by Valia Lind
"Yes, I know." I reply, stretching after being in the car for so long. "But it doesn't change the fact that there is a pull for me to be here and I've been ignoring it for way too long."
"This is the first I'm hearing about it."
"That's because it's the first I'm telling you about it."
I don't wait for response, but head toward my dorm. There are not many people out, since the rain is still coming down. Not as hard as it's been, but hard enough to keep the couples and study groups inside.
With my new and improved vision, I can see an unnatural kind of a film around the place, a ripple in the fabric of reality. Reaching out to Brendan, I stop his progress across the yard, but he's already on alert.
"I see it too. Someone's here."
"We still need to go in, Brendan. I can't explain it, I just know we do."
He doesn't question me again, but follows me through the mist and up the stairs. When we walk into my dorm room the sense of nostalgia is almost overpowering. Memories, so close to the surface, bursting to come free. And yet, they don't. Whatever barrier is keeping them down, it's staying firm. For now.
"Anything?" Brendan asks, watching me as I stand in the middle of the room, trying to figure out why I felt such a pull to come here. I glance up at him as he looks out the window, studying our surroundings in that precise way of his. I shake my head in response, not trusting myself to speak. The magic inside flares up again, and I curl my hands into fists, pushing it away. I thought it was getting better because on the way here, I didn't experience any sudden flashes. But now, standing in my dorm room, I'm having a hard time controlling it.
"Cali!" I twirl around at the sound of my best friend’s voice and the next thing I know I'm swallowed in the circle of her arms. "Where have you been? I've been so worried. Your cryptic phone calls and texts were doing nothing to help me sleep at night." She pulls back, giving me a once over. "You look amazing! You're basically glowing. Is that purple in your hair? What kind of a diet you've been on? And you—“ Jemma turns to Brendan, pointing her finger at him as if reprimanding a child. "How dare you take her away and not give me any kind of a notice? I could've helped plan something. I could've been there. I could've—“
"Jemma!" I stop her stream of questioning, holding up my hands to calm her down. She hasn't taken a breath yet. "Calm down. I'm here, I'll answer your questions, and I'm sorry."
This time it's me who reaches out and gives her a hug. I never meant to put her through all that. I thought staying away would keep her safe. Now I'm not so sure anything I do is the right thing. Just being in the same room with her is calming me down more than anything I could've done on my own.
"But first, can we just—“ But I don't get to finish. A flash of pain pierces through me and then I'm inside of a memory.
I open my eyes to find myself in yet another meadow. I'm not sure why my memories keep putting me here or maybe Skazka is really all forests and castles.
This memory feels different from the start. Instead of watching it play out like a movie, I'm inside of it, seeing through the eyes of my former self. And yet, I can clearly think outside of the memory parameters. It's a weird combination. It's as if I'm here, but I'm not.
My former self and I lay back down into the tall grass, digging our fingers into the dirt. I can feel the coolness of the ground beneath my palms as if I'm physically present. The power surges through me, moving under my fingertips and into the earth. The ground shakes, as if something is waking up below and I feel myself smiling, pleased at the plan coming together.
Sitting up, I stretch out to touch the grass in front of me, when I feel movement behind me. The next moment, a large head butts against my shoulder and I'm smiling once more.
"Zdrastvui dorogoi," I greet whomever is there with warmth. Turning just slightly my eyes land on the biggest cat I have ever seen. Larger than a lion, the cat is a deep turquoise color with piercing white eyes staring right at me. He looks hungry, but I don't seem afraid. Quite the opposite, in fact. I'm happy to see him. Thrilled.
I reach out with my hand, running it over his deep silky fur. The cat's purr rumbles deep within his chest, vibrating up my arm, while he moves closer. As I pet him, he lays down beside me, curling his massive body around me like a protective barrier.
"Moi malish. Moi horoshii kotik," I sing song the sweet words, sounding more and more like a lullaby. "Not long now, kotik moi. Not long at all."
Now that he's here, I feel like I can relax. I lean back, sinking into him as he continues to purr. Sleep comes and it's pleasant.
For some reason, I know it's more pleasant that it's been in weeks.
Then, I'm myself again and the pain is unbearable.
17
“Why won't you tell me what's wrong with her?" I hear the whispered question through the fog in my mind.
"Because it's not something I can explain. If she wants to talk about it, she needs to tell you herself." Brendan replies and even without opening my eyes I know they're on the other side of my dorm room. I have a feeling they've been arguing for a while.
"So you basically kidnap her for a month, come back with her all weird sick, and won't even answer questions?"
"Listen Jemma—“
"Don't listen Jemma me. She's my best friend. I've been going out of my mind since she's been gone. You owe me something."
I open my eyes just in time to see Jemma poke Brendan in the chest with her little finger and the sight is so absurd, a snicker escapes before I can hold it in. Both of them turn to me instantly and the relief on their faces is evident.
"What is going on?" Jemma exclaims, plopping down on the bed with me. "Are you okay? Please tell me you're okay and this is just a weird seizure I didn't know you had and not some kind of a drug induced problem Brendan got you hooked on."
"Your imagination is to be admired." Brendan comments drily from over Jemma's shoulder and I can't hide my smile. I've missed her.
"No, I'll explain everything. You might not believe me, but I'll try." I'm not sure when I decided that I would, but I think a part of me just wants to be accepted by her no matter what crazy story I spin. I might lose her in the end, but I don't feel right lying to her any longer. But before I can say anything else Brendan snaps to attention. My eyes find his and then I feel it. Something shifted in the air around us, something is definitely coming.
"Cali—“ Brendan begins, but I don't need his warning.
"I feel it," I say, getting off the bed, with Jemma beside me. She can tell something has changed too because Brendan and I are both on high alert now. "We need to get out of here."
"What?" Jemma starts, "you can't leave. You just got here."
"You're coming with us," Brendan says before I have a chance to answer. He's at the window again, studying the outside surroundings and I'm not sure what he sees, but his body gets even more rigid.
"I'm not going anywhere until someone explains what the heck is happening."
I open my mouth to offer some kind of an explanation when my eyes land on my desk. There's an envelope on top, with my name written on it in careful cursive. I take a step forward, as if being pulled toward the object like a magnet.
"What is this?" I ask, as my fingers close around the paper and a wave of magic washes over me. I gasp at the sudden whirlwind, but before I can lose control, everything settles.
"Cali?" Brendan is already by my side, holding on to me by my elbows in case I plummet to the floor like I'm known to do.
"I'm okay. I just felt—magic." Our eyes meet and the concern I find there sends off all kinds of alarms. I shouldn't be feeling magic from random objects with my name on them, that's for sure.
"Did you say magic?" Jemma asks from behind Brendan. I don't reply, but focus on the paper in front of me. Brendan glances down as well and then I hear his sharp intake of breath.
"What?" I ask.
"That's your handwriting."
I look down at the paper again and realize that he's ri
ght. The cursive definitely has my markings on it, if I took a very long time to make it this pretty. I don't wait for a ceremony but rip the envelope open.
"Guys?" Jemma's voice comes out a little more apprehensive and I'm sure we're freaking her out. I give her what I hope is a reassuring smile before pulling out a sheet of paper with more writing on it. This handwriting looks more like my own because it's more messy. All that's written in the middle of the paper is the name of a town and state: Flushing, Michigan. I look up at Brendan to see if he knows what this means, but he looks just as puzzled as I feel.
"Jemma, where did this come from?" I ask, turning my attention to my best friend.
"It was in our mailbox three days ago."
None of this makes sense. I stare at the paper in front of me, clearly written in my own handwriting, with a name of a city I've never been to. I'm not even sure I knew there was a Flushing, Michigan.
"Is this why we came here?" Brendan asks after a moment of silence. I glance up at him sharply, because I didn't think of that. Maybe we did. I felt the pull to come back here. Did I send this to myself as a clue? So many questions and I just feel like I'm never getting close to any answers.
"I think so. Maybe. I don't know."
Brendan reaches for my hand, squeezing it briefly. The contact calms me instantly, as if my body has been craving this simple touch. The magic that always seems to be burning at the brim takes a backseat, if only for a moment, and I can breathe easier.
"We need to go." I say, because the feeling of foreboding that crept into us the moment we saw the mist surrounding the building is flashing like a neon sign in my mind suddenly. Brendan doesn't question, but lets go of my hand and heads to the front door. He doesn't make it two steps before the door bursts open and a nightmare steps through the threshold.
"Zdrastvuy, Protector," he growls and that's when Jemma screams.
Stepping in front of my best friend, I put myself between her and the creature. He's at least seven feet tall. His face is made up of stitches of flesh and fur, his eyes black like crows. He has the body of a man, but his arms look like the arms of a reptile, though I've never seen one this large before. He stinks like death and decay and I take an involuntary step back when his breath hits my lungs.
"How kind of you to show up," he says, as four other creatures step through the doorway. The room is too small to hold all of us at once and we push back, closer to the window.
Brendan already has his sword out, and without looking away from the creatures, he thrusts another one into my hand. The training I've undergone keeps me calm on the outside, but I'm more than terrified on the inside. Not for myself, but for Brendan and Jemma. I brought these monsters right into their path and if something happens to them, it'll be on me.
"Nothing to say, Protector?" The creature grins and I notice his long canine teeth gleaming in the light.
"I figured you were getting ready to monologue. Didn't want to interrupt." I quip and hear Brendan's barely audible chuckle. I never understand where my sudden bravery comes from, but Brendan never seems to be surprised. Maybe I really am all that and a bag of chips. The confidence Brendan displays in me fuels my own.
The creature growls before responding, "Where is the Relic, Protector?"
"I feel like I've had this conversation before," I reply, taking another tiny step toward the window “Your English is much better than the last guy’s though. At least I can understand you, somewhat.” Jemma is right behind me now, and I wish I had telepathic powers because I need Brendan to get her out of here.
"Do you want to see your friend die?"
It's as if he's reading my mind and delivers the one threat that will get to me. I trust that Brendan can hold his own, but Jemma is completely unprotected.
"What I'd like to see is you dead. Is that too much to ask?" I reply, and this time, instead of taking a step back, I take a step forward. I feel Jemma's hand on my arm, but I extract it, putting myself closer to the monsters.
"Cal—“ There's a warning in Brendan's voice. I have a feeling he knows what I'm planning to do and he's definitely not on board with it. But the sound of my name on his lips just adds to the fuel. I feel the magic awaken inside of me and then, a blast of cold seeps through my skin and into my heart.
I can kill them. I can kill them all.
As if seeing the change in me, they attack. Jemma screams as the first creature reaches me, but I'm too fast for him. This room is not big enough for them to maneuver their large bodies easily, but it's perfect for me.
"Get her out of here!" I shout at Brendan as my sword clings with the creature's.
"No!" he replies, his own sword slicing at the creature going after him. I dodge and pivot, my smaller frame shifting around them as they bulldozer over the furniture in their attempt to get at me. I take note of their awkwardness right away. As big as they are, they use their bodies as a weapon, but it's hard for them to be as precise as I am. It's as if their limbs are not stitched together properly, so they rely on their strength versus precision.
I swing at the one closest to me, ducking a blow, and my sword connects with his flesh. Acid bubbles out where blood should be, and I roll under him before it touches my skin. He stumbles forward and I swipe my sword over his neck, decapitating him in one blow.
I don't have time to gloat at my victory, as my eyes land on Brendan fighting off two others. The leader stands to the side, watching with amusement, before he lunges at Jemma. I scream, my hand reaching out toward her and then she's gone. Poof. Disappeared.
Shock ripples through me as I stare at the space my friend was just a second ago. The leader turns to me, growling, and I have no time to react when he backhands me, sending me flying into the opposite wall. I land hard, my body vibrating with pain as I try to get to my knees. I hear Brendan shouting, but I can't make out the words through the buzz. My eyes try to focus and I see the leader grinning as he makes his way toward me. Brendan is screaming, trying to get to me, but he can't get past the two monsters. Our eyes lock and before I can think of it, my hand is reaching out to help him.
Fire rushes through my blood, igniting the ancient power of my inheritance. Rage, pure and burning, rises inside of me. I push the pain down, and the whirlpool of magic takes its place. As if in slow motion, I raise my eyes to the creature now towering over me and I smile. A flicker of surprise crosses his face before he, and the other two monsters, explode in a brilliant display of purple color. Guts, blood and acid rain on me, but before it can touch myself or Brendan it's gone.
I look up from my place on the floor, my eyes finding Brendan's across the room. We're alone now, surrounded by the debris leftover from the fight. The power is still crushing me from the inside out and I try to find the balance to pull myself together. I search for that calm assurance I find in Brendan, but it's too much.
Too much. Too hot. Too strong.
The magic pulls me inside of itself, and I'm screaming.
Brendan is instantly by my side, but he won't touch me. I glance up at him and what I find there shatters my world. He looks terrified, not for me, but of me.
Brendan is terrified of me.
18
I shut my eyes against a different kind of a pain. When I open them again, there are tears there. I can't stop them from spilling over my lashes and onto my cheeks. This time, Brendan doesn't hesitate but takes me into his arms, pulling me against his chest.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles into my hair as the dam opens up inside of me.
None of this makes any sense to me. The conflicting emotions of peace and hatred, of pain and power, keep racing over me. I have no idea what I just did to those creatures, but I know that it wasn't right. It wasn't what Brendan, or even Maxwell, can do. So what exactly happened to me?
"Cali!"
I tear myself away from Brendan as Jemma rushes into the room. She falls to the floor in front of me, grabbing me out of his arms and pulling me into her own. I hold on to her like I'm holding on to real
ity. The emotions are pouring out of me uncontrollable now and I can't find a way to pull myself together.
My whole body is on fire and with the flood of emotions the memories pour in.
I'm five years old, running through the field, my hand tightly wrapped around Brendan's, as he tugged me along. We're both laughing, the air singing with our happiness.
I'm ten years old, wearing one of those uncomfortable dresses I dislike so much. I tug at the hem, pulling it up and down, wishing for my pants and knives. I never was one for formal balls. But then, my dad is there, pulling my hands from my dress and I'm smiling as he spins me into his arms and into the dance floor.
I’m twelve years old, sitting at a desk between Brendan and Maxwell, working on a test. Maxwell is almost done, of course. But I’m having a more difficult time with the history questions. I stare out into space, wishing for a training session instead of lessons.
I'm fourteen years old, as I land on the ground with a thud. The rage over my defeat floods through me and I'm on my feet instantly. I run at my opponent, ramming my head into his stomach, and we're tumbling.
"You're not careful enough," I hear my fathers voice as Brendan pins me to the ground. I look over at where dad stands, watching our sparing. "You telegraph your moves too much, Calista. You have to control your emotions. If anger takes over, you become sloppy and Brendan has no problem disarming you."
I look at up Brendan's grinning face, still inches from mine and I push him off me. My dad is right, of course, but it makes me that much more frustrated with myself.
I'm sixteen years old and I'm wearing my favorite purple dress. I have finally outgrown my hate for dresses and now love them. I'm excited because it's the Winter Solstice and I've been waiting for it for weeks. Things have been different lately, I've been noticing my power surging much more strongly in the later hours of the day. Winter Solstice marks the longest night of the year and the annual celebration of our queen's birthday. Tonight is the night I get recognized by the council as officially coming of age as a protector. Brendan promised me a dance and I'm looking forward to it a lot more than I probably should be. I've known for years that there is no future between us, but it hasn't stopped my heart from beating that much faster when he's around.