by Addison Jane
It couldn’t be easy to have people constantly telling you that it’ll be okay, or downplaying what you are feeling.
“It’s like people have no fucking idea,” he snapped, his eyes meeting mine, filled with pain and anger. “They have no idea that this is probably as good as it’s going to fucking get. Yeah okay, it’s better than it was, but there’s always gonna be triggers, there’s always gonna be memories in the back of my head.”
His body was shaking, I wanted to comfort him, not to tell him that it will be okay or that he will get through it, but to show him that it was fine to feel how he was feeling.
“I told you before, I don’t want to fix you. But if there’s something I can do to make the dark times brighter, then you just have to say.”
One of his hands reached out and his fingers tangled in my hair. He pulled me forward, and I braced my hands on his chest as I leaned in, following his lead. “Trust me when I say, you already do,” he murmured before his lips crashed into mine, sending sparks flying, lighting up the dim room with the electricity between our bodies.
The kiss was slow, passionate and intense.
It wasn’t like before.
I was getting in deep, probably too deep.
But when Eagle touched me, I just couldn’t find the strength to care.
It had been about two weeks since our escapades in Dallas.
I was working my ass off to try and make as much money as possible so, in a couple months, I could possibly have enough to get my own apartment and have Emerald come and live with me. Unfortunately, there was only so much I could do. While Op had been happy to let me take a few hours out every day to work at Sugar’s store, there was no way he was going to allow me to pick up another job on top of that, along with trying to get as many papers done at the college as I can before I walk away from the club and they stop paying for it.
Things were tight, and they were only going to get tighter because I didn’t see my sheltered sister coming out of her shell anytime soon to get a job. And while the idea of an education excited her, there was little chance of her being able to do that until she found a way to pay for it.
Even the boys in the club had left me alone as I rushed between work, school and visiting with Emerald. I wasn’t exactly sure why. Maybe because I was really only at the club when I needed to sleep. Or maybe since all the drama and stress I had going on, Op had told them to give me some space? All except one that was, and I was starting to find that I didn’t mind Eagle’s company one bit. He’d spent more than a handful of nights with me, and every time we fell asleep. But he was always gone in the morning. I tried not to feel disappointed, I didn’t have a right to feel disappointed. I also didn’t feel like I had the right to know where he was disappearing to, given that when I got out of bed, he wasn’t at the club.
All of a sudden, he wasn’t this scary standoffish guy. He was a guy who I could talk to about my day, who actually listened to what I had to say. He poked fun at me, and I threw it right back, enjoying the way it had become like a game. One which often ended in us being naked.
I wasn’t sure what I was feeling. With all the other boys keeping clear, I was confused, but also a little thankful that I hadn’t yet had to experience having another man touch me when all I’d felt for almost two weeks was him.
“How’s it going in there, Emerald?” Sugar asked, while madly finding more clothes for Emerald to try on.
“I do not know, Sugar,” Emerald called, her voice a little shaky.
“I’ll be there in a sec to help,” Sugar yelled from our position across the room.
It was only a couple of weeks since Emerald showed up on the doorstep. There were some days where I found myself at my wit’s end, wondering if I’d been this difficult to deal with when I walked away. But I was trying to spend as much time as possible with her because it was actually so amazing to see her eyes light up every time she experienced something new that she loved.
Like right now.
I was sitting on the store counter while Sugar had Emerald down the back in the dressing rooms, using my sister as her own personal Barbie doll. Emerald was slowly becoming more open to normal clothing that wasn’t ankle length or long sleeved, and she’d finally caved this morning and told me she was thinking about trying on a pair of jeans.
When I told Sugar, she was so excited that she shut the store an hour early and had Deacon drop Emerald off so we could play dress up. She’d proceeded to pull every pair of pants she had in store off the shelves—even the ones that I would never dare try to pull off, and every modest, but fancy shirt she owned too.
I spotted a few dresses on the rack and shook my head while Sugar grinned from ear to ear.
“How are you going in there, Em?” Sugar called as we moved over to the dressing room door, tapping her foot impatiently. I giggled, and she hit me with a scowl. “Quiet over there in the cheap seats.”
“I am suddenly not so sure about this,” Emerald’s voice called back with a slight shake.
Sugar rolled her eyes but slapped on her picture-perfect smile. “Babe, it’s only me and your sister here, no one else is going to see you or judge you.”
“God sees everything,” Emerald threw back harshly, before opening the door and peeking through the gap.
“You’re right, he does, therefore he has already seen what you’re wearing and has yet to smite you, so it’s not going to make things any worse if you just open the door,” Sugar replied in a sing-song tone that had me scoffing.
“Okay fairy godmother,” I snorted. “Come on Em, I bet you look amazing,” I coaxed, jumping down from the counter and walking toward them.
She chewed on her lip for a second, her eyes drifting between Sugar and me at least five times before she finally inhaled deeply and pushed the door to the side. My mouth dropped open and Sugar actually bounced on her toes and clapped her hands. Sugar had given her a pair of acid wash, bootcut jeans with a cute white, fluffy sweater that just brushed the waistband. Emerald was tugging gently on it, trying to pull it down further, a slight blush on her cheeks.
She was looking at the floor, one foot crossed over the other in a nervous gesture, but she failed to hide the smile on her face that told me she freaking loved it.
“You’re allowed to like it, Em!” I encouraged, rushing forward and taking her hands in mine. She finally looked up, her eyes sparkling. “Tell me that you like it.”
“I look pretty,” she whispered, and in that moment my heart sank. I’d told her ever since we were little that she was so beautiful, so incredibly unique with her long, ink-black hair and piercing green eyes, but Emerald never heard those words from anyone else. Not her mother, not our father.
Blonde hair and blue eyes were always preferred in the Colony. They say those with these features were the purest, the most innocent, and less able to be corrupted by the devil. I guess I lucked out with my genes in some ways, not so much in others.
“You look stunning,” Sugar gushed, stepping forward and untwisting Emerald’s hands from the furry cotton sweater and guiding her toward the large mirror. Emerald was entranced with the image staring back at her, twisting her body to see herself from all different angles.
I grinned. “Who knew, my sister has a better butt than I do,” I jested, causing her to spin around, her mouth blubbering as she fought to find the words to argue. I held up my hand. “Stop, I’m just playing with you. Your butt is great, but mine is still better.”
Her body slumped, looking half relieved, half disappointed that she didn’t have a nicer ass.
Clearing her throat, she turned to Sugar. “May I try on more?”
Sugar looked like heaven itself had opened up, and Jesus was coming down from the sky. “Yes! So much yes!” She directed Emerald back to the dressing room, tossing several garments inside with her and promptly shutting the door. “I’m going to pick some more things out, I hope you’re feeling ambitious now that we all know you have that smoking body underneath those cl
othes!”
Sugar skipped off before Em could protest, and I laughed softly, sitting on the small ottoman outside her door.
“I am pretty sure that Mother and Father would not approve of these clothes,” she said as she shuffled and shimmed her body out of her jeans. “Abel would no doubt be sent to punish me.”
I cringed at her words.
It seemed as though my brother really was the enforcer of our family. I had to wonder how the sweet boy who used to kiss my scratches and scrapes when I was little, turned into the man who was the reason for them.
I could tell from the tone change in Emerald’s voice, that even speaking of our older brother made her feel uneasy. He still made me feel that way too, but I thought maybe if she heard what Eagle did to him, that she may feel a little stronger, more confident to know that he wasn’t invincible.
“Eagle punched Abel in the face,” I said suddenly, and I saw her feet freeze beneath the cut off door.
She didn’t respond at first, so I started babbling, trying to help make sense of what I’d just dumped on her.
“He was in Dallas last week when we were there. He approached me saying some bad shit. I poked fun at me running away while he was meant to be watching me and he slapped me.” Her tiny gasp encouraged me to carry on. “I told him what I do for the club, all of the boys with him heard, I just know that the whole Colony will probably know by now. I wonder what Father had to say about it.”
Emerald began to move again, I could hear rustling, things coming off clothes hangers and others going on. “I do not know if I could even guess what Father would have to say,” Emerald said softly as she slowly pulled the door open. “I have not seen him in over six months.”
I frowned as she once again peeked through the doorway. “Six months?”
Her head bobbed up and down. “We were relayed messages like we were not even a part of his family, but just like every other member of the Colony. We were no longer special or important, we were told he had a higher calling.”
It made me a little sad to think that my younger brothers and sisters were growing up without even knowing their father, but on the other hand, it made me glad to know that they wouldn’t have to suffer through what we did when he was unhappy with us.
Were there any times that I remembered loving my father?
Maybe when I was very young, and my mother talked about him like he was some kind of superhero who was going to save us and take us to this beautiful place so we could live forever.
But even then, how could you love someone who would so blatantly lie to their family like that?
Emerald stepped out, and I almost dropped straight to the ground. The floaty flower patterned dress she had on was three quarter sleeved and fell right on her knee. It was a pastel purple color with blooming pink flowers and complimented her extremely pale skin tone. The dress accentuated her waist with a high neck that kept the modest look while showing off her figure.
“Damn girl,” I laughed.
There was no embarrassment left, her face lit up brightly like she was seeing herself for the first time. “I never imagined I would be this pretty, not even on my wedding day,” she whispered as she stepped toward the mirror in awe of herself. I was so proud of her for finding even a little bit of confidence.
“You never told me what his name was, the man you were to marry,” I wondered out loud, and her shoulders tightened.
“His name was Brock Obrien,” she said, her voice laced with disgust that she even had to utter his name.
I screwed my nose up. “When did father let in this man who didn’t dress like us?”
Her eyes met mine in the mirror. “When Brock began bringing in women.”
My heart stalled. “What do you mean?”
“Strange young girls. Some of the men would start bringing them with them to church,” Emerald explained, her eyes glazing over as if she was watching it happen in her head. “Some would just look very scared. Others would ask us for help. I knew they were not there because they wanted to be, but there was not a thing I could do. I could be punished for even acknowledging them,” she said, shaking her head.
I opened my mouth to ask more, but Sugar came rushing in. “Oh wow,” she said in total awe of Emerald, then began gushing over how perfect the dress worked for her.
I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that these strangers, this man Brock and these girls from outside the Colony, were being brought in and going to church with the men.
Something was wrong, I could feel it in my gut, inside my fucking soul.
How many more people were they going to hurt?
How far would they go to get what they wanted?
I felt like I was getting closer to finding out.
On arrival back in Athens, my first port of call was to settle Skylar back at the clubhouse and then take a ride out to the Sunshine Cottage Inn to check on Megan and Cleo’s progress.
As I walked into the reception area, I noticed the bright colors on the walls and the happy and cheerful staff going about their life-saving work. I had called through and arranged a room after the accident, and was hopeful that Megan was still here and accepting the help she so desperately needed.
“Hi there, can I help you,” the cheerful receptionist called out as I walked through the doors. Her beaming smile was welcoming, but I could also see the way she studied me. They were very careful and cautious here, and so they should be. They were protecting people, and every person who stepped through the door that they didn’t recognize was a potential threat.
“Yeah, I’m Eagle,” I told her with a lazy smile and her shoulders instantly relaxed, her posture becoming a lot less defensive as she heard my name. “Megan and Cleo… hoping I can have a visit with them?”
“Sure, I’ll call through and check for you.”
After a short time, a young woman stepped into the reception area and guided me through the hallway to Megan’s room.
“Megan and Cleo are in there. She’s looking forward to seeing you.”
After a quick knock, I carefully turned the door handle and opened the door a fraction to look inside. Megan had Cleo on her knee and was gently stroking her hair.
She looked up. “Eagle, I’m so happy to see you.”
“How are you doing? They treating you okay?” I took a look around. The room was simple— a bed, a bassinet for Cleo, a TV that was playing silently, and an attached bathroom. It was nothing fancy, but it was a place where she could feel safe and secure for a while until she figured out what her next step was.
“This place is amazing. They’ve given me everything I could possibly need for Cleo, and above all, I feel safe and protected. They’re looking into long-term housing for me as well, as I know I can’t stay here forever.” She looked up at me, her eyes sparkling in the light. “I honestly can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me, Eagle.”
She looked far too young to be holding that precious human life in her hands. I felt overly protective of her and Cleo. I wasn’t entirely sure why there was just a part of me that felt like I was responsible for them.
“You want to hold her?” Megan grinned, lifting up a sleeping Cleo to me. My body gravitated toward her, and I moved my arm close to my body so Megan could settle her in the crook of my elbow.
I brushed my finger across the top of her head, the baby strands of hair feeling like silk against my skin. “You don’t got any family around that are missing this little one?” I asked, keeping my eyes focused on the baby, but noticing the way Megan’s head hung down at the mention of anyone who might actually care.
“No,” she replied, her voice a careful whisper. “My mom has never been around. My dad died while on active duty a couple years ago… that’s when my stepmom got custody of me. She made it quite clear that she hated how I reminded her of my dad every day.”
My lip turned up in a sneer, and I rolled my shoulders, trying to keep the agitation at bay and focus on Cleo. “She the o
ne who left those bruises?”
She cleared her throat. “New husband,” she replied simply and straight to the point, letting me know there would be no more discussion about this topic today. I had a really fucking shitty feeling in the pit of my stomach that those two words were also going to be the answer to the question, ‘How did you end up with Cleo?’ But I chose to leave that one alone, noticing the way Megan was already shutting down.
I didn’t want to take any of the light away from her that she’d found while she was here in Athens. I could tell she was already feeling more optimistic and excited about the future.
The conversation about her stepdad could wait for another day, but it was going to be sitting in the back of my mind, and I would find out. And then I would decide what to do with that information.
“So you’re going to stick around then?” I questioned, trying not to smile when Cleo blinked at me sleepily and stretched her little arms and legs, driving her tiny foot into my ribs.
That question brought a gentle smile back to Megan’s face. “Yeah, I heard Athens is nice.”
I nodded in agreement, happy that for now, they were staying close where the club or me could help them out if necessary. “It is, real nice.”
Polishing my bike was kind of like therapy to me.
I know some of the brothers often got the prospects to do it, but I found it somewhat peaceful, and there were very few men who I trusted to touch my baby. This bike had carried me all over the country, it was like therapy when I was feeling trapped or overwhelmed. To just wipe it down, make it sparkle, I owed it that much at least for the times where it had saved me.
“Hey man.”
I looked over my shoulder and spotted Leo standing in the doorway to the garage. It was attached to the far end of the clubhouse, a place where brothers could come to fix up their rides, build shit, have a bit of peace and quiet from an environment that was steadily becoming a little crazy, as we had more brothers joining the ranks and a handful of babies and children filling the space like never before.