“Oh, don’t underestimate your uncle,” he said. “He was a flamboyant courtroom arguer in his time. He might pull the lawsuit card.”
“He’d do that for Dad?” she asked. Ted frowned.
“We’re here, aren’t we? That trip from Long Island isn’t exactly a carnival ride.”
“I’m sorry,” Jane sighed. And then she started to cry. “I can’t believe my brother is gone. The Coast Guard said it was Dad’s fault. He turned into an oncoming boat. Aaron was killed instantly.” Hearing the facts made Ted sick to his stomach. He’d excuse himself as soon as he could to call Natalie and make sure Deborah was okay. He pointed to an empty place on the couch.
“Mind if I sit down?” she shook her head, wiping her eyes. “I’m so sorry about Aaron. It must be brutal, what you’re going through.” She nodded, sniffing.
“I feel guilty because I was mean to him last week. After Dad had canceled the wedding, Aaron gave him a rough time, telling him he was weak and then the worst, saying he and Mom were responsible for him being an asshole. You know he’s a drug addict, right? He was a drug addict.”
“He didn’t know what he was saying,” Ted replied. “All kids lash out when they are struggling.” Ted had no idea what he was talking about.
“I yelled at him and told him he was a loser.” Jane bowed her head and gave out a cry. “Now I feel like crap because he’s dead. Nothing I said to him made a bit of difference. It was mean and hateful.”
“I’m sure at the time you thought you were helping him.”
“It was selfish. I should have told him how much I loved him. Now it’s too late.” Ted put his arm around her shoulders, but she backed off.
“Don’t do that. Don’t touch me,” she snapped.
“Jesus, you are a bitch,” Ted mumbled, moving away. He walked out into the hallway and could hear her crying again. He looked at his watch; Jeff had been gone ten minutes. Pulling his phone out, he dialed Natalie’s number and she answered just as a page for a Code Blue came on loudly over the intercom.
“Where are you?” she shouted.
“Just a minute, let this friggin thing end.” He waited for the phrase to repeat three times, not registering that it was the ICU, where Jason was. “Okay, sorry about that. I’m at the hospital while Jeff visits with Jason. You heard, right?”
“Pam called right after she found out. Appalling! Is he paralyzed?”
“Who knows,” Ted answered. “They won’t know any of that for a while. He’s still out of it. Did Pam tell you the son was killed?”
“Oh no, how awful. She must not have known when she got in touch with me. I’m sure she’d have mentioned it.” They chatted about the accident and then Ted complained about Jeff and Natalie told him about Ben.
“How’s Deb?” Ted asked, fresh concern for his child after Aaron’s death rising to the surface.
“She’s fine. Don’t start worrying about her now.”
“Easier said than done,” he replied. “I guess I better hang up. It just occurred to me that code was for the ICU. I hope Jason is alright.”
“Oh my God, you better go find out,” she urged. They said goodbye and Ted went back to the waiting room, just as a team of hospital staff arrived. Oh no, Ted thought, glancing at Jane, who looked petrified.
“Are you family to Jason Bridges?” Jane swooned, but she pulled it together as Ted went to her.
“We are,” Ted answered.
“Do you know his visitor Jeff Babcock?” Ted’s heart banged in his chest.
“Oh my God, he’s my husband,” Ted said. An older man in a white coat put his hand on Ted’s arm.
“I’m so sorry to inform you that he passed away a few minutes ago.”
Stretching for her glasses, Pam reached for the clock on Sunday morning. Ocean air heavy with moisture skimmed her arms and legs. It was after seven; the sun should have been casting golden spears of light between the window casing and the drapery tops. Getting out of bed, she went to the window, pulled the drapes aside, and discovered it was gray and raining, just as she hoped. The clouds were so low they obscured the water line, and all she could see was the surf coming up close to the house, gray foam on gray sand. Almost jumping up and down at the prospect of a lazy day inside watching TV with John, she remembered she had company. What was she going to do with Sandra all day if it was crappy out?
While dressing, she remembered baby Brent was just a few steps away, ready for kissing. It energized her. Taking off the dangling earrings that may be too much of a temptation for a baby she put a final touch on her lipstick, longing to hold him.
In the kitchen, she pushed construction debris aside to reach the coffee pot. No sounds came from upstairs yet. Later, she’d call to ask Lisa if she’d like to see the baby if Sandra didn’t take her up on the offer to babysit. Putting up with Dan for her grandson’s sake would be the least Pam could do.
It was during her second cup of coffee that Natalie called. “Are you sitting down?”
“Don’t kid around this early,” Pam said, sitting up straight. “What’s wrong?”
“I feel awful telling you this over the phone. Ted just called.” She hesitated. “Jeff had a massive MI and died, right at Jason’s bedside.” Pam sat back, stunned. Putting her coffee on the table, she watched at the rain streaming down the veranda doors. Across the dunes, was Jeff’s house. Until the recent past, she had no one else but him.
“Can I call you back?”
“Sure. Call me later.” Pam pressed the end button without saying goodbye. Pulling her feet onto the couch, she grabbed an afghan, pulling it over her. Thankful she’d had that conversation with him accepting his apology, she knew at the time they’d never have the same relationship they once had. Just beginning to grieve the loss of his friendship, Pam now had his death to face, as well. No more surprise breakfast baskets with fresh fruit and homemade muffins. No late night dinners on the veranda, or sneaking over with champagne after Ted and Jason had gone to sleep. No one to bounce off decorating ideas or new dresses, he was a brother and sister, boyfriend and girlfriend all rolled into one.
At the best of their relationship, he’d nurse her through sickness, the only one to whom she’d allow admittance. He even did her make up when she was so weak she couldn’t lift her hand. Guilt tried to sneak in; was it really that bad, what he did? Yes, she answered. It was really that bad. He betrayed my secrets. But now he was dead and what he’d done no longer mattered.
Jason, however was still alive. She sat up quickly. Feeling worse about Jeff than she did about Jason was dreadful, not giving him a thought that morning. Poor Ted. She grabbed her phone to call Natalie back. What would it mean to her to have Ted available again?
“I’m so sorry,” Pam said when she answered. “I think I’m in shock. But what about poor Ted? What about you?”
“He already asked if he could move back in with me. It’ll be tight because Deborah’s here. We might have to do something else. Move uptown into Ashton’s old place. Something.”
“What about the beach house? I won’t know what to do with strangers living over there.”
“I don’t think it was ever going to be Ted’s. His ex-wife and kids get it.” Pam’s heart sunk thinking about Marybeth Babcock living next door. God help us. “And that house in Rhinebeck; you’ve heard about it, I’m sure.”
“Marie went there for a weekend after Jack died. She said it was a little odd.”
“Marie? Why’d she go?” Natalie asked confused.
“Well, don’t tell Ted, but it was a date. You know, he wasn’t living the life yet.”
“A date? Were you guys blind? Good lord, the guy was a walking model for Gay Times. There was a lot about Jeff that reminded me of Ashton.” Pam sighed, wishing she’d known Ashton better just so she could pick his brains about Jack.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course, you know that anything you tell me is safe.”
“One of my regrets is not engaging Asht
on. When I found out he’d known Jack longer than I did, I thought of the all he could have shared about Jack. I know he wanted to share because he came to see me after Jack died. There was chemistry between us. I think that’s why the confrontation at Costco hurt so much.” Natalie thought of the boxes and boxes of ephemera they’d found in Ashton’s apartment, stuff no one wanted around but that no one was able to throw away. Even his mother, Mrs. Hageman said it belonged to Pam. Natalie debated telling her and decided against it, for now. She’d confer with Ted first. But she had to get him home.
“Look love, I have to figure out how to get Ted home. Zach might have to take the train to Delaware so he can drive him back. Ted’s a terrible driver in the best of times.”
“Okay, I love you Natalie,” Pam said, the words slipping out before she knew it, shocked at her own feelings for her.
“I love you, too. I’ll call you later.” They hung up and Pam sat with the phone on her lap, listing to the wind and the rain and the first crack of thunder.
“Hello,” a voice called from the kitchen. It was Valarie with baby Brent on her hip. Pam got up and went to him right away.
“Oh, you cutie, can I hold him?”
“Of course. I have his cereal to fix.” Little chubby arms reached for Pam when she put her hands out to take him.
“Come to grannie,” she said, kissing his cheek. She wondered where Sandra was, but didn’t ask, it was obvious she was still in bed and Valarie was doing the nanny thing.
“Don’t you get a day off?” Pam asked, curious.
“Thank you misses. You met my cousin last time I was here; she will work for me a few days this week so I can rest. We switch around like that,” she laughed. “So baby gets used to both women.”
“Lucky baby Brent,” Pam replied, sincerely.
“I’m lucky to come to such a beautiful place as this.”
“Yes, well too bad about the weather today.” When his food was ready, Pam asked to feed him. He was a good eater, stretching for each mouth full like a baby bird, talking gibberish the entire time. Valarie took him for a diaper change after he ate, with still no sign of Sandra.
Lying on the comfortable bed in Pam’s bright and airy guest room, the rain and gray skies couldn’t dampen her spirits. She’d just spent almost an hour talking on the phone with the most fascinating man she’d met since Jack died, and the conversation left her feeling liquid and breathless. After saying goodbye, she stretched up, looking out the window to the sea. The upper rooms at Pam’s reminded her of being on Jason’s boat; the view was phenomenal in spite of the weather. Windows around three sides, yellow walls reflected what little light there was and it felt cheerful in spite of the clouds. She pulled a robe around her body and stepped out on the balcony. The canvas awning whipped back and forth, allowing spray to fall over her, but she welcomed it, it made her feel alive. Leaning over the railing, the beach stretched out forever without a soul in sight.
If she worked it right, this new man might come to visit her in Brooklyn again soon. He was from out of town, so the logistics of getting together were a problem. Meeting during the day for lunch, he’d managed a few hours afterward with her on Friday. It was so amazing, the feeling and intensity he put into lovemaking, and she got weak in the knees thinking about it.
Jack was fabulous too; intelligent and witty and handsome, but in bed, it was as if he could just barely make the effort. Of course, she knew why now. He was spent.
With Tom, well Tom was young. He didn’t know much about pleasing a woman yet because he was all about pleasing himself. And Pete was just a kid. This man was a man. “Pull yourself together, Benson.”
“Knock knock, hello,” Valarie called out. “Is my momma awake?”
“Come in, baby boy!” Sandra reached for Brent and he was all giggles and happiness seeing his mother. “I’ll get dressed and we can head back to Brooklyn. There’s no point in staying here in this weather.”
“Okay, I’ll get us packed up and you can get your coffee,” Valarie said.
Pam heard Sandra as she was coming down the stairs. “Good morning! Or should I say, good afternoon.”
“Ha, sorry, Pam. It’s so wonderful up there, I could barely move. Can I have some coffee? And then I think I’ll call for our car early. Get out of your hair on this rainy day.”
“Oh, I called Lisa to come over and see the baby. The whole family will be here in about ten minutes. You can see Miranda, too.”
“Oh boy, you’re kidding,” she said. “Ten minutes? I better get in the shower. I’ll take my coffee up if that’s okay.”
Pam went back out to the veranda to enjoy a few more minutes of peace before little feet overran the house.
Chapter 19
Gray and rainy in Manhattan, too, Natalie was worried about the weather that threatened all the way down the coast. Ted wanted to drive Jeff’s car home, but they weren’t sure he even had a license.
“Let Zach come down on the train,” Natalie urged. “He’s going to the station now and will be there by seven. Let him drive you home, okay dear? Don’t get behind the wheel.” He agreed to wait for Zach, alternately crying for Jeff and cursing Jason out for being so selfish as to have an accident.
“We’d be in Rhinebeck now, instead of in this god-awful town. He’d be alive, planning what we were going to eat for the fifth time that day. That man cooked more food than a short order cook. We ate five times a day upstate, did you know that?” Natalie thought, just like Ashton. “He’d probably still be alive if we were there.”
“Ted, he had a heart attack in a hospital. That place is like number three in the country for cardiac care. I looked it up myself. I’m sure they did everything they could for him.”
“The ride here was too much,” Ted cried. “We promised ourselves we’d relax this weekend, not drive six hours in traffic from hell.”
“Ted, Deborah and I need you to be strong until you get home so we can take care of you.” She could hear him sniffing, trying to get it together.
“Stay on the phone with me until Zach gets here,” he begged.
“Deborah and I will take turns talking with you,” she replied, Deborah nodding her head. “You’ve been through another shock in a short time. We have to protect you from any more pain.”
“Oh God! I forgot about that prick Ashton killing himself,” Ted screamed into the phone. Deborah, hearing, frowned while Natalie rolled her eyeballs. Why’d I bring it up? she mouthed.
Trying to change the subject for just a little bit, Natalie asked about Jason.
“He’s devastated. That ass of a daughter of his went up to the room, I swear to God he had just regained consciousness and she told him about both Aaron and Jeff. The nurses had a fit, now she’s banned from seeing her dad. Go figure.”
Deborah took over from her mother, pacifying her father, crying with him. She was fond of Jeff, although he was no replacement for Ashton. “Daddy, you need to stay single for a while,” she said solemnly. “Men at your age are in a high-risk group, physically and mentally. You need to make sure your next husband is healthy in both mind and body.”
“I’m staying with your mother,” Ted said. Deborah gasped. “Don’t say anything to her because she’ll think it’s a bunch of crap because I’m grieving.”
“I won’t say a word, but you’re right about that. She won’t believe it. I won’t believe it.”
“I love her, Deborah. I always have, since we met again and I found out we had you. We’re a family, the three of us.”
“But you can’t be unfaithful to her with men because it’ll break her heart,” Deborah said.
“I’m not twenty-five anymore,” Ted replied. “What I feel for her goes beyond sex. If we’d never had you, it would be different. But there’s you. I’ve been married twice now and neither marriage worked out.”
“Because the men died, Dad. You were happy with Jeff,” Deborah exclaimed.
“Jeff needed an audience and I was happy to supply it,”
Ted admitted. “Of course, I loved him, but how much can you love someone you hardly know? Now what I feel for your mother is so different, it’s these past few years of intense interaction. It’s our history. It’s you. I am willing to sacrifice being with a man for that.” Deborah was shaking her head, incredulous. Her father had lost his mind.
“Dad, listen to me. Don’t do anything. They say not to do anything for a year after a spouse dies. You and Mom can live together for the rest of your lives, but you don’t need to be exclusive. You don’t need to stop seeing other people. She has a relationship with Ben don’t forget. That was a long time coming. She’d been alone all those years. It would be sad to break that up if you weren’t intending on being with her.”
“She doesn’t love him, she told me so,” Ted tossed back. “We love each other. In every way.”
“Oh, now, Dad, that’s too much information,” Deborah whined. “There are just some things that are better left unsaid.” She didn’t want to imagine her mother and father having sex as any child would not, especially those two.
She heard Ted give a little laugh and that made her happy. They just had to get him home safe from Delaware. “Dad, we’ll take one day at a time, okay? Just relax. You don’t need to declare your love to anyone for a long while.”
When Deborah had enough, Natalie took over and so on through the afternoon, the three of them sharing tears for Jeff and Ashton, anger at life in general and finally, gratefulness that they had each other until finally Zach arrived in Delaware.
Lisa and Dan arrived at the beach with the four children. Sandra sat with Valarie and baby Brent talking on the veranda and Lisa came out to see them with Dan Junior riding on her hip.
“Baby Brent! Oh my look at how big you are,” she said, handing Dan off to his father, and taking Brent from Valarie. She walked around with him, bouncing him on her hip, putting him down so she could see how well he walked alone. “I can’t believe how big he is.” She ran after him, laughing when he went into the main house, and Valarie followed to give assistance as needed. Dan sat down on the couch next to Sandra when Lisa was safely out of sight.
Soulmates Page 17