by Ashley Jade
Chapter 12
“So, you're going to attempt to be just friends with Tristan Blake?” Aaron asks as we sit on his rooftop eating lunch.
I had filled him in on our brief history earlier.
“Yup. Pretty much. It will be fine.”
He shakes his head and holds up his hand. “I'm not a betting man. But if I was...my money would be on Tristan. You don't stand a chance in hell girlfriend."
I close my eyes...I know he’s right.
What the hell am I doing?
You're living life Dev, enjoy it...for once.
I look around the small rooftop.
A sense of calm washes over me.
I notice an easel propped up a few feet away from us.
“You paint out here?” I ask as I finish the rest of my lunch.
“Yeah. It's my favorite spot to paint. It's so relaxing.”
“I know what you mean. Back in New England I used to go out on the roof of the hospital after my shift.”
Aaron understandably looks confused then.
“I was a nurse. Or well...I am a nurse. I came to New York to find myself. I needed a change. I needed to experience new things. I know, I probably sound over dramatic and cheesy," I say as I look down at my plate.
“No, not at all. I understand. It sounds like you made the right decision. I'm glad you came here Dev.”
He walks toward his easel and motions for me to come join him.
“You know, art actually helped me express myself through some of my toughest times. You should try it sometime. I'm not saying you'll be the next Picasso or anything, but it is a great stress reliever.”
***********************
Two hours later, I was covered in paint and laughing at my horrible creations.
“So did you always have a thing for men that look like short stick figures, or is this a new discovery?" Aaron teases.
“Definitely a new discovery. Thank you Aaron. I enjoyed this. A lot actually.”
“I'm glad. Come by and paint anytime you want. I think once we get through the stick figure stage, we might uncover some real talent. By the way, what are you doing Saturday night?"
“Nothing...why?”
“He wants you to be a slut,” Nathaniel's voice calls out as he joins us on the rooftop.
I put my hand on my hip.
They laugh as I hear the sound of my cell phone going off.
“No. I don't want you to be a slut. Well... not exactly. There's a really fun underground rave party going on Saturday night. It's for artists. It's called the Scarlet party. There's going to be glow-sticks and body paint. Lot's of dancing, drinking and music. It will be the time of your life. Trust me," Aaron exclaims as a big smile lights up his face.
“Guys. I'm almost 30. Don't you think I'm a little too old for things like that?”
Nathaniel and Aaron both put their hands on their hips. “So are we. What are you trying to say honey? Don't you know? 40 is the new 30...and 30 is the new 20. You only live once. You don't want to miss it. Say you'll go," Nathaniel says, his smile now matching Aaron's.
I roll my eyes and reach for my cell phone.
“Fine, I'll go. Just make sure no one brands me with the scarlet letter.”
Aaron shakes his head. “That's kind of the point though Dev. Ugh, fine. I'll make sure no one goes near you with a paint brush."
I glance down at my cell phone. There was a new text message waiting for a response.
Tristan: Dinner tonight...friend?
Dev: What time?
Tristan: 7pm.
Dev: Where?
Tristan: My place.
I bite my lip. Shit.
That seems to get the attention of both Aaron and Nathaniel.
“It's him isn't it?” Aaron asks.
I nod. “He wants to have dinner tonight. At his place.”
“Well, let's get you cleaned up then. I have the perfect dress for you to wear for your date,” Nathaniel says.
“This isn't a date. We're just friends. That's all.”
“Mhhh. Whatever you say. Get in the shower,” Aaron says as he grabs my hand.
Chapter 13
I should have just declined.
I knew better.
It didn't help that Nathaniel and Aaron went to town on my hair and makeup.
Not to mention the short, racy dress that they picked out.
It looked like I was trying too hard.
I was in way over my head and I knew it.
Yet...I couldn't stop myself.
I didn't want to.
I walk through the lobby of his apartment complex.
It was all I could do not to let out a whistle. It must cost a pretty penny to live here...that's for sure.
I go up the elevator and ring the doorbell to his apartment.
He opens the door and eyeballs me up and down. “Are you trying to sabotage this friendship all on your own?”
My eyes scan over him. I expected a suit. However, he was in a simple t-shirt and jeans...which only made his muscles even more pronounced.
He looks rugged...and sexy. Dammit.
I follow him to the kitchen. “So what are we having?”
“There is dinner waiting for us,” he pauses and gives me a sexy smile, “Out on the terrace."
I walk behind him and try not to let my eyes pop out of my head.
Everything was so elegant and sophisticated.
“I can have everything transferred to the roof if you prefer,” he teases, as he opens the door to the terrace for me.
I shake my head and giggle.
Until I see the romantic setup.
This certainly didn't look like a dinner meant for friends.
The candles, rose petals, and wine made that very apparent.
I wag my finger in the direction of the table. “I thought we said just friends Tristan.”
“No, you said just friends,” he says as he pulls out my chair for me.
With a sigh, I sit and watch as he walks over to the other side of the table to join me. “And you agreed to be just friends Tristan. Do you always light candles for your friends?”
“No, I told you we can label it whatever you want...for now. And to tell you the truth, I don't really have very many friends. It's hard to trust people."
I understood perfectly well where he was coming from.
I look down at my plate. Whoever the chef was went all out.
Even the salad was the best one I've ever tasted.
“I don't have a lot of friends either. Actually, Aaron and Nathaniel are the only friends I've ever had. I met them when I came to New York."
He looks up from his plate and I watch as his nostrils flare. “Those sound like guy names.”
Hmm...not so fun feeling jealous, now is it?
“They are guys Tristan,” I pause and give him a sinister smile before I continue, “Don't worry though...they've only seen me naked a few times.”
His eyes shoot flames across the table at me.
Yeah...I went too far. What the hell is the matter with me?
“They're gay Tristan...and they're a couple. Nathaniel's a fashion designer. He likes to play dress up with me. I was wrong to try and get a rise out of you. That wasn't very nice of me. I'm sorry," I say as I watch his expression relax a little.
“You know Aaron actually. He's the artist who held the Valentines Day art exhibit.”
He nods his head in acknowledgment. “Yes, I've met him a few times. I have one of his paintings actually."
That was surprising.
“I never figured you as the type to like art.”
He appears uneasy then.
I didn't want to push him, so I just finished my dinner.
This was awkward.
“Let's go sit on the couch over there,” he says as he picks up a bottle of wine.
“My mother was an artist,” he says softly as he pops down on the couch.
Now, it made sense.
A part of
me wants to reach for his hand, but I decide against it.
I can't touch him...not without opening the flood gates.
“You guys were close?” I ask as he nods his head.
“Very,” he whispers.
A wave of overwhelming guilt washes over me.
I can’t help but feel horrible about leaving him the way I did...not even an hour after his father was declared brain dead.
“I'm a horrible person.”
“What? No. What are you talking about Dev?”
“That night at the hospital. I mean, we weren't friends then per se, but I should have been more considerate of what you were going through. I don't regret leaving for New York...but I should have stuck around for a couple of days."
“Don't be ridiculous Dev. I'm fine.”
“I should have went to the funeral, at least. That would have been the right thing to do. I'm so sorry."
He stands up then. He looks nervous. “You have nothing to be sorry for Dev. Trust me. Besides, it's not like there was a funeral anyway.”
That was unsettling.
“I guess your father didn't want one?”
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “There was no funeral because he's still on life-support. I had him transferred to another facility in New England. A very private facility. No one knows what happened to him. Everyone still thinks he's the CEO of the hospital. That's why I was able to come back to New York and get back to my life."
I’m speechless. I honestly don't know what to say.
I don't want to judge him...but there’s something about leaving his father on life support that sounds incredibly selfish.
Then again...it really wasn't any of my business.
Everyone copes with things differently.
“I know what you must think about my actions. Please, trust me when I say that I have my reasons for doing what I did Dev," he says softly as he sits down beside me.
I end up reaching for his hand then.
He’s obviously going through a lot and needs someone.
The worst thing I could do right now was judge him.
In fact...I was now feeling the need to open up to him about a few things of my own.
“I lied to you Tristan. During the blackout. My grandparents didn't raise me. My parents aren't dead. At least, I don't think they are."
“What do you mean?”
I take a deep breath as he squeezes my hand.
“They gave me up when I was just a baby. I never knew them. I was put into foster care. Oddly enough...I was apparently born in New York. My birth certificate is the only thing that I still have from my past. I came here to look for them...but they don't want to be found. They must have really hated me that much."
I let go of his hand and stand up. I've never said those words out loud before.
He stands up and reaches for my hand again. “Dev you were just a baby. There's nothing in the world that you could have done that would make them hate you. I have no idea what it feels like for you...but I'm certain that they didn't hate you. Perhaps they were even trying to do the right thing by giving you up in the first place."
For all I know, he could be right. It was just too difficult to try and be objective about it though.
“I don't know. It doesn't matter anyway. I'll never find them. They don't want me. They never did.”
“Is that what you were thinking about that night on the roof?”
I close my eyes and nod my head.
“It was my birthday. I felt really alone. I realized that another year had gone by and I had nothing. It was like a switch went off in my head and I felt everything all at once. All of the feelings and the pain that I had stuffed down for most of my life. I can't explain it...but it was awful. I obviously came to my senses though and realized that jumping off the roof wasn't the answer.”
“Jesus...Dev,” he says before he wraps his arms around me.
As usual I couldn't fight against the current when it came to him, but I wasn't used to being consoled and comforted.
“Tristan I didn't tell you this to get your pity. I appreciate it, but I'm fine. I'll be fine.”
“Please don't ever think about harming yourself again Dev,” he whispers as he holds me against him even tighter.
I close my eyes and rest my head against his shoulder.
His hands drop down to skim across my backside as I feel his heart begin to speed up.
I was so dizzy with desire that I barely hear the alarm bells going off in my head.
I almost didn't listen to them. Almost.
I push him off of me.
“I can't do this Tristan. I'm not that kind of girl. I want what you can't give. It's not fair...to either of us."
“Dev, I'm not going to promise you something that I know I can't give you...but let me try. I want this Dev. I want you."
Shit...he sounds sincere.
I want to trust him...but I need to proceed with caution.
Lot's of it.
“Fine. I'll think about it Tristan.”
“In that case, will you have dinner with me Saturday night?”
I was about to happily accept. Then I remembered. I had plans.
“I can't I'm going to some rave thing with Aaron and Nathaniel.”
“A rave?” he asks while raising his eyebrow.
I giggle. God, how I loved ruffling his feathers.
“Yes, a rave. It's some kind of underground artist scarlet party. I promised them I would go.”
He throws up his hands. “You're the most intriguing yet frustrating woman I've ever met. Just when I think I have you down to a science...you throw another wrench in the mix."
He didn't know the half of it.
He sighs. “Fine. What about breakfast early Sunday morning?”
Well...that's an odd request. Unless...
“You just want to have breakfast Sunday morning in hopes of deterring me from going home with anyone...don't you?"
“Guilty as charged,” he says smugly.
He grabs my waist and holds me against him. “I will get my way Dev. It's no longer a matter of if...it's only a matter of when,” he whispers in my ear, sending bolts of electricity down my spine before he releases me.
If he keeps that up...he was going to get his way sooner...rather then later.
Dammit. Where the hell is the off switch when it comes to my arousal for him?
I take a deep breath and walk ahead of him into the kitchen to get my purse.
I could have never prepared myself for what I saw next.
My mouth hung open as I stand there flabbergasted.
I hear Tristan’s footsteps catch up with me. “Shit,” he mutters under his breath.
“Tristan...can you please explain to me why there is a topless woman wearing leather panties cleaning your kitchen?”
The woman looks up and smiles at us.
“Tu veux jouer Tristian?” she asks flirtatiously.
“Oh...she speaks French. How nice,” I huff as I storm past him and out the front door.
I run to the elevators and hit the button so hard my hand hurts.
I can't believe I almost gave him a chance...again.
The elevator doors open and I walk in.
Just as they were about to close, Tristan slips past them.
“Dev, I'm so...” he starts to say.
I put my hand up to silence him as I look straight ahead.
“Stop. There's no need to explain. You are who you are, Tristan. However, I can't do this. I should have known better. It could never work between us. Please, just leave me alone."
The doors to the elevator open and I quickly walk out.
When I make it back to my apartment, I let the tears fall.
I’m really one fucked up individual.
Leading the life that I did...let me see the truth when it came to life.
I've never wanted much, or anything anymore...because I knew it was better not to want it in the first place.
>
I knew from a young age that whatever I cherished and wanted would be ripped apart from my hands...just as quickly as it came.
I learned not to trust people...because they always showed their true colors.
They always showed you exactly who they were...if you bothered to look deep enough.
If you didn't let your emotions and feelings cloud your judgment.
My feelings regarding Tristan went far beyond jealousy.
I wanted him to be mine...and only mine.
It was a possessiveness that I've never experienced before and it frightened me.
I could never share Tristan with another. My heart couldn't bare the thought of that.
I wanted to be enough for him.
I wanted him to yearn for me the way I did for him.
I wanted him to want me...the exact way I wanted him.
My feelings for Tristan were beginning to take control over me...and that's exactly why it needed to end.
Chapter 14
“Seriously? God, leather panties are so early 2000's,” Aaron says as he pours me another glass of wine.
I laugh as I continue to watch Nathaniel and him parade around the closet.
It was Saturday night and we were getting ready for the scarlet party.
I decided to tell them what happened with Tristan and I earlier in the week.
“So what happened after you found the french whore?” Nathaniel asks as he peruses over his impressive shoe collection.
“I ran out of his apartment and he chased me to the elevator.”
Both Nathaniel and Aaron pause and look at me then.
“He chased after you?” Aaron asks in astonishment.
“Yeah, but then I told him that it would never work between us and I asked him to leave me alone. We haven't spoken since,” I say, hating that it secretly bothered me so much.
“Dev. Tristan isn't known for chasing after women. It's quite the opposite actually. Maybe, you should give him a chance,” Aaron says.
He then holds a very tiny spaghetti strap dress up and gives me a devilish smile.
There's no way in hell I could wear that. It was ridiculously short. Between that and the silky satin material...it resembled lingerie rather then a dress.