How can this be possible?
“Un-fucking-believable, right?” Ellie snaps, using a word I rarely hear escape her lips.
I nod woodenly.
It is.
She’s absolutely right about that.
“I had no idea,” I tell her, feeling like she needs to know from me that I wasn’t lying to her or withholding the truth about Grayson’s dad’s identity. “How did I not know your name was Michael?”
“No one ever calls me Michael,” Mick says, sorrow in his tone.
“Except me,” Ellie reminds him.
“I don’t understand how you’re here,” Mick tells her.
“Crazy chain of events,” she says but doesn’t explain more so I do for her.
“She’s my girlfriend.”
“She’s the one you took to Sanders’s farm?”
“You talked about me?”
My eyes move to her. “When we were in Chicago. Grayson told him how far gone I was for you.”
“I knew there was a reason I never trusted you,” Miss Polly says, wrapping an arm around Ellie, shooting daggers at Mick.
“He…” Ellie starts to say, like she’s going to defend Mick.
“I’m sorry. I was young and made a stupid decision but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened. If I hadn’t fucked up we wouldn’t have Grayson so I can’t say that I’m all that sorry,” Mick says and damn if he’s not right. I hate that he started this “chain of events” as Ellie called it, but I can’t deny what he said is true—if he hadn’t cheated on Ellie, which I didn’t know had happened, Grayson wouldn’t be with us and I can’t imagine a life without him in it.
“I didn’t know you cheated on someone when you were with my sister. Does Willow know that?”
“No, she doesn’t.”
“So you’ve been lying to us this entire time?”
“It wasn’t important.”
Ellie gasps and I ball my fists. “Not important?” I ask, my head turning to the side.
“That’s not what I meant,” he quickly says, trying to backtrack. “You were important. Always were, Elle. But when it came to Grayson and how he came to be, it wasn’t a factor.”
“You need to tell her,” I growl.
“I know. Especially since… well, this, between you two,” he points between Ellie and me, “it’s something that’s sticking?”
“Yes,” I say immediately, eyes boring into Ellie, daring her to defy me.
She doesn’t.
Thank fuck.
“I don’t know where to go from here,” she says sadly.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” I ask, my ease over her agreeing that we’re still, and always will be, a thing, vanishing into thin air.
“It’s just… how can I be around Grayson knowing…”
“You’re blaming my nephew?” I ask incredulously and a little angry but she’s shaking her head back and forth telling me I misunderstood her.
“No. I’m not blaming him, just the situation.”
“Ellie, the situation sucks, for sure. But Grayson is the one person who comes second in my life. I can’t be asked to choose between you two.”
“Second?”
“You’re first. He’s second.”
The words are a physical blow to her and she slowly sits down on the couch.
Good.
She needs to know how I see her.
“I’m not blaming him, I promise. And I would never ask you to choose. You should know that by now.” Tears stream down her face and she lets out a sob, wiping her face with the back of her hand. “There are things you don’t know yet. Things that could change what we have. The future you’re planning. You deserve to know, but I’ve been so happy,” she admits and I feel only marginally better. “I didn’t want to do anything to change the way things were. And I always wondered if it was one of the reasons the men in my life…” she drifts off and I move to sit next to her, trying to soothe some of the sadness wafting off her.
“What?”
“I can’t have children, Walker. I always wondered if that’s why the men in my life cheated on me. Because I couldn’t give them something they’d expected their woman to give them some day. That part of me is damaged. Broken.”
“Elle, that had nothing to do with it,” Mick says but his words do nothing to bring her any comfort.
As much as I appreciate him saying that, I don’t want him being the one to comfort her right now. It’s my job. “You’re not damaged, Ellie. But what do you mean by you can’t have children?”
“When we first, you know, and I told you that I was covered? It’s not because I’m on the pill or anything. I have blocked fallopian tubes. There’s a very slim chance I could get pregnant if I have surgery but my ruptured appendix did permanent damage,” she whispers. “It’s highly unlikely I’d ever be able to carry a child of my own.”
Damage.
That’s what she thinks of herself.
As damaged.
“Elle,” Mick says, bringing her head up to look at him. He crouches low in front of her. His hand reaches out like he’s going to hold her hand. I shoot him a look that tells him otherwise and he places his hands on his knees. Good choice. “It was me. I know that sounds cliché but you not being able to get pregnant was never something I considered a negative trait. It just was. I know I hurt you. Your trust was shit when we met and I ruined it and there hasn’t been a day that’s gone by that I haven’t felt sorry for that. And I know I got the better end of the deal out of that, getting Grayson and all. But I had no idea you thought that you not being able to get pregnant was a reason for me being a dumbass.”
“How could I not?”
“I didn’t even know if I wanted children. Until Grayson, that is.”
She looks away and I know she’s having a hard time believing any of this is happening.
“I can’t believe you’re Grayson’s dad. He looks nothing like you.”
“He looks exactly like this fucker right here, doesn’t he?” he jokes, throwing a thumb in my direction.
“He acts like him, too.”
Hurt clouds his features but he recovers quickly. “I’ll be forever grateful for Walker stepping in when I wasn’t here. I haven’t exactly been the best father, nothing like what Grayson, or Willow, deserve. But that’s changing.”
“You’re really moving to Liberty?”
“I am. I know that’s not what you want to hear, considering it seems that means we’ll see quite a bit of each other.”
“I want Grayson to have what’s best for him,” she says and I almost start crying like a baby because that’s her concern right now. Grayson. “I hate that they didn’t know he was the product of infidelity.”
“It doesn’t change who he is,” I say. “Do you think Grayson would have benefited somehow in knowing that? It wouldn’t have done anything but hurt him.”
“I can’t believe this is happening.”
“Hey, I want you,” I tell her, gently gripping her chin and turning her head so she’s looking at me. “This is why you asked if I want children.” It comes out as the statement it is.
“You want a family, Walker, and I can’t give you that.”
“I want you,” I repeat.
“I need time to think.”
“Think? About what?”
Panic is coursing through my veins.
For our relationship.
For Grayson.
For what this will do to Willow when she finds out.
She’ll be heartbroken to know that Mick was the cause of so much pain to Ellie.
Willow also knows how happy I am and right or wrong, this puts a wrench in all my plans.
Premature or not, I had visions of Ellie swollen with my baby growing in her stomach. Of sleepless nights because of a baby needing our attention rather than our sexual desires calling out to each other in the night. Of watching our children grow together. I dreamed of evenings sitting on the porch as we
watched our kids play in the yard.
I know what she needs to think over but it doesn’t make me feel any better.
“I can’t be the one who stops you from having your dream.”
“You’re my dream, Ellie. Nothing else.”
I hear Miss Polly crying and it reminds me that we have an audience. And part of that audience is one of the reasons we’re in this shit in the first place.
“Walker, let me take care of Ellie tonight,” Polly says, coming to sit next to her. She collapses into Polly’s side and it’s like a stab to the heart to see her seeking comfort from someone other than me.
“No.”
“No?”
“No. I won’t walk away.” She rolls her head to the side, looking at me from her place on Polly’s shoulder. “I won’t let you run. I love you, Ellie. Do I want a family with you? Of course I do. I want everything with you. But remember I also said I didn’t know what that looked like. Do you realize how many kids out there need us?”
I hold out a hand and she follows my lead. Gripping her hand tightly, I don’t let go as I walk to the backyard. Standing in the middle of the yard, I cradle her face.
“There’s nothing on this earth I want more than a life with you. I don’t give a shit what happens in that life, as long as you’re by my side.”
A sob erupts from her throat and I pull her in to me, hugging her tightly. “I love you,” she whispers.
“I love you, too. Stay with me. You’re all I need, Ellie. You hear me? The rest of it is just an added bonus. I have everything I could possibly ever want if you’re with me.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you.”
“The only way you could do that is if you walk away.”
“You’re all I need, too, Walker, but I know you want children.”
“So we adopt. Or we foster to adopt. Or we just have a ton of baby cows and goats and puppies and turtles.”
“I do want baby goats,” she says, a sprinkle of happiness washing over her face.
“Then we’re in agreement. Come home with me tonight. Let Mick go to Willow and explain the shit he just stirred up. It’s not our problem, you hear me? That’s on him.” Tears continue to stream down her face and I brush them away with my thumb. “Stay with me,” I beg.
IT’S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I found out that Michael is Mick. I went to work and stayed at Walker’s. Every day was the same. Rinse. Repeat. I wasn’t ready to face Willow knowing that she was part of the reason why so much of my life was changed. I didn’t want to face Grayson because I’m part of the reason why his dad wasn’t around all this time. His guilt over cheating on me in the first place is part of why he was only as good of a father as he was. Not his lack of desire to be more.
Or, at least, that’s what he told Willow who told Walker who told me in a childish game of telephone.
Polly has been coming to Walker’s at night to check on me but since Michael has been staying at her house, she didn’t expect me to be staying there also. It was an easy decision for me. Grayson was in no way ready for his mom and dad to be sharing a home and Willow wasn’t ready to be living under the same roof as Michael—or Mick.
But there was also no way I was going to do that, either. I might have moved on from Michael, but I’m not really looking to be best friends with the man, either.
Willow called me the night that I found out who Mick is. She was weeping and could hardly speak. She felt horrible for everything she’d learned. Between finding out that I couldn’t have children and that she was unknowingly a key factor in my past, it was too much for all of us to take.
So we made a plan.
I asked her for a week and then we’d meet on neutral ground.
I’m sitting outside of Dreamin’ Beans, the coffee shop in town that I’ve been wanting to try for a while, waiting to go in. I see Willow inside, sitting in a booth. A beautiful dark haired woman a few years older than me stops at her table, sets down a cup of what I assume is coffee and a plate. They talk briefly then she turns to leave.
Gaining the courage, I get out of my car and head inside.
The stupid bell above me chimes, alerting my presence.
Willow looks up and smiles hesitantly in my direction.
I point to the register, letting her know I’m just going to order something then I’d be over and she nods her head in understanding.
“Hey, welcome to Dreamin’ Beans. You’re Ellie, right?” the beautiful woman says in greeting.
“Uh, yeah. I am. How’d you know?”
“Small town,” she says, waving a hand. “And I saw you smile at Willow. She mentioned you were coming in. You’re Walker’s girl, yeah?”
“I am.”
“I’m Christine. I own the shop.”
I look around at the adorable coffee shop and smile. It’s a place I can see myself hanging out in. It’s warm and inviting. Then my eyes widen when a hot as sin man comes walking out of the back room, tool belt hanging from his waist.
“Got it fixed,” he says, voice gravelly, leaning over to kiss Christine on the cheek.
“Thanks, babe. Andy, this is Ellie. She’s new in town, Walker’s girlfriend. Ellie, this is my husband Andy.”
He turns to me and I’m pretty sure I melt into a puddle of goo when he smiles.
His eyes are an intense shade of yum and I’ve never thought longer hair on men was attractive but damn, on him it just fits. Then, as if he wasn’t already hot enough, a little girl comes around the corner and he effortlessly lifts her up onto his hip. She looks to be around eight but it appears he’s not above carrying her around. “Nice to meet you, Ellie. Welcome to Liberty.”
“Uhh, thanks.”
“He’s quite something, isn’t he?” Christine says, love evident in the look she gives him.
“Daddy, who’s this?” the little girl asks.
“This is Ellie. Ellie, meet our baby girl, Hazel.”
“Daddy,” she admonishes him with an adorable scowl on her face. “I’m not a baby. Hi Ellie!”
“Hi Hazel.”
“I’ve never seen you before.”
“Nope,” I chuckle. “You haven’t. I’m kind of still new here.”
“Hazel, do you remember Grayson?”
Her eyes go all dreamy, “Oh yes. He’s Harper’s guy.”
“Right,” Andy grunts, not seeming to be happy about that but not in a way that he doesn’t like Grayson, but that maybe he doesn’t like seeing his young girl going all dreamy-eyed over a teenager. “Ellie’s Grayson’s uncle’s girl.”
“Mr. Walker?” she asks, hazel eyes that match her name sparkle.
“Yup,” I smile. Feeling relaxed for the first time in almost a week.
“Wow. He’s super cute, too.”
“Oh boy,” Christine mutters.
“God help me,” Andy says, face tipped to the ceiling.
“What can I get ya?” Christine asks.
“Straight up coffee and… holy crap. Do you make these?” I ask, pointing to the display case full of pastries.
“She does. She sells her desserts at Balance, too. Uncle James makes the food and Mommy makes the dessert.”
“Sounds like I’ll have to go eat there soon,” I tell Hazel.
“Mm hmm. You really should. Tell them Hazel sent you and maybe you’ll get a free dessert.”
“I love free dessert!”
“Me too! I think we’ll be good friends,” she tells me and warmth fills my stomach.
“I’ll bring something over with your coffee. First trip here is my treat. Besides, you deserve it after snagging that hot veterinarian off the market.”
“Hey!”
“Calm down. You know I think you’re hot.”
“Damn right,” Andy says, leaning over to kiss his wife, smashing Hazel between them in the process.
“Gross! You guys, I’m right here,” Hazel says scrunching up her nose in disgust.
I smile at the adorable family and thank her for her kind welcome
then slide into the booth across from Willow.
“I see you met Andy.”
“Holy crap, Willow. You should have warned me.”
“Just wait until you see James. The one who owns Balance. His wife called him Captain America the first time she saw him with good reason.”
“Where’s this town been all my life?” I joke.
“Right? It’s like hot guy haven. But they’re all ridiculously taken. They dote on their wives to the point where you just wanna swoon or cry.”
Christine comes over, places a plate with a slice of cheesecake in front of me along with a cup of coffee.
“Thank you,” I tell her and she smiles her welcome.
“I’m so sorry,” Willow blurts out.
“For what?” I ask, barely listening to her as I moan through my first bite of creamy cheesecake. She giggles at my response.
“I know. The food here is so freaking addicting. But I mean because of everything that happened. I had no idea he was engaged. I promise.”
“I know you didn’t.”
“You do?”
“I do. And honestly, I’ve been over Michael, or Mick, whatever, for so long that it doesn’t really bother me but it just…”
“Brought up past hurt and that always sucks.”
“Basically, yes. I was so young when we were together. I didn’t know love until I met Michael. My parents were crappy, to say the least. And when I met Michael, I fell hard and fast. It doesn’t excuse him for sleeping with you but I think I overwhelmed him. I was a bit needy.”
“If it makes you feel any better, he’s never said a single thing about you being needy. He has nothing but nice things to say about you.”
“It’s nice to hear that. I’m not saying that it will be easy to be around Mick but I want you to know that I’m going to try. For Walker and Grayson, but also for you. Because I want you and I to be okay. I don’t need to tell you that Michael cheating on me kind of started a weird chain of events in my life but it led me here. To Walker. And I guess I kind of have him to thank for that. I mean, I won’t because I’m not that nice but…”
We share a smile and she blows out a relieved breath.
“I’m so glad to hear that.”
“Are you two… you know,” I hedge.
All I Need Page 24