Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves

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Halfway Whole and Other Lies We Tell Ourselves Page 5

by Alyssa Rose Ivy


  “It’s not your fault.” I eyed the door Jaylin had slipped through.

  “It is. I forget sometimes. I still can’t believe he went and did something that crazy.” Troy rubbed the back of his neck.

  “Either can I.” I looked at the door again. “I need to find Jaylin.”

  “Go ahead. Sorry again.”

  “Not your fault,” I called back on my way inside.

  I didn’t need to run. Jaylin was fine. When I found her she was putting multiple containers of ice cream in Brooke’s cart

  I joined them in the frozen aisle. “Jaylin, not everyone loves ice cream the way we do.”

  “I don’t know how much you love it, but I happen to think ice cream should be its own food group,” Brooke said as she checked out the containers Jaylin deposited.

  “Is that so?” I smiled. I had not seen that line coming.

  Jaylin tugged on my arm so I would crouch down. “See. She’s a keeper,” Jaylin whispered in my ear.

  “So I think that’s everything. Unless you know where I can get a lollipop like that one?” Brooke gestured to the little bit that was left of Jaylin’s.

  “You have to go to the candy store for that,” Jaylin angled her thumb in the direction of the exit.

  “There’s a candy store here?” Brooke pushed her cart down the aisle.

  “Yes. It’s great. We should go after you check out.” Jaylin followed along beside her.

  “Can’t.” I shook my head. “All that Ice cream you two picked out will melt.”

  “Good point.” Brooke headed toward the check out. “But I’ll wait and go with you the next time you have free time.”

  “I have lots of free time.” Jaylin started to unload Brooke’s groceries onto the conveyor belt.

  “Ok, that makes two of us.” Brooke grabbed a pack of gum and added it on. Watermelon gum. I didn’t know anyone chewed that stuff, but I kept that thought to myself.

  “You’re new here,” Jaylin pointed to the cashier.

  “Yes. I am. I’m staying with my cousins for a while.”

  “Jimmy?” Jaylin examined his name badge. “What are your cousin’s names.”

  “Jaylin. You don’t have to interrogate everyone you meet.”

  “It’s fine,” Jimmy smiled. “My cousins are the Grosses’. You know them?”

  “Abbigail and Jerry?”

  “That’s them.”

  “Cool,” Jaylin nodded.

  “What’s your name?” Jimmy started to scan Brooke’s items.

  “Jaylin. This is my brother Logan and my friend Brooke.”

  Brooke smiled at Jaylin’s introduction.

  “Nice to meet you all.” Jimmy pulled open a paper bag and loaded the first of the items.

  “I’m new here too.” Brooke took out her wallet. “Well, I’m only here for six months, but still.”

  “Cool. We can be new together,” Jimmy smiled at her.

  And that bothered me. That smile and that line really bothered me.

  “That will be fifty-five sixty-four,” Jimmy read out the amount even though it showed on the screen.

  She took out three twenty dollar bills and held them out.

  “Wow. Cash.” Jim accepted the bills. “You don’t see that much.”

  “Nothing wrong with using cash,” I jumped in.

  “Never said there was,” Jimmy gave me an annoyed look. “Just commenting.” He handed her the change. “Have a nice day and come again.”

  “As this is the only market in town from what I hear, I’m sure I will.” Brooke returned her wallet to her purse.

  I picked up all three of the paper bags. “Ready to go?”

  “You don’t have to carry all of those,” Brooke reached for one.

  “I’ve got them.” I headed toward the door, ready to get Brooke away from Jimmy as quickly as possible.

  The ride home was quick, and I carried the bags in for Brooke, leaving them on the counter. “Need any help putting these groceries up?”

  She shook her head. “No, thank you. I’ve got it. But thanks for the ride and breakfast.”

  “Anytime. Thanks for the company.” I headed outside to find Jaylin before I could make things awkward.

  * * *

  “I’ve got to get you home soon.” I looked over at where Jaylin sat with a book on the back porch.

  “I know,” Jaylin sighed. “It’s annoying that Brooke showed up right as I have to leave.”

  “You’ll be back.”

  “Don’t scare her away before I do.” She set aside her paperback.

  “I’ll try not to.” I picked up the book. It was a dog-eared Nancy Drew that I was pretty sure had once been our mom’s.

  “Good. I’ll go pack.” She held out her hand for the book.

  I laid it in her hand. “Check the shelf in the back of your closet while you are in there.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “I didn’t even unpack.”

  “Just check it.”

  Her confusion morphed into excitement. “What did you get me?”

  “Go see for yourself,” I motioned with my hand.

  I listened to her footsteps as she ran through the cabin. Then I heard a little shriek. She ran back out onto the porch clutching a black case.

  “A violin?” Jaylin’s scream could have woken up an entire neighborhood. Thankfully it was too late in the morning for anyone to still be sleeping. At least anyone who lived on the lake. People didn’t rent these cabins to laze around in bed. Not that anyone was even renting the other cabins right now.

  “You did say you wanted one.”

  “Yes. But that doesn’t mean I expected you to buy one for me.” She set the case down on one of the chairs and opened the two metal clasps.

  “I didn’t buy it new. It’s used, and I got a good deal on it, so don’t get too worked up.”

  She pulled out the wooden instrument. “It’s the perfect size.”

  “Thought it might be,” I smiled. I was glad my gift had gone over well. I had been mildly worried she would have changed her mind about wanting the instrument.

  “Ok. Now I really need to pack.”

  “I thought you never unpacked.”

  “You know that means I just threw my stuff all over.” She carefully returned the instrument to the case.

  “Yes, I may have noticed.

  She ran back inside, and within a few minutes she was ready with her backpack and duffel bag. “I’m excited to see mom. That’s the only reason I’m going back home.”

  “Seeing Mom is always a good reason.” I took her duffel bag from her and headed for my jeep.

  Jaylin was uncharacteristically quiet on the way over, but I let it be. I knew my sister well enough to know that sometimes she needed her space, whether that was physical or emotional.

  I parked in the driveway, and before I even had her bag out, Jaylin was running inside. I caught the tail end of her hugging Mom before she disappeared upstairs.

  “How’d it go?” Mom hugged me.

  “She kept me on my toes, but what else is new? And how are you?” I really looked at her. The bags under her eyes were still there. The worry lines. She was like a new person now and there was only one person to blame. My father. But I wouldn’t focus on the bad. It wasn’t fair to her. “Enjoy your quiet time?”

  “I’ve gotten quite a bit done.”

  “That doesn’t answer the question.”

  “You know how I feel about an empty house.” She blinked a few times, and I knew she was holding in tears.

  I hated my father. I absolutely hated him for what he did. “I think Jaylin had fun.”

  “I’m sure she did.”

  “And I love when she comes to visit.”

  “You’re a good brother.” Mom put a hand on my shoulder.

  “Most of the time.”

  “All of the time.” Mom squeezed my shoulder. “Anytime you think you’re not, remember it’s just a slip up.”

  Jaylin walked down the stairs
holding her violin and bow.

  “Is that your doing?’ Mom pointed at her.

  “Yes,” I smiled. “Found an opportunity and jumped on it.”

  “Like I said. You’re a good brother,” Mom smiled.

  “Did you tell her about Brooke yet?” Jaylin leaned against the banister.

  “Brooke?” Mom looked between us. “No. He hadn’t.”

  “She’s renting the cabin next to mine. She’s very nice,” I started with the most basic of information.

  “Very nice?” mom raised an eyebrow. “Is that all you’re going to give me?”

  “Yes. And beautiful,” Jaylin continued down the stairs. “And smart.”

  “Jaylin has decided she likes her.” Not that I could blame her.

  “And you?” Mom turned to me. “Have you decided anything?”

  “I’ve decided I’ll be welcoming and helpful to her. As I would to anyone.”

  “Are you sure that’s all it is?” Mom’s incredulous look said it all. She didn’t believe me for one second.

  “Absolutely.” I wasn’t getting her hopes up. She was always on my case about meeting someone.

  My cell buzzed in my pocket. It was Frank. “I’ll be right back.” I walked into the kitchen.

  “Hey, Frank. What’s up?” I was pretty informal with Frank even though in this case he was probably calling as my boss.

  “Mostly quiet here, but you’ve got a job. Are you around?”

  “I can be back in twenty.”

  “Great. I’ll text you the details.”

  I walked back into the front hall where Jaylin was currently trying to play her violin.

  “I have to run. Work calls. But be good, Jaylin. I hope the start of school goes well.”

  She pulled the violin away from underneath her chin. “It will be fine. I hope.”

  “It will be.” I patted her head.

  “Can I call you tomorrow night?” She let her bow hand fall against her side.

  “When have you ever worried about asking me in advance about something like that?”

  She shrugged, “I don’t know. Just making sure.”

  I pulled her into a hug, careful not to hurt the instrument. “I love you, kid.”

  “I love you.”

  “Love you, Ma,” I hugged my mom. “Sorry to run like this.”

  “I don’t blame you for having to work, but why you’re still working for Frank I’ll never know.”

  I shrugged. I’d asked myself that same question before. “The free lodging.”

  “Might I remind you the rent here is free.”

  “Aren't you supposed to be encouraging me not to move back in?”

  “I am, aren’t I?” She laughed. “But the offer is always here.”

  “And I appreciate that.” I headed back through the door and out to my truck.

  I drove back to the lake and checked my texts. Cabin six needed the lock cleaned out. Cabin six was Brooke.

  It looked like I was going to be seeing her sooner than planned.

  Seven

  Brooke

  Dear Will,

  * * *

  I hate you. I still hate you, and I probably always will. But I will move on. I have to. And I will be a better person than I ever could have been with you. What you did to me goes beyond horrible. You ripped my heart out and fed it to the sharks. You stabbed me and left me to bleed out. And the fact that you did it for someone as meaningless as that woman makes it all the worse. I hate you. And I cannot tell you that enough. The only thing I am grateful for is that you showed me your true colors before I dedicated more years to us. But even the six years I did give you were far too many. I hate you. I hate everything you stand for.

  * * *

  I crumbled up the sheet of paper. I knew I wouldn’t actually send the letter, but somehow it felt good to write it down with ink. It felt even better than when I said it out loud. I looked at the crumpled wad and started to rip it. I didn’t want to have any temptation to read it again.

  “Either that’s important financial records or something top secret,” Logan stated as he walked up onto the front porch where I sat.

  Had I been so focused on the ripping I didn’t notice his approach? “Or something I really don’t want to read.”

  “That was going to be my third guess.” He leaned a hand against one of the porch supports. “So long time no see.”

  “Yes, it’s been ages.” I relaxed. Something about Logan pushed away the stress. Maybe it was his laid-back attitude.

  “I heard you’ve been having an issue with your lock?” He held up a can.

  “Ah, yeah. How’d you know?” I eyed my laptop lying beside me. At least I’d closed it.

  “I do maintenance for Frank.”

  “Oh. Sorry. I didn’t know that.”

  Maple came running outside. Evidently, I wasn’t the only one who missed his approach.

  She jumped up on him, and he pet her head. “Don’t apologize. I never told you, so how would you know?” He walked over toward the door. “Mind if I look at it?”

  “That would be great.” I watched as he examined the lock. Had I really forgotten to even ask him what he did for a living? Yes. Yes I had. I guess someone's profession seemed pointless up here at the lake. And maybe it was because I wasn’t working. Yet he knew my career. I really needed to do a better job asking questions instead of just answering them.

  He sprayed the lock with something and then stood up. “Ok. That should do it. Can I see your key to make sure it works well now?”

  “Sure.” I dug into my pocket and held it out.

  “Thanks.” He put it in the lock and it turned easily. “You want to have a go?”

  “I believe you, but sure.” I tried to turn it, and it worked no problem. “Great. Thanks. I'm kind of embarrassed.”

  “Why?” He set the can down on the railing.

  “Because I should have been able to do that myself.”

  “Even if you could, it’s not your job to fix it. It’s part of the benefits of having a rental.”

  “When you put it that way…” I trailed off.

  “What other way is there to put it?”

  “Good point.”

  “Were you working?” He pointed to where I’d left my laptop on a small table. “Because you’re off the grid so it couldn’t have been social media,” he winked.

  “Nope. No social media.”

  “Ok Good.” He grinned. “I wouldn’t want to bust you for breaking your off-the-grid rule.”

  I liked that he teased me. “No internet on there right now. I was just writing.”

  “What were you writing?” He pulled his phone out of his pocket and then stuffed it back in.

  “Nothing. And you can go if you want. If that was important,” I gestured to his pocket, belatedly realizing it might look like I was gesturing to something else.

  “Not important at all, so you’ve got my undivided attention unless you were only saying that to get rid of me.”

  “Now why would I want to do that?” I could hear the flirtation in my voice, but I didn’t care. It had been a long time since I’d had the desire to flirt.

  “Because you want to avoid answering my questions.” He leaned back against the railing. “Or to give me more half-answers.”

  “I am writing a play,” I blurted out.

  “A play?” Surprise flashed across his face. “That’s really cool. That’s one of those things you always hear that people do, but never actually meet someone who does it.”

  “Well, now you’ve met one. Although you also hear that people rarely finish them, and I will unfortunately most likely fall into that camp.”

  “What makes you say that?”

  I considered how to word my answer. “I’m not very good at finishing things.”

  “That sounds suspiciously like something someone else told you about yourself. That means it’s not true.”

  “Just because someone says something mean then it can�
�t be true?” I balled the tiny scraps of the letter in my fist.

  “When it comes to a statement like that, yes.” His body tensed, “I hate statements like that. People say those things to bring another person down and to feel better about themselves. I really hate the person who said that to you, so I hope it wasn’t your parents or anyone like that.”

  “Not my parents.” My parents were supportive. That didn’t mean we always saw eye to eye, but they’d never accused me of not being a finisher.

  “This goes back to the half-secret again, doesn’t it?” he asked.

  “Maybe.”

  “Ok. What’s it about?” He sounded legitimately curious.

  I continued with my honesty. “Betrayal and crawling back out a hole so deep it seems impossible to reach the surface again.”

  “Wow. Light and happy topic, huh?”

  I shrugged. “You asked. I answered.”

  “And that was a joke.”

  “I know. No need to give me another lesson.”

  “I’m hoping it isn’t based on personal experience, but if it is—well, I’m here.”

  “You don’t even know me.”

  “According to Jaylin, having two meals together in less than twenty-four hours means we know each other now.”

  “Is that so?” I balled the paper pieces into more of a ball. “Amazing the things you can learn from a ten-year-old.”

  “I feel the same way.” He put a hand in his back pocket. “Hey. This might sound really random.”

  “Random can be good.”

  “Yes. It can be. You told me about your play. Care to see something of mine?”

  “Depends on what it is and where it is.”

  “Well, I promise it’s not in my pants if that’s where you think this is going.”

  Ok. I knew he was joking, but thinking about what was in his pants wasn’t going very well for me. It had been entirely too long since I’d been with a man. “I wasn’t thinking that, but then where is it?”

  “My place. And sorry for making that kind of joke. I’m just nervous.”

  “What are you nervous about exactly?”

  “This is kind of personal. Very few people have seen my art.”

  “Your art?”

  “Ok. Secret is kind of out of the bag.”

 

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