by K. T. Tomb
But suddenly there was more to learn for Cash. The branch of the family Peadar belonged to was descended from Peadar Ó Caiside, the second son of Pádraig Mór Ó Caiside. There was also a sister, Niamh Ní Caiside, who took it upon herself to look after John Maguire after he returned from Wexford.
But Peadar had done more research than she could have imagined. He had traced the line through the baptismal and burial records of the church and found the first Cassidy to be baptized in that church was a man called Ruaridh Rua Ó Caiside in 1320, who became champion of the Maguire, and in his latter days, the bard of the clan.
The Úa Caiside clan, though, went further back, according to his research. It went back to a man called Gilla Mo Dutu Úa Caiside, who was poet to the O'Rourke Kings of Breífne. But though there were several poets of the name, there was not a single line to be traced. There was, however, a clear sign that Ruaridh Rua's father had not come from Ireland. His mother was listed as another Niamh Ní Caiside, but his father's name was not given.
The big clue was in the name Ruaridh Rua. Both meant red and denoted him as having red hair. Since the Irish are a dark haired and dark skinned people, it could only mean Norse blood, which in that area was rare. Rare, until the arrival of the Norse-Gaelic Gallowglass.
There was also another name in the history of the mercenaries that stood out for Peadar. It was the name of a Torcuil Óg Mac Donnell, another famous poet from the Orkneys. He had come over as part of a contingent of warriors sent by the Lord of the Isles. He and his companies were known to have been in the Lisnaskea area at the time and the attraction between the daughter of poets and a skilled poet must have been obvious.
And Peadar had found more of Torcuil. His father had been a Shetlander, who had retained the Norse spelling of his name. He was Torkil Olafsson, a well-known shipbuilder and poet who moved to the Orkneys at the request of the Lord of the Isles, who wanted him for his boat building skills.
Cash found herself growing excited and she smiled as she realized her baby must feel the excitement of the discovery too. Her instincts had proven correct, and indeed the line could be traced back to the Vikings who had settled the North of Scotland, the Orkneys and the Shetlands so many centuries ago. And all this time, they had been poets and scholars. It was astonishing to Cash that both men and women of her family line for so many generations had had the gifts that she considered herself blessed with. She knew then too that her child was more than likely to follow in her footsteps. The Cassidys were born storytellers and wordsmiths. That was becoming quite obvious. There and then, Cash resolved she would go to the Shetlands to find the roots of her earliest ancestor, Torkil Olafsson.
There was something moving on the ground. It shot between the trees and the falcon circled down to have a better look. From on high it looked like a pair of cats were being chased by a woman, but when the falcon reached the tree tops it saw clearly what it was. Two cats were harnessed before a chariot and a golden haired woman held the reigns.
The falcon held its breath. There was the most beautiful woman it had ever seen. She radiated beauty and power and sex. She glowed with passion and life and courage. The falcon knew instantly the woman was wise, yet as wild as the big cats who drew her chariot. And then, all of a sudden, it saw the forest moving past at tremendous speed, and it saw the cats drawing its chariot along, hurtling back toward that cave it had left.
And by the entrance of the cave, the boar waited patiently. It waited for the chariot to stop and for the woman to step down and pet it and release it from her spell.
Moments after saying goodbye to Peadar, Cash was planning her trip to Scotland. She wanted to make it to the Orkneys and the Shetlands as fast as she could. She went back to the hotel in Enniskillen and lay down on the bed. There was a lot of information to take in from the day and her mind was reeling. Not just that, she kept having these flashes of something. There were images flashing through her mind all the time, and she couldn’t make out what it was all about. There were images and feelings that she couldn’t place. Not knowing what it was made her uncomfortable, but the visions themselves even more so. She didn’t know why, but it frightened her.
Cash rose before dawn and drove as fast as she could to the town of Larne. She knew she had to rush to make it to the ferry to Cairnryan. The most direct route, and the fastest to the Isles would be to take the ferry to Troon and then through Glasgow and Sterling to the Highlands. And she would have taken that route, had she not realized she needed to sleep. Her body needed her to take it easier than she would have done otherwise.
While she normally didn’t care how far she pushed herself, she did care about what she was carrying with her. She might push herself to the limit, but by now she had realized she would also affect her child with that. Cash knew she could demand a lot of herself and of the child if it was truly needed, but that was not the case.
So she took the later ferry to Scotland and put up with the slightly longer journey. She even contemplated making the journey longer still by taking her time to see Loch Lomond, but she decided against it in the end.
She drove the Land Rover off the boat in Cairnryan and had a strange feeling. She couldn’t explain it, and it didn’t go away as she drove onto the Scottish roads. She went along the Galloway coast struggling with herself, trying to figure out what to do next. She felt like crying. She wanted to go on and complete her journey, but at the same time there was something else. Something that was holding her back from seeking out where her earliest ancestors came from. In her head, the song she had heard in Enniscorthy sounded again, its riddle demanding an answer too. She felt she would find the answer to that riddle, but she was not sure whether she would find it if she chose to work out what she was feeling now, or if she chose to finish the quest she had set out on. Somehow, it seemed to her both paths would converge again, but she didn’t know. She couldn’t know.
At a junction just outside Ayr, she stopped the car. And there and then she closed her eyes and let her heart steer the car for a second. When she opened her eyes, she had turned right and was on the road to Dumfries. She was on the road south, not north. She was on the road back home, not the road to the Isles. And the baby inside her belly seemed to dance with happiness at her decision.
Chapter Nine
When Cash got back to the shore of the Severn Sea, there was a light on in her house. She stopped the car on the pavement and looked. Someone was moving inside. She took a deep breath and got out of the car. She felt a feeling of fear creep over her, something new to her. She was not afraid for herself, she had never been, but she was afraid for the life that she had inside her. Yet, at the same time, her actions were driven by pure anger. She was furious that anyone might have dared to enter her house without her permission. That someone would violate her territory.
She threw the door open and ran in. She threw open the door of the hallway and charged through, her fists raised, ready to strike at whomever had broken into her home. But it was no burglar.
When Cash realized it was her husband standing there, she dropped her arms. Impulsively, she ran toward him, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. She pulled away slightly so she could kiss his lips.
Tim was taken by surprise. He had not expected such affection from Cash at that moment. He had not expected her to be there at all in fact.
Cash kissed his cheek and hugged him. “I'm glad to see you.”
Tim said nothing and just looked at her, flabbergasted.
Cash let him go and went over to the sofa, sitting down and leaning back onto it. It was only then she began to think. “Why are you here?” she asked Tim. He was not supposed to be in Barry, but in Newport.
“I...” He began to stammer.
But Cash already knew. “You're coming to get some things so you can stay in Newport,” she stated almost casually.
Tim said nothing. He just nodded.
“What about talking to me before you decided on something like that?”
“What's the point in talking, Pat?” He sighed and looked as though he was about to walk out. “You never listen, you just keep running off and ignoring me. You don't allow me to take care of you, as I should be doing. I can't deal with that any more.”
Cash shook her head. “The point in talking is listening. I told you the other day that I can take care of myself and that I will do what I want. I don't need you to take care of me, but we are bound together. We've been together for so long now, and I know you better than anyone else. You know me better than anyone else. And now we're having a child together. And he will need you. I need you. I need you as my lover and my friend, but not necessarily to take care of me.”
Tim remained silent and sat down on the other side of the sofa.
Cash looked at him and tried to gauge how he felt. “You remember how it went in California? You wanted me to be your wife as you thought a wife should be. I was miserable. I can't be that woman. And I don't want to be. I don't need you to be tied to me, but I do need you as my partner. I need you as the man I can always count on.”
Tim still said nothing.
“You're my partner and I am yours.”
“You mean you want to see other people?” Tim asked timidly.
“That’s not what I’m saying but if that's what you want, I have no problem doing that if it would make you happy. Because what I need is to be free to do what I love to do. And I need to know I can count on you. And you know you can count on me when you need me.”
“Do I?” Tim asked, looking at her.
“Yes,” Cash answered simply.
“Really? With you always running off? And with you always ignoring me or how I feel?”
Cash gazed at him. “Name me one time when I was not there for you when you actually needed me.” It was a challenge she’d laid down for him. She knew she was not there as much as he wanted her to be. She knew he must be lonely sometimes. But she had never ignored him or his needs. And she knew she had won the argument the moment Tim looked down.
Cash moved closer to her husband. She lay her hand on his knee. “I love you, you know that. And I would do anything for you, apart from one thing. I will not give up myself for you.”
Tim lay his hand over hers and their fingers snaked together.
Cash nodded to the stairs. “Fancy staying the night here?” She slowly got to her feet.
Tim nodded and let her pull him up. He followed her to the stairs and knew he could never leave her, or force her to be anything other than what she was. He was always under her spell.
Tim ended up staying in Barry as much as he could. Cash wanted him there now. She still kept to her busy and intense regime, but she somehow found comfort in the fact that he was there. He traveled up and down between Newport and Barry for his work. It took a lot of time, but he liked being near Cash as the date she had calculated for the birth came closer.
And though Cash was still firmly protective of herself and her space, of her home; she was allowing him in now. It helped her to let him in. She didn’t understand why that had not been the case earlier, but at the moment, it did feel comfortable and reassuring to have him there. She didn’t even know whether that would last, but she was happy.
Yet there was still something nagging at her. There was something demanding her attention. Some question that needed answering. And she couldn’t put her finger on what it was.
On a sunny Friday morning, Cash went running again, as usual. The 21st of March. She had marked the day in her calendar roughly eight months ago and she knew it was going to be today. But that knowledge didn’t stop her going about her day as she normally did.
She had asked Tim to stay home, but he had kissed her and gotten into the car just before she set out on her run. He was not as convinced as she was that she was right about the date. The doctor might not be right, but being a month off was not something Tim could figure out either.
His lack of belief in her prediction upset Cash, but she had one solace; she knew Jack and Makeda would both be coming over from Dublin that afternoon, between four and five. Makeda had texted her that morning to say they were on their way to Dún Laoighaire.
She wanted her friends to be there. She could probably do with Jack's crude humor and with Makeda's care and friendship. And in the knowledge that all would be alright, she pulled on her running shoes and set off down the road.
The falcon flew down and sat on the top of the head of boar. The boar moved gently through the wood and the falcon looked around proudly. Every detail of the forest seemed to become clearer and clearer. There was just calm around it. Nothing was wrong. Nothing at all. There was calm and peace and tranquility.
And then the falcon tore up with pain. Its gut ached and it doubled up in pain. It screeched and fell down. The boar stood over it, looking down, looking on with a concerned look.
It was the day Cash had calculated and she doubled over in pain. She had been running, just as she had kept doing all the days of her pregnancy. When the first shock of pain and cramp receded, she breathed deeply and straightened herself up. She looked around and found she was on Main Street. Calmly she took out her phone and called the one person she needed.
“The contractions have started,” she said calmly the moment Tim picked up the phone.
“Where are you? I'll come and pick you up and take you to the hospital.” Tim began to take charge immediately.
“Better question is, where are you?”
“I just passed Thornhill.”
“Then you're going to head home and pick up my things then go to the hospital. I'm already on my way over there now.”
“Surely you're not going to be driving?”
“I'm not driving, I'm walking.”
“Pat...”
“I'm on Main Street now, just going to head straight to the hospital. But I would appreciate some dry clothes of my own.”
“Pat...”
“I'll see you at the hospital.”
She hung up and took a deep breath, and continued down Main Street toward the hospital.
When she got there, she filled in the details at the reception, cursing the NHS continuously. They knew her there, but the endless papers had to be filled out. By the time she had filled in her personal details, her contractions had picked up. They were still quite some time apart, but the bureaucracy took too long for her patience. She took a seat in the waiting area, waiting for a nurse to assess her and take her through to a room or a delivery room. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply.
The cat was yawning. It was not yawning because of tiredness or because it was just waking up. It was yawning because it had to try and relax through the pain it was going through. The falcon flew overhead and the boar stood looking over it.
The cramps and pains got more acute and followed each other in faster tempo with each cramp that passed. And then it couldn’t relax any longer. It began to feel something want to come out of its body. It knew it was normal, but still the panic began to come to the cat.
But just as the cat began to lose its mind in the pain and panic, there she was. The Golden Woman stood over her. It stroked her head and the cat purred, despite the pain. The Golden Woman gently picked the cat up and took it in her arms. She walked with it for a moment and then lay the cat down in a bed of soft ferns. And the Golden Woman stood watch over her, stroking her fur and whispering gently to it. And the whispers turned into a tale, which became a dreamy song, sung in a low voice.
When Cash was finally brought into a room, the clean clothes Tim had brought were not of much use any more. The first thing she was asked to do was to take off her leggings and since the nurse and the doctor had to monitor the dilation, there was no use in putting anything on. Instead, she pulled on one of her cotton nightshirts and climbed into the bed.
Tim stood by her side, holding her hand, but she didn’t need him there. Something else was with her, keeping her calm and composed.
She had seen it on TV so many times. The women wh
o were in so much pain they crushed the bones of their husband's or boyfriend's hand. And though Cash felt the pain of childbirth, the pain of womanhood, she felt something else there too. Something more, something that was watching over her. Maybe it was her imagination, but suddenly a song ran through her head and softly she repeated the words she had remembered. And the words gave her solace. The words took away the pain and it made her see a gorgeous, vivacious woman in the place where Tim stood. The hand in hers was not sweaty and twitchy with nerves. It was soft and gentle. Another soft hand stroked her cheek. She smelled the woman. She smelled of the forest and of flowers and of blood.
But the woman was not a woman. She almost looked like an angel, yet she wasn’t one. Through the misty veil of her appearance, Cash saw a falcon hover above her bed. And Cash sang the words a little louder.
Freya fled from Asgard's halls, flew to Vanaheim's land
Snares and traps by Loki set, slandering her name
Sighing she quit Sesrumnir, seeing naught but distress
For Vanaheim she fled, Frey's mother for to seek
Njord's former flame she found, friend and mother to herself
Hymir's draught to drink, brewed that day before she came
A soft place as a seat and, smouldering warmth of the hearth
A cloth to dry her cold knees, her calm mother gave her
Her heart for to heal, Hörn poured out her soul
The young woman youthful, yearned for her home
Hunting grounds of home, the home of the Vanir
Elf home and Elf house, she hoped of returning
Her demand her mother denied, demanding her return
To the ancient halls of Asgard, Aesir she was now
The war neither lost nor won, willing they agreed
And Frey, Freya and their Father, found themselves
But Loki soured all with lies, lamented the Golden
With tales of terrible lust, lasciviousness unseemly