by Naomi Niles
“Oh God, did you make these?” Miles teased as he took a bite, knowing full well that it had come from a packet, and that I might not have been the best baker in the world.
“I did actually. I’m a professional baker, didn’t you know?” I laughed, and he joined in with me. “I’m a teacher slash baker slash comedian. How could you not have known that?”
“Ooh, very fancy!”Miles chuckled. “And I’m a hockey player slash all-round legend.”
I punched him playfully, but he grabbed hold of my fist before it connected and he pulled me in for a deep and comforting hug. While I was in his arms, I felt my heart pounding heavily in my chest, and I couldn’t resist looking up at him to stare into those big, beautiful eyes – the ones that I really didn’t want to leave behind.
But could I only see them long distance too.
In a heartbeat, needing a distraction, I leant up to bring Miles’s lips to mine. I honestly loved kissing him so damn much that it hurt. The chemistry I felt when his lips were on mine buzzed through my whole body, and as we kissed and his tongue snaked into my mouth, I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe we could make it work.
Of course, there were a whole load of things that could go wrong, and most of them stemmed from being far apart from one another for extended periods of time, but as we kissed and I felt that intense connection between us, I was certain that we had the power to overcome that.
Or maybe I just wanted it so damn badly that I was willing to risk everything.
Bang!
“Shit,” I pulled back quickly, staring into Miles’s eyes. “What was that?”
“Someone’s here,” he whispered, giggling lightly, his eyed flickering everywhere. “Someone’s home.”
The prospect of dealing with either one of my parents right now was not an appealing one, especially with the way that they got so weirdly star struck around Miles, so I grabbed hold of his hand and I yanked him up the stairs behind me where we collapsed onto my bed in fits of laughter, acting like crazy teenagers that weren’t allowed to be dating.
“Danielle?” my mom called up the stairs, obviously having heard me thundering around. “Is that you?”
Miles opened his mouth to answer, and I clapped my hand across his mouth to silence him. If he spoke right now, we would end up in all kinds of trouble. I didn’t want it to seem like we were up to no good, when we weren’t…not really.
“Yeah it’s me,mom,” I shouted down quickly. “I’m just getting into bed.”
“Ooh, can I get into bed with you?” Miles whispered jokingly, making me laugh all over again. I could barely contain the hysteria that was building up inside of me, and I feared that we were going to give ourselves away at any given moment.
“I’ll see you in the morning,mom,” I eventually choked out, getting her off my back.
As soon as we felt like she was gone, Miles’s mouth came to meet mine once more, and we kissed passionately for a few moments all over again. I felt a buzzing excitement within me, a deep, hot passion that wanted Miles inside of me once more – but it didn’t feel like a good idea either. Not in my mom’s home, not with her down the stairs. I knew how noisy we were when we were together, and I didn’t really want to be overheard. Not by my parents: howdamn embarrassing would that be?!
Seeming to sense that this wasn’t going to go any further, Miles eventually pulled back from me, and made a move to go. He stared at me for a few moments, showing me the love he was feeling for me in his eyes, and I really felt like there was a statement there – one that was asking me to think about what he’d said in the car – and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it. How could I stop considering a potential future between us?
“How shall I get out?” he finally whispered, and I shrugged in a quick panic, realizing the implications of this. We couldn’t go down stairs now, not after I’d told such a lie – my mom would assume that we’d just had sex even though we hadn't. We were going to have to find another solution somehow. “Can I climb out the window?”
“Erm, I don’t know,” I told him honestly. “You might be able to make it, but you’ll have to be careful.”
That seemed to be enough for him and he raced over to the window, still laughing a little bit. This really was like we were teenagers sneaking around, and there was something incredibly exciting about that. It seemed to ramp up the atmosphere tenfold between us.
As he climbed out and he stood on the frame about to jump, he leaned in to give me a really sweet kiss. “Just think about it,” he whispered. “And if you agree that you want to see me, I’ll come out and see you in California the next time I get a break.We can just see how it goes from there.” Picturing him in Cali sent crazy bolts of lust bursting through my body; the idea of combining my two lives was almost too exciting for words.
“I’ll see you soon,” I eventually answered, not wanting to give him too much hope in case I decided that it wasn’t the right move for us. “Text me when you get home.”
With that, he jumped down, almost breaking all the bones in his body, then he waved and raced off, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I pictured us really committing to one another and making it work, despite all of the obstacles, and that, combined with the pent up sexual frustration that I already had inside of me, was making me feel very confused.
I lay back on my sheets, imagining him with me still, with his arms wrapped around me and his kisses trailing up and down my neck. My body grew hotter and hotter with the images that my brain was creating, and it wasn’t long before I couldn’t resist for another second longer, and I dipped my fingers into my underwear to allow my thoughts the freedom that they so desperately needed.
“I love you,” I imagined Miles saying, picturing my own fingers as his. “I love you and I want to be with you.” Just picturing him feeling that way had me growing in excitement. I plunged my fingers deep into myself, imagining it was his cock dipping in and out of me, sending me to the brink of desire. I flicked my clit, imagining that it was his tongue driving me wild, and that his mouth was claiming me in the domination way it always did.
I imagined him in me, taking me at every angle possible, and it wasn’t long before the intense waves of bliss were crashing over and over me, causing my entire body to buckle and tremble with pleasure.
“Fuck,” I muttered to myself as I lay there panting after giving myself an extremely intense orgasm. “I am in trouble.” The best part of the fantasy wasn’t the fact that he was fucking me every way possible, it was the fact that in my mind he loved me, he truly did love me, and that was terrifying.
Maybe I was going to have to allow him to come and see me in California; maybe I was going to have to push all my fears aside to give long distance a shot. It would be scary as hell, and yes, it could have negative consequences too, but it could also have really positive ones. It could be the start of something really special.
Miles was incredible, absolutely amazing, and I doubted that I would ever be able to find someone that I liked as much for as long as I lived. He was gorgeous, he made me laugh, and I felt like despite the fact that our lives were so different, we could make them combine too, if we really tried. I liked his mom, his friends, and he got on with my family too. I was certain that Kim would adore him as well, making things in California that much easier.
Was I really thinking about taking that plunge, not knowing where it was going to lead? But then again, I was pretty certain that if I wasn’t already in love with Miles – as crazy as that sounded – then I was free falling that way regardless, and however much I tried to put a stop to it, those emotions kept on coming back.
God damn it Danielle, I scolded myself in my mind. Why did you have to go and fall in love?
But I wasn’t really mad at myself; there was a smile playing on my lips as that thought passed through my mind. After all, how could I be mad about something that made me feel so good?
Chapter 31
Miles – Wednesday
&nb
sp; She’s leaving tomorrow.
That was the thought that I woke up to, and the image that I knew would stick through my mind for the rest of the day. I knew that we’d made some progress in deciding that we would try the long distance thing, but it was still going to be very different. It was still going to be a big change, and a lot harder to deal with, which was difficult for me to get my head around.
What made it even worse was the fact that I had previously arranged an out-of-town scrimmage for that afternoon, and there was no way that I could get out of it. The entire team had agreed to do it, and there was no way I could pull out of it just to see Danielle. No one would understand that, however clearly I tried to explain it.
For a second, I even considered inviting her with me so that I could spend time with her, but I knew that it was pointless because she had an early flight the next day – she would likely be getting herself organized for that.
“Fucking hell,” I muttered to myself, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. This was already killing me, and she hadn't even left yet. How the hell was I actually going to make this work when she was gone? How would we do it? All of a sudden the confidence that I’d built up the night before ebbed away and I started to doubt everything. Of course, I was glad that I didn’t have to complete let her go – that would likely be much worse – but this wasn’t going to be easy either.
Our time together had come and gone much too quickly, and that was horrible to comprehend.
I stomped through the kitchen and grabbed myself a cup of coffee while I allowed my brain to stew over it a little more. I was incredibly pissed off that I had actually made my decision and that now I was doubting myself again, but it wasn’t exactly like I could control that. I allowed all the arguments that I’d given myself the previous night to flow through my mind again, needing to remind myself of why I’d done the right thing. I even re-read the messages that my mother had sent to me, for that confidence once more:
‘Miles, Danielle is amazing. Never let her go. If you can find a way to make it work, then you should. I really think that she is the one.’
“She’s the one,” I whispered to myself, hoping that would be enough. I knew that I was falling for her, I knew that she had the potential for being my future, but I wasn’t sure that was going to be enough to hold us together.
Fuck it, I needed a break, a distraction from my thoughts, and there was only one way that I could do that – in my mini gym. I needed to exercise, to work out and focus on my body rather than the crap in my brain.
I started with lifting weights, pumping some iron to get the adrenaline coursing through my veins. After that, when I was feeling a whole lot better, I hopped on the treadmill to run through it. I had spent a lot of my life getting rid of stress by working out, but this time, while it was lightening my mood, it wasn’t shaking the feeling that something was going to go wrong, so I did the only thing that I could and I rang my one friend who actually seemed to know something about holding a relationship a together despite all the odds being stacked against him – Sean.
“Hello?” he answered almost right away. “What’s up, Miles?”
“Urgh God, I guess I need some advice,” I admitted a little dejectedly. “I don’t know what to do about Danielle, I just…I can’t seem to let her go.”
“I had a feeling that was going to happen,” he told me. “I didn’t think that you were going to be content with just having a fling. I could see it in your eyes when you looked at her; you’ve got it bad.” I was not in the mood for being teased about my feelings, and I made a grunting type of noise to reflect that. “Look, dude, I don’t know much about you and Danielle, but I do know that she makes you happier than I’ve seen you in a very long time and after what you’ve been through, it’s about damn time. If you have to go about it the hard way to make it work, then you should just do that.”
“You make it sound so simple,” I grumbled lightly. “You don’t know how lucky you have it, having the girl you want living right by you.”
“It’s all right now,” he joked. “But we’re in the honeymoon phase at the moment. When it gets to the nagging, I’ll be wishing that she lived away too!”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. Sean always managed to make the most out of a bad situation.It was one of the things that I really admired about him, and it made me feel like maybe I should be doing the same too.
“You’re probably right,” I told him. “I guess I’m just a little nervous because so far what we’ve had has been perfect, and I think I’m scared that any changes will fuck things up.”
“If you don’t try, then you’ll never know,” he warned, and his words made my heart flutter a little. He was right, I did need to at least give things a go. I certainly didn’t want to be constantly wondering what could have been. I didn’t want to live my life with any regrets, at least not the sort that I could have done something about.
“Okay,” I conceded. “Fine, you’re right, you’re the love expert all of a sudden.”
“You know me!” he laughed loudly and proudly. “I don’t do anything by halves. If I’m going to fall in love, I’ll go the whole hog. Anyway, what have you got going on today? Did you want to hang out?”
“I have a scrimmage today,” I told him, feeling a little morose all over again. “I know it’s only a casual game, but with the way that things have been with Coach Jordan, then all that shit with Marek, I don’t want to create any more barriers for myself. Even if I do throw myself into this relationship with Danielle, I don’t want to lose hockey, so I need to do what’s right.”
“I hear you, dude.Well, good luck and maybe I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Tomorrow, the day I will lose Danielle.
“Yep, see you then.”
Urgh, in a way my talk with Sean had made me feel a whole lot better, but in another way it had only highlighted the fact that I was wasting her last day doing something that I no longer had the heart for.
Never mind, there was no point getting pissed off about something I couldn’t change, not when it was getting so close to the time I would have to leave.
After I finished working out and I had a quick shower, I hopped in the car to go and pick up Gaz and Benji. They were riding with me on the way out there, but I hoped they would be able to organize a lift back because I was pretty certain that they would want to go out drinking afterwards, and I really wasn’t in the mood for it. I wanted to get in and out to at least attempt to get some time alone with Danielle before her flight left.
*****
The best thing about a scrimmage was that the usual, strict hockey rules no longer applied. It was much more of a friendly match, and there was also very ‘anything goes’ type of attitude. It was the perfect place to try out new moves and plays, and normally I really enjoyed it, but that night, my heart just wasn’t in it.
I was doing my best to act the part, and to keep on playing so that Coach wouldn’t notice, but in all honesty I couldn’t keep my mind on the rink ling enough to work out exactly what was going on at all times. At least there were no specific roles set, because it meant that I could continue to slide into the background whenever I got lost.
At one point, I really managed to throw everything aside for a short time and I managed to score a couple of goals, but then I remembered Danielle’s face in the audience, and everything fell to bits all over again. I just…I wanted her by my side at all times, I wanted to know that I would always be able to go back to her after everything I did, and it was gutting that I wasn’t going to be able to get that. Of course I didn’t want to take her away from her dreams either – she had enough people in her life doing that for her – but I couldn’t help being a little sad.
Eventually, at some point, the other team grew weary of the scrimmage and they decided to put a stop to it, much to my relief, and while everyone else headed out to go and get some beers, I hopped into the car and I started the drive home. I barely got through the game; there was no way in h
ell that I would be able to get through drinks with the guys in this mood – not when that was something that I could do at any time.
No, what I needed to do was to get back to her and to spend her last night together. Even the thought of seeing her beautiful face again put a smile back on mine. The idea of being back in her arms, listening to her talk, making her laugh, kissing her, it all just made me so much happier than anything else had ever done. I felt like I wanted her mouth on mine, her body pressed up near me, I wanted to make her groan in pleasure. If this was going to be out last night together in a while, then I needed to make it absolutely unforgettable for her.
I just hoped that she was home and that she had time for me.
Of course, I intended to head to California at the first opportunity, but since neither of us had an idea when that was going to be, we needed to make the most of our night together.
As I pulled up the car into her driveway, and I pulled out my phone from my pocket, a cheeky smile spread across my face, and for the very first time since I woke up this morning, I actually felt happy about what was going to happen.
“Hello,” luckily for me she sounded just as happy to hear from me. It made my heart swell in my chest to hear that joy in her tone. “How are you, Miles? How was hockey?”
“It was fine,” I lied, wanting to change the subject from the crappy way that I’d played. “Are you home?”
“Yes,” she drawled slowly. “Why what did you have in mind?”
“Look out your window,” I commanded, able to see her bedroom window from where I was. As soon as I saw her face, I grinned and waved before speaking out again. “Now open it up; I’m climbing up to see you again!”
I might have fallen last time, and almost hurt myself pretty badly, but it was a lot of fun to go and see her that way, and I wanted everything about our last night to be extra memorable – just in case.