That is all I could say. My heart is broken for Camryn. Nothing I can say or do will change what has happened to her. There is really nothing any of us can say to console her. None of us know what she endured. What that animal did to her. We can only pray that she allows us to help her heal.
Gwen stays with me over in the corner for a while. Looking across the room, Christian and his father are both sitting with their elbows on their knees, their faces in their hands. Seeing Christian’s body shake, I know he is crying. His father puts his arm around his son’s shoulder pulling him against his side. The two of them cry together for Camryn.
CAMRYN
KARSEN’S FACE IS the first thing I see through the one eye that actually opens, as they push me through the emergency room doors. The sadness in her eyes is evident.
“I’m here, Camryn. I’ll stay with you the entire time, okay?” Karsen’s voice shakes.
All I can do is nod my head as I’m wheeled through another set of doors. This time they are labeled ‘AUTHORIZED PERSONNEL ONLY’.
“Jamie,” I scream and reach out for his touch, but he’s gone. Loneliness envelops me without my Jamie—my security.
“He’s not allowed back here, Camryn,” Karsen explains. “I’ll update him on what’s going on once things back here have settled.”
My left eyelid winces from the fluorescent lights beaming down in the hallway. The ache in my head intensifies, and my fingers twist the sheets from the panic rapidly rising through my body. I take slow, deep breaths in and out to regulate my shallow breathing.
My gurney is maneuvered into a quiet, secluded room. Karsen rolls a stool over to sit next to my bed. She grabs my hand and interlaces our fingers. “I’m not going to leave your side. I’ll walk you through this every step of the way, okay?”
I’m thankful that Karsen is by my side. I’d never be able to get through this alone.
A knot clumps in my throat and I nod my head. My mouth is dry from screaming for help.
My body trembles when I hear the click of the door from a doctor and nurse entering the room.
“Look at me, Cami.” Karsen ducks down into my line of vision. My eyes lock on hers as she tries to reassure me. “You’re safe now. No one is going to hurt you.” I quickly look away from her, finding a sign on the wall to focus on. As much as I want to believe Karsen, I can’t. Safe . . . isn’t a word in my vocabulary at this point. Karsen is doing her best to help keep me calm, but she can’t do anything to help ease the pain that I feel inside.
Every muscle tenses when the doctor walks closer. “My name is Dr. Megan Crosby. I am the attending physician on call tonight.” I don’t respond, so she continues. “I’ll be as gentle as possible, Camryn.”
The snap of Dr. Crosby’s latex glove echoes through the small room and I attempt to prepare myself for the unknown. “Relax. I’m going to remove your bandage on your forehead first to see if I need to call a plastic surgeon in for stitches.”
She leans over me and touches my head. Panic washes over me. “Don’t touch me! I can’t have you touch me!”
Karsen squeezes my hand but that doesn’t stop my body from shaking uncontrollably. “Look at me, Camryn. Focus on me.” It takes every ounce of energy to look over. “Keep your eyes on me for now. Dr. Crosby is only going to remove the bandage to see how bad the cut is, okay?”
I flinch from the doctor’s fingertips. “You’re safe, Camryn.” There’s Karsen with that word again. I’ll never be safe again. Not with that monster still lurking out there.
I lie in the hospital bed, and attempt to emotionally morph myself somewhere else. A happier place. A time when all I could do was smile. The night my team won the State Championship game my senior year when I threw a no-hitter comes to mind. I was invincible on the mound. Every pitch was perfect, right down the center. With every strike-out, a feeling of euphoria.
Now, I'm dirty from his touch, and broken with no reality of myself.
“It appears that you are going to need stitches here and I also want a CAT scan of your head,” Dr. Crosby’s voice pulls me back.
Dr. Crosby advises the nurse to notify the plastic surgeon that I’ll require stitches on my head and to let the forensic nurse know that she can come in. She turns to leave the room, then stops by the door.
“The wounds will be cleaned once the nurse is able to collect any evidence. I’ll also request that a rape crisis counselor come down as well,” Dr. Crosby states.
I nod my head once, acknowledging I heard her.
The mention of a rape counselor is all I need to hear. I begin to cry uncontrollably. My pulse begins to race. The sound of my heartbeat thrashes in my ears. I begin to gasp for air. A panic attack is just on the horizon and I’m not sure I can control it.
“Breathe, Cami, take a deep breath. Look at me. Breathe in . . . breathe out. You can do this.”
My eyes lock on her face, and the rhythmic tone of her voice as I follow Karsen’s instructions.
Dr. Crosby and the nurse file out of the room and I turn to Karsen, “Why did this happen?”
She squeezes my hand. “I don’t know, Camryn. This isn’t your fault, do you hear me? You did nothing to warrant this.” She says with a look of implacable determination on her face. In her head, she truly believes that.
I want to believe her. The rational side of me is agreeing, but I can’t allow myself to actually believe her words. That monster killed the rational side of me.
A little while later, a soft knock sounds at the door and Karsen says come in. Two women enter my room.
“My name is Claire. I’m the rape crisis counselor.” She points to the woman standing next to her. “This is Marci. She is the forensic nurse who will conduct the exam and collect any evidence. She will need your consent to perform the exam.”
Finding my voice, “It’s fine. I want to get this over with so I can go home. You have my permission to examine me. But I don’t need you here, Claire. I’d rather have Karsen stay with me.”
I know Claire is here to help. I know this is her job and she is a trained professional who deals with this sort of thing all the time. But I can’t bear to have another person in here while I endure the violation . . . the poking and prodding.
“Are you sure, Camryn? I can stand over there in the corner in case you have any questions.”
I shake my head. “I’m positive.”
“Are you sure you don’t want her in here with us?” Karsen asks. “I think it would be a good idea to have her in here.”
“I just want to get this exam over with, get my head stitched up and go home to wash him off me.” My hands ball into fists beside me. “When I have to tell the police what he did, I don’t need an audience, Karsen. I don’t need another set of pity eyes looking at me.”
Karsen’s face is etched with concern and understanding.
“I’ll leave my card with Dr. Crosby. Please call me if you need anything or if you change your mind and would like to talk.”
“Thank you, I appreciate it.” Claire nods her head then exits the room.
Taking a deep breath, trying to control my emotions, I sigh. “I just wish this night was over.”
The forensic nurse clears her throat. “I’m going to be examining you tonight. I’ll explain step by step as the exam is taking place. Your friend can also walk you through this and answer any questions, if you feel more comfortable with her, rather than me.”
She grabs a pair of gloves then places a large piece of the exam table paper on the floor. “Can you please come stand over here for me?”
When I stand, I grip the side of the bed for support before I collapse on the hard linoleum. Karsen rushes over and grabs a hold of my arm. “I just got dizzy,” I tell her, letting her know that I’ll be fine in a moment.
Fine, is that even a word I can fathom right now?
“I’m right here, Camryn.”
“I’m going to need you to disrobe while standing on the paper. This is to catch any fallen debr
is, hair, or fibers to avoid contamination. Step one is please take off your dress and place it in the bag in front of you.”
I unbutton the few buttons that are left and my dress falls into a pile at my feet. “I can’t bend over to untie my boots, can you help me?” I ask of Karsen.
Karsen rushes over. “Of course.” She unties my right boot and removes my foot. She places it in the bag, and proceeds to do my left.
I vaguely hear Marci say, “I am going to evaluate you . . . trauma to your mouth, throat . . . swab the areas for any fluids.”
I look away as I feel the swab against my throat. My body trembles uncontrollably as tears run down my face. I’m depleted of energy, too drained to even wipe them away.
The words DNA quickly snap me out of my trance. “He used a condom. But . . .” my voice wavers, “he licked the left side of my face.”
“Perfect, Cami. Thank you.” Marci gives me a small smile. I guess this is uncomfortable for both of us.
I stand there numb watching as the Q-tip swabs she is using to wipe under each one of my fingertips are gently placed in tubes. I hope that fucker left his mark. I scratched him so hopefully there’s some type of genetic marker in there to find this criminal.
I can’t help but count the ceiling tiles as I stand there cold and naked with my legs spread open while Marci examines my thighs with a lamp.
My body shutters each time the camera flash goes off, documenting every bruise and cut that asshole gave me.
All I can think during this entire thing is that is it not enough he robbed me of my womanhood, that now I’m also being stripped of my dignity in front of witnesses?
“I need you to lie back on the bed, place your feet in the stirrups, so I can perform the pelvic examination.”
“Do you know how much longer this will take? I want to go home and take a shower. I can smell him on me,” I speak in a broken whisper, tears running their course down my cheeks, feeling just as lost as to their destination as I am in this moment.
“I know you want to go home. We’re almost through here. The plastic surgeon needs to stitch your laceration and you still have to be taken down for your scan. We’ll do our best to get you out of here as quickly as possible.”
Marci hands me a hospital gown, helping me put it on. I’m relieved to finally be covered up, although this next part will be the worst, emotionally, for me. I slowly walk back over to the bed, sitting my butt on the mattress, then gently lift my legs up. Despite the intense pain. My ribs on the left side are killing me with every breath I take.
Karsen resumes her place on the stool next to me, holding my hand and whispering incoherent things . . . a distraction, if you will. I go back to counting ceiling tiles and let her do what she needs to get this over with. The quicker the exam is done, the quicker I’m home.
I grip Karsen’s hand from the burning when Marci enters me, scraping the last of my dignity with every swab. Fuck the ceiling tiles. “Karsen, talk to me about something else. Anything.” Trying to hold the tears back becoming an almost futile effort. “How was work going? Were you busy?”
Karsen squeezes my hand. “Work was slow for a Saturday night. We had a few car accidents, some patients with colds, stomach pains, nothing too out of the ordinary.”
Unable to shelter the tears anymore, a wet drop falls down my face and into my hairline. “Thank you for staying with me.”
“I love you, sweetie. There isn’t any other place I would want to be than right here with you.”
Karsen leans closer. “Marci is almost finished just a few more minutes.”
Shortly after Marci exits the room, the plastic surgeon comes in and stitches my forehead.
“Cami, can I go talk to Jamie? I’m sure Christian and your parents are here by now.”
Glancing back over my shoulder as I’m being pushed out of the room, “Yes, please. Tell them I’m going for a scan.”
Good, anything to keep them from here. I don’t want anyone to see me. I’m broken, destroyed and dirty. I don’t know how to go back to who I was before this. That bastard ruined me.
JAMIE
THE SILENCE IN the room is unbearable. I pace the worn down carpet. From what I can tell, I’m not the first. There’s a clear tread line in front of the windows. Where the hell are the people who took Camryn? The love of my life disappeared through those doors and they expect me to sit in a damn chair and let my mind take me to very dark places.
I begin to shake as the sordid images of the unknown build in my mind. My body fills with impotent rage and fear. Rage for what Camryn endured. Fear that she won’t recover from this. Anger sweeps through my body, as my fists clench my hair until they are probably white knuckled. I’m not sure what’s worse, knowing all of the details of what happened to her or speculating on all the ways Cami was violated. My mind is playing fucking tricks on me, causing me to question my sanity in this moment.
The lights from the skyline grab my attention and my palms grip the windowsill to remain upright. I pray it keeps me here instead of in those streets searching for the asshole who did this to my girl.
The glow of the building lights reminds me of our high school graduation party. The night Camryn’s face beamed with excitement when I surprised her with a graduation gift. The night my life changed forever when Camryn delivered her shocking news.
Huge white tents were set up in the middle of the cul-de-sac where we all lived, another tent off to the side that housed all the food, drinks, and the DJ. The party started around two in the afternoon and lasted well past midnight. Most of the partygoers stayed under the tents while some made their way to the Townsend’s backyard where the in-ground pool was.
Christian and I exchanged gifts, nothing big because I had saved all my money for Camryn’s gift. My parents had offered to loan me the money, but I didn’t want their money to pay for this. All winter I shoveled snow in our development and worked for a landscaper in the spring mowing lawns to earn the money.
I was nervous all day not knowing what Camryn was going to think of my gift. Things were going to change between us when Camryn left for the University of Maryland in August. I wanted her to always be able to look at the necklace that I got her and remember me.
When I saw the necklace I knew I had to get it for Camryn. The platinum necklace held a beautiful platinum heart locket. On the inside, I was able to get a picture from homecoming last year made small enough to fit. We were both smiling at my mom while she was taking pictures. She captured one of me placing a soft kiss on Camryn’s cheek and knowing it was one of Camryn’s favorites I knew I had to use that one. On the back of the locket I had engraved “I’m always with you, Cami.”
When the party started to slow down some, I searched for Camryn. I hadn’t seen her in the tent, so I went looking for her with the box tucked away in my back pocket. I finally found her sitting at her kitchen island with both our moms. I walked up, both our moms looked at me with sadness in their eyes. Immediately, I wondered what was wrong. Had something happened at the party that I wasn’t aware of? Did someone hurt Camryn?
Looking between the three of them I needed to know what the hell was going on. “What’s wrong? Why are the three of you in here and why are you all looking at me like something happened?”
Camryn spoke up immediately. “Nothing happened, Jamie. Everything is fine. I promise.” Looking into her eyes I knew she was lying to me. I stepped up to the island. “Don’t lie to me, Cami. I know you better than you know yourself. You were the one who said no more secrets, no lies between us. Did you not?”
Camryn looked away from me, she knew she was caught.
“Camryn Elizabeth, tell him. I told you that this was going to be a tough decision. He was going to find out eventually or hadn’t you planned on telling anyone?” By the look on her mom’s face and her tone, I could tell she was angry now.
Sighing, Camryn walked over to me. She took my hand in hers, walking in to the living room away from the kitchen. Pointing to
the couch, “Sit, I need to talk to you.”
Before I sat down, I reached behind me, pulling Camryn’s gift out of my pocket, placing it on the end table. Looking up at Camryn’s face, I could see this was something she was going to have a hard time telling me. My patience was running thin. Before my brain could think, the filter on my mouth gone, I spat, “Spit it out, Camryn! What are you not telling me?”
She sat in the chair across from me, her thin fingers tensed in her lap. She became increasingly uneasy under the scrutiny of my stare. Awkwardly, she cleared her throat. She looked away again before she spoke. “I don’t know how to tell you this. But you need to hear me out before you freak, okay?” Raising her brow at me, she waited for my answer. I gave her a simple nod. I didn’t even know what to say. I had no idea what was about to come out of her mouth. “I changed my mind about college.” She began to speak, but her voice wavered. “I’m not attending the University of Maryland anymore. Stanford offered me a full athletic scholarship. They have one of the top journalism programs in the country and I couldn’t turn it down. I would be an idiot if I did.” Her voice drifted to a hushed whisper.
My head began to spin. Did she just say she isn’t going to Maryland . . . a car ride away? Rather she is going to California, a plane ride away? I knew one day we were all going to go off to college, but I always pictured the three of us together. I never pictured Cami on the other side of the damn country. I took a deep breath, trying to gain my composure before I said anything that I may regret. “When did you make this decision? Am I the last to know?”
Camryn immediately jumped from the chair, grabbing my hand as she sat next to me on the couch. “No, Christian doesn’t even know yet. Only my parents and, well . . . your mom now. That’s what we were talking about when you walked in.”
Nodding my head she continued. “You know I was offered a scholarship to Maryland last year. I didn’t even apply to Stanford. Coach told me that there was a scout at the playoff game. They came to the game to check me out. I didn’t even know he was there. A few days after the game, the coach from Stanford called my parents, offering me a full ride, Jamie. I didn’t accept their offer right away. I went back and forth for weeks struggling with it.”
Unspoken Words (Unspoken #1) Page 16