With the silence lingering, Raq and I tiptoed to the bathroom.
We fixed ourselves up on autopilot and I felt numb, shivering even though I wasn’t cold. That argument had made Gramma’s daily ranting seem like nursery rhymes.
Raq pressed her back to the door and looked serious, too. She put her fingers to her temples and rubbed. “That was nuts.”
I nodded. And my heart was heavy. I just wanted to get home. Bullets meant guns. And guns meant bad, bad things. I’d had enough. More than enough.
Raq said, “Can you believe it? Just that quick, Cyn coulda snapped.”
I took a towel from the wicker stand above the toilet and used liquid hand soap to wash my face. “I agree,” I said, and then rumbled around in the cabinet for some mouthwash. I found Listerine and began to gargle.
“Where were you this morning?” I asked.
“Oh,” she said, “I was talking to Gee.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Right before Cyn knocked on the door Gee said we should come with him and Piper on the road.”
I looked at her to make sure I’d heard correctly. “Huh?”
Raq got a towel, too. She smiled and then matter-of-factly shrugged. “I say let’s go.”
I took a good spit. “Go where?”
“Gee says they’re loading about five thousand CDs for the road. They don’t have to be in New York until Thursday but they’re doing general promo for Piper along the way. He said that’s mostly what they do all the time, go out on the road, stop through parties and places and push CDs and stop through radio spots. When I told him we were trying to get to New York, too, he said we could roll as long as we help them give away some of Piper’s promo CDs along the way.”
“You told him who is trying to get to New York?”
“Us.”
“Why would you tell him that?”
She laughed. “Because we are. Aren’t we? The birthplace of hip-hop. It’s our dream—”
“Yeah! Someday. Not now. Not when we’re in high school! Maybe when we’re older and grown and . . .”
“Why not now?” Her reflection watched mine in the mirror. “We have nothing to lose. And everything to gain.”
I snickered. “Maybe you have nothing to lose—”
“Look. We’ll be back in a week. And by then we’ll be famous—”
“I never said I wanted to be a star.”
“Okay, well then I’ll be famous. And as my best friend, you’ll meet famous people with me.”
“Raq! I can’t—”
“Greg said Piper’s doing an appearance in Philly on Wednesday. Then he’s got a big show in New York, that all-star tribute to Jam-Master Jay. Chica ... Everybody who’s ever been anybody or is gonna be somebody will be there. And it’s at the Apollo. You know, chica. The Apollo? Come. On. There’s no way I wouldn’t leave the Apollo without meeting someone who could sign me to a label or produce my music or something. You know me!”
“Of course. But you know I have to go home.”
She said, “They’re leaving today. In a little bit ...”
“Well as long as they stop through Toledo on the way, then they can drop me off.”
Raq put her hand on my shoulder and forced me to look at her. “Okay, mira . . . Didn’t I get us to meet Piper? Well, we’ll meet Millionaire Mal, too, all right? And Fat Joe. And Pitbull. And I don’t even know who else. Whoever else you wanna meet—”
“Raquel!” I jerked away from her. “Are you crazy? I can’t go to New York. Wake up from this dream, okay? My grandmother would murder me with one smack!”
“Chica.” She put her hand right back on my shoulder. “You’ll be back in less than a week! The show is Thursday night and I’ll flap my arms and fly you home myself on Saturday if I have to. I promise. First class if you want, even! All we gotta do is make it to that show at the Apollo. Chica! It’s the friggin’ Jam-Master Jay tribute! You think I wouldn’t be all up around all those heavyweights coming in to pay homage to Jay and I’m not gonna come out with a record deal?”
Gramma would kill me.
Plus, things were scary now. It was one thing to listen to songs about guns. But now I’d practically seen one. I wanted to be right there with Raq for every part of her rise to fame, but not yet. After high school and once we had enough money saved up to do it right.
With pleading eyes, she said. “Come on! Don’t you wanna be there too? With me? You’re my best friend. Mi hermana ...”
I looked at her. And she at me.
Real face to real face now.
“Please,” she said. “I’ve never had a friend like you, chica. I know I can make it, I know I can, but with you there with me, like, there’s no doubt in my mind. It’s the chance of a lifetime and I’ve never in my life had anyone riding with me the way you do. Not even my own mother. I’m gonna be famous, chica, and I need you with me. I can’t do this without you.” It sounded a little like Raq was going to cry. I’d never seen her show a soft side like this before.
“But my grand—”
“Your Gramma will be fine! Even she is going to laugh about it someday, too, all right?” She laughed playfully but her eyes looked a little wet. “We’ll buy her a fancy dress for the Grammy party. She’ll toast to us and say, ‘Oh I remember that time when my granddaughter was gone for a week and had me all worried. And now look at her. Rich. Mixing with the stars . . .’ ”
No way would Gramma ever find any of this funny, trust me. Not even two thousand years from now. Please. Jay Leno was pretty much the only thing that I’d ever seen that could make her laugh. Ever.
Raq really was my best friend, though. My only friend, in fact. And I really did believe in her.
I said, “And say what to my grandmother in the meantime, Raq? She’ll be stressed sick. She’ll—”
“You’ll be back in a week,” Raq grabbed both of my shoulders now. “I promise. Haven’t I done everything I said I would do? I had your back when the Prissycat Dolls dissed you, right? I quit my job so we could make it to the concert. I got us in. And didn’t I get us backstage? I’ll get you back home ! You have to—”
BOOM.
And then a scream from downstairs.
The blast made both of us jump.
Toya’s shrill shriek was deafening. Her scream filled the entire house. Every muscle in my body turned to wet bread, heavy and mushy.
“Oh God.” Raq grabbed her chest. “Oh God.”
She yanked open the door, grabbed my hand, and pulled me along as we ran down the stairs.
Both of us froze at the last step, staring straight ahead at the front door to the house.
Sir Gee was standing by the open door, looking out onto the porch, and his expression was solemn. His face flinched a bit, but he didn’t say a word. He just stood there with his jaws clenched and his eyes narrow.
Toya was standing there, too, and I saw her fist slam against the wall. I watched as she snatched a plastic pumpkin from last night and vomited into it.
Piper. Only he had the nerve to step out on the porch. Cyn 21’s crisp damaged jeans and black Timberlands were all I could make out from where I stood. He was lying there on the ground.
I was too scared to move closer. I could see Piper’s back as he leaned down over Cyn’s body. His head dropped as he called back over his shoulder to Gee. “Yo . . . He ain’t dead, man. He’s just . . .” And then his voice cracked.
Gee whipped out his cell phone and called 911.
“I need an ambulance . . . My homie . . . Just put a gun on himself . . . On my porch . . . No ma’am . . . Yes ma’am . . . Antuan Cyndell Carter . . .”
After Gee hung up from the call, he pulled Toya to his chest, muffling her cries. Neither of them looked out onto the porch where Piper stayed crouched beside Cyn murmuring encouragement.
“Yo ... you gonna be all right, man. You hear me? Keep looking at me, man. . . .”
My eyes felt too heavy as the hot tears flowed.
I could he
ar Cyn moaning and then Piper hushing him.
“Don’t try to talk, man . . .”
I’d never really paid much attention to Cyn 21’s career, couldn’t quote any of his bars if I tried, but I knew that he’d always seemed angry in his rhymes, and in person, too. And I knew from this morning that he had big dreams just like the rest of them. Desperate dreams.
Sir Gee put in another call while we waited. “S’up, Mun?” He said. “It’s wild . . .”
Raq went over to console Toya, who was still weeping, while Gee explained things to Mun.
I sat next to Toya on the couch as Raq held her from the other side. Toya’s crying was causing the whole couch to shake. And I listened as Gee put in yet another phone call. From what he said, I figured he was talking to Cyn’s girlfriend.
“Hey Dana, babygirl . . . Bad news, babygirl . . . Naw . . . Yeah . . . Not sure. But he needs you. You got somebody to watch Lil’ Man? Naw. You better not. . . . Okay . . . The ambulance is on the way. . . .”
I couldn’t move for so long.
Silence. But so much noise.
Sirens.
Voices.
Clanking. Grunting. More clanking.
Doors opening. Doors slamming.
More voices. A scream.
Clanking. Clanking. Clanking.
Doors opening. Doors slamming.
The sirens again.
Piper’s eyes were swollen red when he finally came back inside, after the EMTs took Cyn away. His voice cracked and he didn’t look at any of us directly when he spoke.
He said, “He didn’t do what he tried to do. But yo . . . He definitely tried.”
Toya was rocking back and forth.
Gee was slamming CDs into a box.
For a while, Piper stood staring out the window. But soon, he gave Gee a hand.
Toya said, “I got love for all y’all. I swear. But this music stuff ain’t worth it, if it’s gotta come to this. People goin’ crazy . . .”
Gee stopped then and looked at her dead-on. “Don’t start with that, Toya.”
Piper offered a sympathetic raised eyebrow to her. “You all right? ”
She wiped her face and smacked her lips. “What you mean am I all right? Are you all right? Y’all just packing up for the road, acting like it’s nothing.”
A part of me felt like we should go back upstairs and give them their privacy, but things were happening so fast. What if we did and they all left and forgot about us? How would I get home?
“Yo—” Piper said.
“Toya!” Gee interrupted before Piper could respond. “You need to calm down with all that. You know damn well that man got issues deep. Not a damn thing any of us can do to fix the demons in that man’s mind. Be happy he can get some help now.”
But Toya just kept on rocking back and forth, looking both sad and aggravated, not bothering to comment.
Now Piper looked at Raq. And then me. “Y’all all right?”
“Yeah.” Raq’s voice was quiet.
I asked, “So is he going to be okay?”
Piper reached into his pocket and retrieved a small copper bullet. He kissed it and put it back. “Just grazed him. But yo . . . he’s gonna have a helluva headache.” He said, “Yo . . . All respect to Cyn, Toya, but—”
“But nothin’, Pipe,” Toya said. “Just go on. Y’all just go on and do what y’all do best. Hit the road and do music. I’ll be here for Dana and A. J. How’s that?”
Gee groaned, then grabbed a bag and a box of CDs and took them into the kitchen. I heard the back door slam and figured he must have gone out to start loading up the car.
Piper, though, kissed Toya on the cheek, her eyes falling closed when he did.
“Yo . . .” Piper said. “If I thought I could fix Cyn, Toya, you know I’d be the first man to do it. But we all know Piper don’t have the recipe for that potion. You say ‘go do what we do’ like it’s a crime or somethin’, like it’s a bad thing. We all gotta give a gift to the world. Yours is taking care of folks. I’ll pray for Cyn, but mine is somethin’ else, all right? And I gotta do it.”
Toya appeared to ease up a little. “Y’all be careful,” she said.
Piper looked at me and Raq. “Train is ready to choo-choo. Anybody rollin’ . . . Let’s.”
Raq got up first. Of course she was down.
Only I still wasn’t sure. Sure, I wanted to go. But . . .
Piper noticed me sitting.
“Yo . . .” he said. “Ready, Glitz?”
A stray.
And yet he remembered my name.
How would I find the strength, the heart, the right moment, to remind him to drop me off at home?
11
I-75 again.
Going south.
Right past Toledo.
We were riding in Gee’s black Hummer. Gee and Piper were up front and Raq sat in the back with me, much easier for her to keep giving me those pleading eyes. Her best friend, how could I not go with her? Gramma raised me because my parents couldn’t do so from heaven, because I needed her. But this was different. Now someone needed me.
Raq convinced Piper and Gee to stop at Target so we could pick up a few things for the road. Once inside, Raq whisked up the aisles, throwing this and that into the cart I was pushing. We both needed jeans and a few cute tops, I remember her saying. She also bought us all the basic toiletries and swiped the debit card her foster parents had given her when we checked out. I tried to pitch in with what little cash I had, but Raq said not to worry about it.
“You’re coming along on this trip for me, chica,” she said as she flipped through a magazine at the check-out, then tossed it on the register belt as well. “Buying you a few things is the least I can do.”
“I’ll pay you back,” I assured her. I felt bad that I didn’t have the money to buy my own stuff, but Gramma didn’t believe in kids having credit cards or debit cards—she just gave me my allowance in cash every week. And I had left the house last night with only twenty dollars in my wallet. I had never imagined needing more.
Raq rolled her eyes playfully. “I won’t need it after this week, chica. Trust me.”
After shopping we returned to the Hummer, me and Raq still behind Sir Gee and Piper, both of whose seats were pushed all the way back. Even still, Raq and I had plenty of room. The truck was just that big. Everyone was talking, but it all sounded like a blur to me. I may have added to the conversation or maybe I just sat there, I can’t remember. I was in a stupor, in awe of my own nerve. I was officially on the road with Piper MC and my best friend. Raq was right. Gramma would just have to get over it. What could she do, really? Disown me? Lock me away for ten years? Whatever punishment she chose, this week had better be worth it. Already, Piper knew my name. And I was on my way to New York.
I glanced up ahead at the clock—2:49.
Gramma was probably home from church by now, calling out to the Lord and the police, too. I had never done anything this crazy, and I’m sure she never imagined I would. Eventually I would have to call her, I knew, but what would I say?
As we merged onto I-280, toward Cleveland’s portions toll that would take us farther east, I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. With Toledo now literally behind us, Raq tapped my arm a few times, squirming with joy. I was officially gone. Might as well enjoy it.
Miles later, as we merged onto I-80 for the straightaway toward Cleveland, an autumn storm began stirring in the charcoal gray sky. November first. The rain swayed the truck a bit, but no one suggested pulling over until the weather cleared. Determined. Each of us were. Gee wanted to make it. And to make sure Piper did. Raq wanted to make it. And to make sure I was with her. Piper wanted to make music. And he wanted people to love it.
Glitz was going to just try to be happy for getting to be a part of it all.
As for Ann Michelle? Who cared what she wanted.
I stared out the window, rain beating against the glass like pennies falling from the sky. I put a smile on my face and le
aned back against my seat, listening to Piper’s music. Nothing was going to stop us.
A few hours into the drive, we pulled over at an Ohio turnpike rest stop, one of those domed buildings that house a few fast food restaurants and maybe a souvenir shop or two. I don’t even remember anyone saying they were hungry. It was unspoken. Or maybe Gee and Piper just needed some air. So much had happened today.
We slammed our doors and splashed through the water as we ran to get inside. The rest stop was full with laughter and conversation—families on road trips, businesspeople on cell phones, truck drivers joking or looking tired. I saw a security guard in the doorway, eating a hot dog, and hoped he wouldn’t look our way when we walked in. What if Gramma had called the police?
Raq looked over at me.
I looked back at her.
She widened her eyes.
I pleaded back with mine. What?
She mouthed the word “Relax . . .”
I was doing my best.
Sir Gee asked Piper what he wanted and Piper told him: two chicken sandwiches and a strawberry shake. “I got you, chica,” Raq said, tapping her pocket. Knowing my usual, a Whopper Jr. with cheese and fries and a chocolate shake—she joined Sir Gee at the counter to purchase our food while Piper and I searched for a clean table.
He sat down across from me and started talking. “Yo . . . Out here in the rap game, a man just wants to get in, you know? With anything though, a rapper, a hoop star, a tycoon, whatever, at the end of the day we’re all just brothas wanting to do their thing, ya dig? We all just want to get closer to the stake than the next man. Figure if we can just get close enough, closer than the next man . . . Me and Cyn? Not really that different, you know?”
Piper squinted his eyes and then closed them. Sitting across from me in that booth, at some random rest stop in Ohio, Piper wasn’t the man who had played to a sold-out show at the old VFW in Toledo last night. All of a sudden he was a small-framed, chestnut-skinned, dreadlock-wearing, tattooed-out twenty-something-year-old trying to make sense of what had happened to his friend.
I said. “How long have you known him? ”
“Ol’ Cyn?” He kinda smiled. “Yo . . . He never wanted much, you know? See, comin’ up out our hood into this here game . . . It’s like we’re walking on ice, but it’s like it’s nothing but fire underneath us, trying to melt away our chance to keep going . . . Underneath us is just fire ... threatening our dreams. . . .”
Glitz Page 10