Sage nodded and leaned against the bar, elbows perched so his forearms hung loosely between his body and the bar. “Is this a school distract rule, or is this a Ben rule?”
“It’s my own damn rule” I admitted. “But I have good reasons for tit.”
“Yeah? Let’s hear’em, then.” Sage was screwing with me, but my rule was in place for a good reason.
“First of all, it’s to prevent things from being awkward at work when we break up, like insubordination or drama. I don’t want to lose my entire career because of a false accusation of harassment or bias, or whatever else a vindictive ex might come up with just to make my life hell.”
“Wow. You’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“I have.” I couldn’t afford to be reckless where my livelihood, my passion was concerned.
“You don’t think much of Joss, do you?”
“It’s not specific to her.”
Sage frowned. “So, you don’t think she would do any of those things to you?”
I shook my head before I even had time to think about it, but Joss wasn’t the type to make a scene or throw a tantrum. Even tonight, she’d accepted my explanation and walked away.
“No, but you can never be too sure. Right?”
“Sure. I mean it all sounds like bullshit excuses to me, but I’m not a high school principal.” Sage shrugged his wide shoulders and pushed away from the bar before shoving his hands deep into his pockets. “But since Joss is looking for company and you’re not interested, maybe I’ll ask her out.”
I glared at the handsome bartender and he laughed. “Very funny.”
“Thanks, I’m not joking though. She’s smoking hot, likes sports and laughs easily. What’s not to like?”
“Exactly,” I groaned and finished my drink before I made my way home. To wallow.
In peace.
Joss
“Seriously Mara, it was beyond humiliating. Beyond!”
Mara and I shared a booth at the back end of The Mayflower, past the pool tables and dart boards, because there was no way I could complain about this to Sophie and Eva. They would likely give me some kind of professional pep talk designed to get me to forget the humiliation that burned through me even now, days later.
“It couldn’t have been that bad.” Mara’s tone was unusually sympathetic which meant she knew it was bad. “Tell me.”
I did. “Remember that red dress, the one that gave me the perfect hourglass shape?” She nodded with a subtle grin because it was Mara who’d finally convinced me to buy it. “I wore that with sexy heels that showed off the strength in my calves, my hair was set in sexy waves that any man would have wanted to run his fingers through. Sage, the hot lumberjack bartender practically drooled at the sight of me.”
Mara nodded and sipped her beer. “Sounds good so far.”
“Yeah well, then I spotted Ben and I didn’t think anything of it, you know? I figured he was meeting someone for dinner, at least until I spotted the tulips on the table, just as Sophie said they would be. The look on his face, Mara, god it was so bad! It was like, utter disappointment. Like he’d been set up on a date with his mother!” I couldn’t even stop thinking about the burn of humiliation, let alone stop the feeling from heating my whole body in embarrassment. “You know, I think you have it right with opting out of dating altogether.” It was easy to say you weren’t ready to give up when you still had a sliver of hope left, which I did. But that little sliver was nothing compared to the white-hot sting of embarrassment.
Mara scoffed at me, her expression incredulous. “After one bad date? Is that what you teach your soccer girls, to give up on soccer forever after one missed pass or kick?”
I blinked at her words and her tone. “Well, no. Obviously.”
“Ah, I got it. You only quit when it comes to your life?” I glared at the question, but Mara arched a brow at me. “You gave up on your brothers and now you’re giving up on yourself.”
I finished my beer and ordered another from a passing waitress. “And two shots of tequila, please.” I turned back to Mara. “That’s rich coming from you.”
“The difference is that I have my reasons, which we are not talking about right now. Just know that it wasn’t a decision I came to lightly.” Curiosity to know exactly what had happened weighed heavy on me, but I knew Mara wouldn’t talk until she was ready. “We’re talking about you, giving up after one bad date.”
“It wasn’t even a date, Mara, it didn’t get that far. On account of him being totally grossed out by me.”
“Grossed out? Seriously?”
I nodded. “Yes, there’s no other way to put it. He gave me some song and dance about not dating employees, blah, blah, but I know an excuse when I hear one. I’ve given out a few over the years.”
“Maybe it’s the truth, I mean what are the odds that you two were matched at all?” She shrugged again. “Maybe it means something?”
“Yeah, it means Sophie’s algorithm is broken.” That was the only explanation. Right?
She laughed and shook her head. “Or maybe it means that there’s something there.”
“You don’t believe that.” Mara was far too cynical to believe in things like ‘the one’ or any such nonsense.
“Doesn’t matter what I believe,” she said just as the waitress returned with more drinks. Mara lifted her shot glass and smiled wide. “It only matters what you believe.”
I lifted my shot for a quick moment and then poured the icy liquid down my throat until it warmed me from the inside out. “I believe that it’s time for me to accept the truth, I’m not the kind of woman who inspires lust or whatever, in men.”
Mara shook her head and slammed her shot glass on the table. “Then I believe you should go out on another date, with a man who isn’t Ben.” She whispered his name, and I flashed a grateful smile at her discretion.
“That’s a terrible idea, Mara. You’re supposed to welcome me to the dark side, tell me how great it is to orgasm every single time thanks to high powered batteries, to only shave when I feel like it, or to spend all weekend in my jammies.”
“First, that sounds lonely and pathetic. Second, that’s not my life.”
“Okay fine, but that sounds pretty great to me.” Did that mean I was destined to become a cat-less cat lady? More importantly, what did it say about me that I wasn’t bothered by it?
“Fine, that’s your backup plan, okay? But you have to try again, or else you’ll always wonder if you gave up too soon.”
“Do you?”
“Sometimes, sure, but I’m confident in my decision. I dated enough after that to know I made the right decision. But if I change my mind, then I can. And I will.” Now it was Mara’s turn to order another round of drinks to forget about the past she kept to herself.
“Hello, ladies.” I recognized the smooth deep voice of Pilgrim’s head law officer without even looking up.
“Xander,” Mara groaned.
“Can we join you?”
I almost said sure, but Mara jumped in first. “Nope. We’re having a private conversation so, go find your own table.” I wondered if she and Xander had a past the rest of us didn’t know about, but that curiosity died when I finally looked up to see who stood beside him.
Ben. Principal Rutherford.
“She’s right. We’re having a private conversation.” Xander’s smile dimmed just a fraction and I focused on that, on him and not on the person next to him, the reason for my own humiliation.
“Sorry to intrude, then.” His gaze lingered on Mara for a long moment before he took a step back. “Come on, Ben.”
Unable, or unwilling to read the room, Ben took a step forward, his green eyes filled with guilt, which was the last thing I needed. “We should talk, Joss.”
I shook my head like a petty little girl, but I had enough alcohol in me to not care as much as Sober Joss would care. “No, we shouldn’t. This is my off time and you’re not my boss here, so we have nothing to talk about.�
�
“Come on, Joss. I just want to apologize.”
I shook my head again. “I already told you that I don’t need, or want, your apology. Just go find someone more suitable and leave me alone.” I glared at Ben, not out of anger, but more out of a need to get him to get the hell away from me and end my embarrassment. “Please, just go.”
Our waitress had excellent timing, sliding between the men and our table with another round of shots and two bottles of beer. “Not a moment too soon,” Mara growled and raised her glass with a smile. “To not letting the past get in the way of a good time.”
I knew what she was doing and I was grateful. “I’ll cheers to that!” Things grew a little fuzzy after that shot, but I was fine with it since tomorrow wasn’t a work day, not technically, just a few staff meetings which meant I didn’t have to dress up or be alert. Just present.
Maybe that was the goal I needed to aim for, just being present without worrying about past humiliations and rejections or anticipating future ones.
I didn’t know if it was a good plan or a bad plan, but it was certainly better than wallowing.
Ben
I loved being at the high school when it was empty. Things were quiet and peaceful. Two things no high school ever was, except on days like today when the students were free to stay out late and sleep in, while the teaching staff spent half a day in meetings. In-service days were a necessary evil for educators since it was impossible to schedule staff-wide meetings during the school day.
The staff didn’t appreciate the early mornings for in-service days, but I knew they did appreciate having the rest of the day free, so I refused to change the time, no matter how much they complained. I’d spent ninety minutes in silence going over my notes and catching up on all the tasks that often get re-prioritized as more pressing matters rose to the surface, and before I knew it, my eight-thirty alarm chimed.
Since the school was empty, we used the cafeteria for these meetings that always included some kind of snack, a thought that had me on my feet as my stomach rumbled with hunger. I shouldn’t have skipped breakfast, I knew that. But too much time alone gave me too much time to think about Joss’ reaction to me last night, and every time I’ve seen her since our date that never rose to the level of being an actual date.
I knew I had to find a way to get her to forgive me, if for no other reason than we had to work together and I preferred to have a good working relationship with my staff as much as possible. But that wasn’t the only reason. I missed those smiles she used to save just for me, the way her blue eyes lit up whenever she looked in my direction. I felt like a hero in her eyes, something that was seriously lacking in my life.
“Smells amazing in here.” The parking lot wasn’t empty, but with five minutes to spare, I knew the teachers gathered somewhere to talk before the work day officially began.
“Everything from Bread Box smells amazing,” a familiar voice said without a hint of emotion.
Joss. “Where’s Martha?”
“Some kind of stomach issue with Herb, so she asked me to pick up the pastries.” She kept busy setting out donuts, bagels and muffins first, and then napkins and coffee. “There are no coffee sticks. Or creamer.”
I waited a beat, hoping she would turn around and, at least, give me an angry look. But all I got was a big fat nothing. “I’ll go get them.”
Joss said nothing in response to that, and she remained mostly silent as the rest of the staff filtered into the cafeteria, and the meeting began. I didn’t like this version of Joss, so quiet and subdued, so stingy with her smiles and big blue gaze. Nothing I said or did drew her gaze to me and I knew she avoided meeting my eyes on purpose.
Out of anger or hurt, I didn’t know, but it didn’t matter because the effect was the same.
But I wasn’t a quitter, and I knew I needed to find some way to get her to talk to me long enough to accept my apology. “The parent teacher conferences are coming up soon, any volunteers to help organize it?” Pilgrim was too small for an organized Parent Teachers Association, so we relied mostly on volunteers, something Joss had proven herself willing to do since she arrived.
I looked around the room expectantly and found most gazes diverted, which I expected, but I Joss’ gaze was unexpectedly diverted as well. Crap.
“I’ll do it,” the Dean of students, Matt Letterman smiled beside his girlfriend, the Lit teacher.
“Me too, I guess.” Lara flashed a look of love up at Matt and smiled sweetly. “We can do a late dinner when it’s all over.”
“Sounds perfect,” he said and leaned in for a quick kiss that sent a round of groans up from the group.
I couldn’t agree more, but I kept my opinion to myself because my staff was free to date whomever they wanted, as long as it didn’t interfere with the job.
“Great, thanks. If anyone else wants to sign up, you know where to find me.” I had a feeling Joss wouldn’t be finding me anytime soon, so I made a note to find her after the meeting was over. Most teachers would spend an hour or two going over the lesson plans for the next semester or planning final exams, so they could leave work behind when the day was over.
Thinking I might find Joss in her classroom, I hurried with a bit more energy in my step, thanks to the sugar high from three donuts and one banana macadamia nut muffin. I didn’t need to open the door to know she wasn’t there. The lights were off and the door was locked.
Message received.
Joss
“Joss, did we have an appointment today?”
Eva strolled into the reception area, looking gorgeous in a figure-hugging black dress with fire engine red stilettos and matching lips.
I stood from the chair, ignoring my own outfit which was nothing more than jeans and a half-attempt at looking like a woman in a soft pink sweater that I was pretty sure made my pale skin look like death warmed over. “No, but my last hour of the day is my free period and I wanted to stop by to talk to you.”
“Uh oh, I know that tone, and I know I’m not going to like it. Come on, tell me what’s wrong.” Eva turned on her heels and sauntered down the hall before she disappeared into her office, just ahead of me.
“Nothing is wrong, but I’ve changed my mind about my search for love and all that.” I could have sounded more confident, but I wasn’t feeling it, and I just wanted to get the conversation over with as soon as possible so I could go home and curl up on the sofa. “So, I won’t be needing your services any longer.”
“This has to do with your date with Ben.” Sophie’s voice sounded behind me, startling me with her words.
I shook my head, hoping my face didn’t give away my emotions. “No, it doesn’t have anything to do with that.” It was more that Ben’s reaction had obliterated any confidence I had about dating in the first place, and I needed time to get back to that place before I would be ready again.
“I’m so sorry Joss.” Eva’s dark brows dipped in concern. “He didn’t tell us until after the date that he didn’t want to be matched with any of the people who worked for him.” After the fact was just a kind way of rejecting me without saying it flat out, but I kept my expression neutral so they wouldn’t know how much it had bothered me.
I shrugged it off like it didn’t matter. “It’s all right, no apology necessary. But I’ve just decided that I’m not ready for forever. Not yet.” Or ever, but I kept that bit to myself.
“No one is ready for forever until it’s thrust in their face.” Sophie took the chair beside me, her gaze bouncing from me to where Eva sat behind her desk, concern knitting her brows. “Look at me, I almost lost my best friend because I wasn’t ready to admit how I felt about him.”
“Exactly,” Eva added. “I didn’t think I would fall for a man whose entire job go against everything I believe in, but we’re getting married. Soon.”
Sophie noticed first, that their words weren’t changing my mind, and sighed. “We have more matches for you Joss, will you at least give them a chance?”
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br /> I shook my head with a sad smile. “No, sorry. I’m just not ready, and I don’t want to waste your time. I respect you and your work too much to waste time when nothing will come of it.” I had enough rejection for the moment to know that I wasn’t ready for the minefield of dating, especially dating in a small town.
“Are you sure?” Sophie wore a heartbroken look that made me feel guilty because I knew she took her job seriously, and I knew she would see this as a personal failure. “Maybe we can just take a break and revisit things in a few weeks?”
“Okay fine, but I’ll call you when or if I’m ready to start again.” I stood on shaky legs that felt numb as they carried me out of the Time for Love offices and to my car, making a quick stop for pizza before heading home. I wasn’t in the mood for socializing, so I decided to skip the football game in favor of a quiet night at home. Tomorrow was the first playoff game for my team and I needed to focus on that.
Nothing but that.
With a clear plan for the rest of the night, I made my way home for a night of too many carbs and streaming reality television. It sounded perfect. And it would have been, if not for the two shadowy figures sitting on my porch. Not much bad happened in Pilgrim aside from the odd burglary and juvenile vandalism, so I wasn’t that worried. But as a single woman there was just enough alarm to set the pizza on the hood of my car and dig for my pepper spray.
I didn’t get too close because I wasn’t a fool. “Who are you and what do you want?”
One figure, the bigger one, stood and stepped forward with massive arms folded over a wide chest and I recognized him immediately. Nate Callahan. “Are you Joss Callahan?”
I took a step back at his firm tone, the back of my legs hitting the fender. “I am Joss Callahan, yes.”
He took another step forward and the other figure, who I assumed was Jase, put a hand to his chest to stop his movement. “Where in the hell do you get off coming to my home and spreading lies to my wife?”
Misbehaving Curves: A Boss Romance Page 4