“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard. Does he have a brother?”
“What? You and someone like Jason would be a terrible match.”
“Are you kidding? He’s terrific, and aren’t you always saying I remind you of Kenadie?”
“There are similarities, but I’m telling you, you wouldn’t be happy with someone like Jason.”
“I think that sickness has gone to your brain. I bet if we ran Jason’s profile and my profile against each other at the office, we would have a high compatibility rate.”
“There’s probably a hundred guys in our system that would give you the same result, but you wouldn’t be happy with all of them, maybe not any of them.”
He was wrong. There was one guy in our system that did make me happy. “So who would I be happy with?”
He leaned in closer and played with my hair like I had seen him do with Kenadie. “You need someone who will argue with you; Jason’s a pushover for Kenz.”
“What if I want a pushover?”
He ran the back of his hand down my cheek. He was dangerously close. “You don’t. You want someone who pushes you.”
“Are you sure?” I inched toward him, not caring he was sick or that I was playing with fire. I ran my fingers through his hair.
His eyes closed under my touch. “Positive.”
“Anything else?”
He opened his eyes and in them I saw desire.
It ran through my whole body. I licked my lips.
“Are you sure you want to do that?”
I was never more sure of anything. I barely remember nodding my head before his lips covered mine. He kissed me. For the briefest second, I think he was stunned that he had. I knew I was. His lips froze on mine, but the spark had been ignited. His hand cupped my neck and his tongue invited my mouth to part. I gladly accepted the invitation. He tasted as good as I thought he would. I wrapped my arms around his neck. I wanted to be as close to him as I could. He seemed to agree. His kiss deepened as he ran his hands over my arms, back, and through my hair. He wasn’t lying when he said he would have me weak in the knees. His kiss owned me, body and soul.
When he was done exploring my mouth, his lips began to lightly brush my neck. My head fell back, immersed in pleasure. I trembled at his touch. His warm breath against my skin had me breathless. I ran my hands up his neck and through the back of his hair. That seemed to fuel his desire; his lips consumed mine again. I clung to him and never wanted to let go. And it was as if he knew that. In an abrupt move, he released me and threw himself back against the couch. His hands took my place running his fingers through his hair.
“Zander?” I ached to be in his arms again. I placed my hand on his cheek.
He took my wrist and refused the touch. His eyes penetrated my own; desire still lingered in his, but it was clouded by confusion. “You want a good man . . . And you deserve one.” He dropped my hand, sat back, and turned away from me.
I guess that was his way of telling me he wasn’t it. But didn’t I already know that?
~*~
I found myself alone on my couch that night. Zander asked me to leave under the guise of him not feeling well. I think he meant it, but not physically. I still couldn’t believe that he had kissed me, and I knew he found it even harder to believe. I had always thought I would tease him about it if ever he was the first to make a move, but there was nothing funny about this situation. A door had opened. A door to a place I never knew existed. I wanted to be part of Zander’s world. The question was, would he invite me in?
I woke up Friday morning with an intense urge to see Zander. I hoped he felt the same way. I knew the honesty and the kiss we shared had made him uneasy, but I had hoped overnight he would realize that he wanted something more, something meaningful. That he would want me.
I had once heard a kiss being explained as centrifugal motion. I now understood what that meant. It felt like I was spinning, reeling from what felt like some of the best minutes of my life. I had never before felt such a way. I didn’t even know it was possible to feel that way. I couldn’t quit thinking about it, about him.
I put my heart on the line and called him as soon as I was ready for the day. I was hoping he felt well enough to shop for a Christmas tree with me. My eventual plan was that we end up at my place decorating it and getting tangled up in the popcorn and cranberry garland we had made together. That sounded all sorts of perfect. His phone rang several times before I got his voicemail. “Good morning. I hope you’re feeling better this morning. Call me when you get this message, I promise it will be worth your while.”
While I waited for him to call, I wrapped the gifts I had purchased for my dad and brothers. I got them each a pair of lined leather work gloves. The lining was a special material made to keep their hands warm. I also got them some fleece-lined shirts and pants. It was practical, but I knew they would appreciate it. For my sister-in-law, I went the impractical route. I knew money was tight, so I wanted to get her something she wouldn’t buy for herself. I bought her a charm bracelet with a heart charm scripted with their wedding date. I also got her a bottle of her favorite perfume. I would bake some of my dad’s favorite cookies—ginger snaps—and add them to the package before I shipped it home.
I was going to miss being home for Christmas, but I found myself looking forward to the season ahead if it meant I was sharing it with Zander.
I waited until noon to hear back from him before I texted him. Are you alive?
That elicited a quick response. Yes.
Do you want company?
It took him several seconds to respond. I already have some.
Oh. Surely that didn’t mean anything. He didn’t let women in his apartment. Or maybe he wasn’t home. Maybe he was hanging out with Jason. Do you want to have dinner tonight?
I’m busy.
Yeah. I got that.
Chapter Eighteen
I got something else, too—his cold. Saturday found me on the couch coughing, sneezing, and on the verge of tears. He hadn’t contacted me, which was unusual. The last couple of weeks we had been in constant contact. I tried to comfort myself with lies like he’s only scared and he’ll come around. And he could be busy doing a hundred different things that didn’t involve another woman. But really, how many things did he ever do that didn’t involve a woman?
On the Edge played in the background. Samantha had gotten smart and found herself a hot Latin boyfriend, making Talon all sorts of jealous. But instead of owning it like a man, he started acting like a jerk. Samantha took it out on him in the boxing ring during their training sessions at work. If only I could take a few swings at Zander in the ring.
I lay there with Jasper staring that the Christmas tree I had picked up at the local nursery the day before. It was strung with the popcorn and cranberry garland. I wanted the man who sat with me on this couch and teased me about making it, but when it came down to it, his strand ended up being longer than mine. I wanted the man who held me when I opened up to him about how I felt about love and sex instead of making fun of me or trying to convince me I was wrong. I wanted the man who made me feel like I was part of him when he kissed me.
Sunday morning came, and that man was nowhere to be found. No calls, no visits. I felt ill in more ways than one, so I skipped church. I called Mrs. Marshall so she wouldn’t worry about me.
“Sounds like I better send Zander over. Or did Thanksgiving go as I planned and he’s already there?”
What did I say to that? I think it had gone as she planned, at least for the day. But she and I should have never underestimated Zander’s need for autonomy.
“I haven’t seen him since Thanksgiving.”
“That can’t be.”
“I better go. I’m not feeling all that great.”
“I’m calling Zander.”
“Please don’t.”
“What happened, dear?”
“Something that shouldn’t have.” I hung up and threw the covers back ov
er my head. I stayed in bed all day.
I was dreading work Monday morning. When had I become so dumb? What did I think would happen when I played with fire and a coworker? But on the way in, I decided that we were going to talk. He owed me at least that.
His car was already there when I arrived. Good. I greeted Daphne on my way in and headed for the executive offices to the right where Zander, Kenadie, and Kate all were. I walked past Kate’s empty office on my way to Zander’s. I heard him throwing baskets in the hoop he had on his door. I stepped in front of it at the right moment and intercepted the miniature basketball.
“Nice catch.” He didn’t look all that happy to see me. He dropped into his desk chair.
“How are you feeling?”
“Better.” He set aside a file on his desk.
I shut his door. “We need to talk.”
He looked up and met my eyes. “I know what you’re going to say. I kissed you. Congratulations. Let’s chalk it up to cold medicine and have a good laugh and move on.”
“You think I want to gloat?”
“Don’t you?”
“It didn’t mean anything to you?”
He dropped his gaze, refusing to look at me. “You’re a great kisser, but not everything is meant to be meaningful.”
I held his ball to my stomach. I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. “Kenadie was right about you. You are a butthead.” I chucked the ball at his head. He ducked so I narrowly missed. I turned around and headed out his door, slamming it behind me. I ran into Kenadie on my way back to my office.
She stopped me. “Meg, is everything all right?”
I nodded and walked away. I felt like if I spoke I might cry. I didn’t bother saying hi to Eva or Cara as I walked past their offices. I was done being nice to people who so clearly didn’t care about me or my feelings.
I closed my own office door and leaned against it, taking several deep breaths, begging myself to hold it together. I rubbed my chest. Not only did it hurt from coughing all weekend, but I felt a pang in the middle where Zander left his mark. I knew the odds. It was my own fault. Tears stung my eyes.
I finished up my report about Nicholas Wells before the scheduling meeting and emailed it to Kenadie. I had written it up like a biography with pictures, corresponding dates, professional and personal achievements, relationships, and any other pertinent facts I could find. My conclusion was that he was a womanizer like Zander and they could both go to hell.
I walked into the scheduling meeting to find Cara and Eva hanging on every word Zander was saying. It sounded like he was talking about some fantastic Thai restaurant he had tried over the weekend. I ignored them all and sat down at the opposite end with Will and Andy.
“No treats?” Andy looked around for my basket.
I sank into my seat. “I was sick all weekend, sorry.”
Zander paused and for a second he glanced my way. I paid him no attention.
“I hope you’re feeling better,” Will said.
“I’m on the mend, thanks.”
Kenadie started the meeting. “I hope everyone had a nice Thanksgiving break. We’re going to be extra busy this week. It might have to cut into some of your personal time.”
“I can’t disappoint all the dates I have lined up.” Zander was back sounding like his usual self.
I held my stomach and refused to look at him or acknowledge the guys nodding like he had it going on, or Cara and Eva giggling. In the middle of feeling like I might vomit, Kenadie caught my eye and gave me a pained look before smacking Zander hard with the file folder she held. “Knock it off.” I had never heard her sound so authoritative.
Zander flinched, but still grinned at her like she was playing with him. “What was that for, darlin’?”
This was no game to her. “That’s nothing to be proud of. No one needs or wants to hear about your immaturity.”
The silence was deafening. This was not a regular playful disagreement between the two. We all watched—even me, who was trying not to pay attention to Zander—how he would respond. He sat up straight. “You’re the boss.”
Tension hung in the air like a dense fog during the entire meeting.
I felt like most of us either were keeping our head down or sneaking glances at Kenadie and Zander. They were both unhappy.
I was too. But it meant a lot to me that Kenadie tried to spare my feelings. I guess I was wrong about him, or maybe I was right. He told me who he was.
Kenadie held me back after the meeting. Eva and Cara looked between each other and rolled their eyes. I was so over them. Zander bolted out of the conference room as soon as the meeting ended. I reminded myself that my failsafe was that he would never be interested in a woman like me. Too bad my heart felt anything but safe at the moment.
“Was there something wrong with the report?” I approached Kenadie after everyone else left.
“I haven’t had a chance to look at it yet, but I’m sure it’s great. I appreciate you getting it to me early.”
“No problem. Can I help you with anything else?”
She reached out and touched my arm. “Let’s do lunch today.”
“Okay.”
“Do you want to head out now?”
“Sure.” This was unexpected.
“Great. Let me grab my bag and I’ll meet you up front.”
I ran and grabbed my purse too. I caught a glimpse of Zander storming out the door. He ignored everyone in his path. I hated that I had caused drama at work. I wished I could blame evolution, but I had a brain. I should have used it.
Kenadie drove us to a nearby Chinese restaurant. We talked only surface pleasantries on the way over. It wasn’t until we were seated and food was ordered that she got to the heart of why she asked me to lunch.
She gave me a sympathetic smile. “You aren’t the first woman to fall victim to his charm.”
“I feel so stupid.”
“Don’t. I feel like I should have said more, but honestly, I thought maybe if anyone had a chance, it was you. He seemed different around you. I was hoping he was finally going to grow up and get serious with someone.”
“It’s not your fault. I blame your mom and her friends.”
Kenadie laughed. “Those biddies are something else. They think everyone should be in love. Momma was sure on Thanksgiving that you two were meant to be. I bet he turned you away at his door.”
I bit my lip and met her pretty brown eyes. “Actually, he let me in. And he kissed me.”
She leaned back. “You mean you kissed him?”
“No. I mean he kissed me.”
“Wow. That explains why he’s acting like more of a butthead than usual. You got to him and he doesn’t know how to deal with it.”
“From the sounds of it, heavy doses of women.”
“I doubt it.”
“You know him.”
“I do and he’s a lot of talk.”
“I don’t think he only talks.”
She grinned. “True, but Saturday he was with Jason all day and he said his plans for Sunday involved hitting the gym, his couch, and football.”
“He told me this morning that basically it meant nothing to him. It was a joke to him. I’m a joke to him.”
“No. The joke’s on him this time and he can’t deal with it. He likes to control the game and you just won, and now all he can think to do is go back to the same old game. He doesn’t realize that he won too.”
“Can I ask you a personal question?”
She thought for a moment. “Sure.”
“Did Zander kiss you?”
She smiled and laughed. “We kissed back in high school, but I initiated it. I wanted to make sure I wasn’t missing out on something I might regret later in life. And I wasn’t.”
“But he was.”
She reached out and touched my hand on the table. “I see the way he looks at you and behaves around you. It’s different. I meant what I said, he thinks about himself less around you and that’s saying
something for him.”
I rubbed my face in my hands. “We’re all wrong for each other. I hope this doesn’t upset you, but I ran Zander’s and my profile against each other, and we came in at twenty-three percent. Statistically improbable.”
“I would be offended if you hadn’t. Does Zander know?”
“No.”
“You know he doesn’t put a lot of stock into the numbers, not the way I do. And don’t tell anyone I said this, but I wouldn’t want anyone that was compatible with Zander dating him. He needs someone that will require him to be better.”
“It’s not going to be me.”
Her shoulders slumped. “Don’t give up on him yet. I know what a jerk he can be, but he needs some time to adjust.”
“Kenadie, I don’t want a boy that runs scared, I want a man.”
“He’s in there, I promise.”
I wasn’t going to hold my breath.
Chapter Nineteen
Twenty-three days until the wedding and two weeks since Zander and I had kissed. That was how I was marking my days. He was still avoiding me and I wasn’t trying to get his attention. Any work meetings now had little, if any, disagreements. Zander stayed on the sidelines and only spoke if he had to. If ever we did run into each other, we gave polite nods. And I did my best to forget what it felt like to be in his arms.
But all I ended up feeling was lonely. It didn’t help that it was the holidays and I was missing home. At least work was keeping me busy. I was meeting three to four clients a day.
Between my lunch and dinner client dates that day, I headed to Flowery Branch to have my dress fitted at Cissy’s shop. Mrs. Marshall was meeting me there. She was apparently worried about me since I had skipped church two weeks in a row. It was nice to be thought of.
Not surprisingly, the trio of best friends were all there. Cissy had a little boutique off the main thoroughfare in Flowery Branch. It reminded me of the best friends, bright with a touch of sass and class. I parked up front and hustled in. The weather had decided it was winter, and when it got cold in the South, the humidity chilled you to the bone.
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