‘It really is beautiful, this place,’ I said, looking at the water, the mountains, the wonderful enormity of it all.
‘More beautiful soon,’ replied Janto.
‘Okay then,’ I said. ‘Get on with it.’
Myers’ eyes turned white as her hands gripped my face.
I was whole again.
And Joseph Lake was gone.
24
Actually, not quite.
After Janto left Myers’ body and moved back into his own, I hadn’t expected to have any thoughts as Joseph Lake again. The two parts of me would meld together and I’d become whole. I’d be Janto the warlock again, swamped and assimilated by the old me. A man destined to become the Magic Eater.
At least that’s what I thought.
And that’s what should have happened.
But instead, I, Joseph Lake, kept on going. Kept on thinking my thoughts and feeling my feelings, and didn’t for one moment believe that turning into a giant monster with flames for skin and striding across the world bringing pain, misery, and death was a nifty cool way to spend my twilight years.
Joseph Lake lived!
It was pitch black. Or I was blind. One of the two.
I tried to stand, but wasn’t sure if I was even sitting. Then I realised I wasn’t even sure I had legs or feet to stand on.
Maybe I was nothing.
Just my thoughts.
Alone with my thoughts for eternity.
Bit grim.
‘Swim down.’
The voice was distant. Maybe I just imagined it. So I decided to imagine other things. Things like having legs and walking and not being in the dark anymore. I concentrated on the idea of legs. Of motion. Of light. Concentrated like a motherfucker. And soon enough, the dark began to be, well, less dark.
‘Here I go. Walky walk walk.’
Then there was too much light, and I screamed and shielded my eyes. As it turned out, I now had eyes and hands to shield them with.
How had this happened? Me still being aware? Joseph Lake, not Janto?
I was above a grimy alley, looking down at a woman crouched over a dead body. I recognised the woman. It was Detective Maya Myers. She was telling the man curled up at her feet that it was going to be okay. That help was coming. He just had to hang in there. But I could see what she was pretending not to; that the man had long since stopped hanging on.
Was this Maya and the partner she saw murdered in London?
Was I seeing what Janto had been drawn to?
The point he latched onto her, as she tried to comfort a corpse?
‘Janto, come to us.’
It was the voice again. I knew the voice, because it belonged to family. It belonged to Lyna, a witch of the Cumbrian Coven.
‘Janto,’ said Melodia, ‘we need to talk.’
‘My name isn’t Janto. I’m not him. I’m not even nearly him. My name is Joseph Lake. I mop floors and kick monster arse, and I absolutely do not want to murder the entire planet, thank you very much.’
The world below me rushed past, streaking, sights and colours blurring. I could feel the wind in my hair, feel it vibrating my flesh as I travelled at inhuman speed. I was dragged north. Dragged home.
I was in the Cumbrian Coven.
I looked down, and was relieved to see that I had a body. Legs, torso, elbows, the whole shebang.
‘Hello?’
There were two women sat by the fire.
‘Welcome home, Joseph Lake,’ said Lyna, smiling.
‘What are you two, then?’ I asked. ‘Ghosts or memories?’
‘Both, most likely,’ replied Melodia.
‘Well, thanks for not clearing that up.’
I looked around the main room of the coven. It looked neater, more homely, than the room that now existed. No scorch marks on the walls, no battered, crack den rejected couch.
‘So, would either of you like to tell me what’s going on?’
‘You haven’t been lost within Janto,’ said Lyna.
‘Instead you are trapped inside yourself.’
‘Sort of a good news/bad news deal,’ I said.
‘You may not have been assimilated into the whole, but Janto’s consciousness is too big, too noisy, too powerful.’
‘So I’ve been pushed aside, instead. Kicked into the attic, out of harm’s way.’
‘Exactly. And Eva calls you an idiot...’ said Melodia.
‘In her defence, I do a lot of daft things.’
‘At first you were what was left behind, but over time you became someone entirely new,’ said Lyna.
‘You became Joseph Lake. And as Joseph Lake was never part of the whole, never truly part of Janto, how could you become part of him now?’
‘So, what you’re saying is, I have a powerful, electric, alluring personality and I ain’t no mo-fo’s bitch?’
The two witches just looked at me.
‘See,’ I said, ‘Eva really does have a point.’
I dragged an empty chair over and joined the witches by the fire.
‘So, it’s the three of us huddled inside the back room of Janto’s mind from now on then?’
‘No,’ said Lyna.
‘No?’
‘No,’ repeated Melodia, ‘because you’re getting out.’
‘Am I?’
‘Unless you’d like to see the world stomped below the Magic Eater’s cloven hoof?’
‘Well, no. Ideally not.’
‘Then you need to get out,’ said Melodia, ‘and you need to fight,’
‘Win the battle for your own mind, Joseph.’
‘That all sounds terrific, with two teensy problems. One, I have no idea how to push him out. Two, even if I did, he’d just beat the shit out of me and climb back in. Otherwise, I’m fully onboard with this gambit.’
The two witches stood and held hands.
‘You just need to remember what we told you,’ said Lyna.
‘I do?’
‘As for the rest? You’re Joseph Lake. Last remaining witch of the Cumbrian Coven. You’ll find a way,’ said Melodia.
‘Or you’ll die trying,’ said Lyna.
And then the two vanished.
‘Good pep talk, ladies. I’m brim-full of confidence now. Yes, this is sarcasm.’
I blinked and I was no longer in the coven, I was outside.
I recognised where I was.
Bloody Derwentwater. It’s always bloody Derwentwater.
I turned in a little circle as the wind whipped at my long coat. ‘So, what now, exactly?’
I walked towards the water’s edge and started to skip stones again.
Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. I was alive. In a way. I had a world inside my own mind to explore. I was safe. I could just stay here and maybe I’d be okay.
I sat with that idea for a while as I threw stones at the water, watching them hop along the surface.
Of course, I knew there was no way I could actually do that. Hide in here and forget about whatever Janto was doing out there. I pictured Millie, waving at me, a big grin on her face.
I was Joseph Lake of the Cumbrian Coven. I may be an idiot. I may be ill-equipped to save anyone. I may have a weaker grasp of magic than a First-Year at Hogwarts. But there was no way I was going to let Millie, or any child, die without at least staging an entirely futile final stand.
I just had to remember what they told me. That’s what Lyna had said. And I was pretty sure I knew what she meant.
I shrugged off my coat and yanked my boots from my feet, then I waded into Derwentwater, shivering as the cold water crept higher and higher.
Swim down.
I took three breaths, and then on the fourth, I held it and ducked beneath the surface. I kicked my legs and swept my arms, driving down, down down.
Swim down, Janto.
I’m not Janto. I’m Joseph. Janto isn’t me at all.
At all.
The world was turning black, but I kept on swimming. Kept on driving down and down as my l
ungs began to burn. Began to scream, demanding I take a breath. Can a consciousness trapped within the walls of another’s mind actually suffocate? Did I even need to breathe?
Whatever passed as my lungs here seemed to think so.
Swim down.
How much longer could I go? Surely I’d hit bottom, hit dirt and rocks, and then what?
Thoughts began to fuzz, but my body kept on kicking. I just kept Millie in my mind’s eye. Smiling and waving. Throwing breadcrumbs to ducks.
And I swam down, down, down.
But it was no good.
I could feel myself breaking apart.
What passed for my body, my limbs, my bones, it was all coming loose.
Becoming a sandcastle against the tide.
Not a person.
Only the idea of a person.
Swim down.
I’d tried.
A fruitless last stand after all then.
I closed my eyes tightly and wondered what would happen next.
What would happen next, is that I’d feel a small hand in mine.
A small, furry hand.
My eyes opened and I saw a figure stood on the lake bed, reaching up to me and pulling me down.
Hello Fox.
Hello, saviour.
25
Things went a bit wibbly wobbly at that point. I know that’s not exactly the clearest of descriptions, narratively speaking, but it’s the best I have.
I was underwater, looking down at the Fox as his paw gripped my hand and he pulled me to him, and then it’s like there was an explosion, and a rush of sights, smells, and sounds. Everything seemed to twist in on itself, over and over, until reality folded and stretched and spiralled. And then everything stopped and I let loose a bowel-shaking, high-pitched scream.
Once I was done with that, I caught my breath and pushed myself upright onto trembling legs. The grass under my feet was blood red, and smeared crimson onto my trousers, onto my boots. The sky above me roared with furious flames.
I was in the Dark Lakes. But was I in the Dark Lakes-Dark Lakes, or was I in a version of the Dark Lakes inside my own mind?
‘Hi,’ said the Fox.
I spun to see the little guy, Roman helmet on his head, axe gripped in his hand.
‘Is this…?’ I pointed around me wildly, at the red grass, at the fire sky, at the distant mounds of bones, ‘is this real? Am I here, or in here?’ I tapped at my head.
‘You are in the Dark Lakes. You have pushed out the other one.’
‘I did?’
The Fox nodded. ‘I helped.’
‘How did you do that? Exactly?’
‘My whole purpose for the last decade has been to find you. To know where you are.’
‘Yes, but I was inside my own brain. I was just thoughts and a personality kicking around some backwater grey matter.’
The Fox shrugged. ‘I am brave and clever and resourceful and I can find you wherever you might be.’
I tried to reply. Then I tried to say thank you. Then I gave up, strode over, picked him up, and hugged him.
‘I’m not sure this is proper,’ said the Fox.
‘Thank you for coming to get me.’
‘You’re welcome.’
‘I told you, didn’t I?’ said the Red Woman. I turned to see her leaning against the throne. My throne. A throne fashioned from skulls. ‘I told you something was happening, something that would bring you back here, ready to take your throne and become the Magic Eater.’
‘Well, tough luck,’ I said, ‘because I just beat the twat who wanted that.’
The Red Woman laughed. ‘No, I don’t think so.’
I didn’t like the sound of that. ‘What’re you talking about?’
‘Perhaps you put me down now,’ said the Fox, who I was still holding in my arms.
‘Right, yep, sorry.’ I crouched, placing him back down onto the red grass.
‘You think because you pushed your dark side out that it’s all over?’ said the Red Woman. ‘You underestimate yourself.’
I looked down to the Fox. ‘She’s lying, isn’t she? It’s done, over?’
‘No. The Red Woman does not lie.’
The Red Woman straightened up and walked towards me, her eyes dreamy, seductive. ‘You pushed poor Janto out, but that’s all you did. He’ll be reclaiming what’s rightfully his, and soon.’
That seemed like my cue to get a very long way away from the creepy hill with the blood red grass.
‘In fact,’ said Maya Myers, stepping into view as she reached the Hill’s summit, ‘that’ll be happening very, very soon.’
Janto had reclaimed Myers’ body and followed me here. So this had probably all been nothing but a pointless, momentary delay after all. Smashing.
‘Janto,’ said the Red Woman, cupping Myers’ face in her hands and pressing her lips against hers. ‘So good to have the real you back in the Dark Lakes.’
‘I told you I would take the throne,’ replied Janto. ‘That I would fulfil my destiny and march at the head of the undead army. Walk out of the Dark Lakes as the beast, as the Magic Eater, with you as my bride.’
‘Sir,’ said the Fox, tugging at my sleeve, ‘perhaps it is time to run? I can do my best to aid you.’
‘Thanks,’ I said, ‘but what would be the point? Wherever I go, he’ll find me. Sooner or later I’ll end up back on this hill.’
‘You’re not wrong, Joseph Lake,’ said Janto. ‘I have to say, you surprised me with your own strength of will. I thought we would become one again. I wasn’t expecting you to still be a thing, never mind stage a coup inside my brain.’
‘I’m not you. Not anymore. Janto the Warlock? That isn’t me. I’m Joseph Lake.’
‘Not for much longer,’ said the Red Woman, resting her head on Myers’ shoulder, hands wrapped around her waist.
‘Just take the throne if that’s what you want!’ I cried. ‘It’s right there, just sit!’
‘I can’t,’ replied Janto.
‘He cannot claim the throne in any person’s body but his own,’ said the Red Woman.
‘Then you’re out of luck,’ I said, ‘because the moment you jump in me I’ll push you right back out again.’
‘No, you won’t,’ replied Janto.
‘And why’s that?’
Janto pulled out a large knife and pressed it to his neck; to Myers’ neck.
‘No, don’t hurt her!’
The Red Woman stroked the blade, the point pressing against Myers’ jugular, hard enough to break the skin and draw a small red bead.
‘I won’t hurt her, Joseph, I’ll fucking kill her. If you refuse me, or reject me, she’s a dead woman.’
I didn’t know what to do, what to say. I watched as the knife was pushed harder, sending a trickle of blood running down Myers’ neck.
‘Try to refuse me entry, I’ll kill her. Push me out? I’ll kill her.’
‘What a bind this is, Joseph,’ said the Red Woman, bending to lick up the blood from Myers’ neck.
There must be something I could do. There had to be.
The Fox frowned and bowed his head. ‘I am sorry that I helped her. I am sorry.’
I had no moves, no options. I had to agree to save Myers. It may only save her for a short time, but maybe… maybe I would think of something. Maybe, like the witches coming to me, there was another twist to come, and everything would be okay.
You never know.
‘Okay,’ I said.
Janto smiled and lowered the knife from Myers’ neck. ‘This was always where we were meant to end up, Joseph. Our fate. Don’t feel bad. You can’t prevent fate. No one can.’
And then came the twist.
‘Fate never met me, fuck face.’
Eva Familiar appeared over the crest of the Hill, a can of strong lager in her hand.
‘Eva, I thought…’ I started, but I was so shocked, so happy to see her, that the words wouldn’t come.
‘Don’t get mushy, idiot,’ she replied, bu
t she smiled as she said it.
‘I thought you had run away, Eva,’ said Janto, ‘like a scared little child.’
‘Only an idiot isn’t scared sometimes, Janto,’ she replied, crouching and running her hand through the blood red grass. ‘You know, walking through this shit must be murder. Having to constantly wash out the stains.’
‘Are you going to try and kill me again, Eva?’ asked Janto.
‘Thought I’d give it another go, yeah,’ she said, standing and wiping her bloody hand on her coat.
‘Last time you had a weapon that Lyna and Melodia conjured for you, this time you have nothing. I don’t think this is going to go well for you.’
‘Probably not, but fuck it. You’re a twat and twats get slaps.’
‘You’re not welcome in my world, familiar,’ said the Red Woman, stepping towards Eva.
‘I go where I want, you skinny, sexy bitch.’
Eva clapped her hands together, then thrust out her fist. The Red Woman’s eyes bulged in surprise as she was lifted from her feet.
‘How dare you!’
‘I know, aren’t I a bastard?’
The Red Woman opened her mouth to speak again, but was whipped back, back and away, sailing out over the horizon, as though a giant had just tossed her in the air and struck her hard with a bat.
‘Well that’s one done with,’ said Eva. ‘Gives us time to end this before the bitch finds her way back.’ She pulled out her tobacco tin, retrieved a smoke, and popped it between her lips.
Janto strode towards her. ‘Very well, Eva, spit from my mouth; I brought you into this world, and now I will take you out of it.’
‘Come get me.’
Eva ran at Janto, right fist raised. The hand began to blur, just as it had back at the coven when Myers was strapped to the bed. Her hand ghosted straight into Myers’ head, and Eva fell back, pulling something from Myers’ body as she did so. Something dark, that writhed and shuddered. Was that Janto? Was that what had become of him?
Eva grimaced and shoved the thing inside herself, before collapsing onto the red grass, gasping for air.
‘Shit,’ I said. ‘Shitting hell.’
I darted over to Detective Myers, who had crumpled to the ground like a marionette whose strings had been cut. ‘Myers? Maya, can you hear me?’
Past Sins Page 14