“Your uniform is now replaced with the enclosed sackcloth. May it remind you of the debasement you’ve brought on to yourself, a mourning of the lies and omissions which both cross and hold you in your own personal hell. May it give you a place to repent your violation of the basic tenants we hold most dear.
On your desk, you will find hardtack and water. It will give you sustenance but no enjoyment in its consumption.
Now for your penance. Let this be a time of reflection and understanding through the physical to release your mental hold.
Shackles: You will wear shackles on your ankles and wrists. Let them remind you that running away hobbles the ability of others to help in your darkest time of need. Once you lock them in place, as you’ve done by running away, there they will remain until someone else removes them.
Locked inside: This room is familiar to you, as you’ve spent much time in it. It is locked to ensure your whereabouts are known. For trust is hard to build and easy to violate, and you’ve destroyed it in many ways.
Chamberpot: Under the window sits a chamberpot for your use. As your actions were uncivilized, so shall your needs be met in a similar manner.
Bag of Rice: Finally, there is a bag of rice on which to kneel and contemplate the pain your actions have caused others. To avoid it will only mean more time to contemplate it. May it loosen your tongue, allow you to open and walk back into the fold of your chosen family. Today you will only have two choices of position. You may stand in your self-righteousness or kneel in the pain of your actions.”
By the end of the note, tears stream down my face. Each accusation rings through me. My stomach rumbles. With an effort, I remove the uniform which stole my dominant position and replaced it with the sackcloth which lowers me further still.
The sackcloth rubs harshly against my skin as I pull it over my head. I walk over to the window’s rising light. Outside, the world stirs. Below people jog down the sidewalks and cars rush past to carry people to their lives. In here, it feels as if my life has stopped. Both a prison and a refuge.
I turn toward the desk and grab the bag of rice on the way. This cloth bag is meant for this exact punishment. Its rough surface abrades the skin while the hard grains of rice poke and prod at the knees. I lower my body down onto it and pour a glass of water.
Several pieces of hardtack sit on a plate in front of me. When I lived here, we often made the substance traditionally, using water, flour and salt. Since it can sit for months without spoiling, it served two purpose—the first in the making, working with your hands and yet knowing a misstep would make it your only meal. Then in the eating. It is a slow process to break it apart or to wait for one to two hours for it to absorb water enough to eat without letting it completely dissolve. Both parts require a patience lost in today’s hustle and bustle. Dominick was always good at teaching things in unexpected ways.
I gnaw on the hard cracker until it breaks apart. The process is slow and tedious. My knees scream with each move of my body as it rocks. Each bite is an effort. I drink a fast glass of water to help quell my hunger more quickly. Once my stomach settles, I place the remaining hardtack in the glass to soak in hopes of an easier meal later.
Finally, I walk back to the basket and lift the heavy iron shackles. The combination of physical weight and symbolism pushes me to the edge. I lift the first pair; I place each one around my ankles and lock them in place. The short connecting chain cuts my steps in half. Lifting the second pair, I repeat the process on my wrists. The short distance between my hands makes me struggle to lock them in place. Once done, I turn to rearrange my bed back to a couch.
Movement is a struggle. Each thing takes twice the effort.
In front of me is a long day. A rotation of standing with the weight of iron weighing on me or kneeling on the bag of rice.
Then there is the problem of Kade.
Chapter Four
Shadows once again cast across my small room. Soon all light will be lost. With the shackles on my limbs, I will be in a disadvantaged state to maneuver. I place the last piece of now softened hardtack on the plate. With a shuffle around the room, I arrange things to the smallest detail so I will remember them. When the last of the day’s light disappears, I mourn its loss. Once again, I kneel on the rice and consume the tasteless meal. As the last bite hits my mouth, the locks on my door click.
Light from the hallway streams in and Ana once again appears at the entrance.
“Master requests the company of your presence in the library. I am told you know the way.” Without further comment, she walks away.
I rise from the desk and shuffle like a prisoner through the hallway. With care, I move down the stairway. Each step is a practice in focus. Both feet must meet the step before proceeding to the next one. It is a slow process.
As I approach the entrance to the living room, I can easily hear Dominick’s and Kade’s voices.
“I don’t know what the hell she was thinking,” Kade rages and I cringe.
“Boy, you either learn to control your temper under my roof or I will control it for you,” Dominick replies.
“Yes, Sir. I’m frustrated. For weeks we’ve worried.”
“I know.” Dominick’s tone softens. “She’s hiding something, and I plan to get to the bottom of it.”
“I don’t understand why she didn’t tell us. There’s nothing we won’t take on for her.” Kade lets out an exasperated breath. “I can only hope this has nothing to do with Edmund.”
“Who is Edmund?” Dominick queries.
At the sound of his name, I panic and move with a struggling quickness as I battle the shackles. Everything in me needs this line of questioning to end.
The clanking sound of my shackle chain banging on the floor makes both heads jerk up in my direction.
Shock blooms on Kade’s face. Without a mirror, I can only imagine the poor sight I am to behold. I struggle into the room.
“Eavesdropping isn’t any more becoming than lying, Atlas.”
“Yes, Sir. I am sorry, Sir.”
His hand makes the sign to kneel and points to the pillow in the floor. The small act of kindness allows hope to take root. My knees hit the pillow harder than expected and I wince in pain. Beside me I can hear Kade gasp.
“What the hell, Dominick!”
“Kade… don’t.” The whispered words force through my lips.
“How dare you debase her this way! She came to you for help and you want to break her more? Do you treat all Dominants this way or is this a game of humiliate the Dominant in front of a previous submissive? Are you kidding me, man?”
“Kade,” Dominick growls as he steps beside me, his fingers snapping. “Sit. We can discuss this later. There are more pressing things right now.”
I watch his feet stomp across the floor. Above me Dominick turns toward me.
“Atlas, the situation you created is obvious. Today you’ve paid penance. Shall we try your state of confession again?”
I nod as I struggle to form the words.
“Yes, Sir.”
“Before we begin”—he turns toward Kade—“you will be silent through this ritual unless you are engaged to speak, boy. This course of action requires your respect of the participants and the ritual. If you cannot offer it, then I advise you to leave now.”
“I’ll stay.” Kade’s clipped words do nothing to settle my nerves.
Dominick sits in the chair next to Kade’s and right in front of me. They are oppositional forces. Where Dominick’s body is tall and fit like a swimmer, Kade is a bodybuilder who is built like a tank. With one, the dominance exudes in the air and the other is submissive but never lacks strength. Regardless, both are fiercely loyal and protective. If I were not the center of their ire, I would appreciate it.
The air in the room grows heavy as two pair of eyes bear down on me expectantly.
“On my knees before you, in humble submission, I come to you in an act of confession. In this place I seek your guidance, your
firm hand, and resolution of those things I hold internally, perpetuated or thought in a way which does not serve me, or my relationships, to be their best. Here, I seek absolution of my mistakes so I may grow from them. I give myself to you to provide a physical path to release these things.”
“Are you contrite, Atlas?”
“I am contrite, Sir.”
“Tell me how you came to this state.” Dominick’s tone is hard, but there is an underlying kindness. Beside him, Kade shifts uncomfortably.
“Lessons are best taught through a tangible interpretation. In it, I know my actions appear selfish and weak. Rather than trusting those around me, I lifted the world alone and ran with it. In doing so, I left an unintentional wake of chaos and pain. Today, I faced this path through enduring physical pain, humiliation, restricted movement, and loneliness. Each one I brought on to myself and deserve to bear.”
I hear Kade clear his throat and immediately I see Dominick’s hand command him to silence before the words cross his lips. While I trained Kade, he had the rare occasion to submit to Dominick. The commands were the same no matter who produced them.
“Why are you here, Atlas?” Dominick inquires.
“I am exhausted. I am afraid. I am lost. I hurt beyond measure.” The simple words are all I can produce. Each one is true but incomplete.
“Penance can produce all of those things.”
“Those things were upon my shoulders when I crossed your threshold. Penance only forced me walk into them rather than run away from them.”
“Tell me of your hurt, girl.” The endearment cracks my lagging resolve.
“I hurt because I’ve hurt those I love dearly. In my haste to act and keep them safe, I broke the tenets of my life. The foundation in which I built my world.”
“How are you lost?”
“I do not know the way forward. The wrong move is dangerous, and I no longer know the right ones.”
“Why are you exhausted?” Dominick’s voice is almost soft, but I know too much to fall into the trap of believing not moving forward will keep it that way.
“Because I’m running and I’m out of the energy to do so.” My voice sounds tired, even to my own ears. I brace for the next question. He’s listened to me dance around it over the last few. Even to my ears it is obvious, and I know he is leading me to the exact place he wants me to go.
The weight of their gaze sits on me as they both look down from above. There is no tenseness in Dominick’s posture, while Kade looks ready to kill someone, and I don’t know in this moment if it is me or the man beside him.
“Who is Edmund and why are you afraid of him? What makes him dangerous and why do you need to keep those around you safe from him?” The unexpected combination of questions stuns me into silence, and my brain works to form a set of half-truths. “And don’t even think about lying to me, girl. Today was light, and you still owe payment when we are done with you.”
A combination of fear and respect rips through me.
Chapter Five
There are no words for his questions. Beside him Kade sits up and watches me. My mind races. Each heartbeat reminds me of a threat he issued. I take a deep breath.
“Edmund is a professional client of Alexandra’s.” I try to keep my tone neutral as I utter my alter ego’s name.
“Don’t try my patience tonight,” Dominick warns, and I look up.
Fury and pain cross Kade’s face as he realizes he was right in his assessment, but too late to be able to act on it. Now those emotions are turned on me because I did not confide in him.
“He proposed after a session, several months ago. I rejected the proposal.”
“This is not an unusual situation when an infatuation gets out of hand.”
Dominick’s comment goads me to go deeper with my explanation.
“True, but Edmund is… unique.” I try to place the word delicately; not even I want to face the truth.
“Unique how?”
“He is possessive, arrogant, intelligent, obsessive, and that is before you know he can easily buy and sell a small country,” Kade says with loathing.
Dominick cuts his eyes but does not reprimand the intrusion.
“All of those things are true to some degree,” I confirm.
“Were you always afraid of this client?”
“No. In a scene, his manners are impeccable. He is thoughtful and polite. Exacting in following every order. Until…” I let the word hang as the memories haunt me.
Dominick sits in silence as I gather my thoughts. When seconds turn into minutes, he prompts, “Until when?”
“Until he stalked me.” My voice is hoarse, forced across my vocal cords.
“Son of a bitch!” Kade swears under his breath. “I will kill that mother…”
“That’s enough, Kade,” Dominick reprimands before his tirade takes hold.
“Continue,” he says to me.
“He wanted to own me. To keep me locked up in his world so he could pretend I was in control. I didn’t realize the depth of his desire until I rejected him.” I move my hands and the weight of the shackles pull on my shoulders. “Soon after, he threatened me. He taunted me with my security being close, leaving flowers in my offices with menacing notes. On the surface, it looked sweet, if a little obsessive, but the notes were callous.”
A shudder rolls through me.
“You said offices. He left you notes in both the club and the PR office?” Dominick doesn’t let the detail get missed.
I nod.
“Words.” The command is simple.
“Yes. Flowers were left or delivered to both offices and both personas. He knew my secrets.”
Kade shifts in his chair restlessly, but Dominick is steady throughout the explanation.
“When the situation with Reece’s sister blew up, I knew Edmund was behind it.” At my own mention of Reece’s name, I fall forward on my hands. The words lay bare all the things I’ve held for weeks. My stomach rolls, and I am glad of its limited contents.
“In that moment, I realized I could not keep my family safe and my only option was to get as far away as possible. Reece discovered my secrets in the process since he was out with Atlas at the time of the picture. Now he hates me. Edmund wants to possess me and will ruin everyone around me to get to me. With so much in ruins, I ran. I want everyone safe. It is the only thing I could do. Instead, I’ve lost everything I ever built or loved to a madman.”
“What about you, Atlas? Are you not important in this scenario?” Dominick finally asks.
“It is why I left everything behind on my desk and took cash. I thought if I could just get away for a few weeks it would all settle down. In the meantime, it seemed intelligent to be as untraceable as possible.”
From the corner of my eye, I see Kade’s anger increase.
With a nod from Dominick, Kade turns toward me. I brace for the tidal wave of emotions.
“How dare you!” Kade growls. “Do you think so little of me? Or the team I’ve built? Do you not think me capable of keeping you AND your secrets safe?”
“It’s not like that, Kade. Please understand, all I wanted to do was keep everyone safe,” I plead.
“Safe? You call this safe? Edmund is running around your club. The man you accuse of stalking. Interacting with every single member in the place. How the hell do you call THAT keeping everyone safe?”
I shake my head. “I didn’t think he was a threat to the membership. He hasn’t…” The words won’t form in my mouth.
“No. He’s as cordial as always, other than he’s at the club more than normal. He asks about you often, but we thought it was a client thing.” He works to control the volume of his voice, but I know him. The hold is tenuous.
“Then it looks like my removal from the situation created a temporary solution.”
I lift my eyes and glare at him.
“If you’d come to your SECURITY team, we wouldn’t have a situation which needed a temporary solution,” he screams
.
“Well, if I thought you could control someone with more money than the GDP of a country without getting hurt, I would have told you,” I yell back.
Kade jumps to his feet and looms over me. I refuse to shrink even when his huge frame casts a shadow.
“You don’t think I can keep you safe? I would lay my life down for you, Atlas! You are the most important person in the world. Yet you don’t trust me with your life! How dare you! Your actions are foolish, selfish, and stupid. The mess you’ve left in your wake is much harder to contain. I’ve assembled the best team available and your actions tell us we suck!” Kade roars.
I am taken aback by the ferocity of his words. They make me feel foolish, selfish, and stupid. In those moments of immediate fear, all I could see was harm to Samantha, Kade, or Reece. There were not thoughts past those. The threats are real, and I knew it.
“I know you would die trying to protect me, and it scares me more than anything else,” I state.
Kade paces beside me. Each step vents more of his anger. The knowledge I’ve sent him to his knees with a simple command and the fact he cares so deeply for me is the only reason I know his anger isn’t directed at me but his feeling of helplessness.
“So one man wants to make you his prisoner, and another puts you willingly in chains. It’s like I know nothing about you. And you call yourself a Dominant?” The last sentence is like a slap in the face. It steps too far over the line, and I will not abide it.
“No man put her in chains, Kade,” Dominick states with a calmness which sits dichotomously in the situation playing out before him.
“Really, Dominick? She kneels on the floor in shackles in your home. You can’t tell me she did this to herself!” Kade turns toward the other man.
“It is exactly what I am telling you,” he replies.
“What the hell is going on here?”
“If you will sit down and find control, Kade, you will see.”
Reveal Me Page 3