by Jules Dixon
Apparently cocaine can be absorbed through skin? Enough life lessons today.
Avery and Chloe sat with me on the sofa talking about what was going on in their lives. Although I tried to listen, all I could think about were baby blue eyes gazing down on me. Drexel had actually been open and honest with me about how he was feeling. Even if his revelation was orgasm-induced, his eyes told me he meant the words.
“Drexel!” I said his name as his final words ran through my brain.
“What?” Oliver asked.
“When Drexel left here he was upset and was talking about how he didn’t deserve me and couldn’t be good enough for me. Do you think he’d do another marathon of using?”
Oliver crossed the room to the sofa. “We’re already on it. Rahl’s tracking him and we’re going to talk to him.”
“I need to see him.” I stood and grabbed my coat from the kitchen chair.
“Not if he’s like that, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do.”
Oliver stepped in front of me. “Rory, there are no guarantees that Drexel can beat this demon. What started as a way to control physical pain has morphed into an addiction to stem something emotional, and he’s fighting help. He might not get better.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me?”
Oliver searched the room to see if anyone else was going to answer. “Honestly, I think we all thought you hated him and the feeling was mutual.”
“Well, I think Drex and I prove there’s a fine line between love and hate. Just turns out that I love him a lot more than I hate him and the hate part is really good for … for…”
“Foreplay?” Chloe offered with a giggle and Avery joined in.
“Exactly,” I sighed. “And perfectly.”
Oliver rocked uneasily in his black boots, his eyes scanning the room. Bryson did the same. Holt chuckled with us girls.
“On that information, if you’re feeling okay, I think we’re gonna get Chloe back to the house.” Oliver started toward the door.
I pushed on his shoulder as he passed by me. “I’m okay now. Thank you all for rushing over here.” I walked them all to the door. I promised Avery to get some rest and she could come see me in the afternoon. “You’ll call me when you know something?” I clutched Oliver’s arm.
“I will.” He kissed my forehead. “Get some sleep.”
Lying in bed, I could still smell Drexel’s cologne saturating the sheets. The scent haunted my thoughts until all I could see behind my closed eyes was him.
Drex, you are good enough.
Chapter Fifteen
Drexel
I drove around for hours while the high of a repentance snort flowed through me. Buzzing and ringing filled the Mustang. I turned the music up to a decibel that qualified for noise pollution to cover the sound. No one needed to tell me I’d fucked up by having sex with the boss’s daughter. No one needed to tell me I’d fucked up by snorting in her bathroom after I promised myself to stop. No one needed to chastise me. I was doing exceedingly well at the job on my own. Just becoming a pro at shitty excuses and flawed reasoning.
I slammed my hand against the steering wheel while I sat at a stoplight. Shoving the pedal to the floor and popping the clutch, I shot past the competition. With a 625-horsepower engine, there wasn’t anything going to stop me.
Until blue and red lights filled my rearview mirror.
That’ll fucking do it.
I pulled to the side of the road and two figures exited the police cruiser. The cop stood at the back of the vehicle while the other person walked to the driver’s side. He tapped on the window.
Rahl?
He tried the door. “Unlock, Mason.”
I lowered the driver’s side window a little. “Don’t you have a pregnant girlfriend who needs you?”
Rahl bent over and his menacing scowl filled the window. “Open. Now. Or I’ll punch the window in.”
I unlocked the door and he yanked it open.
He grumbled, “You. Passenger seat.”
“Yeah, that’s not happening. I’m the only person who drives my car.”
“No, you’re high and I’m not riding with you while you scream through town. I want to watch my children grow up.”
“What about Billy Club Bobby back there?” Glancing in the rearview mirror, I watched the officer climb back into his cruiser. Rahl gave a Nebraska two-finger wave as the car pulled around us. “What the hell?”
“Friend from the military. Now, out.”
I stepped out. “What’s going on, Rahl?”
“We’re going to Kanyon’s house and we’ll tell you there.”
“We? No. I think I’ll go home, get some sleep, and hope tomorrow doesn’t turn out to be so confusing.”
“Nope. You’re done making the decisions tonight. Either I drive you there or I call my buddy back and he takes you in for a dozen different driving violations. You spend the night in jail and possibly a year being someone’s girlfriend behind bars when you break the rules of your probation.”
That doesn’t sound like fun.
I exited the car and slid into the passenger seat. He started the car and killed it on his first attempt to drive a manual transmission. I laughed, but his glare shut me up. His second attempt was successful, with a little hiccup of going second gear to fifth gear, which caused a whiplashing chug. But since the drive to Kanyon’s wasn’t far, I didn’t complain. I closed my eyes and rested my head against the headrest only to find my mind wandering back to events of the day.
The car jerked to a stop when Rahl forgot to shove in the clutch as we entered Kanyon’s driveway. Cars I recognized lined the street curb.
“Why a sports car, Drex?”
“High safety rating and massive backseat,” I mumbled sarcastically.
Rahl grumbled profanities under his breath and rocked his large frame out of the low-clearance vehicle.
Jude stepped into the driveway and I met him and Willow and Kanyon’s shaggy mutt at the front of my car. He grabbed my shoulder. “Time to come clean, Mason.”
I followed behind Rahl with Jude bringing up the rear. Inside, Oliver and Holt were sitting at the breakfast bar in the kitchen and Kanyon was sitting in the leather recliner across the room.
“Sit.” Rahl pointed me toward the sofa. The dog did as Rahl demanded and stared up at him.
I wasn’t a dog, nor would I be treated like one. “I’ll stand.”
“You’ll sit.”
Since my high was wearing thin and there was less of a chance of me taking a swing while I was sitting on the sofa, sitting was the better choice. “Yes, sir.”
I heard my car start up outside and I stood again.
Rahl stepped in front of me. “Sit.”
“Someone’s stealing my car!”
“They’re not stealing it. They’re going to clean it and then return it.”
“Clean it? I keep it spotless.” Then what he really meant sunk in. I spun to the living room again. “What the fuck is this?” My eyes darted between Jude and Kanyon as my skin experienced stabbing pins and needles.
Just coming down. Stay calm, call a taxi, and leave.
Kanyon sighed. “Just sit, Mason. No one is holding you hostage, but we’re asking you to listen.” His shoulders dropped. “Please.”
Sitting again, I glanced around the room and not one eye met mine. Jude’s college roommate, Kirsch Matthews, stepped out of the kitchen. I’d met him at Jude’s bachelor party and we shot the shit at the wedding, but I thought he’d returned to Iowa. “Hi, Drexel, I’m—”
“I remember who you are, Kirsch.”
“What you don’t know is I’m a counselor specializing in addiction and behavioral disorders.”
“So this is some kind of pussy move on all your parts to force me to get clean?”
Oliver slid from his stool and walked in front of the TV. “Do you care about Rory Jessen?”
I rubbed my hands together and stared at a magazine on the coffee table.
“Drexel, do you care about Rory?”
“Sure. I care about the infuriating blonde princess.”
“Do you love her?”
A mass of truth balled in my throat. “There’s a fine line—”
“Between love and hate. Yeah, I heard that same line from her when I saw her tonight.”
“Why were you over at Rory’s?”
“Cause your little mess on the counter in her bathroom got her high, and since she’s never done coke, she freaked out.”
I pushed up from the sofa. “Is she okay?”
No one answered me. I searched the room and still no one would look me in the eyes.
“Jesus, is she in the hospital again, or—”
“She’s gonna be okay.” Jude finally stepped up to answer me.
“Fuck.” I rubbed my face and ran my hands into my hair. “I turned off my phone. My phone that’s in my car that was stolen.” I glared at Rahl and the stare-down ended with me asking, “Did she try to call me?”
“Of course, because that’s what someone does when they’re worried and care about someone,” Oliver answered, his tight jaw twitching.
“Guys, that’s not why we’re really here tonight.” Kirsch moved to stand by Jude. “Drexel, be honest, do you want to get clean?”
“I’m fine. I use because—”
“That’s not what I asked.”
I rubbed my clammy hands on my dress pants.
“Drexel, again, do you want to get clean?”
I can’t keep putting Rory in danger with my reckless behavior. She deserves a man who has feelings and right now all I really feel is nothing, except tonight I was looking into her eyes. My God, that woman can scream. I want … I need … to be with Aurora Jessen. Drug-free.
“Yes.” I released the word, then almost immediately took it back. The battle ahead was bound to be bloody, and I was the only soldier with a gun to his head.
“Good to hear. All of these people and their significant others want to help you get well and we’re here to help facilitate what you admitted you want to do.”
I sat on the sofa and my arms felt weighted with concrete next to my legs. There was a massive heaviness knowing life was going to change drastically, and I’d either pull through or I was going to fall deeper down the hellhole to never return and probably lose everyone I cared about.
“What’s going to happen?” I mumbled.
Rahl explained the cleaning and de-stashing, emergency and otherwise, that he and his team were going to do to my vehicle, office, and house.
Kanyon explained I was going to stay with him and Willow while I was detoxing and there would be at least one other person here with me at all times, not to include his daughter Grace who would be staying at her grandparents’ home for the duration. The sacrifice they were making to be without their daughter wasn’t lost on me.
Oliver stepped forward. “I’ll keep in touch with Aurora while you make the effort to get clean.” He glared at me. “Oh, and by the way, her little nightstand helper you put into a time-out started working while Bryson and Avery were at her apartment. I imagine she’ll be touching herself again, too.”
“Not funny, Aston.”
“Bryson thought it was hilarious, and apparently so did Rory, but her amusement was chemically enhanced.”
I raced toward him. “You can stop reminding me.”
He met me in the middle of the room chest to chest. “Not gonna happen, Mason. I’m pissed. You could have really hurt that girl. You don’t treat someone who lo—”
“Oliver, I don’t think you’re mad at Drexel.” Kirsch stepped between us.
“No, honestly, I’m mad at myself for not wailing on his sad ass sooner.”
Jude moved into the group. “And my wife came home so upset today from your stunt this morning, I thought about finding you and making your rotator cuff the least hurting part on your body.” His eyes were dark and detached. “Don’t ever make her that upset again. Stress is not good for a pregnant woman.”
I was hearing dominos clicking as they fell over. Every person in this room had been affected in some way by my behavior and actions. I’d hit on Oliver and Holt’s baby mama like a jackass. I’d made a pregnant woman cry and beg me to get clean. Kanyon and Willow sent their daughter to her grandparents’ to help me. Rahl wasn’t home with his pregnant girlfriend who could deliver any day now. I’d run from Rory’s apartment, after what was the best sex of my life, probably scaring her, and then threatened her life by leaving behind traces of my dirty little secret. My selfishness had hit an all-time high.
But there’s nothing high about this.
“Jude, I understand your need to protect Presley, but she’s fine. This is about Drexel.” Kirsch shook his head and Jude backed away. Kirsch faced me. “Drexel, these people have waited for you to be ready, when realistically on your own that day might never actually come, right?”
“Probably not.” I’d tried it my way. Never worked. This couldn’t be worse. Or could it?
“So you need to take a minute and think about the commitment you’re making. These people want you to get healthy, but only you can fight the battle. Even with them supporting you, it’s on you, not them, to get better.”
I stared down at the dog lying at Kanyon’s feet. I’d have to look them in the eye eventually, but I just couldn’t. “I’m sorry, Jude. I hope Presley’s okay. Ollie, I don’t know what to say about Rory—there’s no fucking excuse good enough for the shit I did to her.”
Oliver snorted. “Mason, apparently you fit her perfectly, so I don’t think there’s any long-term damage there.”
The memory of her saying that earlier brought on a smile I couldn’t have stopped if I tried.
Perfectly is right.
“Just fucking get clean so you can be the person she deserves, not the asshole you probably have been,” he added before returning to Holt.
“I’m committed, Kirsch.”
“Okay. You know the basics of this, Drexel. Any questions?”
“What about work?”
“You’ll be escorted in tomorrow morning and ask for a medical leave of at least two weeks.”
“I haven’t been great at showing up to work lately. There’s a chance they’ll fire me.”
“Is that a chance you’re willing to take?” Kirsch asked.
I walked to the entertainment center and examined a picture from Presley and Jude’s wedding. My thoughts trailed to Rory and I sharing that complicated, dick-rising kiss in the coats, and every kiss before and after flashbulbed in my head.
“Yes.” Bravery and invincibility were side effects of the white monster. After the drug wore off, it was impossible to imagine what my determination would look like.
“Then it’s time to start. You’ll find a change of clothes in the guest bedroom. Just so you’re not shocked when you get in there, the room has been stripped to only a mattress and bedding. Who would you like to go in to watch you change?”
I spun to Kirsch. “You’re fucking kidding, right?”
“I’m not. There’s too much of a chance that you’ll hide anything you might have on you.”
“If there’s nothing in the room, I can’t hide anything anywhere.”
Kirsch chuckled. “You and I both know I’m not talking about hiding something in the room. Which person, Drexel?”
I glanced around the room and most eyes diverted from mine, except one set. “Holt.”
“What the fuck?” Oliver stood from his stool.
Kirsch held up his palm to stop him. “Oliver, we discussed this. It’s Drexel’s choice and everyone agreed to be part of this process. Holt, are you fine with observing Drexel while he undresses, then redresses? Making sure he places all of his belongings into the garbage bag?”
“Yes. I am.” Holt’s voice was unwavering and his Southern twang made it almost poetic.
“Holt?” Oliver’s voice rose on the question to his boyfriend.
“Babe, he c
hose me to get a rise from you. You hurt him with what you said about the woman he cares about. You need to care more about him than he does about himself right now.” Holt’s muscular arm pulled Oliver against him. “Seems you did that for another guy in this room not too long ago, and he’s the one who’s goin’ home you with tonight.” Holt kissed Oliver and it seemed to pacify him.
Oliver turned and plopped onto a stool while pulling his phone out of his pocket.
Kanyon directed me upstairs to the bedroom on the left. Sure enough, the room was bare. Mattress on the floor, no box spring. Bedding, one pillow, two blankets. Prison-style in a brand-new house.
“Drex, I’ll be honest, Willow wanted you here with us, but I wasn’t quite as excited about the idea. I don’t want to regret agreeing to this.” Kanyon closed the door with Holt and me inside.
I kicked off my shoes. “Are you really going to watch me?”
Holt tipped his black cowboy hat up until his eyes met mine. “You know, any of those other guys out there probably would have turned their back and prayed you didn’t stuff somethin’ up your ass. But, by pickin’ me, you screwed yourself. ‘Cause for me”—he leaned back against the door, crossed his arm and legs and grinned—“this is just the male review show I need to get all worked up to go home and make love to my man tonight.”
I swallowed hard. Showering in locker rooms, with the same twenty baseball players on the road for days at a time, I’d lost most inhibitions about my body, not that I ever had many. But knowing I might be priming the pump for a guy friend was a little more than uncomfortable.
He motioned his hat toward the clothes on the bed. “Get to it, Mason.”
I handed my shoes to Holt and he placed them into the plastic bag. I undressed to my boxers and Holt collected the clothes.
I reached for the clothes on the bed.
“Drop ‘em, horse lover.” Holt stopped me.
“Horse what?”
“Your Mustang. Horse lover.”
I sighed and the sound flashed thoughts of Rory and what I’d done with her. This had to be a step forward; backward didn’t exist anymore. The past was a hole of regret and poor choices and I needed to start climbing out.