The windowboxes’ output had fetched a fine price, as Keifon had carefully trimmed off the herbs’ leaves or dug up their roots. The extra income wasn’t much, but it had helped him to keep pace with the rising costs of food.
As the herbs had first sprouted from the little boxes of soil, he’d been tempted to write to Nelle in the caravan — whether it were for advice, to amuse her, or to connect to someone from his old life, he wasn’t sure. It had been near the one-month mark then, and he had still felt strange and incomplete.
The Golden Caravan was due to arrive this afternoon, in fact. Keifon hadn’t passed by the campground in his errands today, but it was a fine autumn day, and worth the walk. After the watering was done, he unpacked the things he’d bought in the town markets that afternoon: a small bag of flour, an early gourd, and a paper-wrapped brick of soap. Grabbing an apple from the bowl on the table, he let himself out of the house.
As he made his way across the neighborhood, scuffing through the fallen leaves, he planned his potential stops in the caravan camp. The selection of goods in the caravan could be limited, but their food prices were bound to be better than Wildern’s had become. The merchants who dealt in cheese and wine and flour would sell out on their first day. Nelle would make a killing, too, with any herbal concoction that would treat sore muscles or sprains.
The caravan’s apothecary would make a killing, too. Keifon looked past the tree branches into the afternoon sky and munched the apple to distract himself. Edann was probably still in the caravan. Perhaps he wasn’t. He hoped he wasn’t. Back home in Achusa, or moved on to some other opportunity — anything but stasis. But it was no business of his, anyway.
Keifon ran his free hand through his hair and sighed. He wouldn’t even be thinking about this if — if things were different right now. If he’d gone to Dr. Rushu’s dinner party after all. If he’d taken on some tenants after all. If he’d told Father Tufari that he was ready for a match after all. But none of those things were true yet. He worked a double shift at least once a week, limiting himself out of guilt over the cats’ feeding schedule as much as concern for his own health. He browsed the book shops, most of which now displayed a selection of Yanweian novels in their front windows, catering to the influx of workers at the construction site. He stocked up on what dry goods he could find at reasonable prices. He visited the camp by the canal, though many of the younger residents had moved into the workers’ camp in the foothills.
Otherwise, he spent his time alone in the house he kept for Agna. A ruthlessly accurate clock in his head informed him that it had been a year and four months since he’d broken up with Edann.
All the more reason not to stop by the apothecary’s stall at the fall caravan. He’d visit Nelle the herbalist and Baran the toymaker, who had been his friends. He might stop by the Benevolent Union tent and give his regards to whomever held his old job. He’d buy whatever Masa had to eat and see whether any of Vociel’s furniture might fit well in the apartment. There were plenty of things to hold his interest. It was all suffused with his memories of Agna, and that wasn’t helping the tight feeling under his ribs. But he had plenty of happy memories from the caravan. Even with Edann; up until he’d realized that Edann had no interest in moving on with his life, they’d spent countless pleasant evenings together. It hadn’t been fully healthy, as Keifon had come to understand eventually, but it hadn’t been all bad. He didn’t need to dwell on everything that had gone wrong.
As he crested the last hill, he saw the tents and banners sprawled over the campground, and the familiar rows of shop stalls and wagons. A little kick in his chest said Take me with you. He’d gotten accustomed to the rhythms of life on the road, and he’d never minded camping as much as Agna did. If he went with them, he wouldn’t have to be alone.
But that would mean diving into his past; that would be unwise, even to dive into a happy part of his past. Now he had his apprenticeship and his shared home and his pets. Keifon paused at the top of the hill, watching the camp’s bustle of activity. His new life was worth holding onto. Even now.
He tossed the apple core into a municipal trash can and set off down the hill, picking out the tent where he and Agna had once practiced their trade. The door was open, and as he walked along the path leading into the camp, he saw movement inside. He didn’t look to either side of the tent. The Golden Caravan kept its layout the same from year to year, which meant that the apothecary would be located next to the Benevolent Union clinic. Keifon kept his steps directed toward the clinic.
It seemed the clinic was between patients, because one of the medics stood facing away from the door, talking to the other in Yanweian. “It’s been an hour and half, maybe we should—” She wheeled around at Keifon’s polite tap, her prayer beads flying. “Oh, hello! How can we help you today?”
The other medic — a man, also a Tufarian priest, also Yanweian — stood up from one of the folding stools. They were older than Keifon, in their thirties. Nearly his own age, he reminded himself. Just a little older.
He passed through the doorway into the tent’s familiar confines. “Pardon the intrusion. I just thought I’d stop by and say hello. I used to work in this clinic, up till last year. Keifon the Medic.” He nearly made the Army’s salute, and nodded instead.
The woman’s face lit up. “Really! Well then. Pleasure to meet you. I’m Shin, and this is my husband Lufei. Medic? Are you with the Army?”
“I was. I’ve since transferred to the Benevolent Union. I work in the hospital in Wildern now. Is business slow for you, too? It always was for us, around here.”
“Deathly,” said the man, Lufei. “We were just talking about packing up for the day.”
“Yeah, we closed early in Wildern.” He recalled that he’d been visiting Ceien the second time the caravan had looped through Wildern. No matter. “So how are you enjoying the road?”
“Oh, it’s been… hmm… interesting.” Her wavering politeness tipped over into a ripple of laughter among all three of them.
“It was for me, too. Though I learned so much from the experience, and—and found some good friends.” The old ache came and lingered in his throat. Agna would reach Murio before long, and then maybe he’d hear from her. He swallowed through it. “I’m hoping to visit a few old friends today, in fact. And…” He considered Dr. Rushu’s invitation. It was presumptuous of him, but Dr. Rushu and Tai had said that all were welcome. “Actually, there’s a group of Yanweians meeting for dinner tonight, if you’d like to join them. I’m sure they’d be happy to host you.”
The priests exchanged a look, and Lufei shrugged. “Why not? We haven’t had a chance to talk to anyone but ourselves since Laketon.”
“Do you have some paper? I’ll write down the address for you. I still have some more friends to meet first.” If he went at all. Suggesting that his presence was a foregone conclusion was almost a lie. He hoped it would be forgotten in the glow of meeting with their countrymen. Shin supplied him with a pen and paper, and he wrote Dr. Rushu’s name and address. Recommended by Keifon from the hospital, he added. “The host is my mentor at the hospital, in fact. She’s from Nijin originally. Lovely person, and a very skilled doctor. I hope to learn from her for as long as I can.” He left the scrap of paper on the table where he’d once written hundreds of patient logs. At least it was someone else’s job to carry this thing back and forth across the campground now.
“So you’re — training, in the city here?”
Keifon looked away from Lufei’s eyes. He didn’t know how to read what he saw there. It might be misgiving; it might be revulsion. “I am. It’s a long story. But I hope to settle down in Wildern. I suppose I’ve committed now.”
Shin’s eyes flicked to the paper on the side table, though her voice remained light and pleasant. “Hmmn. Thank you for the invitation, Keifon. And thanks for stopping by.”
“Pleasure to meet you.” He maintained his smile until he left the tent, turned down the lane along the edge of the camp
, and navigated toward Nelle’s wagon. He couldn’t justify the hot tide rising in his chest. They had been polite throughout, even though he’d felt the air sucked out of the tent as soon as he mentioned his training.
It was his own choice to exile himself professionally, wasn’t it? He was already nameless, something he’d admitted in his first few seconds; shouldn’t he have a chance to make what he could of his situation? Even at home, there were a few paths nameless could take, in the Churches and the Army, and sometimes in the Benevolent Union. He had sought help from all three of those groups along the way, and he still operated under the auspices of the Benevolents. They would answer for him, if he turned out to be true to his kind. That was the whole point of limiting nameless to larger organizations, to make them accountable. He’d done everything right, and they — these two strangers, who knew nothing of the road he’d walked — still questioned his decisions.
Keifon made half a circuit of the camp’s public section without seeing anything. There had been a time when a reaction like theirs would have sent him back to the bottle. But he could outline the difference between anger and shame, and it wasn’t shame that burned behind his eyes now. Something in him, something that had taken root over the intervening years, was convinced that they were wrong. They had the force of tradition and morality on their side, and yet they were wrong.
The priests’ disapproval couldn’t rob him of the satisfaction of learning from Dr. Rushu. He wouldn’t trade that for anything. With every day that went by, he wondered whether he’d even trade his current situation for his old position in the Army, if such a thing were possible. His experience broadened by the day in the hospital. Every day that he came home, even when he was exhausted from another double shift, he gave thanks to the gods for the opportunities he’d been given. He had not done anything wrong by taking the apprenticeship with Dr. Rushu, and no stranger’s dubious reaction could take that from him.
“Hey, uh, yeah, Agna’s roommate! Hi.”
Keifon blinked, freezing in his tracks. The Yanweian cabinetmaker turned away from Vociel’s furniture stall with a load of planks balanced on his shoulder. Around him, a couple of Kaveran men were similarly burdened. The short one on the cabinetmaker’s left side gave an audible sigh, set down his load, and pulled the cabinetmaker’s boards from his grasp to carry them into the stall. Distracted, Keifon traded a wave with Vociel before she began her transaction.
“Uh, yes, that’s me. Keifon the Medic.” He searched his memory. Half a Northwestern accent, in among his Kaveran one. Wei Cabinetry. Wei Taijiang. “Tai, hello.”
Now that his hands were free, Tai the cabinetmaker gave him a chummy clap on the arm. “So how’re you two doing?”
“Um, good. Agna’s in Nessiny, visiting her family.”
“Wow. She’s coming back, though, right?”
“Yes, yes, of course.” He tried to gather his thoughts, to calm the residual righteous fury. This Wei Taijiang knew full well that he was nameless, and he seemed not to care any more than a Kaveran would. That fact was strangely soothing. In this city, he’d proved his right to conduct his life like anyone else. He had begun to carve out a place here. This was how the people of Wildern treated him, not with suspicion and disbelief. Keifon shook off his thoughts and managed a smile. “How’s the cabinetry business?”
“It’s good, it’s good. We’re here to sell off some extra wood. Wildern hardwood’s the best in the country, so the caravan always buys.” He pointed a thumb at the deal going on behind him; his associate had passed over most of the boards to Vociel. “Anyway, it’s too bad Agna’s not around. I was thinking we should get together sometime, you know, all of us. Me and her and you and Whalen, he’s our woodcarver.” A side-nod indicated the Kaveran currently closing the deal with Vociel. “Agna said you like playing cards, right?”
“Yeah.” He pulled his eyes from Whalen’s back. “Yeah, that sounds fun. I’ll bring that up to her when she gets home.”
“Great.” Tai’s grin brought an unwelcome rush of attraction that Keifon pushed away. Agna did seem to like them tall, didn’t she. At least this one lived in the same city; that was an improvement. Tai clapped, making Keifon startle. “Oh hey, are you coming to the dinner tonight?”
Damn. “Oh, um, maybe. I’ll see how things go today. I’ve got a lot of things. I’ll see you around.” With a halfhearted wave, Keifon fled past the group of carpenters along the aisle. He’d meant to look through Vociel’s stall, but not if it meant more small talk. The phrasing Tai had used, me and her and you and Whalen, clanged unpleasantly in his head. He’d circle around to see Vociel’s furniture later.
“See you!” Tai sounded unbothered by his awkward retreat.
Keifon arrived on Nelle’s doorstep deflated from his former aggravation, feeling disjointed and out of place. The herbalist had set up a table in the shadow of the wagon where she lived, and her line was three customers deep. Keifon caught her eye and waved, taking his place in line. Nelle beamed and waved back, and the other customers turned to look. Keifon felt himself blushing and tried to act casual.
His unease began to fade in the presence of Agna’s old friend. If she had some time free, it would be nice to invite her to dinner. Money was tight, but he could offer a home-cooked meal and a game of cards.
As he waited, Nelle dealt out bottles of herbal oil and jars of salve, recommending other steps the customers might take — elevating a leg or sleeping with the windows open. Each person left clutching a package of cures and looking a little more relieved. The third customer in line, whom Keifon thought he recognized from a clothing store in town, picked out several small bottles of Nelle’s herb-infused vinegar.
Finally Keifon stepped aside to let the customer who’d lined up behind him through, and waited for Nelle to finish the transaction. She was a joy to watch in action, as always. She flew along her display as she recommended possible gifts for the customer’s girlfriend, considering the girlfriend’s taste in perfume. She’d cut her hair a little shorter, and tied some of it back with crisscrossing leather laces. He thought he remembered this dress in particular, a deep orange with loose elbow-length sleeves. Agna had always been awestruck by Nelle’s taste in clothes, which was idiosyncratic and unbound by current fashion, and yet fitted perfectly to her personality and her body.
Which Keifon wasn’t watching. Of course. A year and four months, indeed. He studied the labels on the bottles and jars as the customer made her purchase. He wondered whether Nelle might let him stay and talk a while, before he headed back into town. Of course, if he hung around too long, he might start wondering again about Edann.
He was browsing through bath oils when he was hit from the side by an armful of flying orange exuberance. The jar he’d been holding bounced in the grass, and he stumbled back a step before recovering enough to return Nelle’s hug.
“About time, you great sulking beast! Where have you been all day? Our girl already left for Nessiny, it’s not like you’re busy.” She held him by the arms as though to study him.
“Good to see you, Nelle.” He broke free to retrieve the jar he’d dropped, and replaced it on her display. “I worked night shift last night, so I had to sleep, and then a bunch of errands today. How have you been?”
“Amazing as always. So how’s settled life? Hear you and Agna have a place together. How’s that going for you?”
Her tone hadn’t even suggested anything salacious, and he still reconsidered his idea of inviting her over. Even if he didn’t do something extraordinarily stupid, he’d probably end up tearfully confessing his loneliness without Agna. He’d never been much good at hiding things from Nelle. Maybe if he could think of a third person for the gathering, he’d be able to keep his act together. A plan had begun to take shape. “It’s going well. Really well. I mean, I miss her now. It’s harder without her. But before that it was lovely.” Too lovely. Just the sort of thing he needed to avoid spilling in Nelle’s lap.
Dr. Rushu and Tai had thei
r Yanweian dinner party, and he’d no sooner bring Nelle to it than throw a brick through their window. The other apprentices at the hospital were too young to invite over for cards and conversation. Did he know anyone else who… of course he did. Of course.
“Good to hear,” Nelle said. “Bet she’s happy you’re holding down the fort for her, too.” Nelle’s smile could be like this, sometimes, subdued and sweet. She didn’t always put him on edge. And when she did put him on edge, it was usually for a good cause, Keifon reminded himself.
“I hope so. I just hope she has a safe trip, and doesn’t get too much grief from her family.” A small, ugly voice inside him added assuming she comes back at all. He shook it off by throwing himself into his hasty plan. “Hey, Nelle, I was thinking. Would you like to join me and a friend at Agna’s and my house for dinner? I can show you the place too, of course. Where Agna’s gallery will be, and everything.”
“That’s so nice of you, Kei. Sure, let me pack up here and I’ll be by around dusk. Sound good?”
“Yeah. That’s great. Thanks. Maybe we can play some cards?”
Nelle beamed. “That’s the boy I know! Absolutely.”
“Great. You have the address, right?” She and Agna had written to one another since they’d left the caravan, something he had tried not to envy.
“Yep. Know my way around Wildern pretty well, too.”
“Good. I’ll see you then. I’m going to do some shopping here while I can.”
“Your patronage is appreciated. Hey, here.” She pressed a vial into his hand. “Welcome-back gift for our girl. Reminded me of her as soon as I made it. And what can I do for you?”
“What? No, no, you don’t have to.”
“Yeah, that’s what makes it a gift and not taxes. How about this?” She plucked a wide jar from the display and gave it to him. “Some half-dozen people from your hospital must’ve bought this stuff. Said there’s so much hand-washing that it dries your skin out.”
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