by Abby James
As if the pain freed me, my hand came away from the faucet, but I still felt trapped, still felt contaminated by the horribleness inside of me, still felt weighted by the ugliness possessing my body.
I looked up at myself in the mirror. Then as if my finger was not my own, I lifted it and scrawled across the mirror. My finger moved of its own accord, like it was no longer attached to my hand, no longer under my control. The blood smeared and dribbled down the mirror, turning the letters into a macabre message from some spooky ghost story. My eyes wouldn’t focus on what I wrote, instead they looked through the bloody letters at my reflection. My eyes were wide, my face pale. Was this really me? Was this really my hand, my body?
A dizzy wave washed over me. The mania of my writing ebbed away, the weighted feeling within my body sunk down and down into my toes and then fled from my body altogether. As it fled my strength fled too. I sunk to the marble floor, onto my knees, then further onto my ass. I fell forward onto my hands and hung my head low, zapped of energy. My breathing came labored, like I’d been running for hours, or climbing those damn stairs to the library.
It was the blood smeared across the marble from my fingertip that made me look up.
On the mirror in front of me was a message. A message I had drawn with my own blood. But it had not been me. It had been something else, somebody else.
It read The first mark is mine.
9
I froze my tits off standing in the forrest listening to Mr Barish, the shifter class teacher, as he barked the rules of today’s lesson.
Mr Barish was a huge man, with a physique that looked well worked by steroids and a solid weights program. His thick mane of hair, tinged gray at the sides, hung wild down to his neck.
“Any of you weighing over one hundred pounds will stay to the northern side of the forest. I do not want to see you cross the Lescaunalt river. Do I make myself clear?”
A general murmur of assent rippled through the crowd of students.
Mr Barish turned to the small woman at his side. She reminded me of a mouse. Her narrow face was made all the more narrow by her larger than usual ears. “Keep your bunch to the far side of Runner’s lane, and Mr Farquet if you can patrol the boundary from Runner’s Lane to the craggy rock.”
Mr Farquet was a distinguished looking man, not someone I would’ve expected to be a shifter. He kept his hair and mustache neatly trimmed and wore his shirt buttons done up to the neck. To top off the look of pompous businessman rather than shifter he wore a pair of expensive looking dark gray cotton pants, which matched his dusty pink shirt.
I turned to Harry. “Why does this class get so many teachers?”
“We’re not your usual class. Once we shift we tend to feel our primal instinct more. Part of the training is for us to overcome that instinct and retain our humanity. But it is not a natural thing and hard to control.” His face darkened, which I suspected was a reddening under his olive skin. He was perhaps remembering he’s embarrassing run after the bear in season during the tournament.
“The class not only teaches us how to control our shifting but also to control our desires once we assume our true form.”
Interesting he said their animal form was their true form.
“The larger animals are kept away from the smaller animals to ensure there is no carnage.”
“There’s carnage?”
“Not now, because we have the extra teachers. Apparently they did have incidences in the early days. No one’s been killed as far as I’ve heard, but the smaller creatures like the stoats were mauled a few times.”
“Geez, sucks to be a smaller shifter. What does it feel like to become the animal inside?”
“I couldn’t begin to tell you what it feels like. No one that is not a shifter would understand. When we are in our human form it is like we are trapped within a body that is not our own. It feels alien and wrong, like a cage, suppressing who we truly are.
“There was a time many centuries ago when shifters were rarely seen in their human form. But when the population of wissend became too great it was vital we learned to remain upright on two legs. But it is like a lie. I find it harder than most because I have spent more time as my true self than a shifter who grew up in the city. For me the control comes slow.”
“When you graduate from Darkwells where will you go?”
He shrugged. “Haven’t really thought about it. Probably stay in the city for awhile. Linda wants to give city life a try. If we can manage it without being caught. Wissend and sup mix and all.”
“That surprises me. I expected you to say somewhere remote.”
“Maybe Darkwells will help me to learn to accept walking on two legs.”
“You are a shifter, so wouldn’t being in human form be as much a part of you as being a bear.”
“You sound like Barish.”
“Do I? sorry.”
“Nah, you’re right. It’s time I accept this other side of myself. Learn to unite the two.”
“Is that what Barish also says?”
“And my mum and dad. But I’m doing this mostly for Linda. She doesn’t want to live in a log cabin in the wilds for her whole life. And she would like to see me with less fur more often.” He chuckled to himself.
“I think it’s great that you have a wissend for a girlfriend. It’s a shame that it can’t happen more often.”
Harry placed his hands over his lips. “Let’s not talk about that here.”
I bit my bottom lip as a sorry for mentioning it. Then changed the subject. “What is Mrs Lee?”
“Mrs Lee’s a stoat. But don’t mention it in front of her. She’s sensitive about it. Apparently her parents were both large shifters, her dad a bear if I remember rightly. She’s never got over the fact she turned into a stoat.”
“I would’ve thought you were what your parents were.”
“A grandmother on her dad’s side was a stoat. She hates her dad for that. I’m the only bear shifter here at the moment so she hates me too. The woman has one huge chip on her shoulder.”
“Could be worse. She could be a mouse.”
Harry looked down at me and we both chuckled, which drew the attention of Mr Farquet.
“And what is Mr Farquet?”
“He’s a fox. He rarely teachers. Usually acts as the runner, which means border protection. Keeps us big guys out of the smaller shifter’s range. He’s fast and cunning as you would expect for a fox. It doesn’t matter how careful we can be, the guy always catches us. You just don’t see, hear or smell him. Even the fierce predators miss him.”
“Fierce predators, like what fierce predators?” This was sounding more dangerous by the minute.
“The lion and jaguar. They are our only big cats here at the moment. Wolves dominate as they always do. They think they’re the best as they are always the biggest representative of shifters at Darkwells. Barish will separate them for each class as once they get together that’s when trouble really starts. It’s hard not to follow the instinct to pack once you gather with a group of friends.”
“I am surprised there are not ten more of Mr Barish leading this class.”
“Barish is a wolf and he claims pack leadership over everyone, every time. He’s not a guy to mess with.”
Mr Barish drew us back to the class with his raised voice, which boomed around the forest. “If there are any incursions across the boundary you will be marked for the next six months and forbidden from shifting for the next three months. I don’t care if it’s Christmas. Your parents will be alerted to your infringement and your activities monitored while you are on holidays to ensure compliance. And that goes for you smaller creatures as well as the large. Do I make myself clear?”
Again everyone murmured.
“I didn’t hear that.”
“Yes, sir,” came the reply.
Harry leaned down, “Some of those smaller shifters can be cheeky. They are fast and they like to harass us into chasing them. They can seek refuge up
trees, in hollow logs or under rocks. They like to prove that even though they are small they can still get the better of us. It’s a risky move. Once some of them guys get chasing, the wolves in particular, they find it hard to remember the rules, pack instincts and all.”
“I can’t believe they even run this class.”
“It’s not an easy class to teach. But since they employed Mr Barish there hasn’t been any problems.”
“I will give you all one hour to stretch your legs then I want you to meet back here and we will start the skills session.”
Everyone broke at that point and moved off farther through the trees. Mrs Lee took the smaller shifters and headed south, while the rest scattered themselves around us.
With the disappearance of everyone else Mr Barish strode toward us. I felt myself grow smaller in stature with every step he took. He towered over us, including Harry and Harry was a hulk.
“I’m not sure why McGilus has sent you to us, Miss…”
“Wright.”
“Once everyone has shifted there is little you can do for the hour, until they gather back here for skills.”
“She can come with me, sir.”
Barish eyed Harry, “Don’t you want to run?”
“I can give it a miss this time, sir. I’m happy to take it slow.”
Everything about Barish was hard, from his stare to the angles of his features. “I’m not sure it is a good idea.”
“I will stay by her, sir. She will be fine.”
Barish gave us both one last hard look, his eyes lingering on me as his lips curled at the corners. He then flicked a quick look to Harry. He humphed once then turned and stomped off through the trees. It felt like we had been dismissed.
“He didn’t seem too happy for me to be here?”
“Mr Barish is never happy. His smile involves less of a frown. But he’s right, we have to be careful. You are as vulnerable as the smaller shifters once the big animals come out. He’s only agreed because he trusts me. I’m a bear, everyone trusts bears. I’d rather eat daffodils and berries than hunt and fight.” He ducked his head and again his olive skin darkened. “I know I lost my shit with that female bear back in the tournament, but that’s never happened before. It was weird.”
“It was faculty. They set it up to make sure you lost control. I wouldn’t worry about that. I trust you to keep an eye out for me.”
He shrugged away his embarrassment.
“What do you want me to do? Should I turn my back while you shift.”
“That would be great.” He glanced around us. “Most shifters have their favorite place to store they stuff until they change back. This isn’t my usual spot for shifting, so I’ll use…this tree to store my stuff.”
“You have a usual spot?”
“Routine. One of the first things we are taught on day one of class. It’s important to maintain a routine. It goes against our natural instincts. Shifters are generally chaotic people. But if we can break that in our human lives than it will slowly start to filter into our animal world. If we continue to shift in one place it forms a routine and reminds us that our shifting is under our control.”
“Makes sense. Shouldn’t you shift in your usual spot then?”
“I’m fine. It’s a one off. And I’d rather start here as I know the rest of the big shifters have headed north.”
“What do we do once you shift. Shall I walk beside you?”
Stupid question, but there was little else I could do. We eyed each other, and I couldn’t help but feel awkward.
“Would you like to get on my back…once I’ve changed that is?”
“Ride you, you mean?”
He shrugged, “Sure. It would make it easier for me to get around. I would like to stretch my legs. Do a bit of running and this way it guarantees you are with me.”
“You sure that’s okay.”
“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t all right about it.”
“Thanks.”
I’d seen Harry as a bear and he was huge, like a horse. He’d have no problem carrying me.
“I know most of the roaming trails the other shifters take, so we can head in a different direction.”
“Sounds good to me. And I promise I won’t take out any of your fur by gripping too tight.”
“Appreciated.” He smiled and gave me a wink.
I turned my back as he slipped his shirt over his head. I listened to him undress, the zipper going down and the shushing noise of his jeans as he pulled them off. Next came the bone breaking and squelching and all the horrible noises I had come to associate with shifting. I stayed where I was once the noises had died down, unsure as to when I should turn around. Harry told me when it was all right by giving me a gentle nudge on the arm.
I jumped at the nudge. “You sure are quiet for such a big guy.”
I stared into his black eyes with my fingers itching to run through his luxurious thick brown pelt. Linda must bury her face in his fur all the time. I know I would.
He nodded his head as he lowered himself to the ground, a welcome for me to get on. Bear shifter energy was gorgeous to feel. As I slid onto his massive back and settled myself down on his warm fur, my fingers taking a firm grip so I would not slide off when he stood, I luxuriated in the feel of his strength and vitality. I heard and smelt the forest like a human never could. It spoke of freedom and adventure, days of roaming wild, sleeping and eating when it fancied me and not caring how I looked or smelt. This was what Harry meant about the tug of one’s primal nature. I understood the lure it would hold on a creature that was born to be free.
He lumbered off through the trees. His girth was wide and my legs were stretched either side. I’d never ridden a horse before and had no idea how I was supposed to do this. Thank god he’d started slow.
But not for long. The urge to run must’ve taken him, for he nodded a few times over his shoulder. I took that as the warning signal that we were about to go faster. Good thing he had retained his human faculties at this time, enough to remember I was on his back.
When he broke into a jog, my thighs gripped tight to his middle and my hands grasped big handfuls of fur. I bumped around on top of him, which couldn’t have felt comfortable for him. When I felt myself slipping to the side, I gripped my thighs tighter, but that didn’t seem to help. Being so rigid all I seemed to do was bounce around.
Seeming to notice my plight, Harry broke into a run. I squealed with the sudden lurch and fell forward onto his back, but the gait was smoother than the jog he’d been doing. After awhile I found the courage to ease myself up to sitting. My thigh muscles ached from their maniacal grip, but given the smooth strides of his run, I forced them to relax.
This was actually fun. I relaxed my grip on his fur and allowed my body to roll with each stride. Now my fear of falling had eased, I refocused on his energy, which continued to flow unabated between us. I imagined myself as the wild animal, pounding through the forest with the endurance and strength to keep going on and on for miles. The wind lashed my cheeks, and I opened my mouth to shout, swept up as I was in the exhilaration of the run, wind, smells and the desire for freedom, until Harry jerked his head left, then increased his pace. I felt a ripple of apprehension run through his limbs and up into me.
His senses were my own, so I scanned in the direction he’d looked and found myself smelling another animal. This was followed by the sound of pounding footfalls gaining rapidly. A tremor ran through my body, which would no doubt make its way into Harry, given I was no good at keeping myself closed when I was in contact with another supe. He didn’t need my own fear to add to his stirring worry.
He veered left and just about dislodged me. Without thinking I grabbed a fistful of his fur and likely pulled half of it out. My thighs turned to lead and gripped his waist. The sudden rigidity of my posture, and I bounced around like I was on a trampoline.
Suddenly a massive gray wolf appeared from our right and Harry skidded to a halt, his back legs sliding out
from under him on the damp, soft loamy ground. I’d not been ready for how quick everything happen and lost my balance, sliding sideways off his back. Feeling myself go, I grasped for fur, but it was too late. There was no stopping the fall. I crashed onto the autumn leaves, but the worst of the fall was absorbed by the damp soil.
I rolled to my back and looked up in time to catch Harry’s shift back to human form. The horrible sound of bones realigning and knitting back was doubled by the fact Mr Barish was doing the same. As with the first time I had seen Harry shift I was transfixed by the sight. As grotesque as it was to see an animal’s body distort and change into something else and to hear the sickly sounds of bones snapping, I couldn’t look away. That was until Mr Barish stood in front of me as a man…naked.
The rage boiling through his body turned his face a deep red. His already large body appeared to expand like he was about to pop.
“How dare you,” he growled, as he strode toward us.
Harry moved in front of me, blocking Mr Barish from my sight. Either he was trying to protect his teacher’s modesty or he was trying to protect me. No way would Mr Barish hurt me, surely? And it was Harry who his eyes had bored into with obvious loathing. But Harry had moved on instinct.
“It was harmless, sir. Samara was in no danger.”
“There is nothing harmless in what you have done. I never thought I would see the sight.” I couldn’t see his face, but the tone suggested there was a lava storm brewing in his belly. “I would rather have found the girl in trouble than on your back. You are not a trained pet. Where is your pride?” He spat the words.
If I had known riding shifters was not the done thing, I would have refused. I pulled myself to my feet and pushed around Harry.
“Mr Barish, sir—”
“Samara, leave it,” Harry said.
I gave Harry a small apologetic smile and squeezed his hand, which had latched onto my elbow. Mr Barish glared down at me. If eyes could be poisonous darts then his would be firing a dozen shots at me by now. It seemed smelling emotions really was a thing for animals. Given Harry’s touch at my elbow, I could smell Mr Barish’s. At this point they were not something I wanted to experience.