by Poppet
Please God, don't let me be pregnant. Please!
Delivery is within an hour. Switching it off, I decide to carry it over to his place. I have to get working. I need the money. I need to pay him back. The guilt is constantly with me. The guilt of owing him so much, yet resenting him for being so capable. He's perfect. Dad raves about him.
I know he's a good, kind and loving man, but I'm not ready for marriage. Dad's pretty much twisting the screws on me keeping Victor. I can see how Dad thinks Vic is the perfect man. He is. That's what bothers me. I'm terrified that too late I'll discover he's got an evil twin. Or that his mother hates me. He never talks about himself. He knows everything about me. Everything that there is to know. But whenever I pry, he manages to deflect the conversation to something else. And I fall for it every time.
Checking my watch, I decide to carry my computer over and leave it on the dining room table. He can tell me where I can work when he gets back, and where is convenient for him. Leaving both our doors open I carry the flat screen monitor across first. Quickly returning, picking up my hard drive and taking it with all the cables dangling out, over. Leaving it in a mess, I close the door in a hurry, locking it, rushing back into my place and closing and locking the door.
Maybe I should do the laundry while I wait?
Meandering through to the bathroom, my feet refuse to enter. It's so clean, it smells suffocatingly sterile. Shuffling slowly I force myself into the bedroom doorway to look at the bed. Panic has me gripped so tightly I feel like the executioner has chopped off my head and the rest of my body still has to realise I'm dead. I feel, strange. Terrified but angry. It's an odd cocktail which is completely annihilating normal heartbeats and breathing.
Shuddering I grab the door handle to support me. It's.. it's clean? Virginal white. All evidence erased. Anger rises as I stalk to the bed, snatching up the pillow that I nearly suffocated in, lifting it to my nose, inhaling softener. Spring Dew by Sunlight, I do believe. Dropping it back, I stare at my room, my cage.
Why did I expect to find it just the way it was? I know how Victor is about everything being immaculate at all times. He's neat, his environment is always pristine. He often says, cleanliness is close to godliness. He's a perfectionist. Why is he even attracted to me? What do we really have in common? He spends days distracting me.
We've done the wine route, been up to Signal Hill to see the old canons and to stare out over Cape Town with it's endless frame of alluring ocean. He's taken me to Rhodes Memorial where we even had dinner. That was exquisite. The view from up there at night is enchanting, and the restaurant nestled amongst pine trees, it was just perfect.
He's taken me hiking behind Kirstenbosch, and even took me to Silver Mines where there are loads of 'silver trees". He called them leucadendrons. I've never seen such incredible trees in my life. He told me they are a member of the protea family. The leaves literally reflect sunlight as silver, but each one is covered with a soft downy white fluff.
We spent a weekend driving up the West coast, all the way to the tiny fishing village of Paternoster. It's apparently a rare place as a certain species of turtle only use that cove to nest and breed. Laying their eggs. But because of the new development, the lights which would normally have taken them back to the ocean are confused with artificial night-lights, taking them instead to their deaths on the roads.
What am I complaining about? He's a saint. The man is a saint. He soothes me after nightmares. He's got me fitter, stronger and more capable of defending myself. He's given me financial security while I get back on my feet. He even believes me.
Maybe Dad's right. Maybe I should marry him? But will he ever ask? He might have a lot to offer, but what have I got to offer him? Turning I examine myself in the mirror. My critical eyes stare at a woman who's going to be thirty in two years. And nothing to show for it.
"He even cooks, you ungrateful bitch," I tell the girl in the mirror.
The knocking at the door rouses me from my reverie. Sneaking quietly up to the front door, I pause. Self-consciously, I ask through the door, "Can I help you?"
"Delivery."
"Just leave it on the mat please."
"Okay lady," replies back.
Checking my wristwatch again I wait five minutes before opening the door a crack, with the chain on. Listening intently for breathing or movement. Satisfied that I'm alone I close the door, unlatch the chain and snatch the bag off my coir mat. Closing it again quickly and locking it.
Adrenalin pumps fervour into my trembling hands as I take out the kit. Opening it on my way to the bathroom. I force myself to walk into the room and to the loo. Carefully I go through the motions. I should have had my monthly embarrassment three weeks ago. Wrapping it up in toilet paper, I walk to the basin after flushing, washing my hands and drying them on the fluffy pink towel. Is that new?
Anxiously I pick up the stick, walking back to the lounge, placing it window up onto the coffee table. My leg jumps nervously when I sit down. Queasiness grips me as I watch and wait. Checking my watch. Then staring back at it, willing time to hurry up. He'll be back soon. It hits me, the stripper's pole is gone.
***
Her purchase gave my phone an alert. I have remote viewing privileges from my iPhone into both our homes. The best part of South Africa is how paranoid the general public are about break-ins. You can set up cameras which give you a live feed to your phone, so that you can dine out with peace of mind.
I changed the settings on her computer so that the firewall is no longer there to block hacking. I can access hers from my computer, which I can access from my phone. Checking her purchases, my heart pauses so long I forget to breathe. I have prepared for this moment. I have a baguette solitaire diamond ring to present to her, pre-empting her announcement. I have to get home before she gets the result. Striding to my car, I get in and take the shortest route home. Yes! My baby is in her! I know it!
Taking the stairs up to the sixth floor, two at a time, I quietly enter into my home. Striding to the darkroom and slipping inside. Locking it behind me, I check the screens. She's sitting waiting, staring at the pregnancy stick lying on the table in front of her. She's in her place still, very brave of her.
I open the metal drawer next to my knee and extract the jewellers box covered in black velvet. Watching her, my heart still misbehaving, my stomach so tight that I have an odd urge to fuck her.
She picks it up, shaking her head. "No! Shit!"
That means yes! Jubilant I jump out of my chair, quickly escaping the dark comfort of my shrine to her. Shoving the box into my pocket, I secure the door behind me, and walk to the kitchen. Taking out two Waterford flutes and unearthing the bottle I've reserved for this occasion. Shit, she can't have alcohol. Well let me pretend I don't know. It's the show that counts.
Strolling to examine her computer, I pause to initiate music on the wall panel. I can't resist temptation as I select The Police, choosing to play, Every Breath you Take.
Oh yes Shauna, every breath, I'll be watching you.
The door opens, and I watch my angel enter wearing a salacious body-hugging sun-dress. I give her a smile, choosing to ignore the large afraid eyes watching me with hooded guardedness.
"Shauna! Where've you been?" I walk over, stooping to place a warm kiss on her pouting lips.
"I went to get my computer and just check on things."
Wrapping an arm around her waist I guide her to the suede couch, "Honey, have a seat."
She's wringing her hands nervously as she sits down, staring at me with fear in her eyes. "You're home early."
"Yes, I have a surprise for you."
She forces a tight smile as I sit down next to her and run my hand up her naked thigh. I love the way skirts ride up when women sit down.
"Shauna," I pause and stare seriously into her eyes. "I've been contemplating something for a while."
She swallows nervously. Her blue eyes are glued to mine intently.
"Honey …" I slip off
the couch and pull the box out of my pocket, opening it up. Her face registers shock, recognition, and denial. "Will you marry me?"
Laughing in an almost hysterical way, she reaches out and rubs my arm, ruffling the hairs before sliding back down to rest over my watch, "I … yes. Of course … I'd love to."
Gleefully I extract the ring, taking her hand and slipping it snugly over her finger. She extends her hand and examines it appreciatively. Pulling her off the couch, I lift her, kissing her possessively, "Shauna, you've made me so happy. I have champagne, I was hoping you'd say yes."
She pulls back, stiffening in my grip, "Victor, we need to talk."
Arching my eyebrows, I let her stand, towering over her, deliberately giving her the feeling of silent intimidation, "That sounds serious."
She nods, sitting down again and clutching her knees with both hands, "It is."
I sit with her, caressing her leg again in a show of support, "Yes, my wife-to-be?"
She smiles before getting that worried expression again. I keep my smile trained on her like a sniper's rifle.
Blurting, she announces huskily, "I'm pregnant."
Smiling wider, I twist her to face me, by her shoulders, "But darling, that's wonderful news."
"It is?"
Kissing her again, I hug her to me, "Well it's a bit early, but we're both not getting any younger. This is perfect."
She pulls away, incredulity pausing her relief, "You're okay with this?"
"Well I guess the champagne's off limits now, but yes, I'm thrilled."
She smiles with genuine warmth this time.
"Shauna, I love you, that's not going to change. I'd love to have children," leaning in, I touch her nose, "With you. This is possibly the best day of my life."
She giggles with obvious relief. "Thank God."
Yes, thank you Father!
"When did you find out?"
"Five minutes ago."
Standing, I flip open my phone, "Well let's make it official. I'll make an appointment for you with Seth, the surgery's resident doctor."
She stands, pressing herself against me as she entwines slender arms around my neck, "Oh Victor, I love you."
Holding her against me, my arousal is obvious as I press it into her abdomen, "Look what you did. A ring and a baby, I'm hot for you."
She slides down me gracefully, unzipping me as Seth answers his phone. She takes me into her mouth as I tell my brother, "I need to book an ultrasound scan with you."
Closing my eyes against her holding her ring above my penis, I suppress a moan as my brother asks surreptitiously, "Is she pregnant?"
Breathlessly I confirm, "Yes." Disconnecting the call, I drop the phone on the chair behind her, entwining my fingers into her hair.
Chapter 40
You become the person you photograph.
You love that person as you love yourself.
~ Anonymous
With huge trepidation and curiosity, I walk into the modern glass building in Main Road with Victor. Staring at the large lettering behind the reception desk which reads Ward & Ward. I've recently discovered that the slope of mountain above Rondebosch, is called Devil's Peak. It's also the home of the University of Cape Town. No wonder Vengeance found me living here. And how lucky am I that Victor lives and works here. It's destiny.
Holding my hand he leads me through the reception to doors, which say 'Personnel Only'. "Morning Debbie."
A severe looking woman nods at him from behind the long desk hiding her. Her platinum blond hair coiled into a tight bun. "Good morning Doctor Ward."
Lordy, now it feels so official. I give her a half smile as she examines me with narrowed grey eyes.
He takes me down a long white passage, sterile in polished white tiles. His footsteps are silent, whereas mine click noisily. He opens another door, where an examination table waits, with a bunch of machinery. The window is letting in bright mid-morning sunshine through vertical white blinds.
A man walks in, smiling in a friendly manner, with a stethoscope hooked around his neck. He's wearing a lab coat and a light blue shirt. He smiles directly at me as he extends a hand, "Good morning Shauna. I'm Doctor Ward junior."
Victor's laugh is easy as he slaps the man on the shoulder, "Seth, meet Shauna. Shauna, this is my younger brother Seth."
Oh god! He's seriously not going to let his bloody brother give me a gynaecological examination, is he?
"Hi." I shake his hand with my innards trying to strangle the dignity out of me.
Officially he leads me to the gurney type bed. "Just have a lie down here and lift your shirt up above your stomach."
I stare at Victor helplessly as he steps closer, nodding, helping me and then holding my hand, observing Seth with a stern expression. Seth picks up a microphone-looking gadget and a tube. Oh Jesus have mercy. If he sticks that thing in me I'm going to scream blue murder.
"This is going to be cold," he warns me.
I just can't handle this. Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, his warm hands pull my elasticised skirt down further. My eyes pop open and plead silently at Victor to save me! My lungs contract in shock as cold gel is splodged out in a goopy heap on my abdomen. Oh thank God! He's using the microphone looking thing to spread it around while staring intently at the screen hidden from my view.
Victor releases my hand to stand behind his brother, both of them staring intently at the box in front of them. They both look at me in unison and smile. Seth stands up, placing the gadget in a holder, and wiping paper towel over me to clean off the cold gel. He stands over me with his stethoscope, and tells me, "Just breath in, deeply and slowly."
The ice cold metal is placed in random order on my skin. Unclipping it from his ears he smiles at me. Pulling my skirt up and my shirt down, he nods at Victor.
Victor informs me, "Seth isn't going to examine you internally, but it's official angel. We're pregnant." His smile could power an island.
I smile, sort of pleased. I'm still wrapping my head around this life changing development. I know he's far more excited about it than I am.
Seth gives my shoulder a squeeze, "We've all heard so much about you. And I believe you're going to be marrying this degenerate?" He shoots a grin at Victor.
"Yes." I smile awkwardly. I mean come on, until ten minutes ago I didn't even know Victor had family living in South Africa. Why haven't I ever met 'the family'.
Much to my horror, Seth leans over and plants a kiss on my mouth, "Welcome to the family."
I stare at him, frozen. Taking in his hazel brown eyes, lighter brown hair, but now that I'm looking, same height and similar build. Yes, I can see they're brothers. "Thanks." I can still smell his aftershave. It's fabulous!
My head spins as he unwraps a clean needle and syringe, "We're taking some blood to tell you how many weeks along you are. We'll have the results in about three hours."
I nod, looking away as the blood drains from my brain into my knees. Victor appears in my vision blocking my view of the window, kissing my forehead, "Shauna, I love you."
Feeling shaky, I whisper, "I know."
"There you go. All done. That wasn't so bad, was it?"
Smiling bravely at Seth I manage a nod, "Not at all, it ranks right up there with bungee jumping."
Deep male baritones fill the suddenly claustrophobic room with laughter.
"I see why you like her." He pats my hand, "Aside from the obviously good gene pool."
My smile is still frozen as I return Seth's smile, as he keeps speaking to me, "You're lovely to look at, Shauna. I'm glad my brother was forced to finally introduce us. I think I understand now why he wanted to make sure it was official. I've stolen a few of his catches in the past."
They share a brotherly laugh. The warmth feels natural. They have a special bond. Is that why I have never heard of you? Is Victor secretly afraid you'll charm me away from him?
Seth hooks my hair behind my ear with creepy familiarity, "Nice earrings."
The only ea
rrings I have in, come from Vengeance. After the confrontation, I've been too insecure to remove them. Forcing a polite smile, "Thanks."
Seriously feeling anxious, I look nervously at Victor as he drives straight past Mariner's Wharf into industrial scariness. There's nothing here. We're staring at the disgusting backs of factories and their spill of clutter. Metal and tall diamond mesh fences.
"Where are we going?"
"Trust me. It's the best secret."
Hysteria churns me, I'm trying to remain calm but I can hear the raised octave of my voice, "There's nothing here."
He glances at me, one hand casually on the wheel, driving with two fingers; a teasing smile lifts the corners of his mouth. It's odd how he can scare me and thrill me in the same moment. There's no denying that I'm dangerously attracted to him. It's the kind of attraction that sees me leaving my dignity and morals at the door. He's been so supportive, so happy, more relaxed than ever. Rubbing a hand over my thigh, he squeezes it slightly while my focus watches his sensual lower lip move, suggestively framed with a centimetre of stubble. That stubble does very bad things to me.
"Relax angel, it's not a surprise if I tell you."
I can't shake the fear. I have no reason to fear him. Is it because he murdered for me? Swallowing the dry lump in my mouth, the reality finally hits me. Victor murdered for me. I turned a respectable doctor into a killer. I've fucked up his life with the Shauna curse. He must seriously, deeply love me, because he's proposed, is ecstatic I'm carrying his child, and murdered my demon with his bare hands to protect me.
Hot prickles sting my eyes as I watch him. The realisation steals my breath, my entire body stalls as if imploding silently. Stuck in a vacuum of sheer emotion. No longer watching where we're going, even though I hear gravel under the tyres. We slow and stop, he's staring at me with worry. I love his wrinkles. They make him suave and somehow sophisticated. Yet they make his face seem gentle too. He could easily be like those vain men that have work done, especially as he's in that profession, instead he's authentic. He's the most genuine and precious thing to ever happen to me.