“It’s a real shame,” Noah pipes up, stepping around Harrison, “that you’ve made enemies of us.” His voice is menacing, a warning. Noah smiles bitterly into my face, and I can smell the beer on him. It makes me wonder: Are they going to taunt me forever? Noah suddenly grabs my waist and pulls me forward, discreetly wrestling his body into position behind mine. He holds my hips tightly and we stare out into the fascinated expressions of our peers. I can feel Noah’s breath hot against my neck as he loudly asks our audience, “Who else in this house has Vanessa Murphy seduced?”
“Stop it!” I hiss, trying to squirm my way out of his hold. I am mortified. Noah will always use my history as a weapon, making my past into something I should be ashamed of, and as a couple hands shoot up around us, shame is exactly what I feel. Nick Foster pokes up a hand from the back of the room. Blake Nelson sheepishly raises a hand then pretends to only be scratching his hair.
Harrison rolls his eyes and holds up his hand. “Worst luck,” he says, as though the entire school doesn’t already know.
I try to elbow Noah in the ribs behind me, but he is quick to grasp my arms, locking them in place. He pins my body against his. “See?” he murmurs, burying his face into the crook of my neck. He lowers his voice so that no one else can hear him, and he whispers, “No one likes a tramp.”
I wish I could see the twisted expression on his face, and crush my fist straight into his nose. He’s resting his chin on my shoulder and I look at him out of the corner of my eye. “Funny,” I say quietly, my voice uneven. “You didn’t have a problem with me when it was you I was hooking up with.”
He snarls and tightens his grip on my arms.
“Let her go,” a husky voice orders. “Now.”
Kai emerges from the back of the kitchen, pushing his way to me the same way I had fought my way through the crowd to him yesterday morning. And, just like he was then, I am being taunted, abused at the hands of Harrison Boyd and Noah Diaz.
“Goddamn!” Harrison growls, throwing his hands up in exasperation as he turns to face Kai. One hand is balled into a fist by his side. “Did we kill some of your brain cells yesterday or what? You’re insane to come here.”
But Kai doesn’t even give Harrison a second look. He shoves past him, ramming his shoulder into Harrison’s, then stands before Noah and me. I’m still held in place, unable to move, and I stare numbly at Kai.
“Let her go,” he repeats, more demanding this time. He’s wearing all black, including a leather jacket that I would find knee-weakening if we were in any other situation right now, and his eyes are locked on Noah. I can see the worsening bruise beneath his eye, the cuts from the violence inflicted on him yesterday.
Noah’s laugh echoes into my ears like the sharp shrill of a bell. “Alright, Prince Charming. Have her,” he says, then pushes me hard toward Kai. I stumble, nearly losing my balance, but Maddie reaches out of the crowd and takes my hand, steadying me.
“I want to know,” Harrison says slowly, falling into place by Noah’s side. Their fiery eyes are set on Kai, each one prepared to back the other up. Harrison smirks, and I know exactly what’s coming next: something that’ll hit Kai where it hurts. “The tramp’s hooking up with you now. So, who do you rate higher? Vanessa or Sierra?”
As soon as the words have left Harrison’s mouth, Kai has hurled his fist through the air and straight into Harrison’s jaw at just the right angle. A collective gasp fills the house, and everyone pushes against one another to get a closer view, but there is no fight to see – Harrison spirals down to the floor, his body like a long plank of wood as he hits the ground with a hard thud.
Uproar ensues. A chorus of voices erupt, people are pushing, Maddie is screaming. Someone asks if they should call 911. Noah kneels to the ground, pulling at Harrison’s shoulders and demanding that he get back up. But Harrison is stunned and it’s taking both his body and his mind a while to process what’s just happened. Some of the other guys are quick to rally around their teammate, and between a handful of them, they manage to haul Harrison up from the ground. I look at Kai, but he’s staring wide-eyed at his hand, carefully stretching his fingers. He seems surprised by the power of his single punch.
“I want you both out of my house,” I hear Maddie say, and at first I think she is talking to Kai and me. But when I spin around to look at her, I realize she is talking to Noah and an unbalanced Harrison.
Noah has his arms hooked under Harrison’s arms as he drags him backward out of the kitchen, but he pauses. “He just needs a bed and some water. He’ll be up and running again in ten minutes. You can’t kick us out, Madison,” he says, and his tone is so self-righteous it’s almost sickening. It’s as though those guys believe parties are hosted solely for them.
“Yeah, I can,” Maddie argues, her hands on her hips as she steps forward. For how timid she usually is, it’s stunning to see her this resilient for once. “And I am. Take Harrison outside and get the hell out of here. I don’t want bullies in my house.”
Harrison tries to mumble something, but it’s unintelligible. Kai’s punch has rendered him dazed and unsteady on his feet. Noah glances down at his buddy, then back up at Maddie. “You don’t want to be friends, Maddie?” he asks sweetly, innocently pouting his lips as he plays on Maddie’s weakness. Everyone knows how hard Maddie tries to be on everyone’s good side. That’s why she was swept up into Harrison’s world in the first place.
Maddie smiles, all the power in her hands. “Friends with you? No thanks.”
Noah grits his teeth, shaking his head at Maddie as though she’ll live to regret her decision, then continues dragging Harrison away. A few other guys from the team go with them while we all watch from the kitchen until they have left the house with Harrison still mumbling, but gradually finding his own feet again.
There is an odd moment that happens where everyone is totally silent and still, and then suddenly normality returns. The music bumps back up, loud and deafening, and bodies start moving around again, drinks clinking as people get themselves new beers and resume their chat. It’s like the past five minutes never happened, and I think I prefer it that way. Noah and Harrison have humiliated me yet again, and I think I would die if everyone dwelled on it.
And Kai waltzing in like some hero in an action movie to save me like I’m some pathetic damsel in distress . . .
How dare he?
“You!” I hiss, pointing at Kai. He’s still massaging his hand, but he looks up, his expression worried. The anger in my voice must be evident. I grab his other hand, and pull him with me out of the kitchen and over into the living room where it’s less crowded. I grit my teeth, doing my utmost to hold on to my anger and ignore how gorgeous and badass he looks right now. “You don’t get to just stroll in here and rescue me.”
Kai frowns, cocking his head to one side. He looks at me gently, his voice soft. “You don’t think you needed rescuing, Nessie?”
“No, I didn’t. I could have gotten out of that situation on my own,” I lie, blatantly, only because I don’t want to give him any credit even though he did, in fact, save me. “I don’t need you, just like you don’t need me.”
Kai frowns at my words, instantly understanding the point that I’m making. He takes a wary step nearer to me and holds up his hands in surrender. “Okay, I know you’re still pissed at me after everything I said last night—”
“You’re damn right I’m still pissed at you!”
He sighs at my interruption and rubs his temples, trying to think of the right words to say. “Please don’t just cut me off completely because of some stupid shit I said when I was nervous. You know I didn’t mean it the way I said it. C’mon, Nessie,” he pleads, reaching for my hand. His knuckles are swollen. His gray-blue eyes pool with desperation. “Would I really have spent this entire week with you if I seriously thought those things?”
“You’ve only been hanging out with me because we shared the same goal,” I argue, pulling my hand back from his. I’m so angry with
myself. How did I fool myself into thinking Kai would ever be interested in a girl like me?
Now Kai is getting angry with me too. The muscle in his cheek twitches as he clenches his jaw tight. “Would I really have wasted every single night this week hanging out with a girl I didn’t like being around? Would I really have spent all week thinking about you when we weren’t together? Would I really have spent all day looking forward to the moment I saw you next?”
“And yet you’re too embarrassed to be with me,” I state. The words carry a sting that causes my heart to seize up, that feeling of suffocation returning again. I try to focus on my breathing as I shake my head. “But it doesn’t matter anyway, because you’re still in love with Sierra.”
“Oh my God!” Kai exclaims, his hands flying to his hair in exasperation, pulling at it as he closes his eyes. He deeply inhales. “How can I possibly be in love with Sierra when I think I might be falling in love with you?”
I stare at him, wondering if I’ve imagined those words coming from his mouth, but suddenly Kai is reaching out for me. He clasps my face in his hands and touches his lips down against mine.
And he kisses me in such a way that brings back all of the memories of our earlier kisses, like they’ve all been fused together. He kisses me with the gentle fragility of our first exchange in the Green McRusty on Wednesday when our interlocked lips were so new and unknown. He kisses me with the same energy of the moment his lips found mine in Harrison’s basement when the stakes felt so high. He kisses me with the same passion and care that he’d shown last night when things got heated in his bedroom, right before everything fell apart. And yet, here I am now: losing myself in Kai’s embrace, in his scent, in his kiss.
But not for too long, because I will myself to pull away so that I can read the emotion in his eyes. Did he really mean what he just said?
And that’s when I realize that everyone’s attention is fixated upon us. First we were arguing in the middle of the living room, then we were kissing. Everyone’s eyes are wide with fascination and, instantly, I feel like I could die with embarrassment. I look down at my sneakers and let my hair fall over my face so that I can hide.
“Perfect!” I hear Maddie say from beside me a second later. I steal a peek at her, and she is excitedly rubbing her hands together as she huddles in close to Kai and me. She keeps her voice quiet. “You guys did great! That looked so real and that kiss? Woah! Passionate. You should join the drama club! Oh my God. I’m putting your names down first thing on Monday!”
“That wasn’t . . . We weren’t pretending . . .” I stutter, but Maddie has already danced off across the room. I blink after her while Kai bursts into laughter by my side. I turn to him, amazed. No one is looking at us anymore.
“So now that Operation Harr-assassinate is over, it looks like we’re focusing our energy on drama club,” Kai says with that wonderful, devious look of his. He reaches for my wrist and skims his thumb delicately over the back of my hand. He glances up at me, almost shyly. “Can we go outside and talk?”
23
With my fingers intertwined with Kai’s, I follow him through the house and into the back yard. The snow is thick out here and decorated with so many different footprints of the people who have slipped outside to grab a smoke. A couple people chill out over on the patio dining set, sharing cigarettes and laughing into the cold air.
Chyna is also out here. I spot her leaning back against the house, hugging herself to keep warm. She’s talking to Malik Dorsey, her childhood crush who I’ve shared a couple classes with over the years, but she instantly catches my eye over his shoulder. Her expression grows perplexed as she glances back and forth between Kai and me. Last she heard, I didn’t want anything more to do with him, but yet here we are, standing hand-in-hand. She quickly excuses herself from Malik and shuffles over to us. “I’m confused,” she mumbles, looking expectantly at me for an explanation. Her dark eyes are glossy in the freezing air.
“How long have you been out here? Did you miss everything that just happened?” I ask. No wonder she looks frozen if she’s been standing out here the whole time.
Her eyebrows furrow. “What just happened? Besides the obvious.” She gives our hands a pointed glance and I feel my cheeks flush again, though I’m sure they’re already too pink from too much blush and the cold.
“You missed Kai floor Harrison with one punch, for starters.”
“What!” Chyna gasps, unfolding her arms and stepping forward. Her eyes go wide as she turns to Kai.
“He deserved it, of course,” Kai says, glancing down at the snow.
“I always miss out on the good stuff!” Chyna whines. She sighs and glances back over to Malik. “You know what, you can fill me in later, Vans.” The smile she gives me is kind and I know she does want the gossip, but she can see I’m busy with Kai, and she is busy with Malik.
I blow her a kiss, she blows me one, and we both keep them safe. She dashes back across the yard to continue her conversation with Malik.
“Come here,” Kai murmurs, squeezing my hand as he guides me over to some abandoned deck chairs. They’re covered in a layer of snow, but Kai swipes the snow away with his hands and then shrugs off his jacket. He lays the jacket down on one of the chairs and motions for me to sit.
If this is how we catch frostbite, I don’t even care.
We sit down side-by-side, huddled in close, our body warmth radiating between us. My skin is dotted with goosebumps and I hug my jacket tight around my body. I look at Kai, unsure of what exactly to say. My head is still spinning from the declaration he made back inside the house.
Luckily, Kai speaks first. “I didn’t mean anything that I said last night. It all came out wrong,” he tells me again, his voice quiet yet firm. “And I’m not in love with Sierra. Why would you even think that? She screwed me over.”
“I saw you with her . . .” I mumble. “Today at the mall.”
Kai looks as though he could laugh, and I stare blankly at him, wondering what is possibly so funny. He shakes his head, still smiling, and looks sideways at me. “Yeah, she works at Sephora. She begged me to meet her on her lunch break, and I couldn’t resist hearing what she had to say.”
“And what did she have to say?” I press. Were they or were they not rekindling their relationship?
“She apologized. Told me she was sorry for what she did, that she regrets it. Told me she wanted us to give things another shot.” He pauses for a moment, interlocking his hands between his knees the same way he had this morning when he was talking to Sierra at the mall, like he’s thinking really hard about something. He stares off into the distance. “And you know, the crazy thing is that I probably would have believed her. But,” he says, “I’m so not interested in her anymore. It made it so much easier to tell her to go to hell.”
“Oh, shit,” I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat. God, why do I always jump to conclusions? Here I was, adamant that Kai didn’t want me because he is still in love with Sierra, when he totally isn’t. The guilt sets in, because now I know I’ve been angry at him all day for no valid reason, and that’s not fair. Maybe I shouldn’t have run away so quickly last night either. I should have stayed and given him the chance to apologize.
Hell, I really need to stop jumping to conclusions.
Kai turns his body toward me and frowns as he takes in my expression. I wonder what he sees in my eyes as he looks at me, because even I don’t know how I feel. Everything is a total whirlwind. “You’re so scared of getting close to anyone, it’s like you just have to sabotage anything that has the potential to really be something,” he says.
His change of tone surprises me. I don’t like his accusatory statement. “What?”
“Admit it, Vanessa,” he says gently. “You’re trying to push me away. That’s why you’ve convinced yourself of all this bullshit. You’re telling yourself I don’t care about you, that I’m not interested, that I’m still in love with Sierra . . . because that’ll give you a reason.�
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I shake my head, even though his words ring true within me. “A reason for what?”
“For not seeing what could happen between us.”
Is that what I’ve been doing? Subconsciously sabotaging things with Kai by conjuring up things that aren’t real, like him still being in love with his ex, and him not being interested in me other than as an accomplice? Have I just been searching for a reason to cut him off because I’m scared?
The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. How did Kai notice what I couldn’t? How does someone I’ve known since Monday already know me better than I know myself?
“Wow,” is all I can say. I stare at the ground ahead, unblinking as my eyes begin to water. My teeth chatter too, but I clench my jaw to stop myself. I don’t know how to reply. I am paralyzed by the truth.
I do want to see where things go with Kai, but it makes me anxious that I feel this way after so long keeping everyone at arm’s-length. I’m so scared of getting serious with someone, of letting them in and then losing them, but I’m also scared of losing my chance with Kai. And it’s an awful feeling, being so torn and wanting to take a risk for once in my life, but also trying to protect myself the same way I have for the past two years. Is that why I’ve been trying to blame Kai by telling myself that he doesn’t want to take things further? Because that way, I wouldn’t have to make a decision?
“Don’t push me away, Nessie,” Kai says, reaching for my hand. I let him, and even though his are still damp and raw from clearing away the snow, the touch of his skin on mine feels perfect. “Can’t we just continue the way we are? Just hanging out and joking around together, and we’ll see where we end up? And if you want to do the kissing thing, then I’m totally cool with that.”
I finally look at him. His eyes are wide and hopeful, but also worried. He looks terrified that his words haven’t gotten through to me, that I’m going to tell him there is absolutely no chance in hell that we’ll ever be together like that. “Can I tell you something?” I ask.
The Wrong Side of Kai Page 22