by Marie, Lisa
“That’s not exactly true.” It is. “Text me the info and I’ll be there.” I press end without a second thought and toss it back on the bed behind me. Bending my elbows on my knees, I rub my face and scream into my palms.
I’m so fucking pathetic.
Chapter 17
I sit in the waiting room, waiting on her to arrive. How fucking appropriate. The reception nurse keeps looking over at me and smiling, she’s got that ‘I think I know you’ look on her face. Which is exactly what I need right now. Recognition, fan-fucking-tastic. I pull my ball cap lower and make myself as small as I can in my chair cursing Terina with every passing minute.
Finally she arrives and after check in, she brings the clipboard with a million medical questions over to me. “Thanks for coming, Des.” She sits in the empty seat to my right and kisses my cheek.
“Are you fucking kidding me? You don’t get to kiss me.” I stare at her coldly.
“Sorry, Des. This is just a weird situation and I don’t know…”
“I know. I’m sorry.” I truly am. I feel like shit for scolding her when I am at just as much fault as she is. “I need to ask you a question before I go any further with this…” I wave my hand back and forth between the two of us, “situation.”
“Shoot.”
“How do you know it’s mine?” I ask truly wanting to know.
“Des, Evan and I haven’t had sex in months. That’s how I know. He’s been pre-occupied with Terminal and whatever business venture pops up next.” She crosses her hands over the clipboard on her lap, shrugging her shoulders as she assures me. She looks sad, and I do feel bad for her. My hand reaches out and pats hers, it’s meant for comfort but it’s forced. I don’t know if I have a gentle fucking bone left in my body.
We fill out the paperwork and Terina hands it in at reception. I look around the room at all the other women in our situation. Women. Yeah right. Lots of girls in this situation and it’s fucking shittier knowing that they have to do this alone. I see one fucking guy in the room and it’s me.
“Terina, we’re ready to see you now.” The plump nurse calls out with her kind voice and the look of compassion. She stands in the hall with her hair all twisted up in a bun and wearing some pink nurse clothes with those white shoes. Always the white shoes.
My hand reaches for Terina’s and gently squeezes. “Lets go.” I encourage her as well as I can. As much as I want to bail, I don’t want her to be as sad as the rest of these girls in this waiting room. Tearfully she looks into my eyes and sniffs.
“You’re coming in?” Her chin quivers.
Releasing a puff of air I shake my head. “I don’t fucking want to, but neither do you. So I’ll come with you, and we will talk to the doctor about options. I’m not going to be a dad, and you aren’t going to be a mom and we can go on doing whatever we want to do.”
She looks at me in horror. Her mouth drops open and her nostrils flare. “What the fuck are you saying, Des?” She hisses.
“Miss Terina, let’s get you into the room. Alright, sugar?” The nurse calls out again, this time holding her hand out for Terina to take.
“I’m saying let’s find out how to fix this situation.” I smile and stand, helping her to her feet when suddenly her hand slaps me across the face and it’s the sound that wakes the entire universe. Every pair of eyes in the building is glaring at me. I reach up to rub my jaw and I laugh.
“Fuck you, Desmond. You’ll be hearing from my lawyer.” Terina growls.
Smiling I walk toward the door and hold the middle finger of both hands above my head. Flipping every one off at once.
It’s liberating.
Time to go petition for paternity testing and waiving of my parental rights. I want nothing to do with this chick. EVER AGAIN.
Walking out into the street, I pull the keys out of my pocket and walk to my car parked at a meter about a block down. I press the fob and open my door before pulling out my phone and tapping the screen until I find my lawyer, Sal Krenshaw. She’s a fucking viper and will make all of this disappear.
“Krenshaw, Pallor and Tolchuk,” the receptionist answers the phone. I can hear her chewing gum on the other end and it grates my nerves.
“Desmond Charter for Sal Krenshaw.”
“I’ll see if she’s available, Mr. –”
“You can patch me through to her please. I need to speak to her now and you need to do it quick like a fuckin’ bunny, alright?” I calmly interrupt her.
“Wa-One minute please, sir.” She stumbles around her words and I put the call on my Bluetooth as I pull away from the curb and into afternoon traffic in LA.
Stopping at the red light, I look to the chick in the passenger seat of the convertible beside me. She smiles and bites her fingertip while she flirts with her eyes. I flip her off and pull away as the light turns green.
“Desmond Charter. It’s been a while. How badly have you fucked up this time?” my lawyer asks. She’s probably sitting in her air conditioned office, sipping afternoon sangria filled with ice and fruit.
Her question is the story of my fucking life. How bad is it this time? What do I have to fix for you? How much will it cost to make it disappear?
I relay the horrific details to her in the time it takes to pull into my parking spot. Turning off the car I wait to hear what she has to say.
“Hmmm. Well. It sounds to me like she trapped you. Wouldn’t you say? You say she knew who you were from the start, right?”
“Yes, ma’am”
“Stop ma’aming me, you little shit. Alright, well it sounds to me like she tried to trap a rock star so, let’s send over a paternity suit. We’ll draft up a Termination of Parental rights form, and we will sue her for entrapment. Boom. Anything else for you today, Desmond?”
The grin fills my entire face. “Nothing else today, Sal. Have I told you that you are my fucking hero?”
“Shit, are we gonna need another cease and desist? Do I have to sweep this under the rug too?”
“I need this dug deep.”
“Fuck, Des. Keep your dick in your pants and your nose fucking clean. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am,” I reply, trying to get a rise out of her.
“Desmond?” she asks.
“Yes?”
“Go fuck yourself.”
I burst out laughing. My lawyer is the best lawyer on the planet. I’d fuck her, but apparently she likes pink taco just like me. I can just picture her with a huge fucking strap-on giving it to some innocent looking chick in a schoolgirl costume, and it kinda makes my dick swell.
Weird.
“My office Monday. Nine a.m. not a fucking minute later. We have a ton of things to clear up prior to the delivery of these forms. I also think you should sue Evan, but we can talk about that on Monday.”
“Monday,” I reply. “Thanks, Sal.”
“You’re welcome. Now fuck off.” She ends the call and I find myself smiling like a fucking idiot in my parking lot as the sky opens and rain pours down over me as I step out of my car. Every fucking chick is against me.
“Fuck you too, Mother Nature.” I sulk into my building with my hands in my pockets and vow to burn it to the ground if the decorator still hasn’t taken the fucking shit out of my suite yet. I stomp up the four flights of stairs leaving puddles on each step and find relief when I see the decorator leaving my apartment.
“It’s about fucking time. That was supposed to be gone fucking weeks ago! What the hell did I pay you for?” I throw my hands up erratically and verbally attack.
“I apologize for the misunderstanding. I have next Tuesday’s date written in my agenda and I would not have ever not completed my job.” She looks like she’s about to cry. What the fuck have I done to deserve today?
“Fuck whatever. It’s all gone?” I pinch the bridge of my nose and close my eyes. I feel a migraine coming on.
“Yes, sir.”
“Send me the bill.” I throw over my shoulder as I turn the key and step into
my vacant apartment. I walk into the room where Lexi and I fucked for hours and it looks totally different. No longer does it feel like she’s still here with me. Maybe now I can fucking move on.
Chapter 18
“So, you want to fill me in?” Landyn asks while we wait for his pancakes to arrive. I stretch my arms across the back of the bench and the vinyl feels cold under my fingers. We’re sitting at our regular booth on an irregular day. However, my cousin still gets his same fucking pancakes.
“What’s there to tell?” I lift my mug and take a deep drink of my hot coffee, before raising my sunglasses to the top of my head and shifting in my seat. “Let’s see… I fucked a chick, and when my dick was buried deep inside of her I noticed a picture on her wall. It was her and Evan. So after I fuck her…”
“You still fucked her? DES!” He looks shocked. Who the fuck is he to judge me?
“I was already fucking balls deep, I had to finish it off. And then we got carried away but as soon as I woke up the next morning…”
“Fuck,” Landyn whispers in disgust and closes his eyes while rubbing his temples.
“When I remembered where I was, I got up and got the fuck outta dodge. I wore a condom every time. If Lex wants to be pissed at me for something that happened before she even came into my fucking life she can go fuck herself.”
“You never told her that you got…”
“I DIDN’T KNOW! Fuck! I don’t know what fucking Evan told her, but I found out that night too. Don’t you think that if I knew about it, I would have dealt with it?”
Landyn looks over my shoulder and smiles at our waitress as she nears. I take another sip of coffee and swallow while she places it in front of him and puts her hand on her hip, turning to me.
“So, Des.” She purrs. “When are you gonna take me for a ride on that motorbike of yours?”
I take another pull from my mug and set it down on the plastic table top before slowly turning my cynical smile to her.
“Sweetheart, the only way I would take you on my motorcycle is if I was going to fuck you. That’s all you would be to me… a fuck. If you don’t want to hear the truth about how much you mean to me, don’t flirt with moody musicians. We don’t really want you in our lives more than an hour.” Calmly I lift my mug to my mouth and take another drink while she hurries away, probably to find another waitress to take over our table.
I don’t give a fuck.
“You dick.” Landyn shakes his head at me.
“Fuck you too, Landyn. She’s the one that left. She quit.”
“You’re pouting too. I mean look at you.” I slide out of the booth shaking my head and turn to walk away from him. “Desmond, stop being a dick and call her.”
Turning back to him, I lean on the table and stab the finish with my fingertip to emphasize my point. “SHE.QUIT.ME. And I say good fucking riddance.”
Turning, I pull my sunglasses back down over my eyes and walk out of the restaurant. Taking a deep breath, I strut to my bike parked at a meter on the next block. Removing my helmet from the saddlebag, I slap it on my head and throw my leg over the seat. Revving the engine, I pull into traffic without shoulder checking and hear tires squealing behind me as I do.
Fuck rehearsal.
Fuck Landyn.
Fuck Lexi.
Fuck Terina.
Fuck Evan.
Weaving carelessly through traffic, I make my way home. Climbing the stairs two at a time, I reach my apartment and pull out my cell phone. Fumbling though my contact list, I find Sal’s cell number and press call. As it rings, I grab my bag and start stuffing shit into it.
“Ooh, Desmond. This must be important. What the fuck do you want?”
“We need to meet now. I can’t wait until Monday, some shit has come up.” I demand, still stuffing clothes and toiletries into my bag cradling the phone between my shoulder and my ear. My desperation gets her attention.
Sal gasps, “Did you kill someone, Des?”
“WHAT? Fuck no! I just need this done now. Where can I meet you?”
“An hour at my office, fuck, Des. This better be good.”
“You’ll get paid extra, what does it matter if it’s good or not?” I remind her after tossing my bag on the bed.
“That’s true. See you in an hour.” She ends the call and I zip up my bag and toss it on my sofa while stuffing the phone in my pocket. Walking over to the kitchen drawer, I remove a manila envelope and tuck it into my inside pocket. Patting myself down for my keys, I leave the suite and lock the door behind me.
Climbing into my car, I drive downtown to Sal’s office and of course I arrive later than her.
Fucking LA traffic.
I pull open the glass door and remove my sunglasses. Sal is leaning against the reception desk. Her hair is up in a ponytail and she’s wearing a scowl.
“Make it quick, Des.” She taps her manicured fingertips against the lacquered desktop.
“Do you have all of the drafts?” I ask as I approach her.
“Yeah, they’re all there on the table. Waiting for your signature.” She waves her hand.
“Good, there’s something else I want you to do for me.” I insist and hand her the envelope.
Furrowing her brow, she unwinds the string and pulls out the paperwork inside.
“This is your contract with Terminal,” she tells me, stating the obvious.
“Yeah it is. Get me out of it,” I demand and sit down with a pen to sign every line that has a sticky arrow on it.
Chapter 19
I pack up the last of my things. I don’t have much, never been home long enough to acquire anything so I never bothered. I just put the last of my vinyl records into a storage box when there’s a knock on my door. Standing, I shake the pins and needles out of my foot and hobble to the door.
When it opens, I see Micha standing there, nostrils flaring. Obviously very pissed waving rolled up paper in my face.
“Um, so I just got served this request to terminate your contract with Terminal. What the fuck? Des! You can’t fucking do that!” He’s visibly upset, but he needs to fucking grow up.
“Don’t be a drama queen.” I roll my eyes and walk away from him to tape up the box in the center of the room. There’s only a few boxes but they carry all I have left of my life. Living in a bedroom not a home for your entire life doesn’t give you many boxes of memories.
“What the fuck is going on, Des?” Micha asks as he walks around the room tapping the box on the sofa.
“Micha, whether you agree with my petition or not, I am getting out of the band. I just…” I rub the top of my head and drop my hand to my thigh with a clap, “it’s time for me to move on. I’m done.”
“Get her back,” Micha tells me. “Make it right.”
“Fuck you, Micha. Fuck her too. Just done.”
He pushes the box to the side and sits on the edge of the sofa. “Landyn is pissed at you. He was yelling into the phone the whole time I was talking to him about it. He is wiping his hands of you, and I think he may want to file a counter-suit.”
“Let him be pissed, but I have to live my life for me. I’m tired of the fucking martyr that is Landyn Pierce. He acts like his shit don’t stink.”
“Yes, he’s made some mistakes. But, dude, you’ve got to admit. It’s better now.”
We stare at each other. Both knowing the history behind every bad decision in Landyn’s life. In my life. Most of those decisions were caused by pussy. But what about Micha?
“Micha, are you using?” I just come right out and ask. I’m tired of talking about me and my decision.
“No, I swear I’m not using. I have other shit going on. I can tell you about it when the time is right.” He mindlessly scratches his chin and looks around the room. “Where are you gonna go?”
“Away. I’m just going to go away,” I reply sadly.
“I’ll miss you, brother.” Micha stands and wraps his one arm around my shoulder, clapping his hand down a couple of times.
<
br /> “I’ll miss you too.” It’s true, I’ll miss him. He has nothing to do with this shit. He’s just Terminal and it’s time to absolutely clear my life of anything that has to do with this band, anything to do with Lexi.
I walk him to the door. “Just do me a favor, bro. Just sign my petition and allow me to leave. I’ll go quietly, but I gotta go. I don’t want to go to court for it. Talk to Lan. We were thinking you might need some help when we got home, but…” I sigh. “You need to talk to Landyn about your shit, okay?” Micha nods and I clap my hand on his shoulder. Micha nods and blows out a puff of air.
“Okay. I’ll sign it and send it to your lawyer first thing in the morning.” He shakes his head and leaves my apartment for the last time. Neither of us say goodbye, he just goes quietly the way I want to go.
I close the door behind him and get back to packing up my belongings. The storage people will be here tomorrow and everything is going into one of those stackable units. I’ll send for them when I figure out what’s next for me. When I have a place to land.
Walking through the kitchen I make my way into the bathroom and look in the mirror. I have bags under my eyes and my beard is taking on an unruly appearance. I might be scared if I saw myself down a dark alley. Opening my mouth, I stick my tongue out and look inside. My tongue is white and my teeth have shit stuck between them. Picking up my toothbrush, I spread some paste over the bristles and begin to brush. I brush until my gums bleed and follow up by swishing a strong menthol mouthwash.
Leaning on my arms on the counter, I turn my face from side to side, looking at my beard and my hair. I dig under the sink and come across my beard trimmer. Plugging it in, I slowly run it over my chin and tidy up the nest that has grown on my face. Once it’s finished I look again at my reflection before holding up a chunk of my hair and pressing the beard trimmer against my skull, successfully removing the shoulder length hair.