"Then what'll we do with it?" Andy asked.
"Aw, gee, Andy, let me think." Josh pretended to act dumb. "We could go find all those kids and give it back. Better yet, we could give it to charity. Hey! Wait! Here's a really crazy idea! We'll keep it ourselves!"
"But it's not right," Andy argued.
Josh rolled his eyes. "Okay, Andy, I see your point. Tell you what. I'll take the money. Then you won't have to worry about it anymore. How's that sound?"
Andy frowned. "On second thought, maybe we should split it."
Josh smirked. "Surprise, surprise."
13
At home I was putting the vegetables in the refrigerator when Jessica came into the kitchen.
"That's for Lanny?" she asked.
"Yeah." I closed the refrigerator door.
"How are you going to get to the mall at five o'clock in the morning?"
"Shiela Shield told me to take a cab," I said. "You sure you can get a cab at that hour?" "I don't know," I said. "I guess."
"If you can't get a cab, get me up and I'll take you," she said.
"I thought the last thing you wanted to do was be my personal chauffeur."
"Normally, that would be true," Jessica admitted. "But this isn't normal, Jake. How often do you get to work with a supermodel?"
"I thought you despised everything a super-model stands for," I said.
"I do, Jake," she said. "But I'm not thinking of her. I'm thinking of you. This could be a huge opportunity."
"Opportunity for what?"
"For your future," she said. "For a career." "A career as a supermodel's assistant?"
"No, but you might decide to become a photographer, or a makeup man, or a stylist."
"What's a stylist do?" I asked.
"Hair and clothes."
"Are you out of your mind? Why would I want a career in hair and clothes?"
"Okay, you're right, forget that." Jessica sighed. "So, I forgot what you said about the mini-thingie."
"The Mini-DITS?" I said. "What about it?" "Oh, nothing." My sister started to look at a magazine.
I left the kitchen and went upstairs. Jessica wasn't making sense, but there was nothing particularly new about that. I went into my room and sat down on my bed. What a day! It seemed like everyone I knew was acting weird because of this supermodel thing.
I did my homework and had dinner and watched TV in the den. When I went back up to my room, I had a slightly weird feeling that things weren't quite the way I'd left them. Everything looked almost normal. All the drawers of my dresser were closed except the bottom one. But that was the one drawer I never went into. Maybe Jessica had been searching my room. Maybe not. One thing was certain. If I asked her, she was bound to deny it.
14
Rap! Rap! The sound of knocking on my door woke me. The room was dark. The red numerals on my radio alarm said 4:30. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.
Rap! Rap! "Jake?" It was Jessica.
"Go away," I moaned.
"You have to get up."
"It's the middle of the night. Go away."
"You're supposed to be at the mall in half an hour."
"Forget it. I quit." I rolled over and pulled the pillow over my head.
"What about Lanny's vegetables?"
"Let her come get them."
The next thing I knew, someone was shaking my shoulder. The lights in my room were on. The glare was horrible. I had to cover my eyes with my hand. "You have to get up, Jake. You have a responsibility. You accepted the job. Now you have to do it."
"I did it." I buried my head under the pillow again. "I bought the stupid vegetables. Leave me alone."
"No."
"Then why don't you bring her the stupid vegetables?" I suggested.
Jessica paused for a moment. I prayed she'd decide to do it and let me go back to sleep. But the next thing I knew, she started shaking my shoulder again. "It's your job and your responsibility, Jake. Come on, you're late. You don't even have time to call a cab. I'll have to drive you myself."
A little while later, still half asleep, I found myself sitting in the car with a big bag of cold vegetables on my lap.
"Are you nervous?" Jessica asked as we drove down the dark, empty streets.
"No, I'm tired." I yawned.
"Aren't you curious why they want you at the mall at five o'clock in the morning?"
"No." I closed my eyes and leaned back in the seat. I was just falling back to sleep when Jessica suddenly gasped. "Oh, wow!"
15
Iopened my eyes. The mall parking lot looked Ilike a night scene from the Old West with a bunch of covered wagons circled around a brightly glowing campfire. Only instead of covered wagons there were big trucks and motor homes. And instead of a campfire there were bright, glowing white-hot lights. Even though it was five in the morning, a lot of people were milling around.
"They must be shooting," Jessica said as she steered the car into the parking lot.
"Shooting who?" I yawned.
"Not who, what," Jessica said. "It's a photo shoot, Jake."
"Oh, right." Ahead of us in the headlight beams a police officer held up his hand. It was Officer Parsons of the Jeffersonville police. I knew him because he almost busted Andy in my dog Lance's body the time Andy and Lance switched.
Jessica rolled down her window. "Hey, Officer Parsons."
"Hi, Jessica. Hi, Jake," he said. "Sorry, but this is as far as you can go."
"How come?" my sister asked.
"They're doing some kind of photo shoot and the area is off-limits," Officer Parsons explained.
"But Jake's part of it." Jessica explained the contest I'd won. Officer Parsons told us to wait while he went back to his car and checked my name on the official list. A few moments later he was back.
"Okay, Jake," he said, leaning in the window. "You can go in."
"What about me?" my sister asked.
Officer Parsons shook his head. "Sorry, Jessica, they're really strict about who comes in."
Jessica frowned. "Well, okay, you better go, Jake."
"Thanks for the ride, Jess." I got out of the car with my bag of groceries.
"You know where you're supposed to go?" Officer Parsons asked.
"Not really," I said. "I'm supposed to bring these vegetables to Lanny Shanks."
"That's her trailer." Officer Parsons pointed at a long yellow motor home with a small gray satellite dish on top.
"That's not a trailer, it's a motor home," I said.
"I know," said the police officer. "But these folks call them trailers."
I carried the bag over to the motor home. The lights were on inside, but the shades were drawn, and I couldn't see in. In the front window was a sign that said: MIDDLE OF NOWHERE SHOOT.
I knocked on the door. A second later it was opened by a short blond woman. "Can I help you?"
I explained who I was and that I'd come bearing vegetables.
"Oh, great. Thanks." The blond woman took the bag of vegetables and started to close the door.
"Wait," I said.
"Yes?" said the blond woman.
I pointed at the sign in the window of the motor home. "Why's it say Middle of Nowhere Shoot?"
"That's just the name they gave it," she explained. "Every photo shoot has a name. Like London Night Life or Caribbean Beaches. It's, like, the theme."
"And this is the middle of nowhere?"
"Better believe it." The blond woman started to close the motor home door again.
"Wait!" I said. "What am I supposed to do now?"
"Whatever you like." Then she closed the door for good.
16
By the time I got to school that morning all I wanted to do was go back to sleep. I got out of the cab and found Andy and Josh waiting by the front entrance. Behind them in the school
lobby was a big crowd of kids. Josh and Andy
hurried toward me.
"How was it?" Josh asked eagerly.
"What's
she like?" asked Andy.
"Why do you care?" I asked.
"Just tell us," Josh insisted.
"It was boring, and I have no idea what she's like," I answered with a yawn.
My friends frowned. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, I gave them the vegetables and then sat around for the whole rest of the time and didn't do a thing."
"But you met Lanny, right?" Andy asked.
I shook my head.
"You sure you didn't meet her?" Josh asked.
"I think I'd know if I met her, guys."
Josh and Andy traded a worried look and then glanced at the crowd of kids waiting in the school lobby.
Josh turned to me. "How do you feel about lying?"
"It'll be worth your while," Andy added. "We promise."
I rolled my eyes. "What scam are you guys up to this time?"
Josh and Andy shared a guilty look.
"See all those kids in the lobby?" Josh said. "Each one of them has already paid to meet someone who knows Lanny Shanks."
"If you don't tell them you met her we're gonna have to give all the money back," Andy said.
I shook my head. "Tough luck."
"Come on, Jake," Andy begged. "We're talking about a lot of money."
"No way, guys," I said. "Either you tell them I didn't meet her or I will. Either way you're giving back the money."
"Gee, thanks, Jake," grumbled Andy.
"Yeah," added Josh. "Some friend."
With hanging heads they went back to the school lobby and gave everyone their money back.
Another crowd of kids was waiting for me in homeroom, but these were mostly my friends and they hadn't paid Andy or Josh anything. When I entered the room, they looked at me with excited, hopeful expressions.
"Forget it, guys," Josh announced. "He didn't even meet her."
Around the room faces fell. I could see disappointment in everyone's eyes.
"Did you at least see her?" asked Amber.
"Oh, yeah, I saw her," I said.
All around the room faces brightened again. "Was she really . . . Snork ! . . . pushy and demanding?" asked Amanda.
"Did she insist that everyone treat her like a star?" asked Alex Silver.
"Did she want M&Ms with all the green ones taken out?" asked Barry Dunn.
I stared at him. "What?"
Barry shrugged. "I heard that some star asked for that."
"Actually she seemed really sweet and nice to everyone," I said. "It was almost weird. Like all these people would crowd around her fixing her hair and makeup and her clothes and she'd just stand there and let them do anything they liked."
"What about when she was modeling?" asked Amber.
"Same thing," I said. "She did whatever the photographer told her to do and never said anything."
"She must have noticed you," said Julia.
"No way," I said. "She doesn't even know I exist."
Everyone looked pretty disappointed. Around the room kids turned back to their homework or started talking with friends. Suddenly I was no big deal.
Then the PA system blared on. "Jake Sherman, to the office immediately."
17
Ifyou thought my friends were disappointed, you should have seen Principal Blanco.
"You didn't get the poster signed?" The corners of his mouth turned down into a sad frown. We were sitting in his office. The door was shut.
"I couldn't get close to her," I said, although the real truth was that I'd totally forgotten to bring the poster in the first place.
"But you gave me your word," he said.
"I'm supposed to go back tonight," I said. "I'll try to get her to sign it then. I promise!"
Principal Blanco gazed down at his desk and ran his fingers through his curly black hair. "Jake, I . . . I'm not sure you understand what this means to me. This is a dream come true. I mean, Lanny Shanks . . . here in Jeffersonville. I . . . Jake, please, you must get that poster signed. You must! Simply trying isn't good enough. You must do it!"
"I'll do it," I said. "I promise."
Principal Blanco nodded without looking at me. "Thank you, Jake. Now go and Godspeed. Accomplish your mission!"
I left the office and went to class. Word that I hadn't met Lanny Shanks must have spread around the school fast because no one stopped me in the hall or asked me any questions.
At lunch Andy and Josh sat at our regular table with glum expressions on their faces.
"What's with you guys?" I asked.
Neither said a word. They just slowly chewed their hamburgers.
"Come on, tell me," I said.
"We lost a lot of money," Josh said.
"How?" I asked.
"This morning," he said. "We had to pay all those kids back."
"You didn't lose that money," I said. "It wasn't yours to begin with. You just gave it back to the people it belonged to."
Josh shrugged. "Well, it feels like we lost a lot of money, okay?"
"You're acting like it's my fault," I said. "I never told you to charge kids money because you thought I was going to meet Lanny Shanks."
Josh stared down at his lunch and didn't say a thing.
"It's not just that," mumbled Andy. "We had a shot at being famous."
"No, you didn't," I said.
"Well, semifamous, at least."
"Bull," I said. "You don't get famous just because you know someone who might meet someone famous."
"You do around here," Josh pointed out.
"That's so bogus," I said. "You get famous because you do something that makes you famous. Not because of who you know."
"So you're not going back, right?" Andy asked. "I mean, what's the point if you don't get to meet Lanny?"
"But I agreed to do it," I said.
"You were misled, dude," Josh said. "They made you think you were gonna meet the hottest babe in the world. Instead you're just buying her vegetables. If I were you I'd blow the whole thing off."
"Yeah," Andy agreed. "It's not like they're gonna miss you if you don't show up."
They were probably right. Winning the contest was a joke. They wouldn't even notice if I didn't show up that afternoon. Besides, I'd been up since 4:30 in the morning and I was really tired.
Just then Principal Blanco came into the cafetorium. He didn't even say anything to me. He just gave me a look. I knew if I didn't get Lanny Shanks to sign that poster, I was dead meat.
18
By the time school ended, I just wanted to go home and take a nap. But I had to get that poster signed, so I caught a cab over to the mall. When I got to the part of the parking lot where the trailers were, no one was around. One of the truck drivers was sitting in his truck, reading the paper.
"Uh, excuse me," I said. "Where'd everyone go?"
"They're over at some park shooting," the truck driver said. "They'll be back later."
It must have been Jeffersonville Park. I wondered if I should go over there, but I knew I'd wind up standing around doing nothing. I'd never be able to get close enough to Lanny to get her to sign the poster. Just then the door to Lanny's trailer opened and a stocky woman with short black hair and all black clothes came out.
"Who are you?" she demanded.
"I, er, won this contest," I started to explain. "The assistant to the super — "
"Right, I spoke to you," the woman said. "I'm Shiela Shield, Lanny's personal secretary. Come in here, I need you."
I went over to the trailer and climbed in. The inside of the trailer looked like equal parts makeup room, closet, kitchenette, and living room. It had a couch and a TV, a table with a big mirror and tons of makeup, and racks of dresses all over the place. The whole trailer smelled like perfume.
Shiela Shield handed me a plastic bucket. In it were some rags and bottles of Windex and Fantastik.
"Clean up this pigsty," she ordered. "Do the bathroom in the back. Polish the mirrors. I want this place looking shipshape when Lanny comes back."
"But —"
"No buts," Shiela Shield snapped. "You wanted this job, now get to work."
Shiela marched out of the trailer and slammed the door behind her. I looked down at the bucket. Somehow I'd gone from vegetable buyer to cleaning boy. The truth was, I didn't want the job. I'd never wanted it. But now it looked like I was stuck with it until I got that poster signed.
The good news was the trailer had satellite TV so at least I'd have some fun while I cleaned.
By the time I finished, I was pretty wiped out. That couch in front of the satellite TV was starting to look really good. I figured it couldn't hurt to sit down and just zone out for a few minutes.
19
Whave we here?" a voice asked.
I opened my eyes. Standing over me was a tall, extremely thin woman with blond hair. She was wearing sunglasses, which seemed kind of strange considering it was dark outside.
"Where am I?" I asked.
"You're in my trailer," she answered.
I rubbed my eyes. "Who are you?"
"I think the correct question is, Who are you? And what are you doing in my trailer?"
"I won this contest to be Lanny Shanks's personal assistant," I said with a yawn. "And so far my job has been to buy her vegetables and clean up her trailer."
"Haaaa!" The tall, very thin lady laughed loudly. "You had to win a contest to get to do that?"
"I know, it sounds kind of dumb," I admitted. The woman in the sunglasses looked around the trailer. "You did a good job."
"Thanks." I got up and stretched. "Know what time it is?"
"Around nine," she said.
"Oh, wow, guess I better get going," I said. "But aren't you supposed to be Lanny Shanks's personal assistant?" she asked.
"It's totally bogus," I said. "They're never gonna let me meet her."
"What makes you think that?" she asked.
"It's just the way it is. She's famous and important. She's a somebody and I'm a nobody. And the way things work in this world, the nobodies don't get to meet the somebodies."
The tall, very thin lady smiled softly, revealing some of the straightest and whitest teeth I'd ever seen. She took off her sunglasses. "They do now."
Help! I'm Trapped in a Supermodel's Body Page 3