“True, very true.”
Merewyn listened to the men bantering as she and Beau trailed behind them. For hours they walked, and as time passed, she felt more and more strange. She couldn’t place the sensation really. It was as if her stomach were troubled and at the same time there wasn’t anything really wrong with her.
It wasn’t until she brushed her hand through her hair and came away with a handful of it, that she let out a cry of dismay.
The men froze and turned to face her.
She stared at the dark curls that were wrapped around her fingers as horror filled her. “I’m turning back into a hag, aren’t I?”
Merrick and Derrick turned away. Blaise’s eyes were filled with pity, but even he didn’t dare speak of it.
Varian only gave a subtle nod.
Utter despair filled her as tears gathered in her eyes. But she didn’t let them fall. She was stronger than that. Really she was.
What was beauty anyway?
Freedom…
She stifled that voice as Beau gently stroked her leg. It’d been too much to hope that Narishka would spare her. She should have known the woman’s cruelty would drive her to this.
“Please, Beau,” she said, her voice breaking from her tears. “I want to be alone.”
He made a sad noise before he waddled to Blaise, who took his rocky limb into his hand. The mandrake’s violet eyes betrayed his pity.
The triplets, Beau, and Blaise withdrew, while Varian approached her solemnly. He cupped her cheek in a gentle hand as those green eyes burned her with friendship.
“Don’t think about it, Merewyn.”
And that succeeded in bringing her tears out. They streamed down her face as his kindness burned through her. She didn’t deserve it. “I don’t want to be a hag again.” She placed her hand over his and held it close to her cheek. “Please, Varian. Show your mercy. Kill me.”
His grip tightened under her hand as his eyes snapped furiously. “Don’t you dare say that to me. You can’t give my mother that victory.”
“What victory? She destroyed me long ago.”
“No, she didn’t. You’ve survived her cruelty.”
“To what purpose? What good is my freedom when no one will look at me?”
“I’m looking at you, Merewyn. I see you.”
She swallowed at his sincerity. At the kindness of his touch. She gripped his hand tightly in hers before she lowered it from her face and held it between her hands. Her heart heavy, she stared at the strength of the tanned flesh. At the scars that marred his knuckles. His hands were large and capable. Manly.
Never again would she have the chance she had now. “I know how you feel about this, Varian, but I would ask a favor of you.”
“I will not kill you.”
“Then make love to me.”
Varian froze at her unexpected words. “What?”
“Before I’m completely ugly again. Before she steals any more of my soul. Make love to me, and I won’t end my life. Give me a reason to fight her.”
“And you think that will do it?”
“Please, Varian. I want to know, just once, what it’s like to be held by someone. Show me what kindness and intimacy are so that I can hold on to them and fight for them.”
He was aghast at her words, and at the same time, how could he deny her? She was right. As a crone, no one would touch her. His mother had seen to that.
“I will ask nothing more of you. I promise. You can walk away from me as you do the others.”
He somehow doubted it would be that easy for him. Whether he wanted to admit it or not, there was some part of him that seemed integral to her.
Wanting to comfort her, he lifted her hands to his lips and kissed the palm of each one. Already they were losing their beauty. They weren’t gnarled yet, but they weren’t as long and graceful as they’d been this morning.
He glanced to where the others had vanished. There was no sign of them at all.
His heart heavy, he looked back at Merewyn. “You don’t deserve to be taken out here like an Adoni whore.”
She licked her lips before she led his hand to her breast. “I dare not wait. She could turn me foul again at any moment, and I don’t want you to see me like that. I want to have this as a woman who is beautiful in your eyes.”
“You were always—”
“Don’t!” she snapped angrily. “Don’t you dare tell me I was beautiful to you when I know it for a lie. I don’t want you to take me with pity in your heart. I want to know that you desire me.”
He could feel her nipple harden through the thin fabric of her gown. That one tiny puckering was enough to send heat straight to his groin.
He wanted her. There was no denying it.
And if that wasn’t enough, she lowered her hand until she cupped him gently in her hand. His cock stiffened even more, and it drove away every argument he had. All he could think of was the sweetness of her lips.
Merewyn wasn’t expecting the ferocity of his kiss as he pulled her into his arms and held her tight. She could feel his heart racing against hers as his tongue teased hers. Closing her eyes, she inhaled the warm scent of him. This was the moment she’d waited for all her life.
Eager for it, she lifted his jerkin so that she could run her hands over his lean, corded muscles. His skin was soft and ridged by scars. Unable to stand it, she pulled away from his lips to push the jerkin up so that she could see the perfection of his body.
Varian lifted it over his head before he tossed it to the ground. Merewyn hesitated as she saw the burn of Lancelot’s mark on his shoulder. She reached a tentative hand toward it as she tried to imagine the pain he’d felt as a child. Every piece of the grail emblem was there, right down to the Latin words that read: Esse Quam Videri. To be rather than to seem.
He was what he seemed. There was no falseness to this man. Wanting to comfort him, she leaned forward until she was able to press her lips to the mark.
Varian shivered at the sensation of her lips on his flesh. No woman had ever touched that scar before. Normally when he took a lover, he used his magick to conceal the imperfections of his body. The scars, the welts. Most of all the grail symbols. But he couldn’t do that with Merewyn. He was naked before her in a way he’d never been bare before.
And it was why he understood how important this was to her. There was nothing worse than to see pity on a lover’s face. Or repugnance.
He hissed as she pressed her tongue to the mark before she kissed it, then moved down to his scarred nipple. His entire body thrummed with heat as she gently laved it. He wanted inside her so badly that it was all he could do to stand there and not pull her to the ground.
But this wasn’t about cooling the fire in his blood. This was about giving her a memory that would soothe her pain. One that would make her life a bit more tolerable.
He would be her first and most likely last lover. It was a sobering thought. And for her he wanted this to be a perfect memory.
Merewyn groaned at the taste of his salty skin, at the sensation of his flesh underneath her hands. He was the most beautiful man she’d ever seen.
And when he pulled away, she looked up, afraid he’d changed his mind. Instead he scooped her up in his arms and carried her off into the woods, in the opposite direction from where the others had gone. She frowned up at him.
“I want this to be just between you and me. Unlike my mother’s people, I don’t perform for an audience.”
She smiled at his kindness as he found a small, sheltered spot in the forest. Setting her on her feet, he removed his cloak from her shoulders before he spread it out on the ground.
This really is happening…
She was about to journey down a path from which there would be no escape. But this was what she wanted. One moment with a man so that she could know the sensation that drove Morgen and her court. She wanted to understand the beauty of sharing herself with someone else.
Holding that thought close, she unlaced
her gown and let it fall to the ground.
Varian felt his breath leave him as Merewyn bared herself to his hungry gaze. Even though she was a bit thin for his tastes, she was still the most beautiful sight he’d ever beheld as she kicked her shoes off.
And when she reached for the lacings on his breeches, he couldn’t hear anything except the pounding of his own heart. She loosened the waistband enough so that she could dip her hand down and touch him. His head spun from the sensation. Holding her hand against his cock, he slowly rocked himself against her palm, delighting in the feel of her gentle touch.
Merewyn licked her lips at the velvety hardness of him. Her face heating, she looked up at him while he stared down at her. The look of pleasure on his face made her giddy.
But she wanted more than this. She wanted to know how he tasted. How he felt…
Varian frowned as she lowered her gaze to his waist before she pushed his breeches down. He was going to take his boots off, but before he could, she sank down to her knees in front of him.
Surely she wasn’t going to…
He held his breath in sweet expectation as she slowly fingered him from hilt to tip. Her brows were drawn together in curiosity as she examined his body much like a scientist might. At least until she moved her finger to the tip of his cock, where he was already leaking.
She brushed her fingertip over him before she led her fingers to her mouth.
The sight of her tasting him like that was almost enough to make him come. She locked gazes with him before she lowered her hand and leaned forward.
Varian felt his breath rush out of him as she slowly took him into her mouth, inch by sweet inch, while her tongue swirled around him. He buried his hand in her hair, but took care not to hurt her while she carefully licked and tortured him with pleasure.
He had to brace himself not to thrust against her while she took her time tasting him. But it was sheer agony. Needing to taste her as well, he pulled back.
Merewyn frowned at his actions. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No.” He literally tore his boots and breeches off before he lay down on the cloak and pulled her on top of him. He kissed her deeply as his hands explored her body. Merewyn moaned against his lips as he gently sank his hand down her cleft. He pulled back with a tender smile. Rolling her onto her side, he slowly kissed his way from her lips to her breast.
She cried out as he slowly tongued her swollen nipple, drawing it back and forth in a rhythm that made her entire body twitch. Moisture exploded as she felt a small pleasurable shudder run through her. A low laugh rumbled in his chest while he dipped his hand back to explore her carefully.
He sank his finger deep inside her as he continued to lave her breast. Cupping his head against her, she spread her legs wide for him.
She’d never felt anything more incredible than the combined stroking of his fingers and tongue. At least not until something foreign ruptured inside her. It rushed over her body with waves of intense pleasure. Her entire body shuddered as she screamed out from it.
And still he played with her, wringing even more pleasure from her. When her body began to settle down, he rose up to smile down at her. “That, my lady, was your first orgasm.”
“First?”
He continued to swirl his fingers in and out of her in a magical rhythm that was already building more heat inside her. “Yes. I promise you, you’ll have a lot more of those before I’m through with you.”
And with that oath, he began kissing his way back down her body. He turned himself so that she would have access to him before he spread her legs and took her into his mouth.
Merewyn sucked her breath in sharply as she arched her back, drawing his tongue even deeper into her. She bucked ever so slightly as he hit a sensitive spot. Wanting to give him every bit as much as he gave her, she reached up to stroke his cock.
He faltered for a moment before he returned to her full force.
Varian closed his eyes as he tasted her. She was still sticky from her orgasm, but he’d never sampled anything better. She’d never come for another man. He could feel and taste her maidenhead. No man had ever known this part of her.
Only he.
And as she closed her lips around his cock again, he wanted to cry out in pleasure. There was something incredible about being with her.
For the first time in his life, he wasn’t with a stranger. He was with a woman who knew his brutal past. One who didn’t see a passing stranger. They were more than that.
And now they were lovers…
Merewyn moaned at the salty taste of Varian as she took him in as deep into her mouth as she could. She ran her hand over his back, then down to his hips to the crisp hairs on his legs. She wanted to devour him. To keep him like this for the rest of her life.
But that was a stupid thought. A man like Varian would never be content with any one woman. He had too much Adoni in him for that.
Still, she was glad that he was her first. She couldn’t imagine anyone being more gentle or patient.
Grateful that he’d given this, she felt her body on the verge of climax. She pulled her mouth away from him an instant before she came again.
Varian refused to pull away as he felt her spasming against him. He wanted to spend the rest of his life making her feel like this. Wanting to feel her nails biting into his skin as she gave the most delectable hiss.
When she started back toward his cock, he stopped her. “You do that right now, and you’ll still be a virgin.”
“I don’t understand.”
He gave one long, luscious lick to her that caused her to shudder. “If I come, love, it’ll take me a little bit to rise fully back to the occasion.”
A becoming blush stained her cheeks.
Smiling at her, he cupped her face in his hands before he pulled her lips to his for a kiss. He savored the sweet softness of that mouth, the sensation of her tongue exploring his as he rolled over onto his back.
Merewyn was enjoying their kiss immensely as Varian started to guide her hips. She felt the tip of him hard and stern against her core.
She pulled back to stare down at him.
“This is your last chance to escape,” he breathed raggedly.
“Show me.”
His gaze held her captive as he slowly slid her onto his cock. Merewyn sucked her breath in sharply between her teeth at the foreign sensation of his body invading her. To her chagrin, it burned as he broke through her maidenhead.
He paused as if he sensed her pain. “Deep breaths.”
She did as he suggested and luckily it helped while he continued to enter her. Once he was buried to his hilt, he held her there motionless.
Merewyn couldn’t breathe as she felt him deep inside her. It was so strange to have him there. He cupped her breasts tenderly in his hands before he kissed her gently on the lips.
“This is for you, Merewyn. Move when you’re ready.”
Bracing herself for more pain, she lifted herself up ever so slightly. The burn was still there, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as before. And when he dipped his head to suckle her breast, it all but vanished.
Encouraged by that, she started to move even faster.
Varian held himself completely still as he let her find her rhythm. She was hesitant at first, but over the course of the next few minutes, she began to rock herself against him with more force. Amazed by her passion, he watched her through hooded eyes. She was incredible.
When she appeared to be adjusted to him, he lifted his hips, driving himself even deeper into her. He growled at the ferocity of the pleasure that ripped through him.
Holding her hips in his hands, he continued to lift himself as she lowered herself on him. His breathing ragged, he felt something foreign seep through him. All his life, he’d thought that having the same woman over and over again would grow boring.
But she was so eager and curious that he wondered if a man could ever be bored by her.
It was rare to find a woman, never
mind a virgin, with an appetite so strong. If he didn’t know better, he might think her part Adoni.
Lacing his hand with hers, he felt his pleasure mounting. But he held it back until he couldn’t stand it anymore.
Merewyn felt Varian’s grip tighten on her hand an instant before he cried out. She watched the ecstasy on his face while he shuddered beneath her. He arched his back, driving himself deep inside her before he froze.
She could feel his explosion. His breathing ragged, he relaxed under her as his body slowly withdrew from her. She moved to his side and expected it to end there.
It didn’t. Varian gathered her into his arms and kissed her gently on the cheek before he parted her lips and sampled her mouth again.
“Are you all right?” he asked, wringing a spike of pleasure from his concern.
“I am.”
“And was it what you thought?”
“No,” she said, snuggling against his side as she felt him stiffen against her. “It was better.”
Varian felt a strange sensation tighten his throat at her words. He didn’t know why they touched him, but they did. Deeply. He buried his hand in her soft hair before he kissed her forehead. They needed to get up from here and go after the others before they came back to search for them.
But he didn’t want to move. He just wanted to stay with her like this, for eternity.
If only he could.
“Varian?”
“Yes?”
“Is there someplace you can take me where I won’t be mocked for my hagishness?”
Those words brought a severe ache to his chest. “I gave you my word, Merewyn, that I’d keep you safe.” But even as he spoke, he wondered if he could honestly keep that vow. He couldn’t even stop the ones who taunted him. How could he keep them from her?
Yet as they lay entwined on the forest floor, and he felt the warmth of her body against his, he knew that he would find some way to fulfill that promise.
She’d been hurt enough, and today she’d given him a moment of peace the likes of which he’d never known before.
“No one will mock you ever again, my lady.”
“How can you be so certain?”
Knight of Darkness Page 20