“Brian, I’m not happy about the choice you’ve made but I’ve accepted it. Listen, there is something the angels need you to do.” I went on the give him the details of the message and explained the angels’ intent. “You know what will happen when you give them that message right?”
“Yes, and I’m ready. I wish we had gotten to spend more time together, but know that there is no other way I would rather go.” Brian’s voice was soft in my head, or rather in his head. The good news about this being a dream was that I couldn’t cry. I had no physical state here.
“I’m so sorry that this is how it turned out for you Brian. I will miss you,” and I whispered goodbye as I left his mind.
Early the next morning I felt it: a hollow pain in my chest knowing that the Anakim had just killed Brian. Off in the distance I heard an anguished roar that could have only belonged to Michael. I didn’t cry though, I had already shed too many tears during the last twenty four hours. Instead I changed into a pair of sweatpants, pulled my hair into a pony tail, and made my way over to Michael’s house.
I knocked softly and Gabriel opened the door.
“He’s in his room.” He nodded up the stairs.
Michael was sitting on the edge of his bed, his shoulders rising and falling heavily. I noticed there was shattered glass in one corner of his room and his hands look raw as if he had been hitting something. I gently sat next to him and leaned into him as he put his arms around me. We sank backwards onto his bed and lay there for a while holding each other. Neither of us saying a word.
After a few hours, I couldn’t take it any longer. Laying the way we were without saying a word had allowed the darkness to creep up on me. I hoped that being with Michael might have fought off the tendrils but they continued to creep closer.
“I’ll be right back.” I carefully removed myself from the jumble of arms and legs that we had become and went to find the only person who could help me. Of course he had already known something was wrong and I found him coming out from his room to greet me.
I opened my mouth to explain but he cut me off saying, “I know,” As he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his room.
“I want all of this death to end,” I whispered.
“Soon it will and everything will be easier.”
I shook my head. “Gabriel, you know that defeating the Anakim isn’t going to end it. The fallen are still there and I bet that after this battle the fallen have their own plan for us. It’s not even close to over.”
“Well let’s just focus on one thing at a time, shall we? I’m trying to make you feel better here and you’re just shutting me down,” He joked as he playfully bumped his shoulder with mine.
“I know.” I sighed. “I don’t know how you remain so positive, especially with sharing some of my emotions. I should get back to him. Although, I don’t know how I’m supposed to keep the darkness away when we are just laying there completely absorbed by sadness.”
“Well, come find me if it comes back. I’ll be here.”
Chapter Seventeen
The day of the battle was drawing closer and there was only time for me to have one more training session. In my last session, Gabriel felt I had practically mastered sword fighting, so now it was time to move on to hand to hand combat.
“Have you ever hit someone before?” Gabriel asked.
“In eighth grade I bitch slapped Leslie Miller for calling Danielle fat.” I smiled.
“Okay, not quite sure I’ll count that.”
“She deserved it, you’ve seen Danielle, she is so not fat.”
“I’m sure she did. I guess I should start by showing you how to make a fist.”
That seemed easy enough. “Like this?” I stuck out my fist to show him.
“No, actually. Put your thumb on the outside of your fist,” he instructed. “Great, if you can, you should probably try to avoid hand to hand combat; using your sword will be much easier and you are very skilled with a sword.”
“Thanks for the compliment but, you still need to teach me this regardless.”
“There are so many styles of fighting I’m not sure where to begin.”
“So do eeny meeny miny moe.” I rolled my eyes. He gave me a blank stare for that one. “Well what are the fallen most likely to use? Let’s start there.”
“Make your fist again,” he commanded as he positioned himself behind me. He was so close that I could feel his warm breath on my neck.
“This is my favorite part of these sessions.” My mouth gaped open after I spoke the words. Had I really just said that out loud? Gabriel cleared his throat and chose not to respond. Instead, he began extending and retracting my arm, showing me how to throw a proper punch. This also happened to involve him repositioning my hips occasionally.
Gabriel brought out some red padding and held it in front of his body.
“Let’s see you throw some on your own now, and put as much force as possible into it.”
I hit the padding a couple of times before Gabriel told me to stop.
“I need you to really try at this. You don’t even stand a chance against a sloth with the way you are hitting.”
“A sloth, really? You know they sometimes grab their own arm in mistaking it for a branch and fall to their death right?”
“Exactly, and you can’t even harm it in the slightest with that weak arm of yours. Put some anger and aggression into it.”
The next time I threw a punch I had imagined the Anakim who murdered Brian. I saw him being tormented and ripped to shreds by the creature’s claws. I saw all of the women who died in childbirth so that these horrid creatures could walk the earth.
“Much better.” But I didn’t stop there, I was filled with hatred for the Anakim. Soon I was throwing punches so fast that my hair began falling from its pony tail and my breathing could not keep up with me. Before I even knew what was happening Gabriel had taken out his wings, dropped the padding and grabbed me from behind, pinning my arms to my side.
My legs sagged and I leaned into Gabriel as I started sobbing, my shoulders heaving as I tried to catch my breath. Gently he guided us to the ground so that I sat in a pathetic slump in Gabriel’s lap.
“What is happening to me,” I sniffled.
“Perhaps I shouldn’t have told you to use anger,” he mused.
“I can’t handle this anymore,” I whimpered.
“Yes you can, but you don’t have to handle it alone,” he spoke into my ear before resting his chin on the top of my head.
This was how Michael found us, with me cradled in Gabriel’s arms.
“I thought maybe you could use a break. I brought lunch.” He held up a basket that certainly contained food. There was a flash of anger in his eyes and I saw him shoot it at Gabriel.
“It’s nothing, I just…I had a thing.” I wiped away the remaining tears from my face and got out of Gabriel’s lap, trying not to do so too quickly incase that seemed suspicious. “Lunch sounds great.” I smiled taking Michael’s hand.
“Not too long though.” Gabriel’s sounded irritated and I saw him exchange a glare with Michael. “We still have a lot to go over.”
“It looks like you might not be too good at all of this after all,” Michael snapped.
In that moment, Gabriel looked like he might murder Michael.
“Michael,” I hissed, tugging at his hand to lead him away. As we walked I threw a quick apologetic glance over my shoulder but Gabriel quickly looked away. “That wasn’t very nice.”
“Well, neither is you crying and that seems to happen a lot when you are around him.”
“It’s not like he’s the cause of it. You know he senses how I feel, of course he’s going to be around me a lot when I’m upset.”
“Let’s just not talk about this right now and enjoy our lunch.” He spread out a blanket and began unpacking the contents of the basket. He had made us tomato and mozzarella sandwiches, pasta with pesto sauce and sweet tea.
“It was really sweet of you
to bring me lunch.” I leaned in to give him a quick peck on the cheek.
“Are you going to tell me what happened out there?” His words were clipped and concise. He was still angry.
“Sometimes being a Goddess is overwhelming, that’s all it was, Michael.” I sighed.
“You can talk to me about it you know. I can be there for you too.”
“I know that, remember we stayed together the whole day after Brian’s death?”
“Yeah, and you kept sneaking out to Gabriel.” When I didn’t respond he added, “I know I shouldn’t be jealous. I’m aware that angels and charges have a special bond, but it’s hard seeing you in the arms of someone else all the time.”
“I know, but you need to understand that when I’m in your arms it different than when I’m in his.” The words sounded strange but I knew he understood them. To prove it though, I crawled over to Michael and kissed him long and slow. “See? Very different.” I smiled and he smiled too.
We sat on the blanket exchanging small kisses before I mentioned that I needed to get back to training.
“I’ll walk you.”
“I’m not sure it’s the best idea for you to be around Gabriel right now, I’ll find you later though.” I gave him one last kiss before leaving him.
When I returned to the field Gabriel was pacing.
“Finally,” he huffed.
“I wasn’t gone that long.” I rolled my eyes.
“You shouldn’t have been gone at all.” Instead of arguing with him I chose to let it go.
“Let’s just get started on the kicking okay?” I sighed.
The rest of our session was tense. Gabriel kept a good amount of distance as he helped me with my balance while kicking. Not once did I feel his breath tickle my neck.
At the end of the session, Gabriel decided we should put all my training together and fight each other. I was very wary of this idea though, and I mainly spent my time evading his advances and throwing very few hits of my own. The hits I did throw were halfhearted and Gabriel called me out on it.
“You have to actually fight me,” he raged.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Trust me, you won’t.”
“And what is that supposed to mean?” I threw my hands up in exasperation.
“I’ve fought angels, I think I can handle a girl.”
“That’s enough!” I yelled and stomped up and got into his face. “You are mad at what Michael said; you don’t have to be afraid to admit it to me,” I hissed.
“He was out of line.”
“Yes, he was. And he was also wrong, by the way. He just found his girlfriend crying and being held by his best friend. You have to understand how that must feel to him.”
“Yes I know how that feels,” he snapped but didn’t elaborate. “I think we should just quit for today.” He began packing up the equipment.
“Gabriel,” I took his hand before he walked off the field. “You are the only thing that keeps me grounded, remember that.”
I saw his eyes soften before I turned and walked away from him.
“I have a proposal to make,” Michael started. He had requested to speak with both Gabriel and me their house. We sat in the living room, Gabriel sitting across from myself and Michael; he had kept his distance since the incident of our last training session.
I certainly hope he didn’t mean a marriage proposal.
“I would like to take over the duties of being Sage’s protector.”
“What?” Gabriel and I exclaimed at the same time.
“Before you argue, just listen. She and I have grown much closer over the past few weeks. We spend a lot of time together. Due to my relationship with her, I think my urge to protect her is surely stronger than yours. And physically we are about the same in strength. I think it makes sense.”
“Oh no.” I put my face in my hands just as Gabriel threw his chair across the room.
“How dare you even entertain the idea that you can protect her better than me?” He had gone up to Michael and grabbed him by the neck.
“Gabriel, please let him go.” I sprung up from my seat and attempted to pry Gabriel’s hands off of Michael.
“I am through with your constant insults on my abilities as an angel,” Gabriel seethed; he seemed to tighten his grip.
“Look at me!” I commanded, fighting to turn Gabriel's head in my direction. When he finally met my gaze I mouthed “let him go” and reluctantly he released his hold. I quickly put myself between them to prevent further physical harm.
“Both of you, sit,” I instructed.
“I am not trying to insult your abilities; I know what a great angel you are. I just think that at the point we are at now, I should take over.” Since Gabriel was now seated I let him take this conversation.
“You can’t just take over, it doesn’t work that way.”
“Maybe it could.”
“Maybe I could smash your face into a wall.”
“Gabriel,” I warned.
“I know I upset you, but please try to understand.”
“I was fated to be Sage’s protector. That’s not something you can just change,” Gabriel said through gritted teeth.
“I don’t think that the usual rules apply to her,” Michael argued.
I carefully watched Gabriel as he visibly tried to control his breathing.
“Look, just drop it. It’s not going to happen,” he informed Michael.
“I will not drop it! I deserve to be the one to hold her while she sleeps!” Michael was the one now showing his rage.
“You know it’s not like that,” Gabriel tried but Michael just shook his head.
“I will not keep watching as she goes to you every time!”
So Michael was jealous, I understood that of course but I had tried my best to chase away any doubt that there was anything with Gabriel. I felt hot anger bubbling within me.
“This is bigger than you, Michael,” I snapped, not one hundred percent sure that these words were even my own. “A relationship is not what is important right now. My people are in trouble I do not have time to deal with your insecurities.” Before the words had even left my mouth I knew I was going to regret them, but the words didn’t belong to me, they belonged to Asteria.
Asteria didn’t want to apologize for her words, and I found myself storming out of Michael and Gabriel's house, leaving them both staring behind me with gaping mouths.
I found myself walking alone to watch the angels at their fighting practice. Neither Gabriel nor Michael had stopped by my house after yesterday’s fight. Michael’s absence didn’t surprise me, I knew I had hurt him pretty badly with Asteria’s words but I had expected Gabriel to make an appearance.
I knew the angels would have to fight in their robes so I made sure to wear one as well. I had no one to help me wrap it though so it was fairly plain looking.
The field was already packed when I got there, most angels were just chatting with each other at this point, only a few had begun stretching. I had never seen so many of them in one place; it was funny how different they all looked from each other. In school, I always had just one generic image that I’d associate with the word “angel” but that couldn’t have been farther from the truth.
As I was observing the angels, Gabriel had come to stand next to me.
“So, interesting day yesterday.” There was no greeting of course.
“Yeah, did you speak to him after I left?” I questioned.
“No, he went up to his room. I actually haven’t seen him since.”
“I don’t know how to apologize to him. I can’t even begin to imagine what I will say.” I sighed.
“You did have some pretty harsh words for him.”
“I didn’t mean them. And what about you? You had some choice words and actions for him.”
“Yes, but I meant all of mine.” His tone was bitter.
“You really shouldn’t let other people’s comments bother you so much,” I su
ggested.
“I don’t usually. The only weak spot I have is when people indicate that I can’t protect you. It’s my greatest fear, Sage.”
“Well, if my opinion matters, I think you’ve done a great job so far.”
“Yours is the only one that matters.” He turned his eyes upon me.
“Good, that means you can fix things with Michael.” I smiled and Gabriel seemed to consider this. I didn’t get to hear his response though because someone had looped their arm through mine and pulled me away.
“You’ll thank me in a minute,” Azrael sang as she pulled me farther and farther away from Gabriel. Clearly she noticed my failed attempt at wrapping my robe because she added, “Goodness, don’t ever try dressing yourself again.”
“Thank you?” I questioned but then noticed Michael on the perimeter of the field. I saw his sour gaze fall quickly on Gabriel until he moved his gaze and found me. His features softened a bit as he began heading in my direction.
“You’re welcome,” Azrael boasted.
“So, I heard all about your first kiss,” I teased as Michael grew closer. I felt Azrael straighten her posture next to me.
“That bastard,” She hissed. “I had a huge crush on him and we had both had had too much wine. It wasn’t my fault I sneezed into his face. He was attempting to grow a stupid beard and it tickled my nose.” With that she dropped my arm to leave me alone with Michael.
“I’m really sorry. Those words didn’t come from me, I promise. They were Asteria’s,” I rushed to get out.
“I understand, but she is a part of you,” his voice was sad.
“Yes, but I am still my own person. I have my own thoughts and feelings separate from her.”
Michael sighed, “I really don’t want to be upset with you.”
“So don’t be.”
Michael didn’t respond, instead his gaze was over my head, fixed on something in the distance.
“Can you please just kiss me now and have everything back to normal,” I pleaded.
“Yes, I can kiss you.” He smiled as he bent down to give me a soft kiss. “But I’m not sure that everything can go back to normal that easily.”
Solace (Asteria Trilogy Book 1) Page 18