Daniel Haley and the Immortal Ninja

by Caleb Karger

  “But Mrs. K—”

  “Daniel, can you recite Shakespeare’s Macbeth in Latin and Greek?” she asked. What did that have to do with anything? I shook my head. “Can you even tell me who Robert Frost is?” I wanted to say something, but my mouth just hung open. “That girl is a prodigy and do you know how many have graduated from this school? None! Do whatever it takes to get her to stay. Now sit.”

  Katherine sat down with a satisfied expression. I don’t know how she’d gotten to the English room and managed to brainwash Mrs. Kinney so quickly, but it could only mean one thing: she was no amateur at this game.

  I sat down slowly, put my bag in my lap, and hugged it. I stood no chance against this Katherine Carvosso (if that was even her real name). Whenever she chose to make her move, I was already defeated. I took in ragged, shallow breaths. My time on this world was swiftly coming to an end.

  “Okay, everyone, you may talk quietly amongst yourselves,” Mrs. Kinney said.

  The room filled with the screeching of desks being turned to face each other and the immediate roar of multiple conversations. Katherine didn’t hesitate to put our desks together. I didn’t bother to move. Though I’m pretty sure my expression made it look like I’d gotten jabbed with a needle.

  “Would you relax?” Katherine shook my shoulder to try to loosen me up. “You act like I’m trying to kill you.”

  I fought to crack open my lips; fear had dried and stuck them together. “Well…aren’t you?” I managed to say.

  “Of course not, silly.” She eased back into her chair. “I just want to get to know you.”

  I leaned over the desk and whispered, “I’m pretty sure you know everything.”

  She resisted the urge to laugh. “Well, I won’t deny that I know everything. But when it comes to you, I only know the small things. For one,” she began listing on her fingers, “your favorite color is navy blue. Two, your favorite sport is hockey. And three, you prefer Star Wars over Star Trek.”

  “And how could you possibly know that, huh?” I wanted her to admit she’d been stalking me, so I knew for sure. Once I had her confession, I was going straight to Mrs. Kinney.

  “It’s called your online profile,” she said. “You don’t have yours set to private.” I should’ve known. “I know the tiny facts about you. What I want to know is the real stuff.”

  I shook my head. “No way. I’m not going to tell you anything unless you tell me something.”

  She drummed her fingers on the desk, mulling it over in her mind. “Fine.”

  “Where did you come from?”

  “I moved here from Paris. Before that, I was in Australia, Spain, India, and sort of all over the place. I move around a lot,” she said.

  “Why do you move so much? Are your parents in the military?” I asked. She stiffened and a strange look stained her face. I imagined it would be similar to someone who was lying to an interrogator and had suddenly screwed up their story.

  “Yeah…you could say that,” she said.

  “You don’t sound too sure.”

  She smirked. “You caught me. Now, I’ll have to kill you.” There was no playfulness in her eyes. I couldn’t tell if she was joking. I felt like I was walking down a suspicious alley, and despite my instincts to turn back, I kept going.

  “I-I c-can keep a secret,” I said.

  “Good. You might need to use that skill in the near future.”

  I shifted, unable to find a comfortable position. “So, how long are you staying here?”

  “However long it takes,” she said, looking me dead in the eye. Then she pointed to the dozens of superhero pins on my backpack. “What is it about superheroes that interest you?”

  I’d never gotten the chance to enthuse about superheroes with someone. My excitement burst out of me. “Are you kidding? What’s not interesting?! They have all these great powers and exciting lives. Don’t forget great costumes. Who wouldn’t want to be one?”

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I dunno. It sounds complicated. You’d always have to keep secrets, distance yourself from everyone you loved to protect them, and you can forget time to do anything you wanted,” she said.

  “I would do it.”

  She watched me with a scrutinizing gaze. “You’d honestly sacrifice everything to go around saving other people?”

  “What would I be sacrificing?” I slouched and lowered my head. “I don’t have a girlfriend or friends; I spend all my time at home sitting around.”

  “You’d have no problems leaving your family?”

  “Well, I wouldn’t have to leave them entirely, right? I could still visit.”

  She shook her head. “What if your enemy followed you home? What if they used your family to blackmail you? Could you put them in danger?”

  I frowned. “No…I couldn’t.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with fantasizing about being a hero, but you should be careful about what you wish for. You never know what’s out there.”

  I thought it was ironic that she of all people would be saying that. Then a heavy weight fell onto my shoulders. My excitement disappeared. The truth was, even though I was scared, I was glad that she was there. She was the most intriguing thing about my life. Once she lost interest, I’d go back to my bland regularly scheduled programming.

  “I think what’s out there is scarier than anything.” I stared at the desk. “I don’t want a mundane job, a cookie-cutter house, or a family that goes through the same boring routine over and over. I don’t want to live, and die, and be nothing.”

  “You want to be famous?”

  I found a tiny paper ball. I rolled it around between my index finger and thumb. “No, I don’t care if a lot of people know my name. I just want to know that I’m important, that I can do extraordinary things,” I said.

  Sympathy filled her eyes. “But you can.”

  I flicked my paper ball across the classroom. “No. The reality is that I can win a Nobel Prize, I could hand out free food to try to bring about world peace. What I want…” I sighed. “…what I want is to fly spaceships and defeat the evil empire. I want to do things no other human can do. But that sort of thing doesn’t exist, and to me that’s scary.” I looked around the room. “I mean, is this it? Is this all life has to offer? Is it all just about working to buy things? The greatest thing destiny can offer someone is a desk job?” There was a long pause, and I realized I’d just gushed out my most intimate thoughts. I felt naked. “Sorry, I’m probably boring you.”

  “No, not even a little,” she said.

  “Seriously? Talking about me is holding your attention? You, who has been all over the world. I should be asking about you.”

  “But I already know about me.”

  The bell sounded. For some funny reason, I didn’t try to escape. I let her follow me to the cafeteria. I got a tray from the stack in the corner and followed the line to the unhappy lunch ladies. I frowned at the brown lump placed on my tray.

  “Do you want any?” I asked.

  “Actually, I don’t eat meat,” she said.

  “Really?” My face bunched up with confusion. If she couldn’t tolerate the idea of eating an animal, then there was no way she could bring herself to hurt me, right?

  I turned around to face one of the worst parts of my day; trying to find a table to sit at. Since I didn’t belong to any social group, I was forced to sit alone at the graffiti-covered table that had a broken leg. The area had snatched the scent of Taco Tuesday and refused to let it go.

  Only something disturbing happened, half of the school swarmed the area the moment we sat down. The popular cliques wedged themselves onto the benches beside us. Had they lost their minds?

  My tormentor sat down beside me and wrapped a thick arm around my shoulders. “What’s up, man? Aren’t you gonna introduce me to your friend here?” He smiled and winked at Katherine. “So, I heard your name was Katie.” He pointed to himself. “I’m Derek. And as the best guy this school has to offer, I’m
gracing you with first dibs. How about a movie after class?”

  Frustrated, I waited for Katherine’s eyes to fill up with admiration and say she’d go anywhere with him—only she didn’t. Her eyes narrowed to slits.

  “Katherine is my name. And, no, I don’t think I can go to a movie tonight.”

  He reached across the table to grab her hand, a gesture that would put a guaranteed SOLD sign on any other girl. Her body shook, and her hands turned to fists. “Come on, what about—”

  “No. I’ll be busy.”

  “Oh, yeah? Doing what?”

  “I’m hanging out with Daniel.”

  Derek gave me a baffled look. He was probably thinking the same thing I was. Why would a girl like her want to hang out with me?

  A storm brewed in his eyes. “Look, you can’t say no to a guy like me.”

  “Just leave her alone, man,” I muttered.

  “No one asked you, dough boy.”

  Katherine sprang to her feet. “What did you say?!”

  Derek looked shocked by the ferocity in Katherine’s tone. He seemed like a deflating balloon as he sunk in his seat while she towered over him. She invaded his personal space; nostrils flared like a bull.

  “You want to run that by me one more time?”

  His knees quivered. “W-well…” he glanced at his friends for help, and then he gestured to me, “he is. He’s fat a-and he’s weird. He never talks to anyone.”

  “It’s better to say a few meaningful words than to exhale trash all of the time.” She turned to the others. “That’s the problem with all of you ignorant people. You think anyone who doesn’t act like you; you can declare as weird and treat however you please.”

  “N-nuh-uh…”

  “Well, guess what. You’re going to wake up one day to find all you have are empty, brainwashed lives and there’s nothing worthwhile inside of you. So you can all backoff! That’s right! Get up and leave!” She crossed her arms and waited for them to get moving.

  My peers and classmates that had ridiculed and threw things at me all year could only stare at the ground like scolded children as they went back to their usual tables. I struggled to hide the victorious smile wiggling its way onto my face.

  No one had ever stood up for me. No one had ever cared. For once, I felt like I had worth. Katherine was choosing me over all of them. I took my fork and poked my arm. Nope, I was awake. The world is about to end. That has to be it.

  “Um, thank you?” I said as she sat back down.

  “I know what it’s like to get picked on and you don’t deserve that,” she said. Something about that didn’t click in my mind. She was a triple threat; smart, beautiful, and friendly. Girls like that didn’t get picked on; everyone around them worshiped them.

  After lunch, the cafeteria crowd separated into two groups; one headed towards the gym to watch a movie, and the other towards the library to work on last minute assignments. I hung my head and went towards the library.

  “You should go watch the movie. I have to try to decipher the mysteries of algebra,” I said.

  “Oh, do you want some help?”

  I halted and looked back at her. “You’d rather help me with homework than sit around?” I gestured to the movie group.

  “Yeah, math is fun.”

  She was officially the weirdest stalker, ever.

  We found a table hidden amongst the bookshelves. I gave her my textbook, and she went straight to work. One moment she was speaking English and the next it was some bizarre numerical language. My mind couldn’t resist the urge to wander somewhere else.

  I ended up staring at her and wondering what her deal was. I thought stalkers started freaking out and twitching if they didn’t have someone’s full attention: Katherine certainly didn’t do that. It seemed like she asked me things to be polite (not because she was desperate to know) and she kept making me laugh. I had to remind myself of what she had done, but even that stopped bothering me. I was flattered that a girl like her had been stalking me.

  I kept trying to gather the courage to confront her about why she did it, but I faltered. As minutes ticked by, I started to dread the end of the day. Was this the last time I was going to see her?

  “…then you want to multiply X by thirty-seven—”

  “Will you be coming back tomorrow?” I asked.

  She looked around the library. It was the first time she bothered to pay attention to the school. I’d forgotten that “school” was supposedly the reason she was here. “A second look couldn’t hurt,” she said.

  Warmth spread through my chest. The last bell rang and threw me out of my daze. I scooped everything back into my bag and hurried towards the hallway. If I made it to the bus stop before 3:35, I could catch the early bus home.

  “Thanks for your help, I’ll see you tomorrow!” I called back to her.

  Despite being locked up all day, not everyone was racing out of the school. Countless students moved lifelessly through the hallway, their energy drained. I tried to get around them, but they zigzagged and blocked me. I was forced to give up and trudge behind them just as slowly.

  “Is it me, or are you still trying to get rid of me?” Katherine asked as she caught up to me.

  “What? No! Of course not. It’s just…if I don’t catch the early bus, I won’t get home until six,” I said. She mouthed an “O.”

  I held the door open until she passed through. The parking lot was loud with the sound of honking and everyone trying to scream over each other. Most of the commotion was coming from a swarm around a single car.

  Katherine sighed. “I wish they’d leave my car alone.”

  I stopped briefly as my eyes followed her. The horde backed out of her way to reveal a shiny red car. It was not one of the daddy-bought Mustangs or Convertibles some other kids drove. Her car looked like those on magazine covers that cost a fortune. How in the world could she afford it?

  As she went to the driver’s side, some of the people surrounding the car tried to talk to her. She ignored them and got in. Once the engine roared to life, the crowd jumped back.

  I refused to believe it and continued my lonely trek to the bus stop behind the school. I kept my eyes on the ground and soaked up the hot breeze the cars stirred up as they drove past. I wondered just how nice it would feel to drive home in a fancy car instead of on a cramped, smelly bus. A powerful engine made me jolt and look up. Waiting by the curb was that unmistakable red car, holding up traffic. The passenger window rolled down.

  “Need a ride?” Katherine asked.

  I felt like an ice cube was sliding down my back. My mind kept replaying the old cartoons warning children about strangers. Don’t you do it! Don’t you get in that car! Just keep on walking to the bus stop!

  “Come on, I promise I won’t bite.” She smiled, and I moved towards the car like a moth drawn to light.

  I ignored the blaring alarms in my head. I tried to reason with my fears. There was nothing dangerous about her. She hadn’t done anything suspicious all day. Serial killers weren’t this nice, and she was probably the nicest girl alive.

  I got in, and the muggy air from outside evaporated in the air-conditioning. The car had that new smell to it, and the dashboard looked like it belonged on a spaceship. Frank Sinatra’s “Come Fly with Me” played quietly from the speakers.

  The instant the door shut and my seatbelt clicked, the car blasted forward. The force pushed me into the back of my seat. I screamed internally at the onslaught of incoming objects: a curb, a house, and other cars. My body prepared for impact. I gripped my seat as Katherine wove through traffic so swiftly I heard the tires squealing.

  This had to have been the worst idea I’d ever had. We were about to crash any second. All I could picture were the firefighters pulling a sack of broken bones from the mangled car and my mother screaming in agony over my body.

  “AAAHHHH! Are you crazy?!” I shouted. “Slow down!”

  “What? This is nothing,” she said. I was about to hyperv
entilate as she slammed her foot against the gas pedal. The car growled in response. I tried to close my eyes, but I couldn’t manage it. I had to witness the moment I died and left this world for good.

  She yanked the wheel to the left. The car drifted around the corner, painting the road with tire marks. Another car was coming straight towards us, and I knew it couldn’t stop in time. The car got so close I saw the whites of the other driver’s eyes. Before the cars collided, Katherine easily swerved around and kept going. Ahead, a rapidly approaching light turned from yellow to red.

  “Stop!” I begged. She hit the break. I was flung against my seatbelt and thrown back. I held my head. I was sure I had some sort of whiplash.

  “Sorry?” she said, shrugging her shoulders.

  I groaned and sank back into the seat, trying to catch my breath. “You deserve to get busted by a cop for driving like that! Are you trying to kill somebody?!”

  “I’d like to see the cops try to catch me,” she said. “And no one has ever died because of my driving.”

  “That’s hard to believe,” I said. “What kind of car is this, anyway?”

  “To be specific, it’s a Saleen S7 Twin Turbo. It can go two hundred and forty-eight miles per hour, and zero to sixty in three point two seconds,” she said. I was astounded that she knew all of that.

  “How much was this?”

  “A few bucks,” she said. The light turned green, and we went back to speeding, only now it was slightly less reckless.

  “Where’d you learn to drive?”

  “Driving school.”

  “You’re pulling my leg…” I said. She nodded, and I smiled. “You’re a terrible liar.”

  “Or, maybe I just let you think that.”

  Some part of me was still hoping that I was wrong and she wasn’t the person spying on me. That hope crumbled as she pulled up to my house without needing to ask for directions. There was no denying the facts anymore, no matter how unbelievable it all seemed. I pressed my lips together and stared at her.

  “I can give you a ride tomorrow,” she said. “I mean, if you want.”

  “Sure…” I said. I tried to reach for the door latch without looking, but my hand just fumbled. As I felt the blush rising, I finally grabbed the latch. “Uh, bye?”