by Persadia
“Don’t set up your password without me,” she says. I simply give her an 'Or what?' look.
“Or I won’t be able to access your secrets,” she explains. That is so delusional that I have to laugh a little.
“What makes you think that I want to share my secrets with you?” I ask.
“They are our secrets, Moho. We both know what’s in there.”
“I don’t know what you are talking about.”
“The anger you felt when Xerxes tested you, the panicked thoughts you had when you took The Vow. And then the Memorybubble in this Thoughttree. We both know what this memory was about. And we both know that we will find it behind your Wall of Secrets."
I open my mouth but I cannot come up with a lie that quickly.
“All I had to do was to tease you a little and your aggressive emotions ran wild.” She pauses for a moment, waiting for a reaction but this time my face is frozen.
“And that stunt you pulled on the tree? When you chose your secret over my well-being and pushed me off that branch? That was smart. Effective. And so quick! I did not see that coming. And then you waited to see if I was okay before you jumped yourself to cover up your assault. You used me. That was just ruthless. You are vicious when threatened. I appreciate that quality.”
I have nothing to say to that and turn away but she is annoyingly persistent.
“Luckily, I’m just as vicious. Let us be vicious together,” she whispers. She is standing so close behind me that I can feel her breath on my neck. “You and I, we are the same.”
“We couldn't be more different. Go.” I demand clearly, not trying to hide my anger any more. “Now.”
I hear her taking a deep breath of disappointment. Then I wait a moment before I slowly check where she is. She is gone. I fall against the wall and close my eyes. My heart is beating in my throat. She knows. It’s over.
When I walk back towards Maya, she starts apologizing immediately.
“I’m so sorry. I forgot to tell you how the Wall of Secrets works.”
“It’s fine. My secrets are safe now,” I calm her down. “Where is Pax?”
“She exited CEBOS immediately after you had left. She wasn’t feeling well,” Maya answers. “She sends her regards.”
Right... I bet she did not exit my mind. Well, that’s just great. Now I have an insane person running around in my mind. At least she won’t be able to find what she is looking for any more.
For a split-second, the light in the floor disappears which leaves the two of us in complete darkness. I can’t even see Maya any more who, as I know, is standing right in front of me. Then the spots in the mesh reappear and light up the floor again.
“It’s time for us to follow Pax and leave CEBOS. You are running out of energy,” Maya explains.
“No, I’m fine. I want to see more.”
“You really should not be in your mind when you're tired. Let us leave now before we cause any mental damage. We can come back any time.”
“I don’t feel tired at all. In fact, I feel much better now that we are alone," I assure her. "Why don’t you show me your favorite place in CEBOS?”
She looks away but she is smiling. I realize that she means well and I’m not really doing her a favor by insisting on staying. It’s not her nature to argue her standpoint. But I also sense that she wants to spend more time with me. And so do I. After a moment of silence, she takes a deep breath and gives in with a shrug of her shoulders.
“Well, that would be the Memory Network of Persadia,” she says.
“MNOP? Great, let’s go then.”
We don’t actually walk, of course. Instead the same, by now almost familiar, oddity happens. In the short moment of darkness in which the two of us are squeezed into the tiny space, I feel her body warmth on my skin. She doesn't step back. Then the mesh expands one more time and we find ourselves in MNOP.
This place has a lot in common with the one we've just left. There are no walls, there is no ceiling and we are standing on the same floor that can be found anywhere in CEBOS. But MNOP isn’t dark or empty. It is overflowing with Memorybubbles. They are all I can see and come in all different sizes. Some are as small as a fingernail while others are eight, ten times my height. And they are not neatly organized in a spiral or moving slowly along in a line like in the Memoryspiral. No, they are moving up and down, left and right, back and forth and diagonal. They are not even moving at the same pace. Some seem to almost rest in midair while others are shooting through the air at a frightening speed. It’s a total mess. We don’t get hit by any bubbles, though, because they all miraculously change direction before they hit us.
Once in a while a Memorybubble gives view of people in the distance before another Memorybubble blocks the view of them again.
“Are all of those people in my mind?” I ask Maya.
“No. MNOP, like all other networks, is public. So you will find other MNOP users visualized here,” she explains.
Suddenly everything turns dark again. This time it’s dark for several seconds. When MNOP lights up again, Maya is looking at me with deep concern. And in contrast to before, I do have to act a little to hide my exhaustion this time.
“I’m fine. So it’s a network to share memories?” I ask but all I get back from her for a while is a worried look.
“Exactly. Every single memory ever made on Persadia that is not hidden behind someone’s Wall of Secrets can be found here. It is really convenient.”
I didn’t like the idea of MNOP yesterday when Aziz told me how he watched the private conversation between Maya and I and I don’t like it now. But then I hear something I like even less… so much less.
“If you had known that just a little earlier. You would have cleaned up your CEBOS a bit more carefully,” the voice says. The attitude isn’t helping but just hearing her voice makes my heart beat faster — and it's not out of excitement.
“Oh Pax, good to see you! Are you feeling better?” Maya asks.
“I have never felt better,” Pax responds, her eyes fixed on mine.
“Good. We missed you!” Maya says.
“I knew you would miss me,” Pax says to me and ignores Maya once more. But what is really concerning is the fact that her hands are behind her back. She is holding something… Something is up.
“I don’t know what you are talking about,” I lie to Pax.
“Think again,” Pax says coldly. I try to ignore her and turn around but this time she doesn’t give up and adds, “Look what I was able to secure for the public.”
Pax walks over to me and holds a small Memorybubble in front of my face with her left hand. It shows me looking down at Maya from the treetop and then noticing the Bellybutton Erasure memory in the branch right below me. It ends with me pushing Pax off the branch. My heart sinks.
“Looks familiar, doesn’t it?” Pax asks.
“I didn’t steal anything from your mind,” I argue.
“You’re in luck. I did it for you and… I brought it," she says and shows me the other Memorybubble. This one looks eerily familiar. At first I assume it is my own Bellybutton Erasure memory but the hands in it look much more delicate than Victor's hands. When the person that belongs to the hands is revealed, I relax. It’s a small, elderly woman, not Victor.
I need a moment to understand what this means. Pax had voluntarily taken her Bellybutton Erasure memory from behind her Wall of Secrets and had brought it into a public space. So she is basically letting everyone know that she is human. She is trying really hard to get darkened. This is so crazy that there is a moment in which I feel the urge to help her but maybe it’s too late for her. Maybe she is past help.
“Have you gone insane?” I yell at her.
“No. I have gone sane. Hiding from yourself is insane,” Pax responds and seems very convinced.
Then the lights go out again for another few seconds. I look over to Maya who signals me it really is time to go now. She seems to have little interest in my argument with Pa
x. But who knows, she may simply want to know as little as possible and had therefore chosen to ignore us. Pax, on the other hand, ignores the flickering and continues.
“But I’m here to help you. I only have your best interest at heart. Look, I will do it for you,” she says and stretches her arms up into the air, one Memorybubble in each hand. Then she takes a deep breath and closes her eyes. She is going to let go. And then everybody will see what I did to her. Everybody will wonder why I did something so violent and then everybody will know who I am. And then The Spring will take my light. I have to do something.
“Pax, you’re right,” I hear myself saying. That gets her attention. She opens her eyes and looks at me. “But shouldn’t I release my Memorybubble myself? I feel like this would be an important first step for me.”
She just stares at me, her face completely frozen. My heart is beating against my chest. I was trying to sound genuine but I can’t say if I pulled it off. My heart beats faster and faster. Then she lowers her hands. She appears relieved.
“I knew you had it in you,” she says without any hint of what that means. “It will be difficult at first but I'll be with you.” And then she actually hands over my Memorybubble. I grab it immediately.
She takes her Memorybubble in both hands and stretches her arms out over her head, just as she did before. Her raised eyebrows signal me to do the same, and so I do. The excitement of being this dangerously close to having my secret revealed is hard to endure but I hold on tightly to my Memorybubble with my sweaty hands. The light flickers again, leaving us in complete darkness one more time. We both take a deep breath and then she closes her eyes.
“At the count of three,” she tells me, her eyes still closed. “One.”
I turn my head towards Maya and beg her with my eyes to come to me.
“Two.”
I hold my Memorybubble behind Maya's back. She doesn’t seem to understand what is going on but she grabs it nonetheless. Then she leaves. Before it's too late and Pax notices my trick, I quickly stretch my empty arms into the air and pretend to have let go of the Memorybubble.
“Freedom.”
Pax actually lets go of hers which soars into the background and disappears into the sea of other Memorybubbles. I stand there for a moment, not knowing what to expect next. Then I hear Pax’s voice.
“We did it Moho! We actually did it!” she screams and jumps up and down. Ah… the sweet feeling of relief. She actually believes I did it. Ridiculous.
She looks at me and… it's weird… but for the first time since I met her last night, I see her. All the tension, fear, and pretense are gone. Suddenly she is real. I see her as the scared, complicated, flawed and yet somehow lovable human being she is. What is wrong with me? What have I done?
Then I make it even weirder and hug her. She hugs me, too. We have an intimate, honest moment during which none of us is saying anything. I move my hands slowly up and down her back and feel how she moves her face closer against my neck. I feel her body on my body. She feels good.
Then the inevitable happens. The Memorybubbles behind her move apart and three people in shiny white bodysuits walk straight towards us. Two of the Chasteners stretch out their arms, grab Pax and end our moment. The third one, Xerxes, turns towards Pax.
“It has come to our attention that you are human,” he says.
“Yes, I am. Human and proud,” Pax says happily. “And so is Moho.”
“What do you have to say for yourself?” Xerxes asks me.
“I don’t know what she is talking about,” I respond and Pax cannot believe what she is hearing.
“I thought so,” Xerxes says and leaves. The other two Chasteners follow. Pax gives it all she has and tries to resist but she doesn’t stand a chance against the two Chasteners. They pull her away.
“That’s a lie! Search for the Memorybubble! Moho has just released it! Liar!” she screams but no one listens to her. Soon, they are gone and her voice fades behind the countless bubbles.
I feel dizzy, my knees are weak. The light flickers one more time. Then it goes out completely.
Chapter 4
Date Night
“I went on KNOP last night,” Maya tells me.
“And that is?” I ask.
“Knowledge Network of Persadia,” Maya answers.
“Of course.”
It is a warm and clear but very early morning on Element Islands. Even the wind and the waves are still asleep. As usual, Maya woke me up without prior warning and made me go to a session about matter connectivity. She swore that a workout of one’s essence, or 'essencial workout' as she calls it, before breakfast is the best way to start the day. I suggested to her she should try sleeping in which is by far the best way to start any day, but here we are. To my surprise there are several other tutor-learner couples waiting with us for our mentor Luna, who is the head of the Department of Mind-Matter Connectivity. But contrary to what her name suggests, she seems to prefer the bright daylight. And so we wait. And wait.
“So, anyway, I went on KNOP to do some research on the question you asked me in your Well of Emotions yesterday,” Maya continues.
I don’t immediately know what she is talking about but then I remember. I nod and ask, “So, what’s the difference between human and navee emotions?”
“I couldn’t find a precise differentiation. KNOP is damaged in some respects,” she explains. “But I stumbled upon something else. I’ve always wondered what happened on the Red Island before it was closed. And there was this one woman on KNOP that had instructions for one of the exercises they performed on the Red Island. They called it 'date'.
Wow. I mean, she is losing absolutely no time. I pretend I’m hearing the word for the first time myself because after all she loves lecturing. “So what is it about?” I ask.
“It’s a highly intriguing concept. Two people meet and engage in a social activity with the sole purpose of determining if the other navee’s essence completes one’s own.”
“So a navee’s essence isn’t complete by itself?” I ask.
“I did not find any information about this.” Maya answers.
“No, I mean, do you think that your essence isn’t complete without another essence?”
“I’m not certain. Maybe we should do some research,” she suggests.
“Tonight?” I ask.
“Excellent! I had the same idea. I think it will be a great learning experience,” she says excitedly. Maya probably really wants to do it for the research but I want to use the opportunity to show her why they actually invented this ‘exercise’.
As the sun rises, more and more people show up on Element Islands but none of them is called Luna.
The chain of countless small islands, or islets, which is more what they really are, that make up the Element Islands establishes the southernmost boundary of Cosmo’s Islands. There is another island south of Element Islands but it’s very far away and not part of Cosmo’s Islands. The Islanders call it ‘Fogmountains’ which is quite appropriate since it looks like a mountain chain covered in dense fog. I wonder who lives there but that is unknown according to Maya. She has never been there and doesn’t know anyone who has. When I flew in on my first day I noticed how much larger Fogmountains were compared to Cosmo’s Islands and so I find it odd that no one seems interested in exploring the mountain chain. Anyway, somehow I'm the only one who cares.
Center Island with the Springtreegrove and the dorm is the island furthest to the North. Maze Island, where we went to set up my CEBOS, connects the two areas. All the other departments are located on islands to the East and to the West and they are all somehow connected by land bridges. I could walk around Cosmo’s Islands without ever stepping into the ocean.
I love the ocean, and while all Islanders do, going into the ocean is forbidden. On our way from the dorm to Element Islands this morning, I put my toes into the ocean which did not go over well with Maya. As it turns out, no one is allowed to touch the ocean or any other wate
r that is not falling from the sky. According to Maya, a new Spring could appear in any ocean or lake at any time and there were periods when Persadia had more than one Spring. The only time a navee is allowed to touch the ocean is when the navee is created in The Spring. They also don’t call it water but ‘liquid of creation’. They do love creation.
This morning I also learned how they use Element Islands and train to become Creators. Most islets are basically piles of a single material, many of them metals like copper, zinc, silver, gold or aluminum. Others, like the one we are waiting on, are more traditional. Ours, for instance, is just sand and a few perfectly round, small stones that glisten purple green. I pick one up and play with it. It’s very light.
Luna is still nowhere to be seen and I become impatient. Maya isn’t very patient herself and suggests we should just start without her. Fine with me.
In a moment of uncharacteristic resoluteness, she takes the little stone out of my palm and stands up.
“Get up and stretch out your arms towards me,” she commands me to and so I do. When my hands reach hers, she takes another step backwards so I can no longer reach her hand. “I want you to focus on the stone in my hand.” The stone rests on her open palm and I just look at it. “Do you have it?”
“I guess so,” I say.
She turns her palm with the stone in it around and the stone drops to the ground. “You said you had it,” she says.
“I did look at the stone.”
“You will have to do more than just look at it. You have to widen your essence and connect it with the stone in my hands so that you can control it.”
“And how is that supposed to work?”
“In the same way you move your body, with your essence. Your body is only a pile of atoms, just like the stone in my hand. The reason your body is moving and the stone is not is because your essence is connected to every single atom in your body. Just think of the stone as part of your body. Simply move it like you would move one of your limbs.”
“That’s not the same," I point out.