There are days that I can’t believe I am a rape victim. Days that I can’t believe I am now a statistic. Every day I face the ghosts of that night. But I don’t have to do it alone. My family and friends are an amazing support system.
My mom clears her throat pulling me from my thoughts. “How are things with you and Jamie?”
My cheeks flush just thinking of Jamie. “I’m in love with him, but I think you’ve known that for quite some time, haven’t you?”
“The two of you have been inseparable since you were young. I think Michelle and I knew that the two of you had something special a long time ago. The way the two of you could finish each other’s sentences, the way you always had each other’s back. The two of you were always protective of each other. Yes, there was always Christian and Morgan in the mix, but you two always managed to venture off on your own. Whether it was to practice on your catching or pitching. Sometimes the two of you would leave the group just to go sit in the tree house out back by yourselves. He has always been there for you, Camryn. I think he’s held your heart for a very long time. Do you remember the time you fell out back by the pool? He wouldn’t leave your side then either. The two of you were the only ones who didn’t see it. Everyone else around you knew the two of you would end up together. It just took you two a little longer to realize that you have been by each other’s side the entire time.”
How did I forget about that day when I fell and split my chin? I remember Jamie telling me that everything was going to be okay. That he would stay with me until my mom got there. Hearing my mom bring that up has that day fresh in my mind.
It was a hot summer day. We were probably around six or seven, at most. My mom had just gone in the house to get us something to eat for lunch. We were told to stay out of the pool until she came back outside. Jamie was at the other end of the pool drying off with his towel. Christian snatched my towel off of the chair. “Hey, put my towel down!” I yelled.
Christian ignored me as he continued to dry himself off.
“Christian, put my Tinkerbell towel down now. You’re not allowed to use it, it’s mine.”
Christian dried his head off with my towel, “You’re such a baby, Camryn.”
I went over to where he was standing and tugged on my towel. “I’m not a baby. Give me it, it’s not yours.” I yelled at him and tried to pry it from him.
Christian pulled back the towel, pulling it from my hands. “Fine, if you want it so bad, go get it.” He said then tossed it in the pool.
Shocked that he did that to my Tinkerbell towel, I screamed “I hate you!” then kicked him in his shin. He leaned down to grab his shin and I pushed him, making him lose his balance and fall on the ground.
He screamed, “I’ll get you, Camryn, and when I do I’m gonna punch you really hard.” I started to run to the house to tell my mom what he did.
He jumped up off the ground and began to chase me. I heard Jamie yelling, “Leave her alone, Christian. You started it . . .” I tried to run as fast as I could. He was going to hit me back. I wanted to reach the house before he could catch me. I turned to see how close he was behind me when I stubbed my toe on the ground making me lose my balance and fall. My face smacked the ground and there was blood everywhere. I screamed from the pain and from seeing the blood. Jamie was by my side handing me his towel. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with the towel, so I just held it to my chin.
“Go get your mom,” Jamie told my brother.
“No, you go get her. I’m staying with her.”
“Go get your mom. You’re the reason she fell!” Jamie yelled at him.
Christian had tears in his eyes. “Fine, you stay with her,” he said before running off toward the house.
Jamie held the towel under my chin where my hand was. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ll stay with you until your mom comes. She’ll fix it for you,” he said calmly.
My mom ran out of the house with a dishtowel and a bag of ice. When she reached me, I was crying really bad. She kneeled down next to me. “Here, let me see.”
She pulled the towel away from my face. I knew it was bad by the look on her face. “Put this ice on your chin. Hold it there, okay.”
She scooped me into her arms, carrying me into the house. The boys followed close behind. My mom reached for the phone. “Mark, Camryn fell in the yard. I’m taking her to the emergency room. I think she needs stitches. I’m gonna call Michelle to see if she can keep the boys.”
I started to sob on the kitchen stool. “No, please don’t take me to the hospital. I hate needles. Can’t you put a band-aid on it? Please, don’t take me there.”
Jamie rushed to my side. “It’s gonna be okay, Cami. The doctors will make it all better.”
The memory warms my heart. Jamie's been by my side all of my life. I can’t believe I forgot about that. I run my fingertip along the faint scar that is still there. I look at my mom, “I’ve had feelings for Jamie for a while now. I used school and softball as an excuse as to why I never had time for a boyfriend. I think Jamie was the true reason why I was never interested in anyone else.”
“Honey, when you compare everyone else to the one guy you want them to be like, then you know that he is the guy you should be with. Follow your heart, Camryn, it will lead you down the path that is truly meant for you.” My mom says with a knowing smile.
“Have you talked with Gayle about your relationship with Jamie?”
Fidgeting with my fingers on my lap, I peer up at her. “We’ve talked about it. I’ve voiced some of my concerns. Things between us are going really well. There are days that I feel like my old self again, but then there are days that I feel like it’s a struggle to get out of bed. When I’m with Jamie, things are great. I laugh, I catch myself smiling uncontrollably. But then when I’m by myself, my mind wanders and I am taken back to that dark place that I don’t want to be anymore.”
“Come here, sweetheart,” my mom says as she rises from my bed gesturing me to follow her to stand by the full-length mirror in the corner of my room. “Come stand here with me for a minute.” She spins me around so that I am looking at my reflection in the mirror, never taking her firm grip from my shoulders.
“You know what I see, Camryn? I see a strong-willed woman standing in front of me. One who has never backed down from anything.” She squeezes my shoulders.
“I mean anything. You have to start with the girl in the mirror, sweetheart. That’s where the change needs to start. It’s up to you on what your future holds. Only you. The past is the past, and that is where you need to leave it. What happened to you that night was horrifically tragic, but it does not define you. Only what you do can define you. We will be by your side every step of the way. Your healing is our number one priority.”
The sound of Christmas music being played in the house awakens me. I lean over to grab my cellphone from the nightstand. Jamie already sent me a text wishing me a Merry Christmas. He told me to let him know when I was up and dressed and he would come over since he spent the night next door at his parents’. Well, I wouldn’t say spent the night, I don’t think he left here until well after two in the morning.
We laid on the couch last night and watched National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. No matter how many times we see the movie, we laugh our butts off each and every time. Watching this movie is sort of a tradition for the three of us. Jamie, Christian and I used to watch it every year then head to bed and hope to hear Santa arrive.
I jump in the shower and dress quickly, tossing an oversized sweater on over a pair of black leggings.
When I make it to the kitchen, Jamie’s parents are at the island talking to my parents as they prepare breakfast. “Merry Christmas, sis,” Christian says behind me. I turn and give him a hug and wish him the same.
The doorbell rings, then the door immediately opens, revealing Jamie standing there in a pair of dark denim jeans, and my favorite light blue Henley shirt. A smile immediately forms on my face. Jamie’s arms are filled
with gifts. He teased me last night and said he didn’t trust me to leave his presents here cause I would probably open them then rewrap them, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Okay, sue me. I did it once. I was young, probably eleven. What did he expect? That is like taking a kid in a candy store and telling them they can’t have a single piece.
Not. Going. To. Happen.
So now he doesn’t trust me.
Jamie sets the presents on the floor by the coat rack in the foyer and pulls my body flush against his, holding me tight. His mouth is on mine before I can protest. Not that I would. He can kiss me whenever he wants to.
I stand motionless in the doorway, as Jamie’s hand squeezes my ass. I hear someone clear their throat behind us. “Are you going to let him in the house, honey? Or are you going to keep making out in the foyer?” My mom jokes.
Taking a deep, unsteady breath, I step back and put a little space between the two of us.
He walks over to my mom, giving her a kiss on the cheek, “Merry Christmas, Gwen.”
My mom tiptoes to kiss Jamie on his cheek, “Merry Christmas to you, too. Here let me help you with those.” Jamie leans down and picks up the gifts. My mom takes a few gifts from Jamie’s arms then heads toward the family room where my dad and Christian are already sitting.
Jamie and I follow my mom and I am taken aback by all the presents surrounding the tree. “It feels like old times when you kids were little,” my father says. “You would think Santa was here. You would never know you kids are twenty-four years old. I think you two are a little spoiled, if I say so myself.”
My mom walks over, placing her hand on my dad’s shoulder. “Honey, our kids will always be spoiled by us even when they are grown with a family of their own. If we are capable of spoiling them, we will.”
My dad pats my mom’s hand. “I know we will. I was just teasing.”
Jamie and I sit on the sofa. Christian walks over to the tree and starts handing out presents to all of us. Each time he calls my name, he shakes the box and tries to guess what may be inside.
We each take turns opening presents. It seems like we were opening presents for hours. Wrapping paper is all over the floor.
Jamie hands me a small box with a red bow on it. “Here, this is yours too.” His voice is low and smooth.
I know it’s not a ring, the box is too big for that. Not that I’m expecting a ring or anything. Awkwardly, I clear my throat. My fingers tense in my lap.
Slowly I remove the bow, sticking it on Jamie’s shirt over his heart. Once the paper is removed, I slowly lift the lid from the box. A gasp leaves my throat and my hand covers my mouth.
A platinum bracelet with a heart-shaped charm is nestled in the box. I remove the bracelet. “Turn the charm over,” Jamie says.
There is an inscription on the back, just like he did with my locket. I read the inscription. “You have my whole heart.” When I look up at him, his eyes are full of promises. He smiles at me, and says, “It’s all yours.”
I throw my arms around Jamie’s neck, pulling him in for a kiss. My lips brush against his “I wouldn’t want it any other way.”
CAMRYN
SIDE EFFECTS IS performing at Redemption tonight to ring in the New Year. Knowing that tonight will be the first time I’ve been to the club, I am definitely on edge today. I just got back from a long run in Central Park with Morgan. I needed to feel the thump of my steps on the concrete.
When we approach our halfway mark for our run, I told Morgan that I was apprehensive about going to Redemption tonight. I was in need of support to know that I could get through this.
Jamie has asked repeatedly if I want to go or not. He has been telling me for days that he would completely understand if I didn’t go to their show tonight, but I need to go. I need to go for Jamie to show my support, but more importantly, I need to go for me. To walk through those doors again will be a huge step in my recovery.
Buffer’s bail was revoked. It seems that I wasn’t the only girl he raped. The detectives came by the other day to advise me that he’s been linked to two other rapes in Los Angeles. His DNA retrieved from my rape kit was able to link him to those. So not only do I have closure to this nightmare, but two other girls do as well.
I know walking through the doors at Redemption will take all the strength that I have, but I will do it. I know that Buffer can no longer hurt me, that I can go tonight and not have to look over my shoulder the entire time, thinking someone is watching me. I know I will always be guarded, always be observant of my surroundings. After my sessions with Gayle, I now know that it wasn’t my fault what happened that night. My outfit didn’t provoke him, I didn’t make any sort of inviting eye contact with him while I was dancing like he told me I had.
What happened to me at Redemption, could have happened to me walking home from getting a cup of coffee, or while on a run in Central Park. There are sick people out there, I was a victim of circumstance.
The other day, I received a thank you card from the local rape crisis center thanking me for my generous donation. When I opened the card and saw who made the donation, I cried. Lincoln made the monetary donation on my behalf. He never ceases to amaze me. He truly is a one of a kind guy. Morgan sure is lucky to have him.
Jamie isn’t home from work yet. I told him I would get ready at his place, rather than back at my parents’. After the set tonight, we are going to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in the Upper Westside.
I emerge from the bathroom in my robe, and hear Jamie calling out my name. “In here, babe,” I yell.
He walks into the bedroom, then stops immediately when he sees I am only in my robe. His eyes rake up and down my body, taking my appearance in.
I hold up my hand. “Don’t get any ideas, Mr. Banks. My hair and makeup are already done, and you have twenty minutes to get ready. We have to be at Redemption by eight o’clock. It’s an early set tonight.”
He walks slowly toward me. When he reaches me, he pulls me against him, grinding his growing erection against me. “I think we’re gonna be late tonight. The band can’t start without me.”
Looking up at his face, I can see he has one thing in mind. ME.
I need to put this fire out now before it even begins to ignite. I place my hands on his chest, “Babe, we will have plenty of time to play when we get home. I am here for the weekend. Save your stamina for after the show.”
I wiggle out of his hold, smacking his ass as I walk over to the closet to retrieve the dress I am wearing tonight.
He grunts as he removes his shirt, and tosses it in the hamper. “Are you sure you don’t want some of this before we leave?” he asks waving his hand in front of his bare chest, like Vanna White does as she reveals the letters on Wheel of Fortune.
A laugh escapes me. “You are too much. I definitely want some of that, just not right now. You have a show to perform and we have to be out of here in twenty minutes. You never finish what you start in twenty minutes.”
I step into my dress, then sit on the bed to put on my strappy fuck me heels, as Jamie refers to them.
“Let me get in the shower. If I continue to stand here and stare at you, I’m going to have no alternative but to be late for my show.” He glares at me then retreats to the bathroom.
That man has problems. He just got some this morning. He has no room to complain. The man sure does have a sexual appetite, not that I’m complaining. I seem to be benefiting from it as well. I don’t think I have had as much sex in my life, as I have had this week alone.
When the door to Redemption opens, the loud thumping bass of the music reverberates through my entire body. The club is dark and the strobe lights are going along with the beat of the music, highlighting the people dancing. My eyes immediately scan the club. I begin to shake as the fearful images build in my mind. Pausing at the door, Jamie mouths, “You okay?”
I quickly force those images away. I nod, then give his hand a reassuring squeeze. He smiles back at me and we continue to make our
way through the sea of people.
By the time we get to the stage, the band already has their equipment set up and they are at a nearby table drinking their beer.
As we approach the table, my brother stands and pulls me into a hug. He whispers in my ear, “You okay?”
I nod and smile knowing that everyone is worried about me. “If I need to leave, I’ll let you or Jamie know. But I think I can handle being here.”
My brother nods, acknowledging what I said.
Jamie puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against his side. “I just ordered you a beer. I’m gonna head up on stage in a few minutes. If at any time you feel the need to leave, you let me or your brother know, got it?”
Leaning up on my toes, I place a soft kiss on his lips. “Thank you for looking out for me. I’ll be okay. My brother is here, all the girls are coming as well. I’ll be fine while you are on stage. I promise.”
Side Effects opens the night with a few fan favorites of their original material. There’s a bachelorette party going on tonight and they seem to have quite a crowd with them. The girls are all wearing white t-shirts with sayings embossed on their shirts in neon coloring. Some say ‘Suck It’, ‘Bite It’, ‘Lick It’, ‘Kiss It’, and ‘Nip It’. Those are just some of the few that are PG-rated. Some of the other girls have more explicit sayings on their shirt sleeves in the same neon coloring. With the black lights at the club tonight, they seem to be standing out in the crowd.
I know for sure, that is not what I would want for my bachelorette party. I would much prefer a weekend in Miami Beach, or even Las Vegas with my friends, possibly even a joint celebration with the guys, that is, unless, Jamie has other ideas.
The guys sound amazing tonight. The crowd is going crazy when the first few beats of the song tap out from the drums. Jamie is bouncing up and down on his feet, with his hands in the air. When Jamie starts with the lyrics, Shut Up and Dance by Walk the Moon, the crowd erupts. The noise is deafening. I absolutely love this song. I am up on my feet dancing along to the music. My body begins to sway to the beat. This song’s tempo is infectious. It makes your body move. There’s a tap on my shoulder. It startles me, making me jump. When I turn, Lincoln is standing next to me with his hand extended. “Come dance with me, baby girl.”
Unspoken Words (Unspoken #1) Page 25