“I wasn’t in my right mind. I’m not in it now.”
“Dad, just relax, will you, please? I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” Jane pleaded.
“Why are you here alone?” he asked. “Where are Aaron and Bill? Or Jeff?”
“They have a life, Dad,” she answered. “They were here when it first happened and when it was apparent you were going to live people had to get back to work.” It was almost the truth. “You were out of it until last night, don’t forget. Two days is a long time.” That seemed to calm him and he lay down again and closed his eyes. It was going to be a long road to recovery.
***
Natalie packed an overnight bag to take to Jeff’s beach house. She had no idea how long Ted would want her to stay. It turned out Ted had a license after all and could at least get the car started. Zach went through all the bells and whistles and afterward they decided they’d leave the radio off and as long as the car moved forward and backward, they’d be okay. “Just take your time, Pop. I can always take you this evening if you can wait,” he offered.
“No, but thank you Zach. I’m anxious to get home.” He started the car and slowly inched it forward. Traffic wasn’t bad going toward Babylon and once they got out of the city, it was smooth sailing.
Pam was waiting for Lisa and the children when the Bentley turned the corner and slowly made its way down the street. Natalie saw Pam waving from the kitchen window and honked the horn. “I am not holding my breath, but I hope the house is yours,” Natalie said. Ted pushed the garage door opener and the door slowly rose.
“It’s not. I’m sure it’s going to go to his kids. Don’t get all bummed out now.”
“I’m not, but it would be nice.”
“It’ll take a while to sort it all out. I hope he has trusts like Ashton had. It would be weird if an estate attorney didn’t think of trusts.” He lowered the garage door and shut the car off. “Why am I dreading going inside?”
“I’m sorry you’re going through this,” Natalie said.
“It’s Ashton all over again, only I know his body won’t be sitting at the kitchen table.” Natalie grabbed his hand.
“How awful for you,” she said sadly. “You’ve been through so much.”
“Let’s get it over with,” he said. “I’m ready to move on already. If the house isn’t mine, I want to get my stuff out of it and get back to the city as soon as possible.”
He put the key in the door and a whoosh of cold air shot out at them. “I’m glad we left the air conditioning on. It feels like it’s been longer than four days since we left. I still can’t believe it.” Natalie felt like an actress on stage. The house was surreal, the quintessential Long Island beach house photographed many times by for decorating and architectural magazines, pristine and lovely, but like a museum, uninviting and uncomfortable.
“Where can you sit in this place and not worry about staining the white slipcovers?” she asked.
“Yeah, I had to be careful not to fart in here,” Ted said, looking around. “If I did keep it, we’d have to do something drastic about this furniture.”
“How about just use it?” Natalie said. He nodded his head.
“Let’s settle in for the day. I’ll start looking through his desk if you want to make yourself at home. We’ll soon know if I have to clear out or not.”
“I’ll see what food you have. It’s almost lunchtime.”
While Natalie looked through the kitchen for lunch items, Pam was greeting her daughter and the children. Daniela helped the girls and Pam got Marcus from his seat, while Lisa got little Dan Junior. “These two look so much alike,” Pam said, kissing Marcus.
“Definitely Dan’s kids,” Lisa said drolly.
“And little Miranda,” Pam said, kissing her. “You are getting to be a big girl! Megan, too.”
“Who are you meeting?” Pam asked, interested.
“Mother, you won’t be happy so better not to ask.”
“Now you have to tell me,” Pam said, grabbing her arm.
“I have to have your confidence.” Pausing, Pam looked at the baby.
“Not….”
“Yes.”
“Lisa, you are asking for trouble. I wish I could impart my wisdom without coming off like a complete loser, but you have to trust me. Don’t do it.”
“Mom, I ran into her at the grocery store. We hit it off, just like we did the first time.”
“And look what that got you,” Pam said, trying to keep the exasperation out of her voice. “Nothing good can come of this. It just makes me sick to think what you are setting yourself up for.”
“Because of you and Daddy?”
“Yes, because of that. I am very concerned for you, you are so much like me and I see you doing the same things I did. You deserve better.”
“Well, it’s too late because here she comes. Remember, she hasn’t seen the baby so this might be dramatic.”
“What if this is construed as her breaking parole, too? You could be implicated.”
“Mother…..Hi, Cara, welcome to the Fountains of Versailles!” Pam gave Lisa a dirty look but smiled at Cara as she walked slowly to the baby and then burst into tears.
There on the sidewalk with the fountain making an unbelievable ruckus splashing and the tide coming in on the other side of the house, the mother met her baby for the first time since his birth. Pam ushered the women and children inside to get the scene off the street; a lot of crying and hugging and emotion almost too much to bear.
Once they were inside on the veranda, away from the workmen, Pam excused herself. “I need to go say hello to my friend, so you all enjoy the beach.
Pam walked over the dune to Jeff’s house and knocked on the glass sliders. Natalie heard her and came out of the kitchen, eating a croissant. “You’re just in time for lunch,” Natalie said, hugging her with a free arm. “These are a tad stale, but I think they’ll be okay if I zap them in the microwave.”
“How’s he doing?” Pam whispered.
“Really pretty good, all things considered. He said it was Ashton all over again when we pulled into the garage, so I think he dreaded coming inside. But he’s okay now, back in Jeff’s office, looking for wills and deeds and all that stuff.”
“You’ll never guess who’s at my house,” Pam said, telling Natalie the whole story while she made their lunch.
“She takes after you,” Natalie said after Pam finished relating the situation. “Lisa has a big heart. You can’t fault her for it because she probably can’t help it.”
They looked up as Ted entered the living room. “Pam, how are?” he said, embracing her.
“I’m so sorry, Ted. Jeff was my dearest friend. I can’t believe it happened.” They shared a few minutes of condolences and then Natalie announced lunch was ready.
“It’s very emotional for me to sit with the two people who were present when I met Jeff. You are both very important to me. I remember we buried Jack together here on the beach that day. His ashes went all over the place! It was quite disturbing.
“Pam, I’m sorry Jeff betrayed you. He was giddy and immature that night; I remember it. We’d been drinking wine, and he just started to talk. He meant well. I know that seems impossible, but he really was trying to define how fabulous you are, how big you are. Not that Jason needed convincing, but Jeff was just worried Jason was being…what’s the word… shallow. Well, we know he’s shallow, don’t we?” The women laughed and Pam grabbed his hand.
“I’d forgiven Jeff,” she said. “Our relationship had changed because we were both involved with other people. Yours was genuine, and I don’t know what the hell mine was. I was marrying my antiquing buddy.
“Anyway, I’m sorry about his accident, too.”
“Yes, we’ll have two funerals to go to,” Ted replied. “I hope I survive.”
The women patted his hand and Pam remembered the year before, her son-in-law’s funeral followed by Brent’s. If she could survive that, she could sur
vive anything. She’d said the same thing so many times, and the circumstances just kept getting worse. Not much more could happen that would be worse. She could think of things that would be tragic, awful, but not worse. Pam sighed, and they looked at her.
“Are you okay, honey?” Natalie asked gently.
“Yes, I’m okay,” Pam said. “Just thinking about the other funerals I’ve been to lately. They keep coming in twos.”
“Boy, that’s the truth,” Ted said. “I don’t want to go through this a third time.” It was Pam’s turn to comfort Ted and doing so took her mind off the psychic pain she was in. Like a roller coaster, it built up and got worse and worse and then it would settle down for a short time; meeting John had done that for her. But the pain was back with Jeff’s death sitting here with people important to him.
While Pam lunched with Ted and Natalie, Lisa and Daniela dragged umbrellas and lounge chairs and playpens out of the shed at the back of Pam’s house and Cara bounced her baby son on her hip.
“This is so fabulous,” Cara raved. “I feel privileged and lucky and all the adjectives rolled into one. Thank you, Lisa, thank you again and again.”
“Look, Cara, my mother brought something up that frightened me but I want to throw it out there so we can be extra careful. She’s worried this might be breaking parole. We need to stay under the radar. I’m glad you parked down the street! Next time you need to pull into the garage.” They set up camp, coolers dragged out from the car and a large basket of toys for the children and the day began beautifully.
Lisa forgot what it was like to have an adult friend to commiserate with. They played with the children so Daniela could get a swim in. Soon, Dan Junior started rooting around Cara’s bathing suit top.
“Oh, oh, I think this little man is hungry,” Cara said, looking down at him nuzzling her breasts. “Wow, it’s a pretty incredible feeling.” Lisa watched her holding her son, bonding with him.
“Cara, you can nurse him,” Lisa said. “When he was born, we hired a lactation specialist because I didn’t know if I could nurse both boys at once. She told me even adoptive mothers could nurse if the baby latches on. The sucking stimulates the production of milk.” Cara contorted again as she fought tears.
“I have never heard of such a thing,” she said. “It almost sounds perverse.”
“You gave birth to him, it seems perfectly logical that you would be able to nurse him, even all these months later. My only concern is that he might not take to it right away. I could nurse him first and then you try.”
“Okay,” she said, sniffing. “But I’d need to do it all the time, wouldn’t I?”
“Yes, it’s a reason to allow more than just supervised visitation. We need to get some kind of documentation from his pediatrician, too.”
“Would she do that?”
“I take four kids to her,” Lisa said reaching for him. “What do you think?” Cara watched Lisa prepare to nurse once again; the first time was the when Marcus was a newborn. She pulled her breast out of her bikini top and pulled her nipple into his mouth in a smooth motion.
“That looks like it hurts,” she said, slightly uncomfortable being so close to Lisa’s bare breast.
“It’s not really. At first it smarts a little bit, but my nipples are like shoe leather now. I’ve had two kids sucking on them non-stop.”
“Thank you for doing that for me. For him,” Cara said meaningfully.
After lunch, Pam walked back over the dune to the house. She saw Lisa and Cara deep in conversation, not aware of anyone else. Shaking her head, Pam couldn’t help the comparison between her and Lisa, Cara and Sandra. It couldn’t come to a good end, could it? All she knew was that it wasn’t her business. Cara was an honest person except for her bout of infidelity. Was that how Sandra started? A decent person who didn’t have many dates, if her story to John about Marymount was real? Was Jack her first betrayal?
Pam’s influence over her children had ended several years earlier. Her advice about anything, even diapering, was not wanted. Content to take a back seat, she would enjoy what her daughter would offer her; short visits with the grandchildren, occasional babysitting and keeping her opinions to herself.
The veranda was dark and cool after the sunny beach, and she eyed the couch longingly. John would be there soon to wait for the appliances with her, but in the meantime, she’d put her feet up and close her eyes. She was truly becoming an older person.
Chapter 24
After Pam had left, Natalie cleaned up their lunch mess and made herself a cup of coffee. She was taking a book with her out on the terrace to read. The wind was whipping up the froth on the waves, sand blowing across the lawn. Jeff’s house was one of the few with a formal garden toward the ocean; green grass, roses, a marble sea wall complete with pillars and wrought iron gate. She sat under the canvas awning, grateful for the clear glass wall surrounding the terrace, which allowed an unobstructed view whilst providing protection from the wind.
Taking a sip of coffee, she looked up at the blue water, the distraction too much for reading. “Maybe I’ll get used to it and take it for granted some day,” she said out loud. But the reality was that she’d better not get used to it. Jeff’s ex-wife or his kids would occupy this space someday. The thought made her sad. Closing the book, she put her head back and closed her eyes, but then her phone rang. She picked it up and saw Ben’s number. Poor Ben, she’d neglected him all day.
“Where’s my lady today?” he asked. “I figured you were somewhere between the ocean and Delaware, wherever that is.” Natalie laughed.
“I’m back at the ocean,” she answered. “Mesmerized by its beauty and unable to concentrate on a book. I have straight brainwaves.”
“I thought I might come down to see you,” he asked. “It’s hot up here in Suffern, and I’m suffering for you.”
“Oh, you are a riot. I miss you, too. We have two funerals to go to here. Are you sure you want to be in the middle of it?”
“That’s a thought,” Ben replied. Leaving home to visit was difficult for him, going to a funeral next to impossible. “Can I think about it? I know that seems a tad tacky.”
“No, not at all,” she said. “It’s why I mentioned it. If I could, I wouldn’t go, but Ted and Deborah wouldn’t let me get away with it.”
“How’s Ted doing?” Ben asked. “Boy talk about bad luck.” Ben had stayed on the sidelines for Ashton’s death, too. He couldn’t avoid this one without seeming like a schmuck, could he?
“He’s in shock, doing last will and testament stuff. I’m sure it will hit him before long.”
“I guess I need to attend Jeff’s funeral,” Ben said. “After the way I acted toward Ashton, it might help my station with Ted.”
“You’re okay, Ben. You keep me out of Ted’s hair.” Remembering her and Ted’s shared sleeping arrangements, it would have to end if Ben came down for Jeff’s funeral. “How about I call you when I know the day and time? Unless you want to come now, I’ll leave it up to you.”
“Sounds like a plan; you call me when arrangements are set.” They hung up after declaring their fondness for each other, Natalie sincere. After another attempt to read, she gave up trying to concentrate on her book. Preparing to hoist herself up from the chair, Ted walked out with a sheaf of paper in his hands.
“Stay put, mother of my child. You aren’t going to believe this,” he said, pulling a chair next to her.
“What? Don’t toy with me, man. What is it?”
“I guess I shouldn’t be smiling like this one day after the love of my life dies, but you won’t believe what he did.”
“Ted spit it out for heaven sake! What are you talking about?”
“Forget the prenup, forget the trusts. Jeff put his house in my name two months ago. His former law partner said he was going to surprise me for our anniversary.”
“Oh, Ted how fabulous! Does this mean I can move in?”
“You might have to help me pay the property taxes,” h
e replied. “I have to see if there are any funds allotted for it. If not, I’m in trouble.”
“Ew, not so good.”
“We might have to sell Ashton’s place. What do you think about that?”
“Ted, that’s up to you. I don’t know why you’re holding on to it, but I understand if you want to.”
“I guess I thought with Zach and Deborah both working at the staging business, they might want to be uptown someday, closer to the warehouses. And it is big enough for a family, if and when.”
“Take a hard look at your finances. Ashton left you in good shape. A place like this,” she made a sweeping motion with her arms, “is priceless. I’m sure you can scrape up what you need. You’re rich now!”
“I’m hardly rich, but I have more than I ever thought I’d have.”
“We need to talk about something else,” Natalie replied solemnly.
“I know. The funeral, correct?”
“Correct.”
“I was going to ask Marybeth if she and the girls wanted to make the arrangements.”
“Will they even talk to you when they find out about the house?”
“He left them the place in Rhinebeck and money. It will be enough.”
“You need to make your husband’s funeral arrangements right now,” Natalie stated. “Ask Pam who to call. She hated the place where Jack’s funeral was, and nothing could have helped Brent’s. That was a media circus.”
“Okay, I’ll call her. I just wanted you to know you can stay here forever, if you’d like.” Under her breath, Natalie replied, “Or when the next Mr. Dale comes along.”
***
The sun moved behind Pam’s house, casting a long shadow in the sand. “I guess it’s time to pack up and head for home,” Lisa said sadly. “I have really enjoyed this, Cara.” The women looked at each other fondly. Not only had Cara bonded with baby Dan, she and Lisa were united in the goal of getting Cara on her feet again, which meant a chance for her to regain custody of Dan Junior. Saying goodbye with promises of staying in touch, they would see each other on Thursday at the grocery store Starbucks and then Friday at the supervised visitation. In the meantime, Lisa would pester Dan into seeing what he could do about speeding up the custody process so Cara could nurse the baby.
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