
Two weeks had passed since I found Violet’s body. Two agonizing, painful weeks. I couldn’t sleep without picturing the wild pig devouring her body. I couldn’t eat without tasting blood on my tongue. I couldn’t move without thinking of her stiff body.
Today, we were laying her to rest. I chose a simple black dress and a pair of equally simple black shoes from my closet. I twisted my hair into a bun and didn’t bother with makeup. What was the point? I’d just cry it off. I checked my appearance in the full-length mirror that hung on my bedroom wall. I found that I had been replaced with a lifeless and hollow shell of a girl. My normally sun-kissed skin and rosy cheeks had been replaced with a gaunt, pale face whose eyes were blackened from lack of sleep. I had lost enough weight that my dress was baggy, and my legs looked skeletal in my reflection. Violet would have a field day with my appearance. She was always pestering me to wear her clothes or put on eyeliner.
Oh, Violet.
She wouldn’t be here to nag me about my unfashionable dress. She wouldn’t be honking her horn in my driveway, telling me to stop being a hermit and leave the house for once. She was gone. Gone for good.
It had been two long weeks of police interviews and endless questions from the media. I repeated the words about finding Violet enough times that I was starting to be numb to them. I didn’t cry every single time anymore, only every second or third time. It felt like an endless cycle.
The medical examiner ruled Violet’s death a homicide. It had taken her a while because the pig had done a lot of damage. She hadn’t released the exact cause of death yet because she was still investigating. It made mourning for her even more painful. I wanted answers, but every bit of information was like spoon-feeding us single grains of rice. The police were working tirelessly to find leads. They had to track down everyone at the party and get their accounts of the evening. Since most of us were minors, the red tape was exhausting. I had a feeling it would be a long time before we knew what happened. Violet’s cell phone was also mysteriously gone. They tried tracking it with GPS, but it was offline.
As her boyfriend, Kai was the prime suspect, and my statement had put him right at the woods when he picked me up. Since he lived alone and went home after dropping me off, he didn’t have an alibi for the rest of the night. The police had held him for three days. They didn’t have enough evidence to actually arrest him, so they were forced to let him go.
I finished getting ready and went downstairs to where my mom was waiting. My parents were both devastated at losing Violet. She had been like a second daughter to them, and they had known her for practically her entire life. My dad cried almost as much as my mom and I. He would break down, mutter something about how it could have been me, and have to leave the room to compose himself. I had never seen him so emotional.
“Mrs. Jones just called,” Mom said the second I was standing in our kitchen. Mom looked a lot like me, with wavy blond hair and tired blue eyes. She had long legs and toned muscles from working at the hospital. They gave her all the grunt work, but she loved it. She had a servant’s heart and had gone above and beyond these last couple of weeks to take care of me. Bringing me soup in bed. Massaging my back. Wiping my eyes with her soft hands when the tears wouldn’t stop falling.
“Oh?” I asked, my voice sounding worn and tired.
“Chase is refusing to go to the funeral. She was wondering if you could go talk to him. He’s at the beach,” Mom replied, her tone wrapped with sympathy. If I were being honest, I didn’t have the energy to drag my best friend’s brother from the depths of his grief and hand deliver him to the funeral. I was struggling with my survivor’s guilt. What if I’d waited for Violet? What if I’d stayed with her? What if I didn’t accept that ride from Kai? I should have been there.
But I knew he needed me. I’d always be there for Chase, especially now that Violet was gone.
“Okay. I’ll go get him,” I whispered before grabbing my purse and heading out the door. I didn’t wait for my mom to look at me with pity. I couldn’t stand to see my grief mirrored in her expression. It was so fucking painful. Violet was like a sister to me.
On the porch, Dad was sitting in a rocker and staring at the ground. “I will get Chase,” I whispered, though I doubt he heard me. I grabbed my bike, which was propped against the tree, and mounted it, keeping my knees close together as I pedaled down the drive and toward the beach where Violet, Chase and I used to play when we were kids. It was exactly at the halfway point between our houses. We’d all ride our bikes and surf all afternoon, then sit on the sand, eating sandwiches my mother had made.
I cried as I biked. I thought of all the memories I shared with my best friend. I forced the sight of her mangled body from my mind. I’d never forget how broken her frail body looked. I’d never forget the way Chase sobbed beside me or how Kai had to practically drag us out of the woods and to the police station. I’d never forget standing in the shower and watching the blood and dirt flow effortlessly down the drain. Until it didn’t go down effortlessly anymore, and I had to scrub the stains, the last of my best friend, off my body.
I got off my bike and walked on the sand, staring at the still form of Chase sitting with his feet in the ocean. I didn’t even know what to say. I didn’t know how I could get him to the funeral when I was dealing with my own turmoil surrounding that night.
“I knew they’d send you,” he said the moment my body cast a shadow over him. I silently sat down at his side and stared out over the water, my dress getting soaked by the tide. Violet loved the ocean. She loved soaking up the sun and dancing in the waves—as long as it didn’t ruin her hair. She loved late night bonfires and s’mores on the beach. She loved kissing boys in the salty water and holding my hand through the harsh current.
I looked over at him, noting the teal board shorts and his sunburnt skin. How long had he been sitting out here? “You’re not dressed for a funeral,” I noted.
“I’m not going. Violet wouldn’t have wanted that.” He scowled. “With everyone crying in a room and her body sealed in a casket? No way. She was claustrophobic. She loved the open air.”
I couldn’t deny that. I preferred to spread her ashes here. “Hasn’t anyon
e told you?” I began bitterly. “Funerals are for the living, Chase. Your parents need you there.”
“Where were my parents when she died, huh?” Chase argued while kicking at the wet sand. “We both know they can’t stand to look at me right now. They blame me. Hell, I blame me.”
Chase cradled his face in his hands and sobbed openly. I would have joined him if I could force myself to. My emotions were numbed and dried up, leaving me nothing but an empty vessel of pain. “No one blames you,” I lied in a whisper. Grieving people said terrible things. They liked to lash out at the living because they were around to take the pain. I could only imagine the things Mr. and Mrs. Jones had said to Chase over the last couple of weeks. They were probably the same things I’d been telling myself.
“I hate this,” I said. “I hate not knowing what happened to her.”
At those words, Chase sat taller. “It was Kai. You saw how emotionless he was when we found her. I doubt he even cried. That psychopath deserves to rot in hell. They were fighting the night of the party, too.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. I hadn’t seen Kai since Violet’s death. I couldn’t believe it was him, but right now everyone looked like a suspect. I didn’t understand how anyone could murder Violet. She was the type of person to save lost dogs on the side of the road and give her lunch to the homeless. It just didn’t make any sense.
“We will find whoever did this to her,” I promised, though I didn’t know if it was a promise I could keep. I didn’t know if we would ever figure out what happened that night, and something told me I would never feel at peace until I did. Chase, too.
I reached out and grabbed Chase’s hand. His head tilted, and he stared at where our skin touched for a long moment as the sun blazed high above us. “Come on. Everyone is waiting,” I whispered.
“I told you. I’m not going,” Chase replied before turning his hand over and squeezing mine until my fingers throbbed. It hurt, but it was a good pain. It was the kind of pain that reminded you that there was still air in your lungs and your body could still feel something.