by K. D. Worth
“Oh, babe,” I cried as a stab of awareness hit me. “Is that why you’ve been so nervous at the office? I thought you were just worried people might know you weren’t working alone.”
He waved a hand in dismissal. “I don’t really care about that anymore. In the scheme of things, it’s way on the bottom of my list. I’m worried that Britany is gonna OD. She’s doing heroin, ya know?”
“No, I didn’t, but I guessed. How do you know?”
The nervous way he fiddled his fingers against his leg and chewed his lip again was all the information I needed.
“You went and saw her!” I accused. “How could you do that without telling me? You promised!”
He raised his chin in defiance. “Because you would’ve been mad. You are mad, right?”
I took a deep nasal breath. “Not mad,” I corrected. “Worried.”
He arched one doubting brow.
“Okay, I am a little mad,” I admitted. “But that doesn’t change anything. That was risky, not telling me.”
“Why?” he challenged, raising his right wrist where the obsidian bracelet glinted in the moonlight. “I have this protecting me, and if a shade showed up, I could’ve just teleported home, right?”
“Don’t use my own words against me. And Slade said these weren’t foolproof. But let’s not fight. You went, you didn’t tell me, but now you did tell me. So what happened? What did you see?”
Kody’s shoulders drooped. “Nothing except her shooting up heroin and passing out with that guy you saw her kiss. I think he’s more than her boyfriend. He’s her dealer.”
I nodded, taking this in. “What do you plan to do?”
“I’m not planning anything,” he said, a bit too quickly.
“Kody,” I warned. “I know you. You’re always planning.”
“Okay, but promise not to interrupt,” he pleaded. When I nodded my begrudging consent, he continued. “I want to talk to her.”
I opened my mouth, but he raised his hand to silence me.
“I said no interrupting.”
I had to bite both lips together with my teeth—hard.
“I’m not stupid. I know I can’t just walk up to her. But what if—” His eyes widened with an excitement I doubted I would share. “—I appeared to her in a dream?”
“Reapers can’t get into dreams.”
“Yeah, but Britany doesn’t know that. The next time she’s coming down from a high, what if I appeared in her room and talked to her? I could convince her it was a dream.”
I didn’t say anything for a long moment because I wanted to pound some sense into him. But no matter how much I disliked his plan, somehow I knew he’d find a way to do it anyway. Might as well make sure I was there, in case anything went awry.
“Okay,” I began, choosing my words carefully. “Thank you for telling me all this. I’m not saying I think this is a good idea, but if you need my help—”
“So we can do it?” He all but squealed, bouncing on the bed.
I held up my finger on point. “Maybe,” I said, my tone serious. “But we have to make a plan first.”
Kody threw his arms around me, pushing me back onto the bed. “Thank you, Max,” he said. His nakedness and the kiss that came with it almost distracted me. “Thank you so much.”
“Don’t be thanking me until this crazy idea of yours works,” I told him. “Now are there any other earth-shattering things going on in that head of yours I should know about?”
Still smiling, his face grew serious. “Not just now.”
“You’re sure?” I whispered, loving the feel of his naked body on top of me. I studied his face, knowing he still carried a sadness within and wishing I could take it from him. Perhaps it would never leave, always remaining a part of him. My sweet Kody was so kind and humble yet that was also his greatest weakness. I could keep him safe from any wraiths that might show up, but I couldn’t change him. And I couldn’t fix him.
All I could do was love him, sadness and all.
“Yeah,” he said. “I’m sure.”
“Good,” I said, tightening my arms around him, loving how warm we were together. “How about we say a prayer? Then we can think clearer about this whole situation. What do you say?”
Since Kody had come back to me, I’d never gone to sleep without thanking the Lord for what He’d given me—a chance to have true happiness with the boy I loved. We hadn’t prayed together in a while.
Much to my surprise Kody scrunched up his face. “No, I don’t think so.”
I jerked my head back. “Why not?”
He rolled away from me then, lying on his back and staring up at the sky. With bated breath I waited for him to answer. My naturally impatient nature won out, and I asked again, more urgently this time, “Why don’t you want to pray?”
He frowned. “You sound like Jack.”
“Hey! That’s totally unfair. You’re worried about Britany and I just thought the most logical thing would be to ask the Big Guy for a little help. I don’t understand why you’re opposed to that idea.” Though irritated he compared me to his stupid ex-friend, I was more panicked about Kody’s state of mind. Had he fallen victim to a loss of faith like his sister? I didn’t think that was possible for a reaper, especially one as devout as my Kody.
“You don’t have to freak out,” he told me. “But, um….”
Was he blushing?
“What?” I prompted, gentler this time.
He let out a frustrated sigh, his face getting redder. “I know it sounds stupid, but we just… and I don’t really want to invite anyone else into this moment.”
“Are you embarrassed to pray because you’re in bed naked with me?” I asked, barely able to hide the amusement from my voice.
Kody scowled, trying not to laugh too. “Yes, and it’s not funny. This is private.”
I threw back my head, laughing heartily. “Okay, you really scared me there for a minute. I thought with everything that was happening you were going to become like Britany and not believe in God all of a sudden.”
“Wow, talk about taking a colossal leap.”
I sobered. “I can’t help it, Kody. When you don’t talk to me, I get nervous and I start filling in the blanks with what I think is happening in your head. Then I start trying to figure out ways I can help you, and I just end up making it all worse.”
“Max, how many times do I have to tell you that you can’t fix everything?”
“And how many times do I have to remind you that everything isn’t your fault?” I countered.
“Touché,” he said with a sniff. “I guess we’re both nuts.”
“Are we?” I questioned. “Or is it just part of my nature and who I am, wanting to keep you safe? Maybe it’s something more. But I don’t think I’ll ever stop worrying about you and wanting to take care of you. I know I’ve been pushing too hard lately, but I’m gonna work on it, okay?”
Kody smiled and moved in till our noses were almost touching. “And that’s exactly why I love you. It’s nice to be taken care of. But you have to trust me too.”
“I do trust you!”
“Listen to me,” he said, holding up his hand. “You have to trust me even when I don’t tell you what’s wrong. You have to trust me that when I’m ready, I will tell you.”
“You sound like Slade.”
He narrowed his brows and held up his pinky. “Swear that you’ll stop worrying so much.”
“That’s not gonna happen,” I said with a laugh.
“Then at least swear you’ll trust me to tell you stuff when I’m ready.”
I stared at his little finger for a moment before I coiled it with mine. “I’ll try.”
“I guess that’ll do.”
The delicious sensation of love only Kody could bring out simmered warm inside me. I reached for him and we gently embraced. Not as embarrassed as my lover—dang, I loved the sound of that word—I prayed silently:
Lord,
Thank you for giving me
Kody. For trusting me with the honor of protecting him. I don’t know what’s coming, and I need you to help me have faith that everything will be revealed in time. Please give me patience, and most of all, please let us stay together no matter what.
Amen.
“You just said a prayer,” Kody accused.
“How did you know?”
“Duh.” He looked at me funny. “Can’t you feel it?”
“Feel what?”
“You can sense when people are praying, right?”
I sat up, staring at him in shock. “Are you telling me that you can sense when other people are talking to God?”
Kody squirmed. “Yeah… I thought that was just a normal part of being a reaper.”
I laughed in disbelief. “Um, no it’s not. Who else knows you can do this?”
“No one,” he cried defensively. “I didn’t think I needed to tell anyone. I thought it was normal!” He spoke fast, his eyes wild. “Max, what’s wrong with me?”
“Kody,” I said firmly, choosing my next words carefully. I didn’t want him to think something was wrong with him, but that little tidbit did make me nervous.
My head swarmed with questions. Was this why the shades wanted him? Was he somehow connected to God differently than the rest of us? Slade had offered him a chance to talk to God, but Slade said he could only do so through a Seraphim. If Kody could sense others talking to God, was he somehow being prepared to be with Him?
If Kody’s eventual purpose was to be with God, then he wouldn’t be staying with me.
“What if I told you that you’ll lose him one day?”
Like a punch in the gut, Slade’s words rang in my ears. I tried to calm myself, but my heart suddenly pounded in my chest and a flash of heat pulsed along my scalp. Squeezing my hands together before they started to spark, I took a steadying breath.
Hadn’t I just promised Kody I would try to stop filling in the blanks with wild suppositions and theories?
Somehow I managed to pull off a cocky smile. “Nothing is weird about you, except for the fact that you whistle show tunes when you bake.”
“Max,” he scolded. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“Yes, I did,” I insisted. “I don’t know why you can sense other people’s prayers, but I don’t think it’s anything to worry about. But it does make you special.”
“I’m tired of people always calling me special. I’m nothing special.”
“To me you are,” I argued, running one finger down his naked chest, loving how it made him shiver. Overcome with a need to touch him, to reassure myself that for now he was here, safe with me, I scooted closer. I didn’t want to think about what might happen when we only had so much time to be alone before we had to face reality once more.
In this moment, we were safe, together.
That was all that mattered.
“Well,” I dragged out the word and smiled seductively, “how about I make you believe that you’re special?”
When I caressed the smooth flatness of his stomach, Kody quirked his one eyebrow. “You’re trying to change the subject, aren’t you?”
I shook my head. “No, if I was going to do that, I would do something like this.” I slid my hand lower, reaching for him. He didn’t flinch or push me away, but he did tremble a little as I took him in hand.
“That would be a good distraction,” he said, voice deeper, heady as I began to stroke him—I would never tire of that!
Yes, I was distracting us from things out of our control. But we didn’t have much more time to be alone, and I didn’t want to miss out on a chance to try something on Kody that I’d been daydreaming about for weeks.
“How’s this for a distraction?” I asked, licking my lips very deliberately and smiling up at him before slowly slipping underneath the covers.
“Max,” he gasped when I kissed him down there. “You don’t have to….”
“But I want to.”
MAX—Chapter 15
“WELL? HOW was it?”
Meegan practically assaulted me when I entered the common room the next morning. Acting nonchalant, I said, “How was what?”
She punched me in the arm, hard. “Don’t be a dweeb! Spill it!”
My cheeks flushed with embarrassment. “I’m not telling you anything.”
Especially when Kody had been so insistent that we keep it to ourselves.
She put her hands on her hips. Today she wore neon pink stirrup pants and an oversized baggy sweatshirt with a huge turquoise belt, her hair teased in a side-ponytail. Even her big, blue hoop earrings seemed to glare at me. “Are you serious? I did all that work to get you guys that beautiful place, and I don’t even get one detail?”
Nervously, I glanced around the room. I grabbed her by the elbow and led her into the corner. Herman was in the chair and I shooed him away. With a hiss, he jumped down and swished his tail at me.
Meegan stared at me, bouncing in excitement as I whispered, “It was perfect.”
Squealing with delight, she clapped her hands. “Yay! I’m so happy! What happened? What did Kody think of the place?”
I scrunched up my face. “He loved it of course.”
“And Alaska,” she prompted, wanting props for her skills, I could tell. “Come on, it’s pretty rad, right?”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “We could see the northern lights, and there were whales in the water when we went swimming.”
Meegan arched her brows and snapped her gum. “Swimming or skinny-dipping?”
“Well, yeah,” I said, barely able to meet her eye. “It wasn’t like we had swim trunks.”
“And,” she prompted.
“And what?” I wanted to share because I was excited, but I couldn’t betray Kody’s trust. He’d been so embarrassed about saying a prayer, he would probably die if I gave Meegan too many details. “Let’s just say we saw everything, but didn’t do everything.”
That was enough information, right?
“Oh. My. God,” she said, eyes wide. “Did you go down on him?”
My jaw dropped, and I looked around the room in shock, fearing someone had overheard her. “Meegan,” I hissed. “I can’t believe you just asked me that!”
She threw her head back and laughed, drawing the attention of Heather and Tristen in the corner. He strummed a guitar while she gazed up at him like a pie-eyed ninny.
“Be quiet,” I shushed her.
“Your shock says it all,” she told me with a superior, but thankfully quieter voice. “So how was it? Did you like it?”
“Well, it was different than I thought,” I admitted. “Frankly, it just tasted like skin.”
“Until the end,” she said, nodding in sympathy. “Tell me he at least warned you?”
I stared at her for a minute, confused. “About what?”
She widened her eyes at me. “You know? Warned you.”
“Oh,” I said, finally getting it.
How could I answer when she sounded like I shouldn’t have enjoyed it so much it?
Maybe it was just a gay thing, but I hadn’t really thought anything we did was gross. I lost my mind when Kody returned the favor, and I couldn’t wait for us to do it again. The mere thought of making him so happy again made my whole-body flush. From the scent of him down there, to the feel of his hands in my hair while I tried to take him all the way down—which was gonna take some practice, we realized after a few attempts—everything had been perfect. Even the funny way our kisses tasted afterward.
Maybe Kody had been right, and explaining gay sex to a straight person would always be awkward. Or maybe Meegan would never understand because she was a girl.
“Well,” I hedged, unsure how much I should really tell her when she would probably gag on a spoon or not understand.
She totally misunderstood my hesitation. “Oh, no, he didn’t warn you,” she said shaking her head in sympathetic disgust. “So grody. And so rude. When Dan did that to me—”
My head shot up. “Dan?”
Meegan covered her mouth. It was clear in her blue-shadowed eyes that she’d said more than she intended. She quickly composed herself. “Never mind. We were talking about you and Kody.”
“Oh hell to the no!” I declared raising my hands. “You are not going to say something like that after all these years and not give me any details.”
Meegan let out a weary sigh. “Fine. When we first became reapers, it just kinda happened. We were a thing for a little while.”
“What happened? Why did you break up? Is that why you hate him? Did he break your heart? Cheat on you?”
Chuckling, she patted me on the arm in a matronly way that made me feel like an excited little kid being told to calm down by their mother. “No, it wasn’t anything so dramatic.”
Now I was practically bouncing in my seat. “Tell me, tell me!”
She laughed. “Okay, okay. Dan joined the team about six months after I did. There wasn’t anybody like us. All the other kids were older, like seriously. They were from the forties and fifties. Total dweebs. Nobody understood me and I had no friends. Dan and I were from the same generation and stuff kinda happened. He was all depressed after having cancer for so long, and I was lonely because I didn’t fit in with the other reapers on the team. But we realized we didn’t have anything in common. It was just a circumstantial relationship because there weren’t any other options.”
Meegan’s words struck me in the gut and I stared at her, any curiosity and humor about a past relationship between her and Dan vanishing like my good mood.
A relationship out of circumstances and no other options?
Was that what Kody and I were?
Meegan must’ve read the shock on my face because she took my hand in hers. “It’s not like that with you and Kody, so don’t freak out.”
I pulled my hand away. “I’m not freaking out.”
She cocked her head. “Really?”
“I’m fine,” I lied, playing it cool. “We’re fine. And I wasn’t thinking about me and Kody. Why would you say that? I’m not worried about us.”
Meegan sat back and crossed her arms, surveying me with a skeptical frown. “You know when someone says something three or more times, they’re trying to convince themselves that it’s true, right?”