by Jeannie Watt
When he pulled open the door, he was hit by smells that made him feel instantly at home—diesel, lubricants, engine sludge. The hall was only half-lit and all the doors were closed with the exception of one at the very end of the hall. A faint metallic banging came from inside, making Finn feel even more at home.
Having perused the college catalog many times while trying to decide what he wanted to do with his life, he knew EVCC offered certification in diesel mechanics, ag mechanics, automotives and metal fabrication. While all those subjects interested him, he didn’t need training in them. He’d wanted to do the training. Make a difference. Help people. Kind of like Molly had helped him...
Once he reached the open door, he stepped inside a brightly lit shop that put his to shame. The banging came from a corner to his left, where a guy in a blue shop coat was hammering away on a vintage fender. Finn ambled closer and the guy suddenly stopped hammering as he realized he wasn’t alone. He straightened up and Finn realized the guy was a woman.
“Hey,” she said, setting the neoprene weighted hammer down on the bench. “Can I help you?”
“I hope so.” Finn tucked a thumb in his front pocket. “I’m a metal fabricator and a student.”
“You’re Finn Culver.”
He squinted at the woman. “Barney?”
She smiled widely. “Yes!”
Julia Barnes had been a fixture in the ag shop at high school. Some people thought she never took any other classes, although he’d had history with her once, which killed that theory. “Your hair’s a lot shorter.”
She pushed her fingers through her two-inch-long brown hair. “Made sense to cut it. I got tired of trying to keep it out of machinery.”
“That does seem like a good idea.”
She moved closer, smiling widely. “Age didn’t hurt you none.”
“Uh...thanks?”
“You’re welcome.” She settled a hip on a piece of I-beam standing on end next to her. “What can I help you with?”
“I... It’s kind of a long story.”
She motioned to the tractor seat welded to a large stiff spring. “Pull up a seat.”
Finn knew looking at it that he wouldn’t be pulling that thing anywhere. He sat and found it surprisingly comfortable. “I served overseas with the Guard.”
“I heard.”
“Came back and wanted to do something other than the feed store.” He paused and then said, “I wanted to do what I think you’re doing.”
“Teaching ag shop?”
“Yeah. Only I wanted to do automotives. I signed up for a math class and an English class here at the college to test the waters. I’m doing great in math and I suck in English. I think it’ll take me about ten years or taking English over and over again to get an education degree, because you have to take several classes.”
“You want to teach high school.”
“I thought that would be better than junior high.”
“Why not teach community college? You only need a two-year degree for that.”
Finn blinked at her. “That wasn’t in the catalog.”
Barney leaned forward. “They pretty much take any two-year degree as long as you have the skills...” She gave an appraising nod. “If I recall, you do.”
“I worked in the motor pool in the service. All kinds of vehicles.”
“I’ll tell you a secret, Finn. We have trouble keeping people because they can make more money elsewhere.”
He cocked his head. “So...you’re saying that teaching at a community college might be easier than getting certified to teach in a high school.”
“And you don’t have to put up with as much attitude.” She made a face. “Some, but not as much.”
“Maybe I won’t drop my English class.”
“If you can pass that sucker, I wouldn’t.”
* * *
FINN ENDED UP missing his English class, which was better, he supposed, than dropping it, which was what he’d fully intended to do after leaving the administrative offices. But now, after spending close to an hour with Barney, going over requirements, he wondered why no one made it clear that it was possible to do something other than prepare for a regular education degree. After dealing with both Jonas and Denny, he figured he was a lot better prepared mentally to deal with the likes of them.
He stopped by Molly’s office the next afternoon to find out what he’d missed and to tell her he was okay with his new grade—as long as it didn’t get any lower. He wasn’t exactly proud of a D, but it was passing and after talking to Barney, he realized that he could take the class again and replace the grade if he needed to.
He knocked on the door frame and Molly jumped, causing her glasses to slip down her nose. She automatically pushed them up again and he came into the room.
“I just want to tell you that I’m okay with my grade being lowered.”
“You can still get a C—”
“Yeah. I know. If I do well on the final term paper.” He didn’t sit in the chair across from her desk as usual. “I almost dropped your class after talking to the dean yesterday.”
Her mouth opened, but before she could speak, he said, “I didn’t. Instead I spent a long time talking to the ag mechanics instructor. She’s an old friend. Remember Julia Barnes?”
Molly frowned, then her expression cleared. “Barney. Never had real classes. Spent all of her time in shop.”
Finn smiled briefly in spite of himself. “That’s the one. There’s a possibility that I can take a two-year course and teach automotive or metal fabrication here at EVCC. And if not here, then at another community college. Two years,” he reiterated. “Not four. One English class. Not as many courses, not as much writing.”
Molly’s expression seemed frozen.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Finn...more than anything I want you to be successful in whatever you want to do.”
How very formal. “I thought...look. This is me getting into something I can do. Something I can make a career out of. Something dependable.” He gave her a long look. “That was the key word, right? Dependable?”
“There’s more to it than that.”
“Like what?”
Molly looked past him to the door as if hoping that someone would come in and save her. They didn’t, so she drew in a long breath before saying, “Here’s the problem, Finn. I care for you, okay? More than I can handle.” She gritted the words out from between clenched teeth. “I care for you more than I want to.”
“Then why can’t we work this out? See if we have what it takes to make a relationship?”
“I don’t want a relationship. I don’t want to lose myself. I don’t want to try to balance someone else’s life with my own.”
“So this had nothing to do with me not fitting your idea of the guy you need in your life. There isn’t a perfect guy, because you don’t want a guy.”
“I’m afraid to want a guy, okay? I already spent my time as a doormat.”
She could have smacked him and it would have startled him less. “You think that I would treat you as a doormat? Without giving me a chance?”
Molly’s hands were clasped tightly in front of her and Finn wondered if they would be shaking if she wasn’t holding on to them. “I like being on my own.”
He didn’t believe her. She liked having no waves in her life. She liked the aura of security that not taking chances gave her. But he knew that it was just an aura. Shit happened no matter what.
“No guts. No glory.” The words dropped from his lips one by one.
Her chin came up. “I go with no glory.”
“That’s too bad, Molly. You’re going to miss a lot of life.”
“But I’ll be my own boss. In control of my destiny.”
Finn pr
essed a hand to his forehead and squeezed, then dropped it again. “You win.” He smiled humorlessly. “I tried. I’m done.”
Finn turned and walked out the door. What else could he do? He’d tried twice and that was it. With his frustration red-lining, he stalked down the hall and rounded a corner too fast, practically running over Jonas, who stepped back quickly and then snarled at him, “Watch where you’re going.”
Oh, yeah. He was going to take crap from this kid now on top of everything else.
“I have an issue with you.” Finn closed the distance between them. “You’ve been spreading rumors about me.”
“I have not...” An odd look crossed the kid’s face as he realized that the accusations he’d lobbed at Molly also included Finn.
“That’s right,” Finn said softly. “I’m not involved with my instructor, and spreading the rumor has the potential to do me harm, for which I will have to seek redress.” Thank you, Law & Order reruns.
“My father has lawyers on retainer.”
“Who are going to prove what? That you lied? That you made unfounded accusations in an effort to do me harm?”
“Not you,” the kid sneered.
“Then who?”
Jonah realized his mistake too late. “This conversation never happened.” He settled his backpack higher on his shoulder and brushed past Finn.
Finn continued on to the parking lot, catching a glimpse of his reflection in his truck window before he opened the door. No wonder Jonas had given up so easily. Finn wouldn’t have pushed around a guy who looked like him.
He got into his truck and then let his head fall back against the seat.
When had he fallen so hard for Molly?
And why couldn’t she trust herself enough to love him back? This had nothing to do with him proving himself or getting a steady career that would last forever, or joining a bowling team, being generally sedate, predictable and boring. This was about Molly’s inability to get over the scars of her past.
He jammed his key in the ignition and turned it.
And there wasn’t a hell of a lot that he could do about that.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
FINN WENT THROUGH the motions of life for almost a week. He ate, he drank, he attempted to sleep. He missed Molly. He was pissed at her and he missed her. Mostly he missed her.
He, who enjoyed meeting challenges head-on, who’d muscled through an English class that embarrassed him more times than he liked to think about, couldn’t muscle his way through this challenge, and it gnawed at him.
There was literally nothing he could do. So he went to class, pretended everything was normal, as did Molly, and started working on his term project, which would take the last four weeks of the semester to complete. Jolie had already offered to give him some help in the organization, and the rest he was determined to do on his own.
And it was hell being in the room with Molly having things between them the way they were. He’d shoot her a look every now and again, try not to remember how he’d been so consumed with her when they’d slept together. How that husky voice of hers sounded whispering soft, almost-dirty things in his ear. Telling him what she wanted.
Well, now he knew what she didn’t want. Something that involved any kind of permanence or commitment.
He stopped by Mike’s house after math class on Thursday, having called first as Mike had asked. Elaine was there, sitting in the second recliner, looking as if she’d been part of Mike’s life forever.
She smiled at him and apologized for being a little tired.
“She had her first radiation treatment,” Mike said. “It went well.” He reached out and took her hand, and she squeezed his fingers.
“They’re very hopeful that I’ll be cancer-free within a few months,” Elaine said.
“Excellent.”
Mike patted Elaine’s hand, then got to his feet and motioned to the kitchen door with his head. Finn followed and as soon as they were out of sight of the living room, Mike asked, “What’s going on?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You look like you’re going to murder someone.”
“I’m fine.”
“You looked like you were going to murder someone when you stopped by last Monday. That’s a full week with no change of expression.”
“Only five days,” Finn muttered, shoving his thumbs in his back pockets. “And I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”
“Don’t make me ask Georgina.”
“What could she possibly know?” he asked coldly.
“Well, she knew that I’d better snap to my senses with Elaine because I was causing her stress.”
Finn wrinkled his brow. “Georgina told you that?”
“No one else would.”
“I think we tried to tell you that. Dylan, Jolie and I.”
“She was pretty damned direct. And I’m grateful. Now what the hell is wrong with you?”
“Molly and I aren’t seeing eye to eye.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I wish I knew. She had a bad time with her last relationship and now I’m paying the price.” He glanced up at his grandfather. “That guy has caused me no end of troubles.”
Mike settled a hand on his shoulder. “You two need to get together and work this out.”
“Thank you,” Finn said darkly. “I never thought of that.”
Mike’s expression softened an iota. “Sorry. Stupid advice.” He let out a soft sigh. “You’d better take Buddy.”
Finn gave him a perplexed look, but Mike just smiled. “Take him. You’ll feel better.”
Fifteen minutes later, Finn said his goodbyes and he and Buddy headed for his truck. As she closed the door behind him, he heard Elaine say, “Is he going to be all right?”
“Damn, I hope so,” Mike replied.
So did Finn. And he hoped he still had kitty litter at his house. Otherwise, he and Buddy would be doing a late-night run to the grocery store.
But as the little guy wound around his neck and made bread on his shoulder, Finn found himself beginning to relax—at least to the point that his knuckles were no longer turning white on the steering wheel.
* * *
RAIN BEAT DOWN on the roof, but the garage drain that Finn and Chase had snaked was working well. No flood today. Georgina poured her cereal and they bought up the weather forecast for the coming weekend.
“It’s supposed to stop today. Chase said that will probably be enough time for the trails to dry. One last hike before winter. Then he’s going to teach me to ski.” She scooped up a spoonful of raisin bran. “It’s expensive, though, so it’ll be more of a once-a-month thing. We’ve talked about cross-country skiing. That sounds kind of fun.”
“How’re things with his brother?” Georgina looked up. “The one caught drinking?”
Her sister gave a casual shrug. “Community service.”
“Ah.” Molly waited a few seconds, then said, “Are any of his other siblings in trouble?”
Georgina gave her a look. “I’ll ask. Let you know tonight.”
Molly continued to eat. Well-played, little sister. But then Molly’s game was off of late. Very off. She blamed...herself.
Class with Finn wasn’t as horrible as she’d thought it might be, if one didn’t count the unrelenting unspoken tension. He did his work. She did her job. Denny always claimed her attention at the end of class and Finn left before Denny finished expounding.
It worked.
It also sucked.
Hell. Who was she trying to kid? She missed him.
She and Georgina drove to campus together. When they didn’t talk about Chase, it was life as usual. She liked life as usual. It was what she was trying so hard to preserve. A life without bad
surprises. There would be sacrifices, of course. Nothing came without a price, but these sacrifices paid off, unlike the sacrifices she’d made for Blake.
She had yet another Jonas meeting today. The follow-up to the previous meeting, in which they would see the big grade reveal. Waste of time, but the Simons had donated land...
“Are you okay?” Molly looked up to see Allie Brody peeking into her office.
“I’m fine.” Molly worked up a smile.
Allie leaned her shoulder on the door frame, crossing her arms over her chest. “None of my business, of course, but you’ve seemed kind of preoccupied the last couple of times I’ve seen you. If there’s anything I can do... Talk... Listen...”
Molly considered for a moment before saying, “We’ve only seen each other twice in the past couple days.”
“Good point,” Allie said with a small nod. “Rumor has it Finn is cranky and you’re a million miles away and... I’ve been there. Not that long ago. I also know what it’s like to have no one except for a protective sister to talk to, and your sister is pretty darned young.”
“Thanks,” Molly said. “I’m okay.”
No, you’re not. You need distraction.
“But I wouldn’t mind coffee and general conversation.” She felt almost as alone as she had after breaking it off with Blake, and Allie was right about Georgina being young. Molly discussed a lot of stuff with her little sister, but her sex life wasn’t one of those things. Not that she was going to discuss it with Allie, but the idea of just talking, about anything, made her feel a little less alone.
“Sounds good,” Allie said. “Let me get my purse.”
They went to the student union, a place that was not all that conducive to private conversation. Who could talk about personal matters when surrounded by students? But as luck would have it, the place was nearly empty. Only a few students had claimed tables and they all had their heads down, studying.
“Quiet day,” Allie murmured.