by Naomi Niles
“I’m saying I didn’t suffer because of it,” I said. “I turned out all right despite not having a father figure in my life.”
“There’s a difference though,” Maddie cut in. “Your father just didn’t know how to be a dad. Dylan will want to do better; he’ll want to be a good father.”
“At the expense of the life he had envisioned for himself?” I asked. “We’ve been through so much together. We had this beautiful love story in school but then we took different paths and we still weren’t able to be happy because we were so tied to each other in so many ways. It’s time for Dylan to have the life he wants and it’s time for me to try and achieve the same thing. I appreciate all your advice and support, but this is my decision. Dylan has moved on. He left Bastrop and he left me. I don’t want him coming back just because I’m pregnant. I couldn’t bare that.”
Maddie and mom exchanged a glance and I could tell that they knew there was nothing more they could say to me. I excused myself after a moment and went to my room. I slipped underneath my covers and closed my eyes as I travelled back in time twelve years into the past to when I was sixteen, Dylan was by my side, and everything had been simple.
Chapter Thirty-One
Dylan
Two Months Later
The air felt different in Bastrop. I used to think it had a slightly claustrophobic tenor when I was a teenager, but now it felt more like freedom. I was old enough to realize now that it had nothing to do with the air and everything to do with me. I was different now, I was older, and hopefully that meant I would do better this time.
I got off the tarmac and walked into the airport. It took me an hour to get through baggage claim and when I had finally got all my bags together, I moved towards the main exit where I knew Tyler was waiting for me. I saw him the moment the sliding doors parted. He was a little warmer than usual and he stepped forward and embraced me willingly enough.
Our relationship was still a work in progress, but we had been doing better than before. It wasn’t like we had had much communication in the last four months, but he had dropped me a short message a few weeks after my deployment. All it said was, ‘Hope you’re doing ok, mom’s fine, and I’m all moved in,’ but I appreciated it all the same. It was more than he would have done a few years ago.
I had messaged him back with a text that was equally as short but a few days later I had got a reply. We had continued in that vein over the next few months and even though the string of texts put together could barely constitute a conversation, it was something.
My communication with Lizzie, however, had come to an abrupt stop a few months ago. I had written to her a few times, short emails with little detail but I had been sure she would keep replying. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, she stopped answering back and I stopped hearing from her altogether. There was no explanation and no excuse: just silence. A part of me wondered if this was payback. If this was Lizzie’s way of showing me what my silence all those years ago had meant to her.
“Hi, bro,” I said as Tyler and I broke off our awkward hug. “How are things?”
“Fine,” Tyler replied. “Pretty good actually.”
“I can see that,” I said looking him over. He looked different somehow and it had nothing to do with his clothes. He seemed happier, and that made him appear a lot better looking too. “You look really good.”
“Do I?” Tyler asked. “Funny, people have been saying that to me a lot lately.”
“Any particular reason for that?” I asked curiously.
Tyler smiled but he didn’t answer. He took one of my bags and we started walking towards the parking lot. It felt a little like déjà vu for me as I hopped into the front seat of Tyler’s Jeep.
“That all happened a lot sooner than I anticipated,” Tyler said as we turned out of the parking lot.
“My discharge, you mean?”
“Yeah,” Tyler nodded. “I thought it would take a couple more months to be honest.”
“Actually I did too,” I admitted. “But my captain … well, he’s pretty great and I think he had a feeling I would want to retire soon. I called him from Japan and told him my decision and he didn’t seem all that surprised. By the time I got back to America … well, my walking papers were almost ready.”
“Wow,” Tyler nodded. “So does this mean you’re officially discharged?”
“It does.”
Tyler nodded. “So what’s the plan now?”
I laughed. “That’s a loaded question.”
“Well, you better be prepared to answer it because that’s the one question you’re going to get hit with wherever you go.”
“I suppose you’re right,” I nodded. “And I do have something in mind.”
“Does this have anything to do with that war vet rehab center idea of yours?” Tyler asked.
“You remembered?”
Tyler rolled his eyes at me. “I don’t just nod along mindlessly when you talk, Dylan,” he said. “I actually listen from time to time.”
“Good to know,” I said. “But yeah … that is what I have in mind. I’ve been looking at larger pieces of land and I there are a few places that would be the perfect setting for a center like the one I have in mind.”
“In Bastrop?” Tyler asked with interest.
“Actually no,” I said slowly. “I decided to come back home for a few weeks and get my head on straight, work out a few things, you know … and after I’ve sorted that out, it might be time for me to leave again.”
“Did you ever stop to consider the fact that you’re so used to moving around that you might actually not be able to stay in one place for long?” Tyler asked.
“I have actually,” I nodded. “But the thing is, there’s nothing tying me down at the moment. So I guess I have the luxury of making things up as I go.”
“Hmm,” was all Tyler said and it was pregnant with a number of unsaid things. I was about to ask him what he meant by that but then I stopped myself at the last minute; everyone would have differing opinions. I had to learn to block out the white noise and start listening to myself.
“So … have you seen or heard from Lizzie lately?” I asked trying to sound as casual as possible.
Tyler glanced at me. “To be honest, I haven’t seen her much at all. She’s been MIA for a while now but I think it’s because she’s busy with work and …”
“And …?”
“And I think she’s seeing someone,” Tyler said cautiously and I knew he was expecting a reaction from me. I suppressed my instinctive response, which was to balk in disappointment. I should have expected that. She was just too special a person to be alone forever.
“Who?” I asked hoping that my voice didn’t sound too weird.
“I honestly don’t know,” Tyler said. “Maddie doesn’t say much about her; they’ve been friends for so long I guess her loyalty leans more towards Lizzie than it does to me.”
I wrinkled my eyes at him. “Why on earth would Maddie have any loyalty towards you at all?”
Tyler smiled. “I guess mom didn’t mention it to you. Maddie and I have been dating for a while now.”
“Seriously?” I asked in surprise. “How long is a while?”
“We started dating a few weeks after you left town, actually,” Tyler said. “And we’ve been pretty inseparable since.”
“Geez,” I said. “I did not see that one coming. But it explains why you’re more pleasant to be around though.”
“Thanks,” Tyler said sarcastically.
“You and Maddie, huh?” I said trying to get used to the idea. “I would never have thought.”
“Sometimes these things take you by surprise,” Tyler said. “I certainly felt that way.”
“So is this serious?” I asked.
“I think so,” Tyler nodded. “I mean it’s only been a few months but I really, really care about Maddie. I might even be falling in love with her.”
“Whoa.”
“It’s too soon, isn’t it?”
/>
“Not really,” I said. “I knew I loved Lizzie a couple of hours after meeting her.”
“You were like twelve,” Tyler pointed out.
I shrugged. “I was but that doesn’t mean I was any less capable of feeling what I felt. And I still maintain it was love. I knew it then and I know it now. You’re sure Maddie hasn’t mentioned anything about the guy she’s dating?”
Tyler sighed uncomfortably. “I heard her talking to Lizzie one night and some mention was made of a cute doctor.”
“He’s a doctor?” I groaned.
“As far as I could tell …”
“That’s just great,” I said. “No competition there.”
“I wasn’t aware you were in the competition at all,” Tyler said pointedly.
“I … well … you’re right, I’m not,” I said pedaling backwards fast. “I guess … whether Lizzie and I are together or not is immaterial. I still get a little jealous sometimes.”
“I get it,” Tyler said with understanding. “It must have been hard getting back into things with her only to leave again.”
“Yeah,” I nodded.
Our conversation had to come to a close as Tyler pulled into the driveway. The moment I opened the door I was hit by the smell of roast chicken and spices. “I hope mom hasn't gone crazy with the cooking,” I said as I helped Tyler with the bags.
“She wanted to have a special lunch to celebrate your retirement from the Navy,” Tyler said. “She was beyond thrilled when you gave us the news.”
“I can imagine,” I nodded as we moved into the house.
We set the bags down by the stairs and I moved into the kitchen. “Hi, mom,” I said brightly and she screamed with delight as she ran at me full throttle. She was looking much better since I last saw her. She had gained a little weight and there was some brightness in her eyes now.
“Oh, darling,” she said hugging me hard. “I’m so glad you’re back. I’m so glad you’re out. I don’t have to worry as much anymore.”
I laughed. “How about you don’t worry at all anymore,” I suggested.
“When you’re a parent, you never stopped worrying,” she said. “It’s just different levels of the same thing. Come and sit down; you must be starving.”
“I’m all right,” I said just as I saw Maddie standing off to the fridge. She was smiling at me but there was stiffness about her that I recognized immediately.
“Maddie!” I said. “I just heard about you and Tyler.”
“Surprised?” she asked coming forward.
“Very,” I nodded.
She gave me a hug but I noticed how rigid her body was and how the smile on her face didn’t seem to reach her eyes. I looked at her a little closer and I noticed how pointedly she looked away from me as though she wanted to avoid eye contact altogether.
“How’s Lizzie?” I asked because I thought it would have been weird not to mention her at all. Plus I was dying of curiosity.
“She’s … fine,” Maddie said after a small pause. “Really good, actually.”
“That’s good to hear,” I said. “Tyler tells me she’s dating someone.”
I noticed the look that Maddie shot Tyler just before she smiled. “Yes … she’s been seeing someone. It’s new though, and she wants to keep it as private as possible.”
I nodded, ready to fire another question at her but she seemed to sense that and she changed the subject quickly. I sat there through the entire meal trying to figure out subtle ways of bringing the conversation back around to Lizzie. Once we had finished eating, I followed Maddie outside while Tyler and mom put everything away.
“How are you, Maddie?” I asked on a more personal note.
“I’m great, Dylan,” she said. “Tyler and I are happy.”
“I can see that,” I nodded.
I desperately wanted to ask her about Lizzie but her sudden coldness was throwing me off. I realized that it was obvious. I had left Lizzie again, in almost the same manner I had done the last time. Obviously Maddie was angry on behalf of her friend. Obviously she thought that Lizzie was better off without me and she was worried about what effect my presence in town would have on Lizzie.
“I don’t want to mess up her life, Maddie,” I said softly. “I don’t want to hurt her again.
“Then don’t,” Maddie said simply.
“I just … want to make sure that she’s ok; I want to make sure she’s happy.”
“Are you planning on staying in Bastrop, Dylan?” Maddie asked.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly. “I’ll be here for the next few weeks though.”
Maddie nodded. “Then do Lizzie a favor and don’t try to contact her.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“I don’t mean to be so blunt,” Maddie, said. “But the thing is … she’s trying to live her life. And that’s going to be a lot easier for her if you leave her alone.”
I sighed internally. Maddie was right and I knew it.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Elizabeth
I splashed water on my face and looked back up at the mirror. The music was louder than usual tonight and the smell of smoke and alcohol was giving me a headache. I didn’t look like a pregnant woman at all, but I certainly felt it. I was tired and impatient to get home, but I had two more hours on my shift and a bar full of patrons to attend to.
I took a step back from the mirror and looked at myself critically. My stomach had starting protruding out in the last month, but it was a small enough bump that a loose fitting blouse could easily disguise it. No one in Bastrop knew about my pregnancy except my mother and Maddie and I wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible. I was actually enjoying having a secret that was all my own. I had to make a concerted effort however, not to keep touching my stomach in public.
The bathroom door swung open and Joni poked her head inside. “There you are,” she said. “We’re swamped tonight and we need you to get a move on.”
“Right,” I said quickly. “Right behind you.”
I walked outside behind Joni and got to work busing tables. Zack was bartending tonight so I helped the girls with the orders. My energy levels were not what they used to be and I was starting to dream about the quiet comfort of my apartment. It was amazing how the idea of having a baby had changed so many things.
I no longer hated going home. I actually longed for the calm and quiet I would get when I went back. I’d pour myself from juice and sit in front of the TV with Elvis curled up next to me. More often than not, I’d daydream about what it would be like when I finally had the baby. Maddie and mom were always over, bringing me food and offering to massage me whenever I needed it. It was the best feeling in the world, but sometimes it was overshadowed by the doubt wrestling around in my head.
I thought of Dylan every single day. He consumed my thoughts and filled my head any time I lowered my inhibitions. I had made my decision but I still could not escape the doubt and didn’t help that Dylan was back in town.
“Hiya, honey,” a beefy man in the corner booth called out to me. “How about taking our order?”
“Sure,” I said snaking through the tables towards him. “Sorry about the wait. What can I get you?”
“Deviled pork ribs for me,” he responded.
“And I’ll have the steak,” his friend told me.
I nodded, took down their order, and headed towards the kitchen to hand in the docket. The moment I had handed it over, Heather pointed me in the direction of more customers. I kept veering from table to table, taking orders, getting food, cleaning down empty tables, and then repeating the process all over again.
I kept glancing over at the time hoping that my shift was almost done, but it seemed that time had decided to come to a standstill because every time I checked the clock only a couple of minutes had passed. I was desperate to rest my legs for a few moments and escape the noisy bustle of the pub, but I knew my absence would be noticed and I’d taken a few too many breaks this shift.
“Yes,” I nodded. “Why do you ask?”
“You seem really tired.”
“I had a long day at school,” I told him. “The kids were particularly rambunctious today.”
“I don’t know how you to do it,” Zack said shaking his head and I was forced back into the thick of it to collect more orders.
As the night wore on, I noticed that a few guys at the front of the bar were starting to get a little unruly. As far as I could tell, the fight started because two guys were supporting warring football teams. Suddenly, there was a smash of glass and everyone was in each other’s face.
“Shit,” I said to myself as I moved forward. “Come on guys,” I said raising my voice to be heard above the din. “Calm down.”
No one heard me and I couldn’t muster up the energy to shout any louder. Zack came around from behind the bar and tried to break up the fight. I was trying to move out of the way when someone pushed another guy and he came smashing into me. My legs buckled and I flew into a table stomach first.
I groaned in pain as I grabbed my stomach reflexively, but everyone was too busy with the brewing fight to notice me. I walked away from the scene and waited till my breathing had slowed and my stomach didn’t hurt as much anymore. I took a deep breath and watched the scene before me and it dawned on me that I didn’t want to be here anymore.
I still had an hour left on my shift, but I didn’t care. I walked into the back where Jack was chowing down on a steak in his personal office. I went in without bothering to knock.
“I’m eating,” he grunted at me.
“I know,” I said. “This will only take a minute.”
“All right,” he sighed putting down his knife and fork. “What is it?”
“I’m quitting.”
Jack raised his eyebrows. “Quitting?”
“I can’t do this anymore …” I said knowing that probably wouldn’t make too much sense to Jack. “I just … I’ve had enough of this job.”
“What?” Jack asked in his boorish manner. “You’re too good for us now?”