by Abby James
Finally he let me go. Now that we’d hugged, the moment became awkward. To cover it up, he looked up and down the street. “This protector of yours is keeping his distance. I don’t like it. He should be close if he wants to be able to react.”
“Trust me, Nathan, he has the speed to react if he needs to.”
“I’m intrigued. Who has McGilus assigned?”
I shook my head. “You wouldn’t know him.”
“You’re heading back to Darkwells now I hope.”
“Soon enough.”
This time it was Nathan’s turn to do something unfamiliar. He kissed the top of my head. Then, as if embarrassed by the sudden show of affection, he turned, waving to me as he headed off down the street.
I watched him go, then glanced around, hoping to spy Luca. Seeing no one who resembled him, I crossed the street and headed for central park, only a few blocks away.
13
It wasn’t until I reached central park did I stupidly realize Luca had not specified a place to meet, which meant I could spend the rest of the afternoon wondering around looking for him. But I guess Vampires had better ways of finding people than eyesight, so I sat down on the first park bench I crossed and waited for him to come to me.
It was less than a minute before he appeared and slid down beside me.
“How do you do it?” I said as I turned to him.
“Somethings are meant to be left a mystery.”
“Were you in Sherbets?”
“I was close by.”
“How close by?”
“I heard every word. It was not my intention, but there was no other way for me to protect you.”
“I’m not angry.”
“Are you all right?”
“Did you ask that because you sensed my emotions or because you heard my mum’s story?”
“I can’t help but sense something from you now that I have sampled your blood.”
“How much is something? Are you going to pick up on my emotions from now on?”
“There is a certain link created when we take blood. It happens and can’t be helped. It’s why most vampires rarely take from the same person too often. Drinking from that person again only strengthens the link, though it is not usually something that concerns a vampire when there is such a large pool of wissend to drink from.”
“How long does the link last?”
“Permanent if they’re your usual blood supply. If I were to never take your blood again it would wear off within a few months.”
I already knew he would never take my blood again. “I’m not sure how I feel about you sensing my emotions. No one is supposed to know what someone thinks or feels, not as intimately as that. It feels invasive.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
His face fell, so I nudged him in the shoulder and received a thrill from head to toes with the good juice coming from him. “I’m exaggerating. But I want to know how much you do sense from me?
“I felt what you felt just now.”
I pulled away. “Like what? The vibe I just got when I touched you?”
His narrowed eyes drilled into me. “This should not be a drug for you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know the joy you get from what I give you. Just like I know how it feels for me to bite you.”
My cheeks heated in a nano second. Oh boy, that off-the-scale-sex-injection he gave me. If only he would stop reminding me of how much he had experienced my brinking orgasm. And the dry humping, god I would never live that down.
“That just makes everything awkward.”
“And you don’t think it doesn’t for me. I am not used to having someone touch me and learn my moods.”
“At least we’re both suffering. We’ll have to learn how to navigate this together.” Bummer that, like not.
“Or keep our distance.”
Along with my eye roll I slumped. If only Luca was not so walled up and protective of his privacy.
We were alone together in Central Park with the sky changing to afternoon colors. I didn’t want to waste the time getting depressed on his insistence we keep formal and distant with each other. I needed to tell him about what had happened in the bathroom and the strange mark on my thigh. I’d tried to say something the other day but my mouth glued up. As I thought of it now my heartbeat increased. Why was this so hard? At what point had I clenched my fists? Relaxing my fingers took focus. Once open I found my palms sweaty. I ran my hand down over my thigh. Without consciously doing so, I stroked down over the mark, igniting a short, sharp burn as I touched it.
I turned to face Luca needing to release the anxiousness building over this strange sensation but once again found nothing would come out. Sensing my gaze, Luca turned to me, but we remained suspended in this weird expectation filled with nothing but silence.
I blurted out, “I see everything through knew eyes now. I look around at all these ignorant people and realize that it was me not so long ago.” Then shut my trap. What the bejesus? Covering up for my ramblings, I continued. “I can’t believe a whole world existed along side me, one where people could do amazing and scary things and I never knew. I can’t believe I was so naive.”
“There will be many days when perhaps you will wish you were naive again. But never forget, Samara, there is little difference between the wissend and us. There are good supes and bad supes. We may be powerful but we are still driven by the same desires as the wissend. The only difference is when we decide to enact on our greed, the effects can be more catastrophic.”
Okay, so I couldn’t talk about the mark. I’d have to go with the flow of this conversation and worry about what the hell was going on with me another time. I turned my body, folding one leg up onto the seat. “You’re in a sombre mood.”
“Your conversation with Nathan has made me remember a few things.”
“Bad things.”
“About the choices people make.”
“Are these choices other people’s or are they yours?”
Was he thinking of his choice to become a vampire? “What was the name of the woman who turned you?”
“Virena.”
“McGilus told me the you can only have one ability. Did you know you would retain your ability as a sorcerer when you drank her blood?”
“You are asking too many questions.”
“You are avoiding mine.”
“Yes.”
“But how did you know?”
“I made sure it would be so.”
I turned forward to face the front, too stunned to reply immediately. I could feel Luca’s eyes on me.
“Do you think me bad? Are you afraid of me now?”
“You tell me, Luca.” I confronted his scrutiny. “You’re the one who can read my emotions.”
His eyes darted across mine, searching deep. I held his stare, drawn by the amber and crimson swirling in a violent dance.
He shook his head. “What would it take for you to truly understand how dangerous I am?”
I shrugged his question away. “How did you do it?”
“I learned from my father. He was very similar to your own father in many ways, driven insane by his desire to be powerful. Like your father he sought knowledge from everywhere. He traveled wide and learned a great many things. The difference between your father and mine was my father was already a powerful sorcerer. And what he learned made him even greater.”
“So what happened to him?”
“No one knew what he was doing except me. I knew his casting and I knew his practices. And so I copied him. I tried to learn what he’d learned so there was someone with the ability to defeat him. However I was not enough. I could not defeat him. I could only manage to trap him. But I knew one day he would find a way out. And so I went through all of the knowledge he had gathered and used some of the sorcery he had learned on myself. I needed to be better than I was. I needed to be immortal so that I would be waiting for him when he broke free.”
/> “How long has he been trapped?”
“Fifty years.”
“You are fifty years old!” Jesus, I keep forgetting about this damn immortality bullshit.
“Older. I was twenty three before I turned.”
“So your dad was the supe you mentioned who managed to find a way to make himself immortal without the bite of a vampire.”
“I doubt he is immortal, but his life is extended.”
“Do you think you’re ready to face him now?”
“I will have to wait and see. I would rather the day never come, but I refuse to be so naive.”
“It doesn’t have to be your burden alone. Many would fight with you.”
“And my father would gather his own army. And then where will it end?”
Good point.
“Poor McGilus, he thinks you’re an evolutionary marvel. How can he not know about the things your father was doing?”
“He wasn’t even around, remember? No one knew what my father was up to. Such practices are forbidden and punishable by death. Many have tried and those that did not die from their trials have been condemned, but there has never been a sorcerer as powerful as my father. He was good at hiding what he did. And he was the only one who had managed to find success without accidentally killing himself.
“In the end, though, he destroyed the man he’d been, something no skill of his could prevent. The casters pay particular attention to unlawful practices such as his now. It’s questionable if anyone could manage it without them knowing.”
“What does the council think of your multiple ability?”
“Some on the council are suspicious of me. I’ve been subjected to rigorous tests to prove my guilt, but all have been inconclusive. I followed my father’s teachings. I knew what I was doing. The evidence will never be discovered as I have destroyed everything he compiled.”
And in telling me this Luca was revealing a secret no one but myself and perhaps Virena knew about.
“Then you are a better sorcerer than your father. You managed to gain another ability without losing the man you are.”
“Sometimes I don’t feel like that is true.”
We sat in silence and watched the wissend pass by. I couldn’t help but notice all the women do a double take when they spied Luca. I glanced at him to see him looking at the ground, oblivious the all the female attention.
“Why do you stay at Darkwells? You have no need to attend any of the lessons. And you’re not restricted to moving only at nighttime? Isn’t the world out here more interesting than Darkwells?”
“I like to be with my people. And a lot of supes are wary of me because of my twin ability. It’s easier to be at Darkwells. Besides, there are too many temptations out here. You asked me once why it was that I take blood when I don’t need to.”
“You don’t have to answer.”
“I drink because it is a vampire’s addiction. Only a true vampire needs blood to survive. Whereas I take it because I am an addict. It’s a pleasure beyond belief, and I can’t stop.”
“I shouldn’t have asked.”
“Everyone needs flaws, don’t you think?”
“I have many.”
He huffed a small laugh. “Does it repulse you to know that about me?”
“No, why would it?”
“My weaknesses and flaws always repulsed my father. He told me so on many occasions.”
“If it’s any consolations, I would die if I had to give up coffee.”
“It’s not the same thing.”
“That’s a matter of opinion. Is it lonely?”
“It’s why I stay with my people.”
“But you are not really one of them. You’re different and they know that.”
“They are the closest I have to family. They know what it is like to be an addict. No one else does. Not even the sorcerers.”
“Have you drunk any blood since me?”
“No.”
That shouldn’t make me supremely happy, but it did. “Why?”
“I don’t think it is wise to tell you the truth. Not yet.”
Damn him. “When I learn to control my ability. When I can shut myself off from you, then maybe you could try again.”
Luca slowly turned his head to look at me. My cheeks would be the color of beetroot if the heat was anything to go by. Luca said he was an addict for blood, while I was an addict for a bite. But not just any bite. For his bite. I was an addict for him. He was my drug.
“No, Samara, I said I would never do that again.”
“How would it be any different from a random person you choose off the street?”
“No.”
I could feel his welling anger. It rolled off of him in gentle waves. He looked at his hands resting him his lap. “I will not turn you into a blood addict. And that is what you will become if I took your blood again. You would beg me to do it over and over again. At some point you would abandon me and look for another. Anyone, just to have that feeling again.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“You would. Trust me. I have been a vampire for fifty years, Samara. I know how it goes. I’ve seen it all.”
Bummer.
14
“You sure you don’t want to come with us?” Amy asked.
“No, you go ahead. I’ve got some reading to do.”
Amy came over to investigate the book I had in my lap. She frowned when she realized it was my mum’s journal. “You want some company?”
“It’s fine. I’m fine. I just never got all the way through it.”
“Because you found out your mother had an affair on your…oops, sorry, I guess he wasn’t your father.”
“It was stupid of me. I was too quick to judge mum. It was obvious from what she wrote that Miles was a hard man to live with, to even love. I’m passed that, and now I just want to learn everything I can about her life.”
“What about your real dad?”
“And him, although he doesn’t sound like such a nice guy.”
She rubbed my arm. “Not such a good introduction to Christmas.”
By the sounds of it Amy had a lovely family, large, loud and full of laughter and love. Even though she regularly complained about them, especially her siblings—Amy was the baby of the family, and spoilt by the sounds of it—I could hear underneath her whining how much she loved them. Family meant a lot to her. She was sad for me when she heard that I had no family, then pained some more when she heard how dysfunctional they had been. She’d been excited when she heard my father was actually alive, and double dashed when I explained to her that he was likely a man no one would want to meet.
“Go, you’re going to miss the fun.”
“I hate leaving you here alone.”
“I’m used to being alone so don’t worry.”
“That’s why I worry.”
Having grown with such a large family, Amy didn’t know what alone time meant and couldn’t understand why anyone would choose that over company.
I waved my hand at her, shooing her away. She gave up in the end and headed off through the trees.
There was a mini tournament on this evening, a game of poker between the factions. It was the only time Darkwells allowed houses to be pitied against each other, but the game had started off student lead. Faculty allowed it to continue after they discovered it was not causing too much division between the factions. In fact it was a huge success in bringing the factions together. Most were happy to sit alongside each other and chat while the nominees of their faction fought it out over the poker table.
Although I’d wanted to watch the game, after my visit with Nathan I was curious about the rest of the journal. I had wrapped myself in a blanket and curled myself up in the hammock with the journal on my lap. Through the trees overhead the dark clouds ladened with rain roiled across the sky. Occasionally a gust would roll through and inch the hammock into a swing of sorts, which wouldn’t last long. The forest smelt fresh this time of year. The chilled wind br
ought with it the fresh smell of nothing. No more pollen in the air, even the earthy smell of the soil had disappeared, leaving only the smell of impending rain. And hopefully some snow.
I returned my attention to the journal, flipping to the last page I’d read. Once again I read of mum’s return to Miles after she discovered she was pregnant. Already McManus had been acting unusual, unsettled at times, manic others. The times he was calm and sane seemed to be growing less and less the more time she spent with him. At one point he demanded she end her marriage and move in with him. Had he asked months earlier she would’ve considered it, but given his rapid change in temperament she was now scared. Even her gentling empathic ability had no affect on his hostile temper. It’s then she decided I had to be kept a secret.
That’s when I had stopped during my initial read, but now I pushed on. The more I read the further I fell into mum’s story. Difficult at times, heart wrenching and raw, there were many passages I read with a lump in my throat. But I devoured each line and fell in love with the woman who appeared before me on the page, this woman, my mother.
At one point I stopped and stared up at the fall leaves, then passed them to the angry sky and saw nothing but a reflection of my own heart. These two men had taken my mother from me. Both had been obsessive and selfish, sucking her giving, gentle nature, sucking it dry, leaving her with little to give to herself. Their hard and greedy emotions slowly swallowed her. I closed my eyes and craved something I would never have. I craved for my mother, even to talk to her just one time, so that I could hear her speak her story and give her what she needed, what we both needed; love.
It was a few pages from the end that I slammed the book shut, finally unable to take the horror of what I had read. I fumbled my way off the hammock, but raveled in the blanket, I ended up in a heap on the cold ground. The journal landed pages down on the damp soil. I grabbed it before the damp had time to soak in and destroy her precious words and flipped it over. The fallen leaves had protected the valuable pages from being covered in dirt, and I blew the few clumps of dead leaf litter that had stuck in patches.