by Redmon, Dina
CHASING CIRCUMSTANCE
Written By Dina Redmon
Chasing Circumstance
By Dina Redmon
Copyright ©2013 Dina Redmon
This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.
All rights reserved. Except for use in any review, the reproduction or utilization of this work in whole or in part in any form by any electronic, mechanical or other means, now known or hereafter invented, including xerography, photocopying and recording, or in any information storage or retrieval system, is forbidden without the written permission of the author.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either works of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events or locales are entirely coincidental.
Written in loving and respectful dedication to all the women of the world:
If you have found your strength, hold on to it.
If you are searching for your strength, don’t stop.
If there is a young woman in your life, teach her how to be strong.
It is our duty to hold up those that are weak, to dry their tears and aid them in the discovery of their own self-worth. Hold that duty sacred and do what you must so the world may benefit from it.
In all things, love yourself so that you may love others.
To Sue Ward: Thank you for working your brilliance on my cover!
To Layla Beth and Bret Munk: Thank you for gracing my cover with your loving beauty and strength.
To Idril Faith: Thank you for always making sure I didn’t give up and helping me the way you did! I’ve learned so much from you.
To Antoinette McMyne: Without your loving friendship and guidance, I would not be where I am today. Thank you for standing at my side and being the amazing, strong, beautiful woman that you are. You are a true role model.
To June Foster: Your friendship and support mean so much to me. Thank you for everything you do and for always being there for me! Hope you enjoy the character that was inspired by you (wink)! Thanks for being the inspiration behind her!
To My Dolls: Words are not enough to thank you for your support, hard work and dedication. You are the best street team ever!
And finally, to Michael Payne: Thank you for holding me when I feel weak and reminding me of my own strength. Through the love we share, I have discovered that perfect place in time when all the shadows of my past pains disappear, and I can bask in the sunlight of today. I love you.
Prologue
How do you define the word used? Some of the synonyms often associated with the word used are accustomed to or habituated. If acting as an adjective, it could mean, not new or second hand. You could be speaking of a used car, used clothing, used furniture, used tissues or maybe even used people.
That's how I was feeling. I had become accustomed to being used and had given up on finding real love. I had reached a point in my life that I wasn’t even sure there was such a thing as unconditional love except for that of a love between a parent and their child.
I had tried it all; bars, blind dates and online dating sites. The only thing I ever found in a bar was a one night stand. Friends fixed me up with their friends but it never went further than three dates. Online dating sites were full of desperate people and desperation was not a foundation for a long term relationship.
Quite frankly, I had gotten tired of feeling used, so I convinced myself there was no such thing as love…
… And then I met him.
CHAPTER ONE
I had always laughed when people told me they were in online relationships, that is, until I met Stuart Cairns. Stuart was different. He was kind, compassionate, genuine and loving. He always made time for me, and made me feel something I hadn't felt in a long while... Hope.
We met online in a foodie chat room and hit it off right away. We began to message back and forth on a daily basis. We discussed literature, movies, music, world events, religion, politics and our daily lives. Nothing was off limits when we were having a conversation, and it was easy for us because we held the same views on most things, and when we didn't, we found a way to compromise.
Stuart accepted me for who I was and didn't try to change me. Well, except that I was an atheist, and he was Buddhist. He had a tendency to push his beliefs on me, but we discussed it and were able to come to a compromise on that as well. It thrilled me that he was so dedicated to his beliefs, but I needed the same support from him, and eventually, I got it.
Stuart was quick witted and clever. He had a way of speaking his mind without making me feel attacked or like less of a person. When I attempted to bring up sex as a subject of discussion, he would respond with short quips and leave it at that. This surprised me; it seemed that any other man would have jumped at the opportunity to talk about sex, but it appeared that he had no interest in the subject whatsoever.
Every morning, I raced to my laptop to see if there were messages from Stuart, and every day, there were. He wrote simple things like, “Good morning, Guapa. Just wanted you to know I was thinking about you and hope you have an amazing day.”
I loved these messages because it showed me he was the man he claimed to be. He never forgot and always took the time to let me know he was thinking of me.
After a couple of months of chatting, I asked Stuart for his phone number so I could call him. We talked on the phone for hours and it felt genuine and natural. We laughed together over shared stories and found solace in one another through mutual pains. We both knew the sting of being cheated on.
Stuart asked me if I might be interested in dating him, and without hesitation, I told him yes. I felt like a schoolgirl caught up in my first crush. If it were this good now, I could only imagine where it would lead.
There was only one problem. I lived in New York, and he lived in Scotland. I knew deep in my heart that it would never work, but when Stuart asked me to be his, I had to try.
We talked online, wrote letters and called each other for six months. He introduced me to his mother during a video call, and his mom and I began to write each other as well. With plans in place, I commenced in preparing for the life that awaited me across the pond. We looked at sites for our wedding, talked about adopting children and made plans for our honeymoon. I knew we were meant to be.
That is until I opened my laptop to see he had blocked me without notice and without reason on Facebook. Opening my email, I found a note from him. Stuart wrote that because I hadn’t moved there yet, it was over. He continued by saying that he had only used me to feel loved after a deep loss of his own and it had never been real to begin with. As I read his words, my heart sunk into my stomach, and my soul began to build walls around my newly shattered heart to protect it once again.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I closed the lid of my laptop. How could he do this to me? Why did I allow myself to get caught up in his web of lies? I knew better, and yet I went along with it. It was no one's fault but my own. What was I going to do now? I was tired of the roller coaster ride and wanted to jump off, plummeting to my proverbial death.
My heart had been broken so many times that I didn’t know if I could put the pieces back together. I had trusted Stuart to be a man of his word, and just like every other man I had known in my life, he used me and tossed me aside as if I had meant nothing to him. I felt like a fool for believing him, and I swore I would never trust another man with my heart again.
I disguised the anguish I felt from th
e break-up with Stuart in total and utter indignation. I would not cry another tear over what was, but instead, I was going to channel all of my energy into erasing the memories of him. I planned to do to men what they had been doing to women since the dawn of time... Use them to fulfill my sexual needs. After all, I was a successful woman with a close circle of friends and didn’t need anything else from a man except to get laid when I chose. Right then and there, I vowed to never fall in love again.
I set up an online dating profile to find what I needed. Most of the men on these sites only wanted one thing anyway, and since I was looking for the same thing, what did it matter where they came from?
“Let's see, Amia Durant, forty years old, five foot six inches tall, brown hair, blue eyes, and professional career. There, that should do it.” I posted my picture and waited with baited breath for the responses to start coming in.
It didn't take long before I had my first reply. A smile crossed my face as I pulled up the man's profile and scanned it. I thought it would be a good idea to take a test drive before I jumped into a caravan of conquests. Gary Morgan looked to be the perfect crash test dummy. He was forty-four years old, good looking without being playboy handsome, and had been on the site for over a year. I knew that would make him a bit desperate.
“Hey, Amia, I was perusing the new members and came across your picture and profile. I am sure you hear this all the time, but you are beautiful. If you are interested in chatting, please, feel free to message me back.” Gary’s message was so stereotypical that I could almost read it with my eyes closed.
“Well, hello there, Gary. I wasn't expecting responses to my profile so quickly. Thank you for your interest. I would love the chance to get to know you better. Please, call me and let's get to know each other. I'm looking forward to hearing from you.” I typed in my phone number, hit the send button, sat back, and waited for the phone to ring. I knew it was a bit reckless for me to be giving out my phone number so early, but I was ready to do this. Besides, I had enough of this online crap to last me a lifetime, and cell phone numbers were easy to get changed if needed.
3 … 2 … 1 … And ring. As if it were a scene written in a screenplay, the phone rang on cue. This was going to be easy. We chatted for a bit and made plans to meet at a restaurant near his office for dinner the following night.
After work, I raced home to prepare for my date... If you could call it a date. Though I was far from a virgin, I found myself wracked with nerves. Now, what would I wear on my first quest? Surveying my closet, I chose a fitted, black pencil skirt. I topped it with a blue, short sleeved blouse over a white camisole. Black, sheer stockings and stiletto heels finished my ensemble perfectly.
The lift of my heels added a bit of extra sway to my hips as I sauntered into the restaurant. Stopping just inside the front door, I scoped out the room for Gary. Spotting him, I waved off the hostess and walked toward him.
“Hello, Gary. Please, pardon my tardiness. Parking was hard to find.” I looked over the top of my glasses and smiled alluringly at him.
“Um... It's... It's no problem, Amia. You look stunning.” Gary tripped over his words as he stood to pull out the chair for me.
“Thank you, Gary. You look very handsome yourself. New suit? Just for me?” I stroked the lapel of his jacket as I sat down.
“Yes, well, kind of. I used our date as an excuse to treat myself.” Gary sat across the table from me.
“Kind of? That’s not a very good first impression. May I offer a little advice? A woman likes to feel special, not like an afterthought or a catalyst for self indulgence.” I couldn’t help myself.
“I’ll try to remember that.” Gary looked embarrassed and that pleased me to no end.
We ordered drinks and dinner while exchanging small talk. I pretended to pay attention to what he was saying, but truth be told, I could care less. I was there for one reason and one reason only.
As Gary droned on about his life, I slipped off my right shoe and stretched my leg out under the table. I ran my stocking covered foot up and under the bottom of his pant leg. He paused in his story and looked at me as though he were lost in a state of confusion.
“Gary, I know this may seem fast but do you feel the same vibe I do?” I licked my lips before sipping at the glass of wine in my hand.
“I... I... I'm not sure what you mean.” Gary again stumbled over his words.
“Don't play coy. We’re both out to get laid, or at least I am. So, how about it?” I slid my foot between his thighs and caressed him with my toes. He jumped a bit as I made contact.
“Um, okay then, where do we go from here?” Gary’s hands trembled as he poured more wine into both glasses causing him to spill some on the table cloth.
“We get a room, and I show you exactly how a modern day woman gets what she needs.” I dropped my foot to the floor, slid my shoe back on and excused myself to the restroom.
When I returned, Gary had already paid the bill and was waiting for me at the entrance. He looked nervous and I liked it. Images of a praying mantis entered my mind, and I thought to myself, ‘This man has no idea what I have in store for him.’ I didn't look at him as I walked past. Instead, I grabbed him by his scarf and led him out the door into the chill of the night air like the pet he was.
Entering the hotel room, I could see he was visibly shaken. I thought, ‘Oh, how cute.’ Pushing my nerves aside, I forced myself to take over. I wasted no time as I pulled the scarf from Gary's neck and instructed him to sit on the bed.
I stepped close to him and whispered against his lips. “What do you like? What turns you on?”
“I... Um...” Gary couldn't find the words to speak. He was such a gentle creature.
“Here, let me help untie your tongue; you're going to need it.” I leaned over him and kissed him slowly, seductively.
Standing again, I smiled at him as I removed my jacket and began to unbutton my blouse. “Aren't you going to join me?”
Gary stood, slid his coat from his body, and removed his blazer as well. Sitting back onto the bed, his fingers nervously worked to unbutton his own shirt. He couldn't take his eyes off me as I slowly removed my clothing and stood before him wearing only my bra, sheer, black stockings and blue, suede, stiletto heels.
I playfully sucked on my finger as I watched him fumble with the remainder of his clothing. Gary sat completely naked before me, and I could see just how excited he was to be there.
Noticing the want in his eyes, I reached behind my back, unclasped my bra, removed it and dropped it to the floor, leaving me wearing only my thigh high stockings and heels. He wanted me and that made me feel alive and empowered.
I casually strolled across the room toward him and watched him watch me. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I gently pushed him onto his back, straddled his body and smiled at him. “You still haven't told me what you like.”
“I like a woman that knows what she wants and takes it.” He finally found his voice.
“Well then, you're in luck.” I whispered into his ear as I pinned his hands above his head and ground myself against his naked body. “I'm going to let go of your hands now and you're not going to move. Do you understand?”
“Yes, I understand.” Gary breathed the words out.
I put my finger over his mouth to instruct him not to speak. My lips moved softly over his neck, down his chest and lingered on his stomach. I looked up at him as my soft lips wrapped around the head of his hard cock. I felt his pulse beat against my tongue as I slid him deep into my throat. Fervor darkened his eyes while he watched me. I felt him grow larger in my mouth, and as I pulled away, he came all over his own stomach.
‘Really?’ I thought to myself.
“Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Amia! This has never happened to me before. I was just so excited and...” Gary embarrassingly tried to explain himself.
“It's alright, Sexy. I'm going to take a quick shower and will be right back. When you're ready, we can try again.” Biting my ton
gue to keep from laughing, I excused myself to the restroom.
The noise of the shower muffled my laughter as I stood in front of the mirror. I looked at my reflection and noticed the viciousness of my smile as the corners curled up to expose my white teeth. What was becoming of me?
Thoughts of Stuart and the beautiful life we had planned flashed before my eyes. I shook my head as though shaking away the memories before stepping into the hot water of the shower.
The shower head made for a decent replacement of what was supposed to be that night. My legs trembled as the pulsating waters moved over my skin. Pushing my fingers inside myself, I bit my lower lip as the spasms of orgasm took control of my body.
After drying off and dressing, I walked back into the hotel room to find Gary sound asleep and snoring. I gathered my things and left. “Sorry, Hun, but if you're no good in round one, you're sure as hell not getting a chance at round two.” I whispered softly as I closed the door behind me.
Once home, I opened a bottle of wine and sat at my laptop to write in my blog. The ambiguity of the internet allowed me to write in great detail of my exploits.
“Dear You,
Well, look at that. It wasn't so difficult now, was it? I got the first one out of the way, and though it wasn't physically fulfilling and he was the epitome of the original “minute man”, I must admit that it has lit a fire inside me. If nothing else, it was quite entertaining. I bet after that fiasco, I never hear from him again.
Why did thoughts of Stuart enter my mind? Why can't I just push him away? Obviously, what we had was fake... At least on his part. I know what I felt was real, but could my love for him have been real if it were not reciprocated?
I won't allow the memories of what was to stop me from conquering what will be. Stuart has no idea what he gave up by playing his little game with me. I loved him to the deepest depths of my being, and he used that love just to throw it back in my face. I will use the suffering of that remembrance to remind myself that men do not know love, and through that, I will never be fooled again. On to the next one… If there is a next one.