by Naomi Niles
“And very small.”
“No, I like that it’s small,” Dylan said. “It feels more intimate.”
I moved towards the fridge and got some wine out. Then I joined Dylan on the sofa with two glasses. “Is it strange?” I asked as I passed him the wine. “Being back in Bastrop?”
“It was at first,” Dylan replied. “But it’s starting to feel more like home now.”
“Why do you think that is?” I asked.
“Mostly because of you,” he replied without taking his eyes off mine.
He looked so unbelievably hot sitting against my sofa with a glass of wine in hand. The more I looked at him the more I was glad he had cut his hair. It highlighted the beauty of his face and the chiseled ruggedness of his features. It was so easy, so terrifying easily to fall back into the rhythm of their old relationship and I had to remind myself that it would only be harder for me once he was gone again.
Still, it was pointless trying to fight it. I knew that I wasn’t nearly strong enough to resist him. After all I was the one who had invited him to my place, I was the one who wanted to lean in and kiss him, and I was the one who wanted to feel him inside me again.
“You’re staring,” Dylan, said mimicking the words I had said to him just a few hours ago.
“I’m aware,” I nodded.
He smiled and set down his wine glass. Then he moved closer to where I sat and put his hand on my neck. Slowly, he bent his head down and started kissing my neck as he brushed my hair away with his fingers. It was amazing how intensely sensual the simple act of kissing could be. I felt myself moisten against his touch almost instantly.
Slowly, his hands dipped down to my shorts and massaged them off of me. Then he pulled off my shirt and threw it to the floor. His lips were soft and gentle as they kissed the skin of my neck, moving down slowly until he reached my bra. He opened the clasp in the front and I edged the straps off my shoulders. He bent down and kissed my breasts, one by one. Then he took my left nipple in his mouth and sucked on it gently as his other hand massaged my right breast.
Slowly, he moved further down and his hands grabbed a hold of my panties and pulled them down my legs. Once I was naked he settled between my thighs, his hands cupping my buttocks before he bent his head down and pushed my legs apart.
I was not prepared for the onslaught of sensations that flooded through my body the moment I felt his tongue inside me. He was slow at first, and then he got more and more insistent and I began to lose control. I gripped at the sides of the sofa, trying to keep my moaning in check so that I didn’t disturb the neighbors. I could feel the screams building up inside me.
I had no choice but to close my eyes and throw my head back as he worked over me with confident certainty. I felt the excitement build until I could not contain my moans of pleasure any longer. I gasped and screamed until I had no choice but to relinquish control and let my orgasm carry me through the wave. The moment I let go, I felt a burning sense of freedom that left me both tired and exhilarated.
Dylan raised his head and leaned in to kiss me. I could taste myself on his lips and that just made me more excited. I pushed him against the headrest of the sofa and got to my feet. Then I knelt down in front of him, settling myself between his legs. I pulled his shirt off and then I unzipped his pants and pulled them down along with his boxers. His erection stood up to greet me and I realized how hard he was.
We made eye contact for only a second before I bent my head down and took the head of his cock into my mouth. I felt him shudder the moment my tongue touched him and I felt a surge of satisfaction race through me. It was the first time in years that I was so aware of my body. It felt like electricity that was barely controllable; it felt like I was on the best high of my life.
I sucked his dick slowly at first and then I took the length of him into my mouth all at once without any warning. I heard him moan and grip the sofa just as I had done moment before. I sucked him until I felt his breathing race upwards and his body shiver with desire and want. With Paul, I had hated giving head. I had felt cheap and demeaned, but with Dylan, it was a completely different experience. I wasn’t sucking him off because he wanted me to; I was doing it because I wanted to.
His penis was huge and it felt amazing in my mouth. Then suddenly Dylan pulled me back gently, his eyes were on fire with fiery passion and that excited me even further. He got to his knees behind me, his hands were on my breasts, squeezing them gently, and his lips were at my neck.
“I can’t wait any longer,” he breathed into my ear.
“Then don’t,” I gasped.
I could feel his erection against the back of my thigh and then he stopped abruptly. “What’s wrong?” I asked, craning my head around to glance at him.
“I don’t have a condom on me,” he said. “Do you have any protection in the house?”
“No,” I said.
“Maybe I should go get a condom,” he said reluctantly.
“No,” I said quickly. “It doesn’t matter; I just finished my period, and we should be fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes,” I gasped. “Now stop talking and make love to me.”
Immediately, he pushed me against the seat of the couch and he entered me quickly from behind. I was so wet that he slid inside me easily. I could feel his hands on my ass, at my back, cupping my breasts. It was as though he was everywhere at the same time and I simply could not keep up.
“Oh God,” I said into the cushions of my sofa. “Oh God.”
He had so much stamina that it floored me. He pumped at me with single-minded purpose and I felt my breath catch in my throat the deeper he went. It felt amazing. It felt as though I had sleep walked through the last decade of my life and I was finally opening my eyes.
Dylan reached down and pulled me up against him. My back was pressed against his chest and I could feel the hard wall of muscle that ran down his stomach. He tongue sucked at my ear, he kissed the nape of my neck as he started moving more and more vigorously inside me and I knew I was going to cum again.
I gasped in pleasure as I came. I felt Dylan pump at me for a few more seconds before he collapsed on top of me with his energy spent and his chest moving up and down in heavy breaths. Slowly we moved into a sitting position, using the sofa as a backrest. Dylan wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close against him. He kissed the top of my head and we sat there for a while, waiting for our breathing to slow.
“That was … amazing,” Dylan whispered.
I smiled. “It was,” I nodded.
“We should do that more often.”
I laughed. “Are you sure you have the stamina for that?” I teased.
“Ha!” Dylan said confidently. “I have the stamina; don’t you worry about that.” He looked around curiously after a moment. “Where’s your cat?”
I searched around and found Elvis hiding under the TV console. I couldn’t help but laugh. “He’s over there,” I pointed out. “All our moaning and groaning might have scared him a little.”
“Is it appropriate to call him a scaredy cat?” Dylan asked in a mock serious tone.
I shook my head at his bad joke. “That was terrible,” I said.
“You laughed.”
“That was a pity laugh,” I said.
“Please, you laughed because you’re completely infatuated with me,” Dylan said teasingly. “That’s the only reason a woman laughs at lame jokes like that one.”
I covered my face with my hands and refused to admit it but I knew he was right; we both did. I prepared myself mentally for the departure I knew was going to come. I didn’t have any expectations and he had made me no promises. We were just going to enjoy the time we had together.
“I wish we could stay here forever,” Dylan sighed into my hair.
“That does sound nice,” I nodded.
“What are you doing tomorrow?” Dylan asked. “I was thinking of just walking around town. I haven’t really seen too much of
it since I got back, to be honest.”
I smiled. “Tomorrow’s Monday,” I told him. “I have work.”
“Oh right,” he nodded. “I forgot. Sorry. I just got a little too excited about spending time with you.”
It was those too-blue eyes; they made me weak in the knees, and they made want to do things I would never have otherwise considered. Usually I hated staying at home. I filled my time with work and friends to avoid coming home to an empty apartment. So this was the first time I had ever felt the desire to skip work.
“You know what?” I said. “I think I’ll take tomorrow off; then I can join you on your reunion tour.”
Dylan smiled at me in surprise. “Really?” he asked. “You’ll take a day off?”
“Sure,” I nodded. “I’d like to take you around town, not that you need a guide.”
“Actually I’d love a guide,” Dylan said immediately. “Especially given how hot this particular guide is.”
“Again with the flattery,” I said shielding my face from view, although I was really starting to love it.
“Should I stop?” he teased.
“Not if it’s sincere,” I countered.
His smile grew wider. “Then you’re in luck.”
We sat like that on the floor, completely naked, drinking wine and exchanging stories about the old days. It was amazing how quickly the atmosphere in my apartment started to change. I used to think of it as lonely, drab, and claustrophobic. Now, all I could feel was laughter and life. I could feel my hopes racing to catch up with the broken dreams of the past few years. I could feel a new sense of resolve starting to form. I had allowed myself to be weighed down with my failures and I knew that had to come to an end. I had to do more than just survive. I had to start living.
Chapter Twenty-One
Dylan
When I came back from the shower, Lizzie was still sound asleep in bed. I slipped in beside her and wrapped an arm around her body. She stirred slightly but she didn’t wake. I looked down at her peaceful face and wondered if I would ever get tired of staring at it. It didn’t seem possible to me.
I thought about how easy it would be for me to stay with her but on the heels of that thought came all the doubts. It wouldn’t be easy to just pick up where we left off. A full-blown relationship would have its complications, especially considering I was leaving in a few weeks. I didn’t want to put her through a repeat of what had happened eleven years ago.
I leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek. She sighed deeply and her eyelashes fluttered softly. I wondered if she was dreaming and if she was, what she was dreaming about. She had a vision for her life; she wanted to have a solid marriage and a couple of kids. I could understand that; it was what I wanted as well but I knew my life could not include those things now.
I was still in the Navy and even if I did decide to retire early and build a business of my own, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do that in Bastrop. I wasn’t sure if Lizzie would want to leave and I was even less sure if she would want to leave for me. I had done nothing to deserve the sacrifice she would be required to make for me and I was starting to realize that more and more. I knew it was probably a mistake to keep sleeping with her; it would only complicate matters further, especially when the time came for me to leave.
I slipped out of bed and walked into the kitchen. Her cat was there, observing me suspiciously with his large, green eyes. I bent down and scratched him behind the ears and after that, he seemed to like me a little better. I opened her fridge and took out the eggs and milk. I also found yogurt and an assortment of different fruits. I picked out some blueberries and bananas and then I started on a batter to make some pancakes.
I hadn’t cooked in so long that I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it. It felt almost like therapy, moving about the kitchen, knowing you had a specific goal in mind. By the time Lizzie appeared from her bedroom door, I had a stack of hot, blueberry pancakes on the table, alongside some bread, scrambled eggs and sausages from the freezer.
“Whoa,” Lizzie said as she took a seat at the table. “You made all this.”
“I decided to try my hand at cooking,” I said. “It’s been awhile.”
“I’m the guinea pig huh?”
I smiled. “You are,” I nodded as I put a blueberry pancake onto her plate. “You want some maple syrup with that?”
“Sure,” Lizzie nodded.
I got the maple syrup and she got some glasses from the top cupboard just next to the fridge. She got out some fresh juice and poured us both a couple of glasses. Then she took a bite of pancake. “Wow,” she said. “That’s really good.”
“Really?”
“It is,” Lizzie nodded and I could tell she wasn’t just humoring me.
“Is it weird that I feel this massive sense of accomplishment?”
Lizzie laughed. “Not at all,” she shook her head. “I would feel as proud if I were you.”
She looked so lovely; there was that dewy suppleness that came from just having woken from a good sleep. Her eyes were soft and filled with warmth, it made the blue of her eyes seem tranquil, almost subdued. Her hair was a mess around her and I knew she had just rolled out of bed. I loved the way she looked; there was something so raw and natural about it. She wasn’t hiding behind makeup or foundation. This was what she looked like and it was beautiful.
“Do you cook often?” I asked.
“I hate cooking alone,” Lizzie admitted. “When I first moved into this apartment, I used to cook quite a bit and I realized that it only made me depressed. After that, whenever I cook I have Maddie or mom come over and we cooked together.”
“Does that change it for you?”
“It changes everything,” Lizzie nodded. “I’ve never been one of those people who like living solitary lives. I need people, I like people.”
“I know,” I nodded. “You always have.”
Lizzie smiled sadly. “I know it seems a little ironic given the way I’ve lived of late … it’s just … it was hard for me, dealing with Paul and his lies. It was humiliating and after a point I just couldn’t face people the same way.” She looked up. “You’ve probably heard the things he told people about me.”
I hesitated. “Well, a little,” I admitted. “I knew right away they were all lies and I’m sure everyone else did too.”
Lizzie smiled. “Actually, you’d be surprised.”
“Come on,” I said. “No one who knows you would have ever believed a word that Paul said about you.”
“The thing is, people believe what they want to believe,” Lizzie said quietly. “It was more interesting and more entertaining to believe the things that Paul was saying about me than to question his honesty. If he was lying, then there was no story there and people love a good story.”
“You deserved better than that.”
“That’s beside the point though isn’t it?” Lizzie said without emotion. “I was fodder for gossip. That was the reason I withdrew a little and stuck to my little circle. I wasn’t interested in feeding the rumors and the gossip. I realized that it didn’t matter what people thought of me. I had to block out all the extra noise.”
“And did you succeed?” I asked.
“I’m still working on it,” Lizzie said with a small smile. Then she brightened suddenly and her tone changed. “This breakfast is wonderful.”
I laughed. “I’m a regular Rachel Ray.”
“I always knew you were,” Lizzie winked. “So, since we have the whole day, what would you like to do first?”
It was easy to let her enthusiasm rub off on me. I tried to search for any bitterness that might have lingered from our earlier conversation but her eyes were clear and her smile was as bright as ever. “Let’s start in town and walk our way around,” I suggested.
“All right,” Lizzie nodded as she started clearing the plates away.
“No I’ll do that,” I told her. “You go get ready.”
“You did all the cooking; it’s only fair
that I clean up.”
“No way,” I insisted. “I’ll handle all this.”
“You sure?” she asked looking pleased.
“Completely,” I nodded. “You go ahead.”
It felt nice to take care of her, even in a small way. It felt good to feel as though we were a couple with a practiced routine and a comfortable set of habits. It was easy to pretend, to imagine what our life would be like if we chose to spend it together. By the time I finished cleaning up in the kitchen, Lizzie was ready. She was wearing a light-blue sundress and her red hair was draped over her shoulders like a shawl.
“You look breath taking,” I said as I took a moment to appreciate her.
She came towards me and kissed me softly on the lips. It felt so easy that I could almost forget about the last eleven years. I could see the future we might have had if I had never enlisted in the army. I would have stayed in Bastrop, gotten a job, and built a life for myself here with Lizzie by my side. If I had chosen differently we might have already been married a few years and who knows: we might have even had a child or two.
“What are you thinking of so hard?” Lizzie asked as we made our way out of her apartment and into the street.
“Just the ‘what ifs’,” I replied.
“Funny,” Lizzie said. “I’ve been thinking about that a lot too.”
“Do you think …?" I started before I trailed off.
“What?”
“No, maybe I should leave that question alone,” I backtracked.
“It’s ok Dylan,” Lizzie said taking my hand as we walked down the street together. “You can ask me.”
“Well … I guess I was thinking about what would have happened if I had never left Bastrop,” I admitted.
“You mean if you hadn’t enlisted?” Lizzie asked.
“Yes.”
“I have to admit, I’ve thought about that a lot too,” Lizzie said.
“And?”
“I don’t know if we would have ended up together,” she said her tone softening a little.
“Why not?”
“We were so young, Dylan,” she said. “And we’d been together so long. Maybe we wouldn’t have lasted if you’d stayed in Bastrop and we had stayed together. Real life is different, it’s harder, and it’s harsher. Who’s to say we wouldn’t have grown apart anyway?”