“My daughters decided I was losing my faculties. I might have been; living alone in Brooklyn was depressing. So I went to live at the beach. It was nice living there, too. But it must have been hard on my daughter.”
“I never heard Pam say a negative thing about you,” Bernice said. Nelda reached to put the back of her hand up against Bernice’s forehead.
“Are you okay, Bernie? Since when do you defend Pam? Anyway, you were losing it around the same time….”
“I beg your pardon; I was never losing it, as you so crudely refer to having a lapse of memory. It was simply due to the demise of my husband and son and Bill’s imprisonment so close together.”
“Whatever, Bernie. As I was saying, Pam thought you would benefit from my presence, so I moved in with you. And it was love at first sight.” She chuckled.
“We did hit it off, didn’t we? I admit I wasn’t thrilled because I felt like I was going to be forced out of my house. And I guess I was.” She’d been angry at Pam until recently for moving her into an assisted living center and selling the mansion to a group of Japanese businessmen who put up a hideous high-rise apartment building.
“Did you see that some of those upper floor apartments in the building are selling for five million? Ridiculous.”
“I guess the proceeds from the house are helping to pay for this cruise,” Bernice said proudly. “I try to remember my contribution when something makes me feel like a poor relation because I live with my daughter-in-law.”
“Yeah, well you don’t know what a poor relation is,” Nelda said. She lay back on the chaise, closing her eyes. “I’ve waited for this moment for forty years.” Bernice sat up again and turned to her.
“What moment?”
“Where I’m so old, I can let my skin fry in the sun, the moment in which I can smoke a pack of cigarettes and it won’t make a damn difference because I’m already ancient. Is smoking allowed on this cruise?” She’d gotten Bernice’s attention.
“In the casino and on the balconies. Do they sell smokes on the ship? I bet not.” A uniformed waiter with a tray of drinks passed by and Nelda paged him over to ask.
“Oh yes, mam, they sell all manner of tobacco products in the duty-free shop.” That did it, the woman worked their way to the edge of the chaise, gathered up their belongings, and walked as fast as they could in their sandals to the duty-free shop.
“Annabelle will probably give us hell,” Bernice said.
“To hell with Annabelle. She’s having the time of her life on this cruise, and if I want to puff down a pack of smokes, I’ll do so without any interference from her.” After finding the duty-free shop, the women found the correct elevator to take them to their staterooms.
“We should have gotten matches,” Bernice said.
“I’m ahead of you,” Nelda replied, holding up a lighter. They made good time getting to their floor. “You have a bigger balcony. Let’s go to your room.”
Bernice got out her key and swiped it through the reader. After the familiar click, she pushed the door open, but screamed when she saw Annabelle, naked, flying through the air to get to the bathroom after pushing a naked man off her; a boy really, a very impressive erection pointing at the women.
“Yikes!” Bernice screeched. “Were you just screwing my maid in my bed? The boy grabbed a pillow and held it over his frontage, bowing, mumbling something in a foreign language. He bent over to pick up his clothing strewn over the floor, mooning the women in the process.
“Oh my lord!” Nelda hollered but then started to laugh, elbowing Bernice as she pointed to the boy’s ass. Instead of backing out into the hallway, they stood in Bernice’s room watching the young man fumbling, trying to get dressed.
“You had better get out of my room immediately, before I call the authorities,” Bernice said. Nelda frowned; authorities? “Look, he’s wearing a uniform.”
“Yes, young man you better beat it out of here before my compadre here calls the Policia.” The word police sent him flying out of the room, still naked, slamming the door behind him.
Bernice went to the bathroom door and tapped. “Annabelle, you can’t stay in there for the rest of the trip. Come out, please.” Annabelle slowly opened the door. Standing in the doorway with a large hotel towel wrapped around her body, she saw her employers standing side by side, their straw hats still tied under their chins, towels and beach bags still draped over their skinny arms. She reached for Bernice’s bag first, then for Nelda’s.
“Ladies, I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I shouldn’t have used your room and I’ll change the sheets right away.”
“How did you ever end up in my room in the first place?” Bernice asked.
“I called the front desk for an ice bucket and he brought it up. One thing led to another and before I knew it, we were kissing each other.”
“But how did it progress so quickly to screwing him in Bernice’s bed?” Nelda asked, intrigued.
“Don’t leave any details out,” Bernice said. “We’ll know if you are.”
“And how is that possible?” Annabelle asked, walking back to her cabin. “I need to get dressed.”
“It’s not like we haven’t seen your ass before,” Bernice said.
“More than her ass after this afternoon,” Nelda said. “In my youth I believe what we saw was called a beaver shot.”
“Yes, that was it,” Bernice said. “A beaver. Yours is very nice, by the way.”
Annabelle was appalled, trying to escape the women as they bore down on her. “That’s disgusting!”
“Not quite as disgusting as your friend balling you on my down comforter. What are we going to do about that, by the way? You’ll have to strip the whole bed now.”
“Balling? Who uses that term anymore?” Nelda said, chuckling. “Shag; shag is a word I’ve heard.”
“That’s outdated,” Bernice said. “The English use it, not Americans. Americans say screw…”
“Or fuck,” Nelda said. “I believe I’ve heard that used just since we’ve been on this boat.”
“You are both impossible,” Annabelle whined. “Please give me some privacy. I’ll get dressed and promise to tell you every detail, although your voyeurism is disturbing.”
“Trust me, it’s not as disturbing as the sight of that young man’s boner staring me in the face,” Bernice said.
“Or his red-eye when he bent over! I don’t think I’ll be able to fall asleep tonight after seeing it,” Nelda said. At that, Bernice bent over, hollowing.
“You’re both demented!” Annabelle yelled, slamming her door.
“Where’s the cigarettes?” Bernice said. “Let’s light up before she comes out.” Nelda was wiping the tears off her cheeks, periodically bursting out laughing at the sight of Annabelle leaping into the air when they barged in.
“It’s not that funny,” Bernice said.
“You’re just jealous,” Nelda said, trying to light the lighter.
“You’re damn right I’m jealous,” Bernice replied. “I don’t like watching other people having more fun than I am.”
“I know what you mean. It’s been a long time.” They puffed on their cigarettes, looking out over the vast ocean.
“This water is boring,” Bernice said softly. “I like to see the land. The thing that makes being at Pam’s so wonderful is watching the people enjoy the beach. Even in the winter, seeing our neighbor walk his two German shepherds is thrilling to me.”
“Which house does he live in?” Nelda asked, intrigued that Bernice, hopelessly self-absorbed, was connecting with the people in the community.
“His parents own a house across the street from Jeff Babcock’s place. I remember when they were just puppies. Jack and I played with them on our boardwalk for an hour; they were so cute with their foul puppy breath. Jack confessed he wanted a dog, but couldn’t take care of it because he stayed in the city all week. He didn’t want to ask Pam to take on anything more because of him.”
“I wonder if
she would have minded.” Nelda thought a puppy might put Jack in the position of having to come home more often. When he moved the family out to the island, everyone thought it was odd he would continue to stay in the city. Why not commute to the job from Babylon like everyone else did? Of course, now she knew why; it was so he could keep playing around. Did Pam realize that she was being moved out so he could continue his bachelor lifestyle?
“Bernice, level with me. Did you know about Jack? I mean, did you know he was a player?” Bernice leaned over the railing to see if there was anyone sticking their head out before she threw her cigarette over the side. It hit a wave and she watched it trail behind the ship until it was out of sight.
“I did, but I didn’t condone it. There was nothing I could do because he was a grown man. I wish I had acted when they were younger though. I wish I’d had the courage to leave Jack’s father.” Nelda didn’t respond at first, hoping Bernice would continue with her thoughts, but she stopped talking. It was too painful of an admission to make; that she’d hidden in her room while her husband was abusing her boys. Too painful and much too embarrassing.
“You wished you’d left him? Why? It would so difficult to walk away from that lifestyle,” Nelda said, but the minute the words were out of her mouth, she knew she’d probably insulted Bernice, who turned with her back to the railing.
“I’m not that shallow,” she said, indignant. “My father was a baker, a Jew who baked for the Italians in the neighborhood. My father baked a rum cake that would have knocked your mother-in-law off her feet. Money didn’t mean anything to me then.”
“I’m sorry; of course, I didn’t mean you were shallow. But to walk away from the mansion and that lifestyle and try to support two boys on your own would have been tough.”
“He would have killed me, anyway. There was no getting out of that marriage. Jack wasn’t his.” Nelda felt a rush of heat.
“He wasn’t Harold’s son?” Bernice shook her head and sighed.
“I’ve never told a soul this, Nelda. What I did was simply unacceptable in our time. I got pregnant, and the father died. We were in love, too. I was working for Harold and he rescued me. Now I wonder if he didn’t have a plan all along to get his hands on Jack.”
“Do you mean to adopt him?”
“No, well yes, that too. But he abused the boys.” Bernice lifted her head and made eye contact with Nelda. “I’ve never said those words out loud. I’m hardly able to admit it to myself. He beat the boys, and I’m sure sexually abused them. I never saw, and they didn’t tattle, but now I know the signs. Today with everything out in the open, it’s much better. I allowed it though, even if I didn’t participate in it, I’m guilty because I didn’t protect my children.”
Curiosity satisfied to the point of nausea, Nelda didn’t need to hear any more about Jack and Harold. She reached her arms out to embrace Bernice. “It’s so over, why are we even talking about it? Today’s a new day, no regrets. We did the best we could at the time.”
“I’ve never had a friend until you, Nelda,” Bernice said.
“No, me either, Bernie. We have each other’s back. Age has given us that common denominator. Age and Pam.”
“Yes, poor Pam. I wasn’t very nice to your daughter for a long time,” she admitted.
“Well, neither was I,” Nelda said. “But I don’t think I can take any more confessions for now if that’s okay with you. Let’s just make a pact that we will be kind and loving to her from now on.”
“I think Pam has taken about all she can take, too,” Bernice said sadly. Nelda nodded.
“Let’s torture Annabelle for picking up the waiter and having sex with him in your bed. Where the hell is she, anyway?” Bernice wiped her eyes with her bathing suit cover-up and walked through the hall to Annabelle’s cabin.
“Annabelle, dry your eyes and come out here. We’re sorry we made fun of you,” Bernice said, rolling her eyes a la Annabelle. The door opened and a very contrite Annabelle, fully dressed this time, stepped out.
“I’ll change your sheets,” she said apologetically. “I have to call down to the desk for another set. I hope the same guy doesn’t deliver.”
“I hope he does!” Nelda shouted. They women laughed, tormenting Annabelle for more details, which she reluctantly gave. It wouldn’t be their last chance for fun.
Chapter 15
Going to the grocery store alone while Daniela and Gladys stayed with the children became Lisa’s most looked forward to adventure. Getting into the car without having to buckle a child into their car seat was pure joy. She’d turn the radio up loud and sing along, and when she glanced in the review mirror, was always surprised to realize she was smiling. When was the last time she smiled? The new expression was one of grim exasperation. Agreeing to take care of Miranda was an eager, pathetic attempt Lisa made trying to mollify Pam. Taking care of Dan Junior; well she didn’t have a choice. How could she allow strangers to take Dan’s baby? Life was one of the children spilling their drink, or needing a diaper change or the washer wasn’t working or Daniela called out sick or someone forgot to order diapers. There was always drama, confusion, headaches.
Pam and the grandmothers, Dan’s family and Gladys all said Lisa had the gift of motherhood and with an additional gift of organization. It was a smokescreen. The reality was that she felt as though she was twirling, doing ten different things at once, never completing a task.
Now going to the grocery store alone, that was something that she could accomplish with perfection. A two-page list itemized food according to where it was in the store. Taking her time, she went down each aisle, examining the merchandise, reading labels, placing the purchase precisely in the basket. Other shoppers and the music playing zoned out; it was Lisa and her list for an hour or two every week.
“Lisa?” The voice broke her inner silence and Lisa looked up to see Cara Ellison looking tired and worn standing in front of her basket, blocking the way. “Don’t get angry, please. I know I shouldn’t even be talking to you.”
“Why are you Cara? If I called the police right now, you’d be put back in jail.”
“I know, but I needed to connect. I need to tell you how much I appreciate what you are doing. Taking care of baby Dan as you are, it means a lot to me. It really does.” Lisa examined her face but couldn’t determine her sincerity. She’d been fooled by her once already in the past.
“Write it in a letter then, Cara. We have a time and place set up for you to see him next Friday. Why would you jeopardize it now?”
“I’m lonely! I need you in my life, Lisa. And I’m scared. I know there’s a chance my own baby will never live with me because I hit Dan over the head. But you have no idea how frustrating he can be.” Lisa bit her tongue. On the contrary, Cara. I have every idea. She looked over her shoulder at the Starbucks stand in the store. Taking a big chance, she knew she was making a potential disastrous decision.
“Do you want to have coffee with me? We can sit down and talk if you need to. I’m not sure it’s the wisest thing for you to be doing though.” Lisa knew that enabling Cara might void the restraining order they had against her, too. But she was willing to take the risk to hear what Cara had to say.
“I’d like that, very much,” she said. Lisa turned her basket around, waiting for Cara and they walked to the coffee stand together. “Do you want hot coffee?” Cara nodded her head. Lisa got iced, and then pointed to a table and two chairs in a corner, partially hidden from view by a flower kiosk.
“How’s it feel to be free?” she asked, sitting down across from a former adversary. Surprised that she didn’t feel uncomfortable or intimidated by her, Lisa wondered if it didn’t have something to do with baby Dan Junior. He was part Cara, too, and Lisa loved him as if he was her own baby.
“It’s a little unsettling,” Cara admitted. “Not having my house is bad. I’m grateful for the apartment and for my car. At least I can get around to job hunt.”
“I didn’t know you’d lost your ho
use,” Lisa said, surprised. She wondered if Dan knew about it.
“It went into foreclosure when my legal expenses outweighed my available money. I had some saved, but not enough.” Something about Cara losing her house because she hit Dan over the head with a frying pan infuriated Lisa. It seemed like a severe punishment for a deed she’d wanted to commit herself several times since.
“I’m truly sorry about you losing your house, Cara,” Lisa said. “Is it final?”
“I’m not sure. I wasn’t allowed to go back inside, at least that’s what my slimy lawyer said.” The wheels of generosity were turning in Lisa’s head as she turned away to hide a smirk. Dan said Cara’s lawyer was oily.
“Look, we have to come to some kind of agreement, you and I. In the first place, I’m afraid of you. I’m afraid you’ll do something rash. I’m afraid you’ll sleep with my husband. I want to like you; I did like you, and then you….did what you did. Not even the frying pan bothers me as much as you getting pregnant on purpose. How am I supposed to come to terms with it?”
“I know my word is worth nothing to you right now, but I promise you, my only concern is getting to hold my son again. I would never hurt him and I’m sorry I hurt Dan. I just want to bond with him before it’s too late” Lisa didn’t doubt it.
“Cara, with Child Protective Services involved, needing to prove your fitness as a parent is out of my hands. If we work together, I’m sure everything will turn out in your favor.” She knew Dan was going to be furious with her after she’d fought so hard to keep Cara away from the baby. “I don’t even know how to tell you what I’m about to say. It’s about me taking care of Dan Junior.”
“I know you’re nursing him,” Cara said sadly. “But since I can’t, I’m truly grateful.” Not wanting to get maudlin, Lisa steered the topic away from the baby to Cara finding a job. Would Dan be able to help her? Before she knew it, they’d been talking for half an hour.
“I better finish up my shopping,” Lisa said finally. It was getting late and she had other errands to run as well.
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