by Addison Jane
My words seemed to fall flat when Deacon climbed out of the car and Op came closer. “The fuck are you doing here?”
Emerald’s fingernails dug painfully into my skin, her breathing so rapid I thought she might pass out.
Deacon frowned. “Can you calm down, I got someone in the back with Sky, and you’re already freaking her the fuck out.”
Optimus smirked. “Remind me again why the fuck I care?”
“Optimus!” Chelsea scolded as she rushed over after parking her own car. “It’s Skylar’s little sister, and she’s a little new to all this, so will you stop being an asshole so we can get her out of the car and into your office.”
I couldn’t help but grin. The boys may rule the roost around here, but even with Op as president, Chelsea wasn’t afraid to stand and have her say when it was important—screw everything else.
Emerald gasped. “She… will he punish her for saying these things?”
I saw realization dawn on Op’s face. He was the only one in the club who knew exactly where I’d come from. I’d had to be completely transparent with him before he would let me come on board as a club girl, but since then he’d kept that information to himself.
Now everyone was about to know.
Op took two large steps back from the car, taking Chelsea’s hand in his.
“No, he won’t punish her. He loves her very much. He respects what she has to say,” I explained as I took her hands in mine. “Come, we will go inside so we can speak with Optimus.”
I pushed the door open and climbed out first, Emerald stumbling to get out after me and cling to me like a monkey at the same time. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, but she kept her eyes trained on the ground.
Blizzard walked over with a confused facial expression. “Why’s that chick wearing a dress from Little House on the Prairie?”
Optimus rolled his eyes. “Come on, looks like we have some matters to discuss.”
Post-traumatic stress disorder.
One in eight soldiers will return home with it after deployment. It’s not new, I’m not the only one who has it, and I refuse to let it beat me, even after all these years.
Since I was discharged from the army, I’d been somewhat of a free spirit. Being caught up in a roadside bomb had given me this need to keep moving, to not stay in one place for too long. I guess in my gut, I was scared that if I did, I might be caught out again.
Or that maybe death would catch up to me instead.
“Eagle?” I looked up to see Dana focused directly at me, her eyes bright and encouraging. “You want to say anything to the new people in the group? Anything you think might be of help?”
Dana had been my psychiatrist after the army. She’d been one of the most positive influences in my life when I was really struggling and at times considering whether life was actually worth living with that much pain every day.
She’d encouraged me to keep going, to visit friends, to find things that I enjoyed and to focus on those. That was how I ended up finding the club. I’d decided to make a visit to see Leo. He was my best friend, and while we kept in touch every other day, I thought it might make me feel different if I could see him in the flesh.
Leo had just started prospecting for the club, so he took me around, introduced me to some of the boys, and I felt an instant connection with them. Leo and I had lost our entire team that day. We’d been the only ones to survive. And while Leo had come out of it better than I had, there was one thing I think we both knew we were missing—being part of a team, having those people who you could rely on, who would have your back at the drop of a hat.
Given I only had one family member, I was drawn to the club and the people in it. My little brother Jake followed me into the army a few years back and was quickly picked up to be a part of a Special Ops team. They often went off the grid for weeks, sometimes over a month, in search of terrorist leaders and members of the cartel who were a threat to the nation.
It wasn’t often they came back empty handed, taking however long to secure their mission. This time had been the longest stint so far, and I hadn’t heard from him for close to two months.
It only took me a few days to decide to join the club. I did my time prospecting in Alabama with Leo, but when I got my full patch I opted to go Nomad. I could feel those nerves sinking in again, the feeling of being trapped with nowhere to run and with no escape.
So since then, I basically moved between clubs every few weeks or months and would go where I was needed.
I’d spent a few months at the Brothers by Blood MC Chapter in Athens, Alabama recently. I had to admit—with the boys and the families that were there—the more time I spent there, the more it drew me back. It was starting to feel like home, and it was where I was about to return to so I could help out with a charity run to Dallas.
“Eagle?” Dana called again, and I shook my head, trying to focus.
“Sorry, what?”
She grinned at me. “Any words of advice for these guys?” she asked, sweeping her hand around the room, indicating to the ten to fifteen men and woman who were seated around me. Group therapy classes weren’t really my thing, but they worked a lot better for some people than others.
The people in this room all had some form of PTSD. They weren’t all from the army because that was the kicker with PTSD, it didn’t discriminate. It didn’t care about your background, your mental history, what your job was, or the color of your skin. It was merely the result of a traumatic event in your life. And then this twisted part of your brain decides that it wants to make you relive that shit moment, over and fucking over again.
I cleared my throat. “I’m not gonna tell you some magical fucking cure for what you’re going through because there isn’t one,” I said sincerely. A few of their eyes widened in shock, but I even saw a couple of people relax as if relieved to hear me say those words. “Do something you enjoy, visit people, do whatever you want that makes you feel good again.”
I came back once every six months to see Dana privately, I still struggled myself with memories, nightmares and what I call ‘episodes.’ And every single time she made me stick around for these group meetings like I was going to have something amazing to say and help them through.
I didn’t have anything amazing to say.
There were a few times where I’d just said fuck it, and hadn’t even come because I needed to take a plane to get here, given that the brothers didn’t have a club here in California, and I didn’t really enjoy staying somewhere without family at my back. It was on the agenda, though. There were a few brothers eager to move over here and start something up, but that also took a lot of effort and planning, and it wasn’t at the top of the list of things to get done.
It was the plane flight that mainly kept me from making the effort, though. And I knew it was a stupid excuse. The plane made me feel trapped. Being that high in the air with no place to escape wasn’t my idea of fucking fun. It often took me a couple days afterward before I started to feel normal again, and like I wasn’t going to rip someone’s head off when they accidentally brushed up against me or said the wrong thing. As it was, I could already feel my stomach turning at the thought of the three-hour flight back to Alabama.
When the group meeting came to an end, I sat and waited for Dana to say goodbye to her clients and usher them out the door before coming back and sitting down. “Just as enlightening as always…” She chuckled.
I snorted. “I don’t know why you make me do these meetings, there’s nothing I could say or do to help them. Especially since I still struggle every single damn day, too. Remember?”
“Mmhmm.” She nodded. “And that’s exactly why I bring you here. Because these people in particular, they have friends and family out there who have to drag them from the house and bring them to these meetings because they don’t want to leave their bed, or their room, or their house.”
I frowned, my stomach churning as I remembered what it was like to be like
that for the first few weeks.
“They need to see someone who’s still going through what they’re going through but is still living their life like a normal person. Some of them might take no notice, but there might be one person in that group that says… hey, it’s possible.”
I folded my arms across my chest and sunk down in the chair. Dana laughed as she moved to the whiteboard and started wiping it down.
So maybe she was right. And I fucking hated when she was right because it was all the damn time.
“You know, I’ve been seeing you for so long now, that I honestly can’t wait for the day that you walk in here with a girlfriend or a wife. Maybe even a couple kids.” She looked over her shoulder and smiled, I could tell it was genuine. This lady no matter how much she pushed my buttons, she had really pulled me through some bad states.
I got out of my chair and headed for the door. “Keep dreaming, Doc.”
Her laughter followed me out of the building.
Sure, kids were something I could see myself having in the future, but I was honestly sick of these women who saw me as this broken man and were determined to fix me like some fucking wounded bird. Some ran when they got a first-hand look at my nightmares. Others got frustrated when I refused to take the pills to try and stop the episodes because the pills made me feel like a fucking zombie.
I didn’t need that shit.
I would rather be fucking me, and deal with the flashes of pain than just be completely numb to everything. How would that be living? Didn’t I owe it to the friends and team members I lost to remember them and live for them?
I spotted a cab and raised my arm, he immediately pulled some seriously crazy maneuvers to get across to me—horns blasting, people slamming on their breaks, the screeching of tires.
A freezing feeling filled my hands and traveling up my arms. I fought it, glaring at them, knowing that although it felt like I’d just stuck my hands inside a freezer and shut the door, that it was just my mind—my memories—creating the sensations crawling up from my fingertips and taking over my body.
My ears were ringing, it was so high pitched it was fucking painful. I tried to scratch at them, but my body wouldn’t respond to what I was telling it to do. I needed to keep breathing and try not to concentrate on the pain.
There was more.
My head, my stomach, could I even feel my legs? I actually wasn’t sure.
I needed to get out of here, please let me get out of here.
My jaw clenched so tightly, I wondered whether this time I might break a tooth. My fingers curled and uncurled, cutting through the pain and gently bringing me back to reality. My breathing was stilted, and I placed a hand on my chest as I fought to take in a deep breath.
“Where to man?” the driver of the taxi asked out the window with a grin.
Finally, I managed to inhale and fill my lungs. “Airport…” I told him, before adding, “… and don’t drive like a dickhead or we’re gonna have issues.”
“No problem, fair warning, though. I heard it’s gonna be a bit bumpy up there today,” he replied happily as he pulled away from the curb.
“Fucking awesome.”
I ushered Emerald to the door with Deacon on the other side of her. The others followed, Blizzard still looking extremely confused.
We piled into Optimus’ office, and I sat on the large sofa with my little sister still clinging tightly to me. Deacon thankfully gave her plenty of space and sat on the arm of the chair. Optimus took his seat behind his desk as Chelsea stood beside him, while Blizzard stood leaning against the door, staring at Emerald in confusion.
“Sorry to spring this on you, Optimus… Deacon appeared at the shop with her, and I really had no idea what to do,” I tried to explain. “This is my sister, Emerald. She’s run away from my father because he was trying to force her to marry.”
Blizzard’s eyes grew wide while Optimus just shook his head. “Jesus Christ. How did she get here?”
Deacon spoke up, briefly explaining what had happened and how he’d discovered she was my sister and brought her to me.
“Well, aren’t you a knight in shining fucking armor,” Op muttered. Chelsea shoved his shoulder, and he looked up at her with an innocent boyish grin before turning back to me. “So what’s going on? Your daddy gonna come looking for her?”
I frowned. “I am not sure. Things sound a little strange. Emerald said that the man she was to marry was not a Colony member, which has always been forbidden. I am asking for her to have some kind of protection. She is still seventeen which means she could be sent back as a runaway.”
Op sighed and leaned back in his chair. “One, I don’t like how you’re suddenly talking so damn weird,” he said with a frown, and I shuddered. After six years, all it took was this for me to start reverting back to habits I’d fought so hard to eradicate. “And two, you know you’re part of this family, but the reality is there’s a way things work around here.”
My stomach twisted. I already knew the answer.
“There are rules, Sky,” he continued. I could see he was honestly sorry that this was how things were going to go. “You’re a club girl, you’re under protection because of what you do for the club. Unfortunately, that doesn’t include your sister. We can’t house her here, and we can’t offer the club’s protection.”
I cleared my throat and nodded. In my head I was going through all my stuff, how much money was in my bank account, whether it would be enough to keep us going, and whether what Sugar paid me would allow me to stay in college. “Then I’m going to have to—”
“You’re not going to do anything right now,” Deacon cut in, shaking his head. “She can stay with me.”
Emerald’s back went utterly straight, and she whipped around to look at Deacon. My mouth fell open, and I was stunned for a few moments.
I saw Chelsea’s face light up, but Op and Blizzard both rolled their eyes as I finally shook off the surprise. “You can’t… I mean, why?”
“She’s comfortable with me,” he said, looking to Emerald as if asking her to confirm his feelings.
She turned back to me and nodded once.
“The police here, they aren’t part of the Colony?”
I snorted. “No, they most definitely are not. They are good, they keep people safe.”
“I’ve got two months of leave. I was just gonna stick around town and annoy the fuck out of Optimus.” Deacon grinned over at the club president who glared back at him. “She can stay with me, and that’ll give you time to save some money and figure out a plan.”
“And why might I ask are you taking two months off?” Blizzard asked curiously.
Deacon’s body froze for a second, his eyes glazing over before he blinked away the haze. “My dad passed away, so my mom is gonna come down in a few weeks and stay with me when her sister leaves. I had holidays owing, so I figured I’d take everything at once.”
Chelsea’s hand went to her heart. “I’m so sorry, Deacon,” she said softly, and I noticed Op nod his head, but he chose not to say anything.
“It’s okay,” he responded, forcing a smile. “Seems like it was meant to be.”
“Sky?” Op said, drawing my attention. “This work for you? You know we’d hate to lose you, but I also respect that this is your family.”
Part of me wanted to say no—that I would take care of my sister, that she was my responsibility—but the smart part of my brain knew if I walked away from the club right now, it wouldn’t be long until we were struggling and probably not making enough money to live.
This would give me two months to do extra hours at work, figure out if I could suspend some papers, maybe do my degree part-time, and save some money. It would also keep Emerald safe if my father decided to send someone after her.
I grabbed my sister’s hand. “Are you okay with this?”
She leaned in closer. “Will I still be able to see you?”
“I’ll give you time to visit with your sister each day,” Op
cut in, startling Emerald and making her jump.
“All right,” my sister finally agreed after her heart stopped racing and at that moment, I was so thankful for these people around me who may not be able to offer my sister everything, but would still put in an effort to help make things easier.
I dove on Emerald, and she actually giggled as I hugged her tightly to my body. My cheeks hurt from the smile which was plastered to my face, and I honestly felt a little giddy. I had my sister back, after six long years. I couldn’t wait to show her the amazing things in this world that we’d always been told were the work of the devil.
Eventually, I dragged Emerald out of Op’s office and down to my bedroom to find her some clothes that might work until I could take her shopping. Deacon was officially off duty so he was outside waiting to take us to his place so I could help her get set up.
Op was amazing, he’d allowed me the rest of the day off to spend with my sister and get her settled. This was why I loved the club. They might have these rules, and I respected them for that, but they were also understanding and supportive when things happened that were out of our control.
Emerald sat at the edge of my bed while I dug through my wardrobe for anything that I thought she might wear, which honestly really came down to maxi dresses given that she wasn’t quite prepared yet to damn herself to hell with things like shorts or even jeans.
“This room is nice,” Emerald said, her eyes roaming the small space that I called home. “What is it that you do here? Maybe I could work here too, and get my own room like this.”
I stalled, my hand freezing on a pair of sneakers I thought she might fit into. “I um… I do a lot of things.” I couldn’t look at her. I wasn’t ashamed of what I did for the club, but it was going to take a long time before Emerald would understand and accept how different this place was to the world we grew up in.
“Hey, Sky…”
I spun around to see Camo standing in the doorway. He looked at my sister in confusion. “Uh… I see you’ve got a visitor, I’ll come back later.”