Thea at Sixteen

by Susan Beth Pfeffer

  “Like angry,” Kip said, opening the door for Thea to walk through. He followed her out, and they continued to stand together. It was a perfect end-of-September day, the leaves turning, and the sky pure blue. The hospital was on a hill, and from the front door, Thea could see Briarton laid out below. Gina’s bed had a view of the town, and Thea had wondered if she liked that, or if it bothered her to know there was a world out there with normal healthy kids.

  “You have a lot to be angry about,” Thea replied.

  “It’s not that simple,” Kip said. “Where do you live?”

  “On Oak Street,” Thea said.

  “Really?” Kip said. “I would have thought you’d live in one of the newer developments. Or is your family having a not-rich stage right now?”

  “My mother wanted a house she could renovate,” Thea said. “So we found a beautiful old Victorian that needs a lot of work. She’s been working on it since we moved in, but once she’s through, it’s going to be perfect. I really hope we’ll stay there forever.”

  “You don’t sound like that’s going to happen,” Kip said.

  “We’ve moved around a lot,” Thea replied. “Where do you live?”

  “North Street,” Kip said. “In a ratty, small apartment. How about if I walk you home?”

  “That’s fine,” Thea said. “But won’t it be out of your way?”

  “I know some shortcuts,” Kip said. “And I have some extra time. Dani won’t be expecting me for another hour.”

  “All right,” Thea said. They started walking away from the hospital, going downhill. Thea always liked that part of the walk home. It was easier than the walk to the hospital, with the last couple of hundred yards always feeling as though they were on a forty-five-degree angle. “What’s not that simple about your anger?”

  “Do you know much about alcoholism?” Kip asked.

  “No,” Thea said.

  “Well, I know a lot about it,” Kip declared. “My mother’s an alcoholic, although she manages to hold on to a job. She never drinks before going to work, which is why this four-to-midnight job is so good for her.”

  “That must be hard on all of you,” Thea said.

  “You make adjustments,” Kip replied. “Everybody has a role. You have a part to play and you play it. One kid might take care of everybody else in the family. One kid is the scapegoat, the troublemaker. One kid runs away, another could make jokes. Only my family got everything screwed up.”

  “I don’t see that,” Thea said. “You’re clearly the grown-up, and Dani’s the troublemaker. I don’t know which one Gina is, but maybe that’s because she’s been sick.”

  “Gina’s sickness is the problem,” Kip said. “You have to remember, Gina’s been sick forever. Before then, we had one set of roles, and ever since then, we’ve had to shift those roles around. Dani used to be the jokemaker. When she was little, she could make the trees smile. And I was the runaway. I stayed away from home as much as I could. I was always sleeping over at a friend’s house, even if I wasn’t invited, which half the time I wasn’t. I felt bad, because I knew my parents were fighting, and things were worse when I wasn’t there, but most of me figured that I was their lookout. I didn’t even care enough to protect Dani and Gina.”

  “But then Gina got sick,” Thea said.

  “Right,” Kip said. “She got sick and my father pulled out. He became the runaway, which was really cheating. My mother was already drinking, but after that, she drank a lot more, and Dani stopped making jokes, and I had to become the grown-up. That’s what makes me mad. I don’t like being this responsible. I’m not a responsible sort of person. I like hiding from things, not having to deal with them. You think I like having to put off college?”

  “No,” Thea said.

  “I went through a lot to get the scholarships I needed, and the loans,” Kip declared. “I begged on paper. I begged on the phone. Once I begged in person. I hated it. But then Gina got sick again, and the treatments didn’t help, and I knew it was just a matter of time, of months, and I had to tell all those people I’d begged from that college was going to have to wait. My life is on hold until Gina dies. That means part of me wants Gina to die, so I can get on with things.”

  “You don’t want Gina to die,” Thea said. “I’ve seen you with her. You love her too much.”

  “Part of me wants her to die,” Kip said. “We all do. Maybe even Gina wants it a little.”

  “Well, I don’t,” Thea said. “And I’m going to keep hoping for a miracle. People go into remission unexpectedly. People get cured unexpectedly, too. That’s what I want.”

  “Fine,” Kip said. “But do me a favor.”

  “What?” Thea asked. She wasn’t ready yet to grant Kip one without finding out what it was first.

  “Don’t fill Gina up with false hopes,” Kip said.

  “About her getting well?” Thea asked.

  “About everything,” Kip said. “Don’t tell her she’s going to visit your family, when she’s never going to leave the hospital again. And don’t tell her that precious sister Sybil of yours is going to come for a visit, unless you know for sure she really will. Gina doesn’t have anything, so she hopes for things a little more than most people. All she’s going to talk about for the next three days is Sybil’s visit.”

  “I can’t guarantee that Sybil will visit,” Thea said.

  “That’s my point,” Kip said. “You can’t guarantee, but Gina’s going to count on it. And I don’t want her to be disappointed again.”

  “I was going to say that I couldn’t guarantee it, but I was sure Sybil would come,” Thea declared angrily. “We do things for each other in my family. Not because we’re scared or because of roles we play, but because we want to. And when Sybil hears how important it is to me, she’ll come visit Gina.”

  “I sure hope so,” Kip said. “I don’t want to be the one to have to explain to Gina why the legendary Sybil isn’t there.”

  “You won’t have to,” Thea said. “That I do guarantee.”

  CHAPTER FIVE

  “I don’t see why we have to do this,” Claire grumbled. “Wouldn’t it be easier just to paint?”

  “Easier isn’t necessarily better,” Meg replied. “I don’t want to cover this grime with another coat of paint. I want to clean it off, and then paint.”

  “Fine,” Claire said. “Then you do it. Why should I have to?”

  “Because this is a family project,” Nick said. “And you’re part of this family, Claire. As long as you live under this roof, you have responsibilities.”

  “I’ll move, then,” Claire said.

  “Think of it as historic grime,” Sybil said. “Filth of a hundred years.”

  “If this dirt could talk,” Thea said. “The wars. The anguish.”

  “The sex?” Claire asked.

  “I don’t know how much sex the dining room saw,” Meg said. “I don’t even want to know how much sex the dining room saw.”

  Everyone laughed. Thea put her pair of rubber gloves on, grabbed a bucket of soapy water, and dropped in a sponge. She had the left-side wall to clean, and the sooner she got to it, the quicker the job would be done.

  Sybil followed Thea’s lead and was soon hard at work on her wall. Meg scrubbed away as well, and even Claire got into the rhythm, and cleaned. Thea noticed though that Claire took frequent breaks to check on her fingernails. Nicky, who hated working with his hands, provided the fresh buckets of soapy water.

  Thea climbed a ladder, and scrubbed close to the ceiling. She felt it wouldn’t hurt to have some distance between herself and Sybil when she made her request.

  “Do you have any plans for Monday afternoon, Sybil?” she asked, trying to sound casual.

  “I don’t know,” Sybil said. “Megs, do I have any plans?”

  “Not that I know of,” Meg replied. “Why?”

  “Because Thea just asked me,” Sybil said.

  “I know that,” Meg said. “Why did Thea ask?”


  “I don’t know,” Sybil said. “Why don’t you ask her?”

  Thea was afraid if she laughed too hard she’d knock the bucket off the ladder. “I asked because, well, it’s kind of hard to explain.”

  “That means it has something to do with money,” Claire said. “Everything else is easy to explain.”

  “If only that were true,” Nick said. “Anyone need a fresh bucket?”

  “I do,” Sybil said, and Nicky brought it over to her. “What’s up, Thea?”

  “Thea’s up,” Claire said. “On the ladder.”

  “If you’d all stop with the editorial comments, I’d tell you,” Thea said.

  “You have my undivided attention,” Nick declared.

  Unfortunately, it wasn’t Nicky’s attention that Thea wanted. She sighed, scrubbed, and thought about how to put it. “You know Gina, the girl I’ve been visiting?” she began.

  “That poor child,” Meg said. “How is she, Thea?”

  “She’s okay,” Thea said. “I mean, she’s dying, so I guess she isn’t okay, but she isn’t dead yet, so I guess she’s okay.” She scowled. None of this was coming out the way she wanted.

  “I never want to be sick,” Sybil declared.

  “Nobody wants to be sick,” Claire said. “Unless you have a test you didn’t study for.”

  “That’s not what I mean,” Sybil said. “I mean I hate everything about sickness and hospitals.”

  “You don’t know anything about sickness and hospitals,” Claire said.

  “That’s right,” Thea said. “You might like them once you got to know them.”

  Everyone laughed. Thea felt like drowning in dirty suds water. “I could use a new bucket,” she said.

  “You could use a new brain,” Claire said.

  “Stop that,” Meg said. “Now, Thea, what do you want to tell us about Gina?”

  Thea smiled down at her mother. Trust Megs to figure out how Thea should explain her problem. “I tell Gina stories about us,” Thea said. “About the family. She has a brother and a sister, but she likes to hear about all of us.”

  “We know she has a brother,” Claire said. “All you ever talk about is Kip.”

  “I do not,” Thea said. She hadn’t been aware of talking about him at all. She’d probably casually mentioned him once, and Claire had remembered because Claire remembered everything having to do with males.

  “Yes, you do,” Sybil said. “It’s always Kip was here or Kip said that. You talk about him almost as much as Evvie talks about Sam.”

  “You’re both crazy,” Thea said, feeling very uncomfortable. “Anyway, that’s beside the point. Gina has a sister, too, Dani, but she never comes to visit.”

  “Dani Dozier?” Claire asked. “She’s Gina’s sister?” “Yeah,” Thea said. “You know her?”

  “Everyone knows her,” Claire replied. “She’s really wild.”

  Thea couldn’t tell whether Claire approved or disapproved. She wasn’t about to find out, either. “Gina is nothing like Dani,” she said.

  “She couldn’t be,” Claire pointed out. “Stuck in a hospital bed all the time.”

  “That’s what I wanted to say,” Thea replied. “Gina is stuck there, and she has heard all about you, and she really wants to meet you. Sybil, I mean.”

  “Why does she want to meet me?” Sybil asked. “I don’t know her.”

  “If you knew her, she wouldn’t have to meet you,” Claire said. “Nicky, if I have to do this, could you at least bring me another bucket.”

  “I never got mine, either,” Thea said.

  “Sorry,” Nick said. “I was engrossed in your conversation.” He left for the kitchen, and they all paused until he brought in two fresh buckets. Thea noticed, not for the first time, how everything in their family seemed to stop when Nicky left the room.

  “Thanks,” Thea said as he handed her the bucket. She rinsed her sponge out, and began to scrub again. “She wants to meet you, Sybil, because you’re both twelve years old. That’s all. I’ve told her all about us, and frankly, her life is pretty miserable. I mean, it would be even if she wasn’t sick. Her father walked out years ago, her mother drinks, and they don’t have any money.”

  “Poor girl,” Meg said.

  “All that and cancer, too,” Claire said. “She must be a bundle of laughs.”

  “She’s very nice,” Thea said. “And Kip is also.” She blushed as soon as she said his name, and waited for the teasing to begin. Only it didn’t.

  “You know, when I suggested the volunteer work, I never thought you’d be dealing with families like that,” Nick declared. “That wasn’t at all what I wanted for you.”

  “It was Mrs. Chambers’s idea,” Thea said. “She matched me with Gina. They all love Gina at the hospital.”

  “I suppose,” Nick said. “Still, next time, maybe I’ll think a little harder before making a suggestion.”

  Thea knew it had been more an order than a suggestion, but she wasn’t about to bring it up. “Anyway, Sybil,” she said. “I told Gina you’d visit her, so she could meet you.”

  “Oh, Thea,” Sybil said. “I don’t want to.”

  “It won’t be for long,” Thea said. “It isn’t like you have to see her twice a week, like I do. Just come with me Monday afternoon for a half hour or so. It would mean so much to her.”

  “Sure, that’s fine if she’s really dying,” Sybil said. “But what if she hangs on, and she expects me to visit her again and again?”

  “Sybil!” Meg said sharply.

  “Thea didn’t have any right to say I’d come,” Sybil said. “I don’t care if she goes to the hospital and visits some crummy sick person. But that doesn’t mean I have to.”

  “I’m very sorry to hear you talk that way,” Meg said. “I thought you had some compassion in you, Sybil, for those who need it.”

  “You mean she sounds like me,” Claire said. “I’m on your side, Sybil. Thea is always volunteering people for stuff like that. She figures just because she likes playing Lady Bountiful, we all should.”

  Thea considered dumping her bucket of water on Claire, but Megs was in the way, and Megs was her ally. “It’s just one afternoon,” she said. “Gina’s dying, Sybil. She could be dead next week. I’m asking you to give up one hour of your life for someone who’s dying.”

  “It isn’t just an hour of my life,” Sybil said. “Scrubbing this dining room is giving up an hour of my life, and you haven’t heard me complain about that. But I hate hospitals. They scare me. And I wouldn’t know what to say to her, and she probably won’t like me, anyway. I know the way you talk about us, Thea. It’s like we’re angels or something. How do you think I’ll feel if I go to visit this dying kid, and she takes one look at me and hates me?”

  “You’ll still feel a lot better than she does,” Thea declared. “And besides, she won’t hate you. She’s just a normal kid, Sybil. She reads TV Dreamstars magazine.”

  “I certainly don’t read TV Dreamstars magazine,” Sybil said. “What kind of an idiot do you take me for?”

  “A selfish one, apparently,” Thea said. Where was Evvie when she needed her. Evvie could talk Sybil into anything.

  “You’re the one who’s being selfish,” Sybil said. “Trying to make me do something I don’t want to do.”

  “That’s right, Thea,” Claire said. “You think now that Evvie’s away, you can boss us around.”

  “This has nothing to do with Evvie, and nothing to do with bossing,” Thea said, although she had just been wishing that Evvie were there to boss Sybil around. “This has to do with being kind.”

  “I don’t want to be kind,” Sybil said. “I’m not a kind person.”

  “Megs!” Thea cried. “Nicky!”

  “Sybil, I think you’re behaving badly,” Meg declared. “Even if you aren’t a kind person, you can still spare a couple of hours to bring cheer into someone’s life. I’m going to be very disappointed in you if you don’t go.”

  Thea smiled. Megs h
ad come through, and now Nicky was sure to. They always agreed on the important things.

  “Nicky, do I have to go?” Sybil asked. Thea could tell Sybil was making a last-ditch appeal she didn’t expect to win.

  “I’m not so sure it’s a good idea for Sybil to go,” Nick declared.

  “Nicky!” Thea shrieked. She shook the ladder so much some drops of water fell on Megs’s head.

  “Thea!” Meg said. “Nicholas! What is going on with this family?”

  “We hate scrubbing walls,” Claire said. “This is what happens when you make us scrub walls.”

  “You really mean I don’t have to go, Nicky?” Sybil asked. “Oh, thank you.”

  “Hear me out, Daisy,” Nick said. “These are not desirable people. These are definitely not the sort of people we want our daughters to spend time with.”

  “She’s a dying girl,” Meg said.

  “She’s a dying girl from a trashy family,” Nick said. “Everything Thea has told us about them is bad. Desertion, alcoholism, no money. This Kip person Thea keeps talking about. What does he do?”

  “He’s sub assistant manager at the Burger Bliss,” Thea said.

  “Exactly,” Nick said. “It’s bad enough Thea has to spend time with them, but I guess it’s too late to prevent that. Claire, I want you to promise me you won’t have anything to do with that other sister, what’s-her-name, Dani.”

  “I give you my solemn word, Nicky,” Claire said. “I wouldn’t want to have anything to do with her, anyway. She’s cheap.”

  “I’m not surprised to hear it,” Nick said. “Thea, I don’t want Mrs. Chambers to get the wrong idea about you, so you can keep seeing Gina twice a week. But that’s the only contact I want any member of this family to have with her or her family.”

  “Nicky, you are so wrong,” Thea said. “They’re not like that. And besides, the only ones I ever see are Gina and Kip. And you’d like Kip, Nicky. He’s going to go to college as soon as he can. He’s just working at the Burger Bliss to help out while Gina’s … while she’s still sick.”

  “You mean until she dies,” Sybil said. “I hate the idea of someone my age dying of something. It’s bad enough getting cramps.”