by Kylie Chan
Simone and I listened carefully.
‘Start with a small amount of chi, ladies,’ Gold said. ‘You could easily lose it. Use about this much.’ He generated a ball of chi about the size of a golf ball. ‘Princess Simone, you first.’
Simone made a little ball of chi, gathered herself and threw it into the ground.
Nothing happened.
‘Lost it,’ Gold said. ‘Are you all right, my Lady?’ ‘I’m okay,’ Simone said. ‘Let me try again.’ ‘If you become too drained then we will stop,’ Gold said.
Simone nodded. She generated another ball of chi, then hesitated, concentrating. She took her time and lined it up carefully. Then she released the chi into the ground.
A few small bursts erupted for about five metres, then the chi popped out of the ground, swooped towards her and hit her hard. She staggered but didn’t fall.
‘Careful. When it returns it will be coming fast. Try to slow it as much as you can. Lady Simone should rest for a while. Lady Emma, your turn.’
‘Good one, Gold,’ Leo said.
‘I’m not joking,’ Gold said. He gestured towards me. ‘Lady Emma.’
‘What?’ Leo said.
‘I’m not Lady anything, Gold,’ I said, confused.
Gold looked to Mr Chen for guidance.
Both Leo and I turned to Mr Chen as well.
‘We will discuss this later,’ Mr Chen said. He looked sheepish. ‘Sorry.’
I suddenly understood what was going on. ‘You’ll keep.’ I nodded to Gold to indicate that I was ready. I generated a small ball of chi and hesitated. I carefully angled it towards the ground, lined it up, and released it.
A few small bangs erupted from the ground. The chi popped out with a satisfying roar about ten metres away, then sped back to me. I had to concentrate hard to slow it before it hit me, and caught it with a tremendous feeling of triumph. I had it.
They all burst into applause, even Mr Chen.
‘Stop it, you guys,’ I wailed. ‘You’re embarrassing me.’
‘Well done, Emma,’ Mr Chen said.
I put my hands out in preparation. ‘I want to try a bigger one. I want to see some serious damage.’
‘No,’ Mr Chen said quickly. ‘At this stage it would not be a good idea. You will still lose about one in five. Start small, and when you have the skill mastered, try larger amounts.’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Not any more,’ he said.
‘What the hell is going on?’ Leo said. ‘What do you mean, “not any more”?’
‘Finish here, then return to my office and we’ll discuss it. I have paperwork I need to attend to first. Emma and Simone, practise the skill for another thirty minutes or so, until you’re tired. Leo, Gold, guard them. When you’re finished, drop Simone with Ah Yat and come to my office. Understood?’
‘Yes, sir.’
‘Good.’ He went back to the house.
‘I want another go,’ Simone said. She generated a small ball of chi and lined it up. ‘Out of the way, Emma.’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
Gold tapped on Mr Chen’s office door when we returned. Mr Chen opened it himself.
‘Just Emma first,’ he said. ‘The rest of you, wait outside, and when Jade comes ask her to wait too.’
I went in with Mr Chen and sat across the desk from him. Mr Chen’s desk was immaculate.
‘Who tidied up for you?’
‘Ah Yat,’ he said with a wry grin. ‘She’s the only one apart from you who knows how to put things in order.’ ‘That’s ironic.’
‘Yes, I’ll lose her soon. She’s nearly there,’ he said. ‘Now that Jade and Gold are back, I want to arrange the guardianship for you. I want to do it immediately, so that all the staff know you’ll be the one to take over when I’m gone.’
‘So that’s what it was all about,’ I said. ‘But why “Lady Emma”?’
‘As Simone’s guardian, you will have precedence over all my staff. They will become yours.’
‘Wait a second—they’ll all be working for me? You said they’d be working with me, not for me.’ I inhaled sharply. ‘What about Leo?’
‘Leo is a sworn Retainer. Him too.’
I ran my hands through my hair. ‘No. No way. It can’t work like that.’
‘As Simone’s guardian, you will have precedence. There is nothing you can do about it.’
‘What will Leo do when we tell him?’ I whispered.
‘That may be hard. I may have to order him to accept you.’
‘No. Don’t order him to do anything, please, John. He’s my friend. As far as I’m concerned, we’ll be working together.’
He shrugged it off. ‘There is one other thing.’ He leaned forward and studied me over his hands. ‘It’s about you.’
‘What about me?’
He relaxed back and rubbed his hands over his face. He took his hair out and retied it, even though it didn’t need it. He threw himself forward again, and clasped his hands on the desk. He looked at his hands.
‘Just ask me, John.’
‘All right. Here goes.’ He studied my face. ‘You have picked up the martial arts training very quickly, Emma. Particularly the energy work. You are exceptionally talented.’ He hesitated, watching me. ‘It’s as if you knew it all before.’
‘I feel the same way sometimes. It’s strange, it feels as if I’m remembering rather than learning. Do you know why?’
‘Sometimes, when I am near you, you seem to be more than you appear.’ He looked into my eyes. ‘It’s very small, and very fleeting, and may not even be there at all. Is there something you’re not telling me about yourself, Emma Donahoe?’
I gasped with astonishment. ‘You think I’m a Shen?’
‘There are Shen in Australia. Very old, very powerful. I’ve never met a single one.’ He gazed at me. ‘Well?’
‘You know what?’ I looked down at my hands. ‘I wish I was. I wish I was an Immortal and I had all the time in the world to wait for you.’ I looked back up at him. ‘But I’m not. As far as I know, I’m just an ordinary human.’
‘Will you let me look inside you and see if there’s something about you that you don’t even know yourself? It is possible; sometimes we lose our memories and our identities and become lost. Look at me.’ He spread his hands over the desk. ‘Half of me is missing, and nobody knows where it has gone. Will you let me look inside you?’
‘Sure. It would be great if you found something. If I was an Immortal, then I could wait for you to come back. There would be hope for us.’
He smiled slightly. ‘Yes, there would.’ He straightened. ‘The only problem is that we require a shield. Wait.’ He concentrated.
Ms Kwan appeared behind Mr Chen. She smiled sadly. ‘Be aware, Emma, that I will know everything there is to know about you. If there is anything you wish to keep a secret, do not do this.’
‘I don’t have any secrets,’ I said pointedly, looking at Mr Chen. He made a soft sound of amusement. I turned back to Ms Kwan. ‘John’s right. I’m so talented, it’s scary. I picked up the energy work in no time flat. If I’m something special, then there’s hope for us. I want to know.’
‘Very well. Let us see exactly how much trouble you and this young human are in, Ah Wu.’
‘A great deal.’ Mr Chen rose and came around the desk to me. ‘Pull back from the desk, Emma, and sit so that Mercy can hold your hands.’
I moved a little way back from the desk. Ms Kwan stood between me and the desk and leaned against it. I raised my hands and she took them.
‘Relax into a light trance,’ Mr Chen said. He rested his hands on my shoulders. It was a wonderful, relaxing feeling to sit in this way.
He moved into my mind and I blocked him. He stopped at the entrance to my consciousness.
‘Let me, Emma,’ he whispered. ‘Trust me.’
I tried to stop blocking. I imagined myself welcoming him in.
‘Thank you,’ he said with amusement. ‘Don’t mind if I
do.’
It was like having someone come into my house and look around. He shuffled through me and poked his nose into all my corners.
He stopped dead. ‘Well, will you look at this,’ he said. ‘I seem to recall a young woman shouting at me just a couple of days ago that I keep too many secrets from her. And the first time I look inside her head, I find this.’
I’d completely forgotten that I’d kept this a secret from him. I imagined myself pulling a large hat way down over my head with shame.
‘You look very cute like that,’ he said. ‘Two secrets.’ He examined them. ‘Your undergrad degree was only just a pass, but you still made it. Why wasn’t it on your CV?’
The reason popped into my head.
‘It would not have bothered me; in fact I would have been delighted to have a nanny with a degree. But I can understand that many older residents of Hong Kong don’t have a degree and would find yours intimidating.’
Yeah. Kitty Kwok doesn’t have one.
‘She says she does, you know.’
I’ve been in her office and done her filing. She lies.
‘Quite common.’ He somehow indicated the other secret. ‘And then we have this.’
‘A part-time postgraduate degree, Emma?’ Ms Kwan said, incredulous. ‘How in the Heavens did you find time to do this while you were learning the Arts and caring for Simone? And without telling Ah Wu at all? You are remarkable.’
‘I honestly wondered what you were up to,’ Mr Chen said. ‘I knew it wasn’t a young man, because your ching level never changed. But you’re always locking yourself in your room and asking for leave at unusual times. And this is why.’
He flipped through my MBA studies.
‘Only six months of coursework to go. Very impressive. You received a High Distinction for Accounting, I see. Remind me to give you the budgeting spreadsheets for the Mountain when we’re back home.’
I flinched with horror and he felt it.
‘I don’t know which of us hates budgeting more,’ he said, amused. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were doing a Masters part-time?’
The answer popped into my head.
‘I see. You’re right, you know. I would have supported you, but I would have expected you to resign the minute it was finished, to look for something better than just being a nanny.’
The real reason surfaced.
‘No. Just for the challenge? The woman cannot resist a challenge. Well, I’m sorry, Emma, but those skills will be extremely useful to you after I’m gone. I will help you finish this degree and attend your graduation with a huge proud smile on my face.’
No way.
‘All right, if that’s how you want it: I won’t help you, I’ll let you do it all yourself.’ He paused, musing. ‘Your grades are excellent for part-time study. Exactly how intelligent are you anyway?’
I drew back, but it was too late. He grabbed me, held me down, stretched me out and measured me. He released me and I snapped back.
‘That was unnecessary, Ah Wu,’ Ms Kwan said.
He bowed an apology to me. I waved it away. As far as I was concerned he could know everything there was to know about me; I trusted him completely.
‘You hide your intellect very well. That is probably what I have been sensing in you. I measure your IQ at a hundred and forty-five.’
A hundred and forty-seven last test. But IQ doesn’t mean much anyway.
‘Very impressive. I’ve definitely made the right choice.’ He came to my feelings for him.
‘Stronger than I expected.’ He sighed. ‘I should have sent you away a long time ago. Before either of us could reach this stage.’ He quietly studied my emotions. ‘Very strong. Very true. I am making you suffer.’
It’s worth it.
‘You should find another, Emma. I will never be anything for you. I will go, and leave you and Simone alone. You should find another love.’
My fierce reaction surprised all three of us.
There will never be anybody else in a million years.
‘How long will it take you to return?’ Ms Kwan asked Mr Chen.
‘I have no idea. I am unique: two separate creatures. This is a unique situation: a powerful Shen almost completely drained. Nobody else has ever done anything like this before.’
‘Let me look at you.’ Ms Kwan did something but I couldn’t see what it was. ‘Anything from ten to a hundred years, perhaps more.’
‘Ten years?’ I cried, full of hope.
‘Ten years?’ Mr Chen said, full of the same fierce hope.
‘There is a small chance of you returning after ten,’ she said. ‘The chance becomes slightly better after twenty years.’
‘At what stage does the chance become fifty-fifty?’ I said.
‘About twenty-five years. That is far too long to make any human wait, Ah Wu. Do not do this to her.’ ‘I can wait,’ I said.
He squeezed my shoulders and leaned into me. ‘You would wait for me?’
‘Forever,’ I whispered. Forever. But I would be an old woman.
‘I am already an old man,’ he said with amusement. ‘I am not even completely human. It makes no difference to me.’
‘Do not do this to yourselves,’ Ms Kwan whispered.
I tried to hold back my elation. I didn’t care how long it was, I would wait for him forever. And now I had a small hope that I could cling to: that he would return, and I would be able to see him again, and we could be everything we wanted for each other.
I began to feel embarrassed by the strength of my feelings.
‘Don’t be,’ he said gently.
He pressed forward into me. I leaned back into him, and felt him against the back of my head. We shared the warmth of our feelings for each other, physically as well as mentally enjoying the touch.
I wondered if he really felt the same.
‘Enough to kill you, dear one,’ he said. He showed me.
Ms Kwan gasped.
It was like fast-forwarding through a video, except the video was me.
The day I’d agreed to go full-time, when I shook his hand. I saw myself; all he’d seen were my blazing, intelligent blue eyes. He’d been entranced.
Six months later, when Leo and Simone had rushed us home from Central and I’d told him that I’d find the truth. He’d been attracted by my spark and spirit and my complete lack of fear, more than he was willing to admit to himself.
The trip to the zoo, where both Simone and I had been delighted by the reptiles. He’d suddenly found himself right next to me and felt my hair near his face, felt my warmth, smelt my floral shampoo. He hadn’t been able to resist the urge to touch me, to savour me. All he’d wanted to do was reach around me and hold me close, pull me into him and bury his face in my hair.
Me kneeling on the floor after the pizza delivery demon had tried to take Simone. Me fighting for Leo’s job, unconcerned for myself.
Our first lesson, when I’d managed those first simple moves and a huge, delighted grin had spread across my face. He’d wanted to sweep me up and take me down the hall and throw me onto his bed. Then I’d become flustered and he had grabbed the chance to correct me, to be closer to me, to press himself into me. It had taken everything he had to control it.
‘Oh dear,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘You should have dismissed her a long time ago, Ah Wu. I did not realise it was so strong so soon.’
The first time he’d seen me in my Mountain training uniform. He wanted to pull me close, push his hands inside my black jacket and run them over my skin. He’d had to concentrate on the Arts so that he wouldn’t hurt me.
I came out of my room ready for the first charity concert. He hadn’t seen the dress; he hadn’t seen the hair or the make-up. All of that was a blur in his memory. He had only seen my smile and my glow, and it had pierced him through. My smile was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. And then I’d knelt and held Simone, and he had changed his mind; me with Simone was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.
&nbs
p; He had a fleeting memory of Michelle and Simone, full of pain. I touched him and we shared the grief. I understood. I had helped him to heal. He had stopped living in the past and was living in the present, with Simone and me.
Simone and me. The two women he adored more than anything in the world. One of the happiest moments of his long life was the time spent with us at Chinese New Year, being able to hold both of us together on the boat. Being able to kiss me, something he had wanted to do from the day he saw me. And after that moment, he knew that his heart was lost forever and both of us would gain nothing but suffering.
He felt a stab of pain. He was immensely guilty that he hadn’t told me earlier that there was no future for us, that he would never be able to touch me in the way that he wanted. He felt that he’d betrayed me. He was sure that if he’d told me sooner, I would have been able to leave him and find someone else. Words could not begin to express the remorse he felt at what he’d done to me. He’d selfishly kept me around, keeping me ignorant of the truth. He should have told me; he should have sent me away.
‘That is quite correct,’ Ms Kwan said.
‘I’m sorry,’ he whispered. ‘I should have told you.’
‘Yes, you should,’ I said. ‘But it would have made absolutely no difference whatsoever, because I would still love you, and I would still have stayed with you. I don’t need more than we have.’
Ms Kwan moaned softly. ‘You are both such fools.’
I felt humbled that a mighty being like him should harbour such feelings for me. I didn’t know what to say, but then I knew: between us, words would never be necessary. I could feel him agreeing and smiling with wonder. The way he felt surprised even him.
He straightened. ‘I think we have seen all we need to.’
‘Good,’ Ms Kwan said. ‘I have seen entirely more than I ever needed to.’
You know everything there is to know about me now. One day I must do the same to you.
‘I couldn’t let you, Emma. Inside you is bright and welcoming. Inside me is dark and sometimes cold. I am sure you would not like some of the lower levels. And if you were to go inside me, you would never come out again. You would be lost completely.’
I’d love to be absorbed by you, to become one with you. I’d love to take the time to go through all of you.