by Neil LaBute
HER Wait! God! Really? I mean … I know it’s serious and all that, but … really? You are gonna call this “bad behavior” now?
SHE Well … what else is it? (Beat.) Honestly?
HER It’s life! This is what happens to us!!
SHE Not everybody …
HER No, not everybody! NO! AGREED! But to a few us—a lot of us, actually—and lots of them just … you know … go on living. They do. They make a go of it and start over, on their own or with someone new and … that’s … God! I dunno! That’s how it works. When it doesn’t work. It works out in some-other-way for … those of us who’re just bumbling around down here on the surface of the Earth. (Beat.) We fall in and out of love and try not to hold grudges or, or, or … rub people’s noses in their own dirt … we try not to do it because it’s bad karma and not nice and just … plain … uncool … to do that. Not cool. At all. (Beat.) I’ve been with you for twelve years … since college … and I, fuck, you know … I told you!! Didn’t I?! Warned you that this could happen, that I might not be with you forever, or, or—you know that’s true!! YOU KNOW THAT!!! (Beat.) “Love” shouldn’t be a punishment, ok?! It’s not some “death sentence” or, like, like … irreversible! It’s just not.
SHE I know.
HER But you just … keep … going! You … you know what you do! You do that to me!!
SHE I know.
HER You’ve always been pushing … pushing me to be with you … be yours. To always be yours and to never, you know, pursue the other part of me. That side that’s not …
SHE Yes.
HER I DON’T LOVE MEN! I never have! I dated a few—enough to know—and I just … that’s not me. For me. (Beat.) I told you that … I told you that was the case and yet you stuck with me, saying things would be ok and that we could … that maybe we’d be able to … to … I don’t know! (Beat.) Look, I’m just … tired, and, and … this is …
SHE What?
HER For years I told you that! We made good friends, years ago, when we first met … I liked that. Us as “friends.” But that too, you pushed … you pushed us to be more than that … something else. Some other thing. Some … (Gesturing.) This.
SHE Ummmmm … you suggested it first. (Beat.) To be fair.
HER … no …
SHE Yes. (Beat.) You did, too. (Beat.) YES.
HER Which part?
SHE Not us as a couple maybe, but … sex. Trying it together. Us having sex.
HER Yeah, ok, but … I did that … because …
SHE Why? “Because” why?
HER To see! To just see if … maybe I was … who knows? “Wrong.” “Mistaken.” (Beat.) That was me trying. Trying to make a go of this with you. For you. Because you wanted it so bad. Wanted me so much … so I did that. For you. (Beat.) I tried it, okay? I did. (Beat.) I tried.
SHE And you hated it …
HER NO! Shit, why does it have to be so … black or white or … just … no! No, no, no! I did not hate it with you, I just didn’t like it much. Care for it. Want it for the rest of my life. (Beat.) Sex with a man. (Beat.) It’s not for me …
SHE Yeah, I know … you have made that very clear. Over the years. VERY CLEAR.
HER Okay, but I did try. (Beat.) I did.
SHE True. Closed your eyes and tried …
HER … no …
SHE Grit your teeth and tried …
HER … that’s not …
SHE Held your breath and tried …
HER Stop! That’s not true! (Beat.) I just …
SHE You love women. That’s all. (Beat.) Right? (Beat.) Isn’t that right?
HER I do.
SHE You love women and not men.
HER That’s right.
SHE I should’ve believed you in the first place, but I just … I wanted you … so much. Since that first lecture we were in … I just … I wanted you to be mine. Wanted you to want me … to be with me … (Beat.) But I should’ve listened. That’s what I should’ve done.
HER Maybe so.
SHE I should’ve heard what you kept saying over and over … and over …
HER … I did try to … you know …
SHE I know! (Beat.) I know that. (Beat.) And that’s why I did this. Changed myself …
HER Yes.
SHE I became this. (Indicates.) I did this … for you. (Indicates.) All of it was for you.
HER I’M AWARE OF THAT! Okay? I know. I get it and I’m … very … very …
SHE “Sorry?”
HER Yes.
SHE You’re “sorry.”
HER I am.
SHE You feel bad. (Beat.) Right? (Beat.) “Bad.”
HER I do. Yes. (Beat.) But it’s also … you know … it’s not just my fault … it’s really not. (Beat.) People change.
SHE Some quite literally. Like me.
HER Please! I’m trying to talk to you now. Like grown-ups. Like grown-up people do.
SHE Okay. (Smiling.) And what is it they say to each other? When that happens? These grown-ups? (Beat.) “I’m sorry you went and chopped your dick off, but tough luck …”
HER No …
SHE “Better luck next time …”
HER … no …
SHE “As luck would have it …”
HER Stop.
SHE “At least you’re kind of pretty …” Something like that?! Hmmmmm?!
HER STOP IT! STOP! IT!
One of them bursts into tears. Sits there. Sobbing. After a little while they try to go on:
SHE I’m sorry … I just …
HER I know.
SHE I love you. That’s all.
One of them is about to answer but stops herself. Then:
HER … I know you do.
SHE “I know you do.” (Laughs.) Not even just a crumb, huh? Not even a quick little “love you, too” for me … just this once? (Beat.) No? Nothing?
HER … I can’t …
SHE “Can’t” what?
HER If I do that … say that to you … you will latch onto it … grab hold of it like some life preserver in the ocean …
SHE Oh really …?
HER Yes! You know you will. Come on! Like it’s some … piece of debris out in the Atlantic … and hold me to it … remember the date and the time and the place and throw it right back in my face a dozen times over the next ten conversations! (Beat.) That’s why I can’t say that to you … not even once. (Beat.) I’m sorry, but … I know you. How you are. (Beat.) It’s true …
SHE Wow.
HER I don’t mean to be hurtful.
SHE No?
HER Not at all.
SHE … then you probably shouldn’t say stuff like that any more. (Beat.) You know why? (Beat.) BECAUSE IT FUCKING HURTS! It hurts and it stings and you should think twice before you ever say it again!! Okay?!!!
HER Sorry.
SHE Yeah! I remember! You’re sorry …
HER I am.
SHE Ok, ok. You’re sorry. (Beat.) So … just for the record: what don’t you like? (Beat.) Specifically …
HER What?
SHE About me! About all the work I’ve done on myself … my body … on changing me …
HER Oh God, please … don’t …!
SHE No, just so I’ll know! For the future …
HER That’s not …
SHE Oh come on!! You allowed it to happen in the first place … so you can tell me now, I can take it! Promise!! (Beat.) Go ahead.
HER I don’t wanna do this …
SHE Do it for me! I don’t care what you want for once! THINK ABOUT ME!! OKAY?!! (Beat.) So, what is it, my face? Is it the way my face has turned out? Is it? (Beat.) Or the way I do my hair? (Beat.) Is that it?
HER … no …
SHE “No” you do or don’t like it?
HER I like it.
SHE So, my make-up? (Beat.) I can change that. My make-up. Too much? I can change it …
HER It’s not that.
SHE No?
HER No. You’re very beautiful. (Beat.) Pretty at least. (Beat.) I
like your face …
SHE Okay. Fine. (Opens her blouse.) My tits? (Beat.) Is that it? (Beat.) Yes? (Beat.) It is them or do you like them?
HER Yes. (Beat.) They’re nice. Yes.
SHE Not huge. You never said you wanted me to make them huge …
HER That’s not … no. I like them very much.
SHE They’re natural.
HER I know.
SHE I mean … as natural as being all pumped full of shit to make it happen can be …
HER Right.
SHE But I could still change them. Add a bit more to them. If you wanted me to …
HER I don’t. (Beat.) Please. (Beat.) I don’t.
SHE Okay. (Lifts up her skirt.) And here? Do you like me down here? The way I feel? (Grabs her hand and makes her feel her body.) Just … there. Come on. Touch me.
HER … yes …
SHE You do?
HER I mean … it feels normal …
SHE Does it?
HER Yes. (Beat.) The way it should.
SHE Like other woman you’ve had?
HER Yes.
SHE It does?
HER Yes, it does.
SHE Like your own, even? Is this as nice as your own? (Beat.) Because I think yours is beautiful. I love it. I’ve always loved it and so … you know … I just wonder …
HER Kim … PLEASE …
SHE Just-tell-me!
HER Yes. They did a good job.
SHE It feels okay?
HER I think so. Yes.
SHE And it looks … it’s not strange-looking or anything? Right? (Beat.) Right?
HER No.
SHE I could shave it or do … whatever … if it makes you happier. (Beat.) I would do anything to make you happier. You know that, right? Any. Thing. (Beat.) I would. (Beat.) With hair grown in I think it looks good but I can … you know … whatever you want I can do. I can. (Beat.) For you.
HER That’s not … no, it’s fine …
SHE But I would. I’d do that.
HER I know you would.
SHE Right. Fine. (Beat.) And my ass? (Flicks up her skirt to show her ass.) And legs? All that shit? (Beat.) No problems?
HER No. (Beat.) Honestly. (Beat.) You have a very nice body …
SHE Thanks. (Beat.) Thank you, Tess.
HER You do, though. Really.
SHE But: (Beat.) Right? (Beat.) BUT:
HER What?
SHE What is it? What is it about me that you don’t like? Or want? Or whatever it is …
HER It’s … just … (Beat.) You’re just …
SHE What?! (Beat.) Is there someone else?
HER No.
SHE You can tell me …
HER There isn’t.
SHE Do you promise? (Beat.) YOU PROMISE?!
HER KIM, STOP IT! STOP!! (Beat.) I promise.
SHE … God! It’s like you don’t get it or something … like … you’re … I DUNNO!!
HER What?
SHE This! This is it for me! You are! Us!!
HER Look, I know that we’re … not …
SHE No, there’s no explaining this away … this, right here—ME—this “new” me is it! This is who I am now … this is who I have to be. Who I want to be as well, but, yeah … this is it. I am here now and this is … I can’t go back! I mean, I literally cannot go back … you know that! Right?! (Beat.) RIGHT?!!
HER … ok, but …
SHE No BUTS! There are no BUTS here!! I am this person now—who you see in front of you and there is no going back … (Beat.) … whether you like it or not, whether you are attracted to me or, or … you desire me or despise me … I am all I have now! All I have to offer you!!! (Indicating.) This right here!!!
HER I know that! I know … (Beat.) Just … please, don’t be … so … (Beat.) God!!
SHE What?
HER Don’t say it like it’s … so …
SHE What?!
HER I DON’T KNOW! SOMETHING!! Like I owe you something because of this … like I’m to blame or … like … in debt to you because of a choice you made … a choice that …
SHE We made! WE DID THIS TOGETHER! WE!! We talked about this and, and we read the literature … spoke to the doctors and—watched those videos—dozens and dozens of videos about all this—we did that. As a couple. (Beat.) I’m not making this up or trying to make you feel bad but I did this for us, not on my own … all the pain … those operations that I … you were there! You saw what I did but I was willing to do that. For US.
HER Ok, ok, OK!! Fine, but … you just keep on and on like there’s only one answer here … like we have to do just this one thing and I don’t believe that, I don’t! Sorry, but … (Beat.) There isn’t just one possibility here … we can discuss it and … I’m just saying that it isn’t final …
SHE IT IS FINAL! IT IS!! THIS IS IT!!!
HER No, that isn’t true … it isn’t!! I know you took a major step with this … it was a very major … I know … but that doesn’t mean that … I’m somehow … responsible … (Beat.) Okay?! That’s all I’m saying … is that … I don’t even know what I’m saying any more! (Beat.) I dunno. I’m exhausted.
SHE So … what is it, then? Hmmm? (Beat.) Tess? If it’s not my body or my face … if I’m now a woman and not a man and that’s what you like, what you want most in your life in terms of a relationship … then what is it? (Beat.) What am I doing wrong? Hmmmm?! (Beat.) Tell me. Come on. (Beat.) Come on! Tell me that much! (Beat.) Say it …
HER It’s … just … you. (Beat.) I don’t want you any more. (Beat.) Ok? (Beat.) There. (Beat.) I just don’t want you …
This stops one of them cold. They wait for a second to let this moment of tension pass. Then:
SHE Oh. (Beat.) You … just …
HER … I’m sorry …
SHE Oh.
HER And I can’t … fix that! I thought that I could … that time might … or what you’ve done would help … but … no. (Beat.) Sorry.
SHE So … you like girls … but just not “this” girl? (Beat.) Right? (Beat.) Is that right? (Beat.) Not this “girl” that I’ve tried so hard to become for you? Yes? (Beat.) Yes? (Beat.) YES?
HER I guess so. (Beat.) I’m … (Beat.) Yes.
They sit for another minute in silence. Staring at each other. A nod from her as she understands now. Finally.
SHE … ok …
One of them gets up and moves away. Toward another room.
SHE … I made us a salad for tonight. Is that alright? Didn’t feel like cooking.
HER Sure.
SHE It’s hot, so … I thought that’d be good.
HER Yes.
SHE … alright then.
HER Alright.
SHE Fine.
HER Fine.
SHE Fine. (Beat.) … let’s eat.
She starts to go. Brushes past the other woman who puts out a hand to touch her but just misses her. She leaves and one of them is left alone in the room.
Silence. Darkness.
EXHIBIT ‘A’
EXHIBIT ‘A’ had its world premiere as part of “Walking the Tightrope” (a collection of anti-censorship plays) at Theatre Delicatessen in London, England, in January 2015.
It was directed by Cressida Brown.
ARTIST Syrus Lowe
SUBJECT Kelly Burke
Silence. Darkness.
Lights up to reveal the SUBJECT. Down on all fours (or bent over a table or whatever works). Tape over his mouth. Tied up. Looking out at us.
After a moment the ARTIST walks out and stands over him (or next to him or whatever works).
ARTIST … good evening and welcome. Thank you for coming. I’m glad you all could make it here. Much appreciated. With so many entertainment choices available to you in a city of this size, it’s nice to see it when people make the choice to actively support the arts. I love that. I really do. I dig it. Makes me feel good … good about what I do and why I do it. (Beat.) I’m an artist and so this … (Indicating the audience.) … seeing all of you here, being a
part of this … it means a lot. (Beat.) Believe me, seeing those others out front with their signs and placards, screaming shit at me when I arrived … I understand, I do. The arts bring out the passion in us and that’s good. That is great. But come on, it’s also scary! I mean, those people are … they want me to stop. Or worse. To die. To be dead. DEAD. For what? For being an artist? For making “art?” And I know, I know, I am touching on a subject here that is volatile—taboo, even—but that’s the point! This needs to be exposed … examined … evaluated. (Beat.) And where better than here? In a sacred space like this one: an art gallery. Just because it’s scary and tough, it shouldn’t stop us from interacting … from us coming together in a moment such as this one—as artist, subject and audience—and exploring it. Should it?
The ARTIST starts to unbuckle his belt and remove it. Keeps one eye on the audience.
ARTIST Maybe you’ve heard about me … what I’ve been working on this year. On this. Right here. (Pointing to the SUBJECT.) I’ve been working on this for the past several years, actually. I mean, not just this one—this subject over here … but this exhibit. My “Exhibit ‘A’.” That’s what I call it. “Exhibit ‘A’.” (He smiles.) I was gonna call it ASS or MANHOOD or something like that but … you know … it seemed a little bit obvious.
The ARTIST pulls off his shirt now, revealing his bare chest to the audience.
ARTIST To be honest … I don’t think there’s anything we can’t do in an art gallery—once you call it “art,” give something that label—then it should be safe and off limits. Whatever you do or say or create … if you truly believe it to be art, then it is. At least to the artist.
The ARTIST takes off his shoes now. Places them carefully next to the SUBJECT. Just to one side of him.
ARTIST And once it’s “art,” it should be untouchable. Out of reach. Something to look at, to study, to talk about and argue over, even … art should elicit all of those responses … BUT it should also always be given a place of honor and have that place respected. As a work of “art.”
The ARTIST unbuttons his trousers and takes them off. With care he folds them and places them on top of his folded shirt and his coiled belt.
He points at someone in the audience.
ARTIST … who are you to tell me what I do isn’t “art?” (Points at another person.) Or you? (To another.) Or you? I mean, hell … look at you. (Smiles.) You’re willing to go out in public wearing that … why would I ever let you judge what I do? I mean, really. Get thee to a Gap store, my friend! Seriously.