by Nicole Helm
“You think I’d let my half sister go with you anywhere if I didn’t trust you, Sam?”
No. Brandon was loyal and overprotective to a fault. Not just with the women in his life, but with everyone. He so desperately wanted the world to work the way it should, but Sam had learned the lesson that Brandon hadn’t yet.
It didn’t matter how the world should be, it only mattered how the world was. Because Abby should be alive, and if there was any justice, he would be dead instead.
Instead he was here. Barely living. And she was buried.
That struck him as wrong in a way it never had before: Maybe he should be living for her. Not dying for her.
“Sam? You know you can talk to us, right? We were there. We get it.”
“You weren’t there,” Sam replied with far too much gravel in his voice.
“Not at that particular party, but we were there, and we knew you, and we knew Abby. We all know what our lives were like back then, and we were ignorant, selfish, power-mad jackasses.” Brandon’s dismissive estimation of them was right on the mark, but the sympathetic, emotive look on his face had Sam backing away.
But Brandon kept talking. “I could never tell you not to feel guilty, because I know I would in your position. But there’s only so much blame you can heap on yourself before you become a waste of space.”
“And the last thing you are, Sam, is a waste of space,” Will added, far too seriously.
“Well, I didn’t come here for a heart-to-heart, so—”
“You can run away, Sam. You can always run away. But we’ll always be right here. We have been all this time. It doesn’t change.”
Sam had no doubt, and they reminded him so much of Hayley in that moment, he hated them. All three of them. All he wanted to do was exist without all this feeling and confusion. Why wouldn’t they let him?
“See you later.” He put the drink down and left Mile High and drove back to his cabin.
He sat in his Jeep and stared at the darkness. Once upon a time he’d felt pride at what he’d built here. He’d poured every last piece of energy into this cabin and this life.
Something had altered though. Hayley. Brandon finding Lilly. This summer had changed how his world looked.
For the very first time since he’d decided he was going to live here, he felt nothing but empty.
* * *
Hayley had gotten used to waking up at the crack of dawn for the past few weeks, so it was something of a shock to wake to the sound of someone pounding on her door before her alarm went off.
She glanced at her clock and realized in the upheaval of yesterday she hadn’t set her alarm. Still, five thirty in the morning was awfully early for someone to be knocking at her door.
It was silly to hope that it was Sam, to ask her about how yesterday had gone. Silly because he wouldn’t do that in oh, eight million trillion years. And yet she didn’t know anyone else who would come to her apartment. Maybe Brandon or Will or Lilly, but why would they come out so early when she had promised to stop by today?
She pushed herself out of bed and grabbed a heavy sweatshirt from her closet—the Hayley version of a robe.
She shuffled blearily to the front door and looked out the peephole. The man she saw on the other side was possibly the last person she’d expected to see.
She swung the door open. “James!”
“Rise and shine.” Her stepbrother grinned and enveloped her in a tight, comforting hug. She took some comfort in that for a few moments, because as great as it had been to face Brandon and Will and realize that it hadn’t been all that hard, it was nice to have a relationship in front of her she knew how to deal with.
At least until she remembered that her family wasn’t supposed to know she lived in Gracely. Let alone at five thirty in the morning. He would’ve had to have done some digging to find her apartment, since the only address she’d given her mother was a post office box in Benson.
“I suppose you’re wondering how I found you?” James said, pulling back. His smile was still in place, but James had the uncanny ability to smile no matter what was going on in that complicated brain of his.
“Underhanded police tactics, I’m guessing?”
James sighed, that world-weary, big-brother sigh she had hated growing up. “What are you doing, Hayley?” he asked, James Jordan’s version of gentle. It was more smoothness than actual softness.
“I’m finding myself,” she said, gathering the courage to look him directly in the eye. It was funny that courage was something like dominoes. Once flicked, they kept knocking the next down. Be brave one place and it suddenly seemed possible and even imperative to be brave other places.
James pressed his lips together and she could’ve left it at that. God knows, Mack or James wouldn’t want to touch “finding oneself” with a nine-hundred-foot pole, but she felt the need to reach out and have someone from her old life understand her new one.
It wouldn’t be her mother. It would never be her mother when it came to Gracely and the last name Evans, but maybe James could understand.
“I found this great town that I love. I found . . .”
“Your half brothers?”
It frustrated her beyond belief that he’d poked into her life when he could have asked. “Why don’t you go ahead and tell me everything you’ve investigated, and then I can fill in any blanks.”
“I don’t have any blanks.”
She was tempted to tell him about Sam just to prove that he did, because she was pretty sure if he knew that she’d been kissing anyone on top of a mountain one night ago, he would’ve led with that little factoid. And a full investigation of Sam and his background.
“What are you doing here, James?”
“Mom is worried. Dad is worried. I’m worried.”
“Why are you worried now?” It wasn’t fair to unload her emotional upheaval on him, but it wasn’t fair that he was here before she was ready to explain this to her family. “For years I was miserable and felt like I didn’t belong anywhere and that I was missing something. No one was worried about me then. Everything was fine then. But I finally found something that feels like me, like a place where I belong. Now you guys are worried.”
“It isn’t like you.”
“Nothing was like me. I was so afraid to do anything. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not going to be afraid anymore.”
“If Mom knew . . .”
Hayley had that selfish old urge to tell him that her mom was not his mom. But it wasn’t fair because Mom had always given James love and affection. And he’d certainly deserved it. His mother died when he was a kid.
It was just . . . why hadn’t she deserved it? Hayley closed her eyes. Apparently courage didn’t solve every problem. “Why are you here?”
“I told you. We’re worried about you.”
“You could’ve said that over the phone. You could’ve . . . If you’re here, there’s a plan. At least have the decency to tell me what it is. I’m not a child anymore.”
She didn’t look at James, she couldn’t. Even though she had gotten a good night’s sleep, she was still exhausted—physically and emotionally. Worn out from taking all of her insides and putting them on the outside. It was exhausting, and it hurt like hell.
No wonder Sam hid in that tiny little cabin up on the mountain. This was bullshit.
“Dad doesn’t know I’m here. Mom doesn’t even know I’m here. I took it upon myself to come here and check up on you.”
Hayley whirled on him. “Mom and Mack don’t know?”
“Once I found out that you were here, I couldn’t tell Mom. And if I couldn’t tell her, then I couldn’t tell Dad. So I’m here, as your brother, to check up on you. To make sure you’re as fine as you claim you are.”
“Because you can’t just believe me?” she demanded, trying to fight back tears, trying to be the strong person she’d believed herself to be yesterday. But it all seemed to be crumbling here. Why couldn’t they believe? She underst
ood why Mom might not be okay with this, but couldn’t someone at least believe she knew what was best for her?
“I want to, but when have you ever told us the truth about how happy you are?”
That mark hit home. Because she wanted to blame her mother for seeing her as half her biological father, a secret to be kept. She wanted to blame Mack and James for being steps and not getting her. She wanted to blame her skin color for not matching anybody she was related to. She wanted to blame a lot of things, but the bottom line was . . . she kept all of those feelings hidden deep down inside.
How could she blame anyone for not seeing through it?
“How long are you staying?” Hayley asked softly, not sure any answer would be what she wanted right now.
“Until I’m convinced you’re as happy as you claim you are.”
Hayley let out a breath. She wasn’t about to let him see her work. Though Mile High had become one of those things that made her happy, she wasn’t about to let James meet Sam. Not now when everything was so complicated and fraught between them.
James would read into that, and then he’d go full protective older brother. Sam was jumpy enough as it was. She didn’t need to give him another reason to pull back, to run away.
Not when she was determined to have so much more from him.
She’d have to call in sick, and tell James she had the day off. It wouldn’t work forever, but if she had some time to figure it out, maybe she could work around this. Convince James she was happy in Gracely by just being in Gracely. Or finding out Sam’s schedule and working around that.
Whatever the case, she was not letting her stepbrother near the man she had a romantic interest in until that romantic interest was far more secured.
Chapter Seventeen
Sam was skulking, and he blamed it all on Hayley. Of course, what didn’t he blame on Hayley these days?
She was the very bane of his existence. It was driving him absolutely nuts not to have seen her for twenty-four hours. Which was a special kind of sick and twisted.
He hadn’t expected her to show up for their scheduled hike. He hadn’t expected her to follow him around on his kayak excursion this afternoon. He had been certain Will or Brandon would take that over.
But as the morning went on, he still found himself listening for the telltale sound of her car. And then, worse, so much worse, he was now skulking around Mile High trying to figure out who had taken her and where. He was an idiot, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to stop.
Which was another fault of Hayley’s, because he had always been able to stop, before she showed up.
Skeet was grunting away at the front desk, and Lilly was busy in her office. Will and Brandon were nowhere to be found, which meant they were likely out on excursions.
Sam wasn’t stupid enough to think he could ask Lilly about who Hayley was with. The woman would read into things. He kept talking himself out of asking Skeet about the schedule, because while Skeet might not read into things, he would undoubtedly tell Lilly everything Sam had asked. For some reason the man who’d once been the surliest, grumpiest SOB in the place—which was saying something, of course—was completely softened and undone by Lilly.
Sam couldn’t understand why she kept having that effect on people. Or maybe after Hayley’s invasion in his life he could, and that was not a thought he wanted to dwell on.
Lilly emerged from her office just as Sam was pouring himself some coffee in the kitchenette. She stopped in the doorway and looked at him strangely.
“What are you doing here?”
“I work here,” Sam returned, not meeting her too-shrewd gaze.
Lilly rolled her eyes. “But you never come in this early when you don’t have excursions until afternoon.”
Sam shifted uncomfortably and lied easily. “I was out of coffee.”
“Well, I’m going to town to bring Hayley some soup if you need me to pick you up some while I’m out.”
“Why are you bringing Hayley soup?”
“She called in sick today, and I thought it would be a nice gesture. The boys both have excursions this morning, and it seems a little sad to be sick all alone.”
Sam knew he shouldn’t say anything. He shouldn’t do anything. He should let that be that. But he couldn’t help himself.
“I could do it.”
Lilly raised an eyebrow. “You could do what?”
Sam tried at a casual shrug. “I could deliver the soup. Like I said, I’m out of coffee, so I have to run into town anyway. It would be easier for me to do it, unless you have other errands to do.”
“No, I guess I don’t.”
“Then I’ll do it and kill two birds with one stone.”
Lilly gave him an all too knowing look. “You know, you volunteering to bring someone soup is about as normal as, say, I don’t know, Skeet offering to do it.”
“Skeet does stuff for you all the time now.”
“Yes, because he likes me. He finds me charming, and in need of care. Is that how you feel about Hayley?”
“I’m offering to help. If you don’t want to take it, you don’t have to.”
Lilly clearly didn’t believe a word he was saying. And she shouldn’t. It was all a bunch of BS.
“All right then. Pick up some soup, maybe some crackers and some ginger ale. Then do whatever you have to do. You think you can do all of that before your excursion this afternoon?”
“How long does it take to drop off some soup?”
She smiled innocently. “I guess that depends on what you do when you drop it off.”
“What do you mean, what I do? I’ll just drop off the soup. What the hell are you getting at?”
“You really want me to answer that?”
No. Not at all. So, Sam got the hell out of Dodge before Lilly could make him even more uncomfortable.
He drove out of town to the small mercantile in the next town over. He grabbed soup and crackers, ginger ale and tea. When he found himself standing in front of a display of flowers for way too long, he grunted in disgust.
Flowers? He was going to bring her flowers? What the fuck was wrong with him? He stomped away from them before his latent idiocy could win.
Irritable and grumpy, Sam bought the supplies, including a bag of coffee just in case Lilly quizzed him, and drove back to Gracely. When he arrived at Hayley’s apartment complex, he sat in his Jeep for a few minutes, trying to figure out what he was going to say.
All you have to say is the truth. That Lilly was going to bring her the soup, but he had stepped in and done it because he had errands to do. It was the truth. It was as close to the truth as he was going to think about.
The fact of the matter was he now had no choice but to do it. He had told Lilly he was going to bring soup. So, he had to bring her soup. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.
He trudged up to Hayley’s apartment with twin feelings running through him. The first being horror at his own stupidity for getting himself into this situation, and the second . . .
He didn’t want to acknowledge the second. But it was there. He wanted to see her. He was excited to see her and make sure everything was okay. Because he was a sick fuck.
Cursing himself, Sam knocked on Hayley’s door. He waited for a few seconds, still cursing as he waited.
But when the door opened, his mind went completely blank.
It wasn’t Hayley. It was a man. A man about as tall as him and almost as broad. Young. Clearly suspicious.
“Who the hell are you?” the man demanded, and if Sam were in a different situation, where Hayley wasn’t in her apartment with this guy, he might have been intimidated by the glare.
Instead, Sam glared right back. “Who the hell are you?”
“Sam?”
This came from Hayley, her voice surprised and something far too close to delighted for his own comfort.
You were the one who wanted to come here and talk to her, you moron.
“You know this guy?” the man a
t the door asked. He was still blocking Sam’s access to the apartment.
Hayley came to stand next to the man, wide-eyed and clearly uncomfortable.
But as she looked at him, something in that expression softened into guilt. Guilt over what, Sam had no idea. It wasn’t like they were some kind of couple or something. Hell, if she had a boyfriend, that was just fucking fantastic. Of course, she probably shouldn’t have kissed him the other night if she had a boyfriend, but what business was that of his?
“Sam, this is my stepbrother, James. James, this is Sam. I work with him.” Her gaze ping-ponged back and forth between him and her stepbrother, which was an inordinate relief, and then they landed on the bag in his hand.
“Lilly said you were sick.”
“So you thought you could come and take advantage of her?”
“James, oh my God.” She smacked her stepbrother’s chest. “Don’t be weird.”
“Why did you call in sick?” James demanded, turning his gaze sharply to Hayley.
“Because you’re here.”
“I didn’t mean to interrupt. I just told Lilly I’d . . . She . . .” Get it together. “She wanted me to bring you some soup. I mean, she was going to, but I, you know, I mean, I was coming into town, so she thought . . .” Holy shit, he was some kind of messed up. “I’ll go and you guys can have your family moment and I will go.” Because this stuttering, rambling man was even more horrifying than the man who’d come here because he wanted to see her.
He could be a socially inept hermit, but no one needed to see it.
Before he could flee, Hayley looked at him with far too many things in her expression. Sam definitely needed to go, but she grabbed his arm.
“James, I’m going to take a really short walk with Sam to talk about work. Obviously work. You sit tight. Take that shower you said you needed to take, and I will be back in a little bit.”
James crossed his arms over his chest, and Sam figured he was supposed to be intimidated. Like hell he was going to be intimidated by her stepbrother.
He was too busy being intimidated by the woman whose hand was clamped on his arm.
“If you’re not back in—”
“No. You do not get to tell me what to do. You’re not my father.”