by Naomi Niles
The sound of my voice seemed to spur him on and he pushed into me harder and faster until I was moaning, grabbing at the skin on his back, feeling myself lose all control as pleasure ripped over me and I forgot about everything that had separated us in the last decade. I could feel his breathing get increasingly more urgent and I felt my body respond to him. Our hands were entangled together over my head as we came.
We lay like that, letting our breathing climb down slowly. Dylan shifted to the side so that his weight wasn’t completely on me. He looked down at me and brushed his fingers against my cheek. “How are you feeling?” he asked.
I nodded. “I feel… good,” I said honestly. “Better than I have in ages.”
“Me too,” he said with a smile.
“It’s … been a long time for me,” I admitted.
He raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
“Not since my divorce,” I admitted.
“Oh,” he said and I knew he wasn’t sure what to say at this point.
“It’s ok, Dylan,” I said. “I know you haven’t been celibate this whole time. I never expected that you would be.”
“Would you believe me if I said that all those other women … they were just ships in the night for me. They were only ever a distraction so that, for a moment at least, I could forget this broken world of ours.”
“That sounds … so sad,” I said.
“It is sad,” Dylan replied. “Which is why it’s so much better with you. Everything is better with you.”
I realized suddenly how unbelievably easy it was to fall back in love with him. It had already started to happen without me noticing a thing and it had only been a few days. I sat upright and pulled my underwear on, trying to catch a hold of my emotions before they got away from me. I had to be smart about this. I was not a hopeful teenager anymore; I was a grown woman and I needed to be realistic.
“How are things at home?” I asked, once we were dressed.
Dylan poured us some wine and passed me a glass. “Difficult,” he said. “Mom’s constantly crying and Tyler … well he’s constantly bitching.”
“Go easy on your brother,” I said gently. “He’s probably going through a lot too.”
“I know he is,” Dylan nodded. “And I’d love to be there for him, it’s just … he’s antagonistic all the time. It’s hard not to let that get to me.”
“Why do you think he’s like that all the time?” I asked.
“I think he believes that I took the life he wanted,” Dylan tried to explain. “And he got stuck in this town having to look after our parents.”
I nodded. “I remember,” I said. “Wasn’t he interested in joining the Navy at one point?"
“He was more than just interested,” Dylan replied. “He was committed, he went for the meetings and he did all the tests. That was when we found out about the diabetes.”
“I remember,” I nodded. “He couldn’t enlist after that could he?”
“No,” Dylan said. “But I did… I think that affected him more than he let on. He’ll never admit it, but I think that’s why he’s always so annoyed with me. That’s part of the reason I wanted to get out of the house today. I just couldn’t deal with everything on my own and I remembered that I never really had to. You were always there with me whenever things got bad. And I wondered if we still had that.”
“What do you think?” I asked.
“We still have it,” Dylan said, taking my hand and kissing it.
“I’m glad.”
“I want to see you again,” Dylan said directly. “I’m going to Austin tomorrow for a couple of days to deal with some family business, but I want to see you when I come back.”
I was too far in to this to display any sort of reluctance now. I nodded. “When are you coming back into town?” I asked.
“Saturday,” he replied. “Maybe we could do something on Saturday night?”
“I work Saturday nights,” I said.
He looked at me curiously. “You’re a librarian.”
I smiled. “I know that. I have a second job at Dillard’s.”
“The pub downtown?”
“That’s the one,” I nodded. “I waitress there and some days I bartend too.”
“Wow,” Dylan said. “I didn’t expect that.”
“You can meet me there at nine on Saturday,” I said, enjoying the fact that I wasn’t as predictable as I believed I was.
“What?” I asked, noticing that Dylan was looking at me in a strange way.
“Nothing,” he said at first. “It’s just that … three days seems a long time to go without seeing you. Ironic considering …”
“I know,” I replied.
Three days did seem like a long time. I sighed internally, wondering how I had let myself get involved so fast. I had thought that I’d done a good job of getting over Dylan but as it turned out, those feelings weren’t buried deep enough. They’d been lying in wait for years, waiting for an excuse to resurface.
Chapter Fifteen
Dylan
“Let’s get a table out on the deck, boys,” Jason said in his usual grandiose manner. “It has a brilliant view of the golf course.”
Tyler and I followed Jason out onto the deck where we were shown to a table by the edge. It was a lovely view, but after almost three hours playing golf I was just as happy to sit inside and not have to think about it. We ordered quickly and the moment the waiter left, Jason turned to us with his hands crossed together.
“Ok, boys,” he said. “I think it’s time to talk about the hard stuff.”
Jason Sterner had been dad’s lawyer for more than fifteen years. He used to come to the house every now and again, sit with dad, share a beer, and talk about business and politics. I never understood why dad needed a lawyer in the first place, but I was starting to understand.
“You’re father had assets,” Jason went on. “He had shares and he had money tucked away in mutual funds. Now we need to figure out how to divvy up those assets.”
“Didn’t dad do that already?” I asked. “I mean, shouldn’t there be a clause in his will that state which assets goes to which son?”
“Some parents do it that way,” Jason nodded. “Others don’t. Your father’s will mentions that all and any money from bonds, shares and mutual funds will go straight to your mother. But he wasn’t as specific with the rest of it.”
Tyler leaned in. His face was clear of expression and completely serious and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. “Ok … so what does that mean?” Tyler asked.
“It means that you and Dylan will have to discuss everything,” Jason explained. “You will have to come to an agreement and divide up the assets between the two of you.”
“I guess the next question is … what were dad’s assets?”
“Basically we’re looking at land,” Jason replied. “There is of course the house you are currently living in which is a prime bit of real estate and another piece of land on the outskirts of Bastrop. There is also a piece of land in California.
“California?” Tyler said. “I didn’t know about that.”
“No one did,” Jason replied. “It was a recent purchase your dad made. I knew he intended to leave it to one of you boys, but I just don’t know which one.”
“Dad never mentioned it to you?” I asked. “Even in passing?”
“I’m fairly certain he intended to include it in his will,” Jason replied. “But he didn’t expect to die so soon. He didn’t have time to fill it out and complete all the little missing pieces.”
“Which means we have to figure it out on our own?” I said, hearing the weariness in my own voice.
“Yes,” Jason said uncomfortably. “I’m sure you boys can come to an agreement. You’re brothers after all.”
I tried very hard not to snort at that and I could tell Tyler was trying to do the same. “Remind me again,” I said. We’re looking at three pieces of land, two in Bastrop and one in California?”
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br /> “That’s right,” Jason nodded.
“And once we make the decision …?”
“I will do the necessary paperwork and ownership of the land will pass to you,” Jason replied.
Instantly I saw it in my head. Land was exactly what I needed in order to make my dream of starting a rehabilitation program come true. Even after he was gone, dad was still lending me a helping hand. I felt that familiar tug of pain in my gut every time I thought of him, but this time it was dulled by a sense of gratitude.
“I’ll take the land in California,” Tyler said abruptly, catching me off guard. “Dylan can have the land on the outskirts of Bastrop and mom can decide who she’s leaving the family home to once she’s gone.”
I looked at Tyler. “You’ve got this all figured out haven’t you?” I said, trying to contain the annoyance in my voice.
“Sometimes quick decisions need to be made,” Tyler replied.
“When there’s a cause for it,” I countered. “We don’t have to make a quick decision now. We can discuss it … together.”
Tyler’s expression soured and I sensed another fight on the horizon. Evidently, Jason sensed it too because he excused himself and headed off to the bathroom at a suspiciously fast pace. I turned to Tyler immediately. “What the hell was that?” I asked.
“What?” Tyler asked.
“You didn’t even bother to discuss that with me,” I said accusingly. “Don’t you think I deserve a say?”
“Fine,” Tyler said with a dramatic sigh. “Let me guess … you want the land in California?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Then why are we even having this conversation?” Tyler demanded.
“Why do you want the land in California?” I shot at him.
“I would have thought it was obvious.”
“Explain it to me anyway,” I said. “Treat me like I’m stupid.”
“I want to get out of this fucking town at some point,” Tyler hissed at me. “I want to experience a different kind of life. I would have thought you’d understand that.”
“I didn’t know you hated it here so much,” I said.
“That’s because you haven’t been paying attention,” Tyler shot at me. “You haven’t been paying attention for eleven years.”
“Come on,” I said defensively. “That’s not fair.”
“Isn’t it?” Tyler demanded. “You hightailed it out of here as fast as you could. You had parents in this town Dylan, you had friends … you had a girlfriend. You left them all and you didn’t look back once.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Dylan asked. “I called mom and dad once a week after I left Bastrop.”
“Sure at the beginning,” Tyler nodded. “And then you called them once a month, and then it was even less than that, until it became one random letter every couple of months. You never even bothered to visit when you did get leave. You came home once five years ago and that was as far as your effort extended.”
I felt my blood boil but I kept my anger in check as I stared down Tyler. “You don’t understand.”
“Explain it to me then,” Tyler said, throwing my own words back in my face. “Treat me like I’m stupid.”
I shook my head. “You don’t get it. You think I was off travelling the world and having the time of my life. Are you delusional enough to believe that there’s anything remotely thrilling about war?”
“It may not be thrilling,” Tyler shot back. “But at least you were doing something noble, something honorable.”
“Maybe,” I conceded. “But that doesn’t take away anything else. You’re still out there in hostile territories, scared out of your mind hoping that you’re not going to run into anyone because you might have to kill or be killed. People talk about glory, they talk about heroes but they’re just words and they don’t mean a thing to me.”
“You should never have enlisted,” Tyler said staring at me. “You were not cut out for the Navy.”
“That’s what this is really about, isn’t it, Ty?” I asked. “You’re jealous because according to you I got to get out there and live the dream while you got stuck in Bastrop looking after our parents. You think I stole your life? That’s why you’re so damn mad at me.”
Tyler shook his head. “You’re the one who doesn’t get it, Dylan, and there’s no point trying to explain it to you. Jason’s coming back so let’s just try and get through this meal without jumping down each other’s throats all right?”
“Fine,” I snapped.
Jason looked between the two of us as he sat down and I knew he was hoping that whatever we had needed to discuss had been discussed and put to bed. “So, boys,” he said suggestively. “Do you have any questions?”
“No,” I said. “Tyler can have the land in California, I’m fine with that.”
“And you’ll take the ones in Bastrop?”
“That’s right,” I nodded.
“Fantastic,” Jason said. “That will make the rest of this easy.”
Tyler and I drove home in silence, but there was a nagging in the back of my mind and I couldn’t seem to put it to rest. I glanced at Tyler; his eyes were fixed on the road in front of us, but I could tell his mind was on other things too.
“I should have called mom and dad more often,” I said. “I know that I didn’t stay in touch as much as I should have.”
Tyler was quiet for so long that I thought he was just going to ignore me. “They understood,” he said at last. “Better than I did, at least.”
“It’s just that … I was dealing with things … I had to wrap my head around this new reality and hearing their voices … it made me want to pack my bags and come right back home,” I admitted. “I wanted to quit a thousand times in those first few months of training and I knew as long as this town had a hold on me, I wouldn’t be able to see it through.”
“I guess … that makes sense,” Tyler said.
“You were right, though,” I said. “I wasn’t fair to them, or to Lizzie.”
I saw Tyler glance at me. “You’ve been spending time with her again.”
“Yes,” I nodded.
“Is that wise?” Tyler asked. “You are going back in three weeks.”
“She knows the situation,” I replied. “I made sure she did, and I think we both know that three more weeks is all we have.”
“And she’s ok with that?”
I nodded.
“Are you?” Tyler asked.
“I have no choice but to be ok with it,” I answered.
“I think that was what surprised me the most about your decision to enlist,” Tyler said after a moment.
“What?”
“Lizzie,” Tyler replied. “The two of you were joined at the hip since you were twelve or thirteen. You were together for so long that I never imagined you’d make the decision to leave her behind.”
“It’s not as though I could take her with me.”
“No,” Tyler agreed. “But I thought you’d fight harder to keep the relationship going.”
I bristled at his words. “You don’t know that I didn’t try.”
“You’re right, I don’t,” Tyler said. “Did you?”
“I ... it’s complicated.”
“It always is,” Tyler said smugly.
I ignored him and shook the frustration off. If I was being honest, the person I was frustrated with the most was myself. I was the one who had made stupid decisions; I was the one who had let every important relationship in my life slide downhill. My parents were my parents and I knew that they’d be there for me at the end of the day. But it was naïve and selfish to assume Lizzie would put her life on hold and wait for me.
“I still can’t quite believe she married Paul Kapke,” I said, thinking out loud.
“Well she did.”
“What happened?”
“I already told you,” Tyler said impatiently.
I rolled my eyes at him. “Forgive me if I need a little more detail,”
I said. “I just … she’s important to me, ok? I’m curious about her life.”
“Then maybe you should ask her.”
“I’m asking you.”
Tyler sighed. “Listen … I don’t know much ok? I know what I heard from around town. I heard about the wedding and then a few months later …”
“What?”
“I ran into Paul at a bar in town,” Tyler said.
“Yeah?”
“He was completely drunk and talking his ass off to the bartender and a couple of guys sitting next to him.”
“What was he saying?”
“He was talking about his wife,” Tyler said. “At first I didn’t know who he was talking about and then I remembered he had married Lizzie. He was talking about how spoilt and selfish she was, he was talking about how …” The silence hung in the air.
“How promiscuous she could be,” Tyler finished reluctantly.
“Lizzie?” I asked in outraged incredulity. “Promiscuous?”
“He was lying,” Tyler went on. “Anyone who knows Lizzie knows that she’s the typical good girl. He was drunk and they’d probably had a fight that night.
“What did you say?”
“What did I say?” Tyler repeated.
“Yeah, didn’t you say anything?”
“For God’s sake, Dylan, what the fuck was I supposed to do?” Tyler demanded. “I didn’t know him, I barely knew Lizzie anymore. I didn’t know anything about their marriage and I had no right to get involved.”
I swallowed my retort and tried to calm down by breathing. “I know,” I said trying to keep my tone even so that Tyler would keep talking. “What happened after that?”
“It kept happening,” Tyler said. “He kept getting drunk, going off to clubs and bars alone at night, and shooting his mouth off about Lizzie. He told people she was cheating on him, that she entertained men at night, he told them she charged for sex. He told them all sorts of awful things about her.”
“None of which were true,” I said heatedly.
“Of course not,” Tyler agreed. “But people like gossip in small towns and we’re no exception.”
“Lizzie must have hated that,” I said mostly to myself.
“She retreated into her shell,” Tyler said. “She became a ghost. I barely saw her around town anymore.”