"Or are you just jealous of the women he rapes?"
"He doesn't rape them! They beg him. They trick him."
I did it. Not as fast or as gracious as I wished, but I managed to get her to the floor. Muay Thai was my favorite of the martial arts I practiced, but this was when Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu came into play. I couldn't use my legs, but I managed to get behind her and apply a rear naked choke. She clawed at my arm and my dislocated thumb still hurt like crazy, but I didn't let go until I felt her body grow limp. She passed out and I was tempted, so very tempted to maintain the choke. Why put the city through the expenses of a trial, why risk being called on the stand and made to admit my newly discovered kinks, why not rid the world of a monster? I was saved from making the choice when the front door flew open and Nicholas Woods burst in, followed by Katherine and another cop I didn't recognize.
"It's ok, you can let her go," he said, putting his gun away.
"Is there anyone else in the house?" Katherine asked.
I shook my head and relaxed my arms slowly. Katherine knelt next to us and she took Anna's pulse while she called for an ambulance.
Chapter 21 Nick of time
Nicholas
It was night time already when Katherine and I walked back into the squad room. We came back to the station from the murder scene of our newest case. Dvorak would go to arraignment, then to trial, but our part of the job was over. The ink on his booking papers hadn't even dried when the Captain assigned us a new case.
I sat down at my desk and pulled out the cell phone. I didn't usually keep it silent during working hours, but going to a murder scene for the first time needed my undivided attention. My heart stopped when I saw the message. One word: help. Sender: Sophia.
"Katherine," I said and showed her the message.
My partner didn't need anything else. She went straight to the duty sergeant. I was still looking for Walker's home address in the computer when she came back.
"I have the address. Let's go," she said.
She drove like a maniac and when we got to Walker's apartment there was a patrol car was already there. The uniform cop came with us. My heart was pounding when I broke down the door.
She was on the floor, on her back, her legs were tied together with silk rope, one loop around her ankles and another look around her knees. The victims had their arms tied behind their back, but Skye's arms were free and wrapped around Anna Dvorak's neck, choking her. When we came in, Skye relaxed her arms and Anna fell limply on her side like a ragged doll. Katherine and officer Smith laid Anna's body flat and tried to revive her.
While they performed CPR on Anna, I took Skye in my arms and sat her down on the couch. I took one of the kitchen knives, knelt before her and cut the restraints. I hoped I would one day forget how much she looked like the pose of the victims. I sat next to her on the couch and I put my arm around her shoulders. She folded into my chest immediately and squeezed me so hard it hurt. I held her just as tightly and I rocked her gently, whispering anything that came to mind without censoring myself.
"You are so brave. You slain the monster. My brave girl."
She clawed at my shirt and desperately tried to make the embrace even more intimate. I soon had to fight my body's reaction to her touches. She was trying to get to grips with the situation the best she could. In a matter of hours, she had been at the mercy of two predators. I pressed my lips into her temple willing my thoughts to be pure.
"You're safe now, baby. You're safe."
I heard Katherine read Anna Dvorak her rights. I saw my partner handcuff the girl. The noise of an ambulance siren grated on my nerves. I wanted everyone gone, I wanted my girl to be at peace.
"Are you staying?" Katherine asked.
I nodded.
"The ambulance is downstairs. I'll send them up after they take a look at Miss Dvorak."
Anna was standing up but she didn't look great. The way she kept feeling her neck told me that Skye had managed to do some damage.
"Ok," I said.
Katherine and the uniform officer took Anna out of the apartment.
Skye nuzzled at my neck with her eyes closed, as if she was in a trance. Her lips touched my skin, casually at first, almost by accident, but soon there was no mistaking the kisses. She made me want things buried deep inside. She set me on fire too close to the moment when I saw her bound, and it was dangerous. For me more than for her.
It took all of my strength not to take what she offered me. I wanted nothing more than lay her down in her bed and make love to her until I was spent. The dark lust threatened to engulf me. I had to engage my rational mind to fight the darkness. I detached myself from the scene, observing it as what happened was a case study. I was deeply aroused by a woman who until recently posed as my daughter. My sexual arousal had become more intense at the memory of her bondage. It didn't have anything to do with being stuck in the same house for weeks. It was real.
For her it was probably just the adrenaline rush. The devil on my shoulder and in my pants whispered to me that it would be so easy to take advantage of her. She would welcome it. She would be grateful if I used my body to comfort her. She wouldn't even consider it inappropriate. Her young body wanted to celebrate the fact that she was alive.
It hurt to disentangle myself from her. It hurt even worse when I had to witness once again the way her passion turned to ice and shame. She took my noble sacrifice as a rejection. I didn't worry about her self esteem. Doubts would never linger into the mind of young woman as beautiful as Skye. She was going to find someone else to who would gladly/eagerly allow her to cast away the fear and to express her lust for life.
The thought of another man reaping the fruits of her frustration made me angry. I could imagine too easily a young body enjoying hers.
She didn't look at me again that night. By the time the EMT came, she was acting completely natural as long as natural meant I was no longer part of the universe for her.
Chapter 22 Next mission
Skye
Both father and daughter pleaded guilty for reduced sentences. I was glad that the DA office accepted the plea instead of going for the death penalty. The idea of taking the stand and sharing my experience with a bunch of strangers didn't appeal to me. Things were getting back to normal. The new normal was me being stuck once again in the Evidence room. The beating I took from Anna made the doctors to push the date for my return to active duty even further. I should have expected that. I could have disputed the decision, but I didn't miss going into the field. I liked my boring days logging evidence. I liked going back to my binge watching my favorite show. Woods and Robinson got better with each new case.
The offer from the Organized Crime Division came out of nowhere. The story of how I choked unconscious the Tourist Murderer was getting mythical proportions in certain circles. That and my martial arts background made me the perfect candidate to go into New York's illegal and very dangerous underground fight circuit as an MMA fighter.
I thought about refusing it, but I had no real reason to do that. I liked police work, but not the routine it entailed. I had no one to go out with, no one to wait for me at home. I liked fighting. Why not do this?
Weeks before I'd be cleared for active duty, I accepted the offer. That meant changing my whole training regimen. I went back to practicing Muay Thai daily instead of Tai chi. I even enrolled in a discreet gym that offered serious Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu training. Only occasionally I had flashbacks of the moment when I had choked the petite serial killer. More often I had flashbacks of being in bed with her father. But they were nothing more than leaves in the wind. I let the thoughts depart my mind as soon as they entered. One of the many perks of a hippie upbringing was the habit of daily meditation and constant awareness of myself and my thoughts.
A side benefit of my new training program was that I didn’t meet Katherine in the gym any more. I tried to cut all my ties to Nicholas Woods. What did he think of me? He might well appreciate me as a police officer, bu
t not as a woman. Twice now I had begged for his attention, and twice he had pushed me away. I just wasn't his type. The downside of self awareness was loneliness. The first man I connected with in as long as I could remember, didn't feel the same.
I went on sparing with a local from the BJJ gym with the same abandonment as meditation. I kept my mind occupied to prevent memories and desires to surface and hurt me.
Chapter 23 Coping with reality
Nicholas
I couldn't get her out my mind. Skye had buried herself in Evidence although I was sure that she had medical clearance to be back on active duty. I didn't think that Jackson would refuse her request to go on patrols after our case, which meant that she probably never asked to get out of her desk job. I made sure I knew her schedule so I was never the one logging in Evidence when she was on. I pretended not to see Katherine's looks. She caught on that I was avoiding Skye.
I immersed myself in each new case. Whenever Katherine came from the gym I expected to get some news of Skye. The one time I needed something from the archive and my partner had a day off, I was tempted to ask a less senior colleague to get me the file. I never liked pulling rank so I decided to go myself, knowing that she would be there.
As soon as I got in the elevator my hands started to sweat like I was seventeen again, not in my mid-forties. She was the first person I saw when the doors opened. A bright smile appeared on her face at the sight of me. I wished it was genuine, but I knew all too well that she was an excellent liar.
"Hi. I need to see some evidence from an old case," I said.
"Sure thing. Do you know the case number?"
"Here."
I handed her the note with the reference number.
"It looks like it's somewhere in the back. Make yourself comfortable and I'll be right back."
I watched her through the glass panels that separated the archive from the visitors' area. She didn't saunter any more. Her movements had something feline, dangerous. She wasn't an adorable kitty cat. She moved like a tiger on the prowl.
She came back a few minutes later with the box.
"This is all we have," she said. "Let me know when you're done."
I signed the log and she let me examine the evidence by myself. She was all sunshine and smiles, already getting over her days of madness around me. She needed someone like her, not a burned out middle-aged cop with intimacy issues.
*
We only met once after that. At the funeral of a fallen colleague. I was in uniform, as a sign of respect. Skye wore dark jeans and a leather jacket. An American flag scarf around her neck was the only detail that made her appearance anything other than casual city wear. She seemed at peace with herself, the smile on her lips and in her eyes had no trace of any deep emotional trauma. The walk back from the grave was mostly silent.
"I haven't seen you at the gym in a while," Katherine said.
"Oh, I had to change my schedule. It's such a drag. It's always full of people when I get there. I miss sparing with you," Skye said.
My partner didn't push, but she didn't believe her any more than I did. If the kid wanted to avoid us, it was her choice. One thing I couldn't help myself. When we got back to the main alley of the cemetery, I got in her personal space. I did it often enough to suspects to be able to make it inconspicuous and non-aggressive. Her reaction was instantaneous and every bit as delicious as I remembered. She could control her body language and her voice modulations better than any cop I ever served with or any criminal I ever dealt with, but not even she could mask the pupillary reaction. I barely caught it because she turned her head almost instantly. For a split second, her pupils widened and her smile was fake. Physically, the desire was still there. Skye wasn't a sexually inhibited person, there was no chain of command problem and she must have figured out how much I wanted her. Her reaction told me that there were deeper reasons for her avoidance.
*
For the first time in four years of therapy, I looked forward to my next session. It was mid December and Skye had gone back to California three weeks earlier. The longing was getting worse with each passing day. While she was in New York I still had the option to talk to her, to break through her reluctance and act out what she wanted in her deepest darkest corner of her heart. I thought about her as a person of interest in one of my cases. The tools didn't matter. I needed to understand her and myself.
I was sure I knew what she wanted and how good it would be for her to get it out of her system. I was selfish enough not to unburden her because if I acted on my own desires I would ruin my own tenuous control over my dark side.
Once she was gone, I could finally tell someone. My shrink wasn't going to judge me. At first, he'd been paid by the Department as part of my mandatory sessions after a shooting incident. It took me months to get over my initial reluctance to open up. After the mandatory sessions were over, I kept going as a private patient. He had an unbelievable patience with me. He never complained that I held back many things, although he was aware I did that. He had my whole file, he knew my work history, but he never pushed me to discuss anything I didn't brought up myself.
"Something happened during my last undercover mission," I told him. "I was aroused by the girl who acted as my daughter."
There it was, the truth that plagued my life for months. The words hung in the air for a long time. I was petrified to realize I finally said them aloud.
"Go on," he said when the silence grew too long.
"What's wrong with me? I put away men who feel like that about their daughters. And before you say anything, yes, I'm aware that detective Walker is not in fact my daughter, but she is young enough to be my daughter. She is beautiful, wholesome, and upbeat and I would have never been attracted to someone like that if I wasn't stuck in that house with her."
"Why does it bother you so much?"
"Because it's wrong!" I almost shouted the words.
"Why? It's just like role playing. A quirk of your sexuality. Who would you hurt if you pursued this?"
I tried to look deep down inside myself.
Nothing came out. I could see into other people's souls and understand their secret desires before they were even aware of them, but something kept me blind about myself. There are none so blind as those who will not see.
Even if I blinded myself to the reason, I finally accepted the reality. I wanted her so much, I was willing to mess up her life to have her. Too bad I accepted that when she was out of my reach.
Chapter 24 Into the Woods
Skye
The OCD took me to a training facility where they prepped me for the mission. Specialized trainers honed my martial arts skills. Behavioral specialists drilled me on the profiles of the most important players in the organization I was going to enter. Accent coaches and linguists helped me conceal my Californian-isms.
My mission was about to start in three days. I still had the weekend in front of me to do something about my hormones. That was the reason for my presence at a nightclub. Then why did I turn away all men who tried to score with me? What kind of a masochist refused to find relief in a one night stand?
Part of my last pre-mission briefing with my handler included his advice to get laid before going undercover. They were sending me into a world where sex was just another way to exert dominance over others. I had to get this urge out of my system.
A tall guy with sandy blond hair sat next to me at the bar. He was well built and he had the cutest smile. His body language spelled out a sexual invitation in big neon letters. He bought me a drink and said something vaguely funny. I didn't even manage to crack a smile. I wanted to bang my head against the bar's counter top. All that guy needed was a little encouragement and we'd be back in my room in a matter of minutes. He walked away shaking his head. I didn't blame him for not understanding why I'd say no.
I got my phone out and brought up HIS number. I stared at the name and the little icon that needed only one touch to connect me to him. And then what?
'It's 3 in the damn morning, I was asleep!'
'Sorry. I was thinking about you.'
Stupid. Maybe I'd go for the direct route.
'Hey, Woods, do you want company?
Too street hooker. Damn my years in Vice.
'Hey, Woods, I know it's late, but I need to talk to you.'
'Are you in trouble?'
'Yes. I miss you like crazy.'
So desperate.
'Hey, Woods-'
I almost dropped the phone when it started ringing. The screen said Woods. Had I accidentally touched it and called him? The loud noise, the drinks and the lack of food made me dizzy. Or maybe none of those were the reason. HE was calling me.
It always paid to be prepared. Before I had my first drink that night, I had scouted the exits and mapped out escape routes. In the span of seven rings, I was out, in the alley behind the club where it was relatively quiet. I answered the call while the door at the back of the club closed behind me.
"Hey, Woods, what's up?"
"Hi. I took a chance you might still be up."
"No, yeah, I was up. I'm out. I'm up."
Babbling. Nice! That's the way to impress him. I expected him to ask if he was disturbing me, or anything polite and meaningless. But maybe a man who took a chance I was up at 3 in the morning didn't have time to be polite.
"I need to see you," he said.
"Sure. I'm free this weekend."
"Oh, ok. I'll get a flight for tomorrow."
"A flight?"
Then it hit me. He thought I was back in Los Angeles. He probably had some heavy stuff to discuss with me if he was willing to fly across the country.
"Please don't tell me it's about the Dvorak case."
Darkening Skye (Under Covers Book 1) Page 9