by Alyson Noel
“But I never showed,” I say, seeing him pacing, worried, distressed, convinced I’d changed my mind . . .
“It wasn’t until the next day that I learned you’d been killed in an accident, run over by a coach on your way to meet me.” And when he looks at me, he shows me his grief—his unbearable, all-consuming, soul-crushing grief. “At the time, it never occurred to me that Drina was responsible, I had no idea until she confessed it to you. It seemed like an accident, a horrible, unfortunate accident. And I guess I was too numb with grief to suspect anything else—”
“How old was I?” I ask, barely able to breathe, knowing I was young, but wanting the details.
He pulls me closer, his fingers tracing the planes of my face when he says, “You were sixteen, and your name was Evaline.” His lips play at my ear.
“Evaline,” I whisper, feeling an instant connection to my tragic former self who, orphaned young, loved by Damen, and dead at sixteen—is not so different from my current self.
“It wasn’t until many years later when I saw you again in New England, having incarnated as a Puritan’s daughter—that I began to believe in happiness again.”
“A Puritan’s daughter?” I gaze into his eyes, watching as he shows me a dark-haired, pale-skinned girl in a severe blue dress. “Were all of my lives so boring?” I shake my head. “And what kind of horrible accident took me that time?”
“Drowning.” He sighs, and the moment he says it, I’m overcome by his grief all over again. “I was so devastated I sailed right back to London, where I lived off and on for many years. And I was just about to head off to Tunisia when you resurfaced as a beautiful, wealthy, and rather spoiled I might say—landowner’s daughter in London.”
“Show me!” I nuzzle against him, eager to view a more glamorous life—his finger tracing my brow as a pretty brunette in a gorgeous green dress with a complicated updo and a smattering of jewels appears in my mind.
A rich, spoiled, conniving flirt—her life a series of parties and shopping trips—whose sights are set firmly on someone else—until she meets Damen . . .
“And that time?” I ask, sad to see her go, but needing to know how she went.
“A terrible fall.” He closes his eyes. “By that point, I was sure I was being punished—granted eternal life, but one without love.”
He cradles my face in his hands, his fingers emitting such tenderness, such reverence, such delicious warm tingle—I close my eyes and snuggle closer. Focusing on the feel of his skin as our bodies press tightly together, everything around us slipping away until there’s nothing but us—no past, no future, nothing but this moment in time.
I mean, I’m with him, and he’s with me, and that’s the way it’s meant to eternally be. And while all those prior lives may be interesting, their only real purpose was to get us to this one. And now that Drina is gone, there’s nothing that can stand in our way, nothing that can keep us from moving forward—except me. And even though I want to know everything that happened before, for now it can wait. It’s time for me to move past my petty jealousies and insecurities, to stop finding excuses and finally commit to taking that big leap forward after all of these years.
But just as I’m about to tell him, he moves away so abruptly, it’s a moment before I can get to his side.
“What is it?” I cry, seeing his thumbs pressed to his temples as he struggles to breathe. And when he turns to me, there’s no recognition. His gaze goes right through me.
But just as soon as I perceive it, it’s already passed. Replaced with the loving warmth I’ve grown used to, as he rubs his eyes and shakes his head, looking at me when he says, “I haven’t felt like this since before—” He stops and stares into space. “Well, maybe never.” But when he sees the concern on my face, he adds, “But I’m fine, really.” And when I refuse to loosen my grip, he smiles and says, “Hey, how about a trip to Summerland?”
“Seriously?” I say, my eyes lighting up.
The first time I visited that wonderful place, that magical dimension between the dimensions—I was dead. And I was so entranced by its beauty I was reluctant to leave. The second time I visited was with Damen. And after he showed me all of its glorious possibilities, I’ve longed to return. But as Summerland can only be accessed by the spiritually advanced (or those already dead), I can’t get there alone.
“Why not?” He shrugs.
“Well, what about my lessons,” I say, trying to appear interested in studying and learning new tricks, when the truth is, I’d much rather go to Summerland where everything is effortless and instant. “Not to mention how you’re not feeling so well.” I squeeze his arm again, noticing how the usual warmth and tingle still hasn’t fully returned.
“There are lessons to be learned in Summerland too.” He smiles. “And if you’ll hand me my juice, I’ll feel well enough to make us the portal.”
But even after I hand it over and he takes several long hearty gulps, he can’t make it appear.
“Maybe I can help?” I say, staring at the sweat on his brow.
“No—I just—I almost had it. Just give me another second,” he mumbles, clenching his jaw, determined to get there.
So I do. In fact, I let the seconds turn into minutes, and still nothing.
“I don’t understand.” He squints. “This hasn’t happened since—since I first learned how to do it.”
“Maybe it’s because you’re not feeling well.” I watch as he takes another drink, followed by another, and then another. And when he closes his eyes and tries again, he gets the exact same results as before. “Can I try?”
“Forget it. You don’t know how,” he says, his voice containing an edge I try not to take personally, knowing it’s due more to his frustration with himself than with me.
“I know I don’t know how, but I thought maybe you could teach me and then I—”
But before I can finish, he’s up from the bed, pacing before me. “It’s a process, Ever. It took me years to learn how to get there. You can’t just skip to the end of the book without reading the middle.” He shakes his head and leans against my desk, his body rigid and tense, his gaze refusing mine.
“And when was the last time you read a book without already knowing the beginning, middle, and end?” I smile.
He looks at me, his face a series of hard edges and angles, but only for a moment before he sighs and moves toward me, taking my hand as he says, “You want to try?”
I nod.
He looks me over, clearly doubting it’ll work, but wanting to please me more than anything else. “Okay then, make yourself comfortable, but don’t cross your legs like that. It cuts off the chi.”
“Chi?”
“A fancy word for energy.” He smiles. “Unless you want to sit in the lotus position, then that’s perfectly fine.”
I kick off my flip-flops and press my soles against the carpeted floor, getting as comfortable and relaxed as my excitement will allow.
“Usually it requires a long series of meditations, but in the interest of time, and since you’re already pretty advanced, we’re just going to cut to the chase, okay?”
I nod, eager to get started.
“I want you to close your eyes and imagine a shimmering veil of soft golden light hovering before you,” he says, entwining his fingers with mine.
So I do, picturing an exact replica of the one that got me there before, the one Damen placed in my path to save me from Drina. And it’s so beautiful, so brilliant, and so luminous, my heart swells with joy as I raise my hand toward it, eager to immerse it in that radiant shower of glistening light, longing to return to that mystical place. And just as my fingers make contact and are about to submerge, it shrinks from my sight and I’m back in my room.
“I can’t believe it! I was so close!” I turn toward Damen. “It was right there before me! Did you see it?”
“You came remarkably close,” he says. And even though his gaze is tender, his smile is forced.
“Wh
at if I try it again? What if we do it together this time?” I say, my hope plummeting the instant he shakes his head and turns away.
“Ever, we were doing it together,” he mutters, wiping his brow and averting his gaze. “I’m afraid I’m not turning out to be a very good teacher.”
“That’s ridiculous! You’re a great teacher, you’re just having an off day, that’s all.” But when I look at him, it’s clear he’s not swayed. So I switch tactics, placing the blame back on me when I say, “It’s my fault. I’m a bad student. I’m lazy, sloppy, and spend most of my time trying to distract you from my lessons so we can make out.” I squeeze his hand. “But I’m past all that now. And I’m about to get very serious. So just give me another chance, you’ll see.”
He looks at me, doubting it’ll work, but not wanting to disappoint me, he takes my hand and we both try again, the two of us closing our eyes, envisioning that glorious portal of light. And just as it starts to take shape, Sabine walks through the front door and starts up the stairs, catching us so off guard, we scramble to opposite sides of the room.
“Damen, I thought that was your car in the drive.” She slips off her jacket and covers the space from the door to my desk in a handful of steps. The amped-up energy of her office still clinging to her as she shakes his hand and focuses on the bottle balanced on his knee. “So you’re the one who got Ever hooked.” She glances between us, her eyes narrowed, her lips pursed, like she’s got all the evidence she needs.
I peek at Damen, panic rising in my throat, wondering how he’ll explain. But he just laughs it off when he says, “Guilty! Most people don’t have the taste for it, but for whatever reason, Ever seems to like it.” Then he smiles in a way that’s meant to be persuasive, if not charming, and if you ask me, it nails both.
But Sabine just continues to gaze at him, completely unmoved. “That’s all she seems to be interested in anymore. I buy bags and bags of groceries, but she refuses to eat.”
“That’s not true!” I say, annoyed that she’s starting this all over again, especially in front of Damen. But when I see the chai latte stain on her blouse, my annoyance turns to outrage. “How’d you get that?” I motion toward the spot like it’s a scarlet letter, a mark of disgrace, knowing I have to do whatever it takes to dissuade her from returning anytime soon.
She gazes down at her blouse, her fingers rubbing against it as she pauses to think, then she shakes her head and shrugs when she says, “I bumped into someone.” And the way she says it, so casual, so offhand, so blasé, it’s obvious she’s not nearly as impressed with the encounter as Munoz seemed to be.
“So, are we still on for dinner Saturday night?” she asks.
I swallow hard, telepathically urging Damen to just nod and smile and answer in the affirmative even though he has no idea what she’s talking about, since I failed to mention it before.
“I made reservations for eight.”
I hold my breath, watching as he nods and smiles just like I asked him to. Even choosing to take it a step further by adding, “Wouldn’t miss it.”
He shakes Sabine’s hand and heads out the door, his fingers entwined around mine, sending a warm wonderful thrum through my body. “Sorry about the whole dinner thing,” I say, gazing up at him. “I guess I was hoping she’d get really busy and forget all about it.”
He presses his lips to my cheek, then slides into his car. “She cares about you. Wants to make sure I’m good enough, sincere, and not out to hurt you. Believe me, we’ve been through this before. And though I may have come close once or twice, I don’t remember ever failing inspection.” He smiles.
“Aw yes, the strict Puritan father,” I say, figuring he’s the perfect description of an overbearing parental type.
“You’d be surprised.” Damen laughs. “The wealthy landowner was much more of a gatekeeper. And yet still, I managed to sneak by.”
“Maybe someday you’ll show me your past,” I say. “You know, how your life was before we met. Your home, your parents, how you became this way . . .” My voice trails off, seeing the flash of pain in his eyes and knowing he’s still unwilling to discuss it. He always shuts down, refuses to share, which only makes me even more curious.
“None of that matters,” he says, releasing my hand and fiddling with his mirrors, anything to avoid looking at me. “All that matters is now.”
“Yeah, but Damen—” I start, wanting to explain that it’s not just curiosity I’m after, but a closeness, a bond, wishing he’d trust me with those long-ago secrets. But when I look at him again, I know better than to press. Besides, maybe it’s time I extend a little trust too.
“I was thinking . . .” I say, my fingers fiddling with the hem on my shirt.
He looks at me, his hand on the clutch, ready to shift into reverse.
“Why don’t you go ahead and make that reservation.” I nod, my lips pressed together, my gaze focused on his. “You know, for the Montage or the Ritz?” I add, holding my breath as his beautiful dark eyes graze over my face.
“You sure?”
I nod. Knowing I am. We’ve been waiting for this moment for hundreds of years, so why delay any longer? “More than sure,” I say, my eyes meeting his.
He smiles, his face lighting up for the first time all day. And I’m so relieved to see him looking normal again after that strange behavior from before—his remoteness at school, his inability to make the portal appear, his not feeling well—all of it so unlike the Damen I know. He’s always so strong, sexy, beautiful, and invincible—immune to weak moments and bad days. And seeing him vulnerable like that has left me far more shaken than I care to admit.
“Consider it done,” he says, filling my arms with dozens of manifested red tulips before speeding away.
eight
The next morning when I meet Damen in the parking lot, all my worries disappear. Because the moment he opens my door and helps me out of my car, I notice how healthy he looks, how devastatingly handsome he is, and when I look in his eyes, it’s clear that all of yesterday’s weirdness is over. We are more in love than ever.
Seriously. All through English he can barely keep his hands off of me. Constantly leaning toward my desk and whispering into my ear, much to Mr. Robins’s annoyance, and Stacia and Honor’s disgust. And now that we’re at lunch, he hasn’t let up a bit, stroking my cheek and gazing into my eyes, pausing only to take the occasional sip of his drink before picking up right where he left off, murmuring sweet nothings into my ear.
Usually when he acts like that, it’s partly out of love, and partly to tone down all of the noise and energy—all of the random sights, sounds, and colors that constantly bombard me. Ever since I broke the psychic shield I’d made a few months back, a shield that shut everything out and made me as clueless as I was before I died and came back psychic, I’ve yet to find a way to replace it that will allow me to channel the energies I want while blocking the energies I don’t want. And since Damen’s never struggled with this, he’s not sure how to teach me.
But now that he’s back in my life, it no longer seems all that urgent, because the mere sound of his voice can silence the world, while the touch of his skin makes my whole body tingle. And when I look in his eyes, well, let’s just say that I’m instantly overcome by this warm, wonderful, magnetic pull—like it’s just him and I and everything else has ceased to exist. Damen’s like my perfect psychic shield. My ultimate other half. And even when we can’t be together, the telepathic thoughts and images he sends provide that same calming effect.
But today, all of those sweet murmurings aren’t just to shield me—they’re mostly about our upcoming plans. The suite he booked at the Montage Resort. And how he’s yearned so long for this night.
“Do you have any idea what it’s like to wait for something for four hundred years?” he whispers, his lips nipping at the curve of my ear.
“Four hundred? I thought you’ve been around for six hundred?” I say, pulling away to get a better view of his face.
<
br /> “Unfortunately a couple of centuries had to pass before I found you,” he whispers, his mouth making its way from my neck to my ear. “Two very lonely centuries, I might add.”
I swallow hard. Knowing the loneliness he refers to does not necessarily mean he was alone. In fact, quite the contrary. But still, I don’t call him on it. In fact, I don’t say a word. I’m committed to moving past all of that, getting over my insecurities and moving forward. Just like I promised I would.
I refuse to think about how he spent those first two hundred years without me.
Or how he spent the next four hundred getting over the fact that he’d lost me.
Nor will I even begin to consider the six-hundred-year head start he has on studying and practicing the—um—sensual arts.
And I will absolutely, positively, not dwell on all of the beautiful, worldly, experienced women he knew over the span of those years.
Nope.
Not me.
I refuse to even go there.
“Shall I pick you up at six?” he asks, gathering my hair at my nape and twisting it into a long blond rope. “We can go to dinner first.”
“Except we don’t really eat,” I remind him.
“Ah, yes. Good point.” He smiles, releasing my hair so that it flows back around my shoulders and drops down to my waist. “Though I’m sure we can find something else to occupy our time?”
I smile, having already told Sabine that I’m staying at Haven’s and hoping she doesn’t try to follow up. She used to be so good about taking me at my word, but ever since I was caught drinking, got suspended, and basically stopped eating, she’s been prone to following through.
“Are you sure you’re okay with all this?” Damen asks, misreading the look on my face as indecision, when it’s really just nerves.
I smile and lean in to kiss him, eager to erase any lingering doubts (mine more than his), just as Miles tosses his bag on the table and says, “Oh, Haven, look! They’re back. The lovebirds have returned!”