by Tara Brown
Instantly, one popped from my lips. “How did we get married?”
He grinned, laughing. “The same question every morning, my sweet Gwyn. We were in school together. We have secretly loved each other for a long time. We went to the Club of the Unknown and figured out each other’s identity. We spoke to the engineers and memory makers, making arrangements for this to be our wonderful life. You were one of the seven I would have been allowed to marry when I turned twenty-two, but we asked permission for it to be sooner.”
My eyes drifted to the small cottage surrounded by the orchards. “We wanted this?”
He looked back. “Well, you were given orchards as your designation. I was given something else, but I took this to be with you. That was the agreement with the memory makers for requesting the early pairing.”
My stomach sank. He gave up a better position in life to be with me and I didn't even remember him. “How long?”
“A year.”
Again my stomach ached. A year and I didn't recall him at all. “How did I lose my memories?”
“You fell from a tree and when you woke the next day the reset had taken everything. Even your learned memories.” He ran a finger down my cheek, sending a chill up my spine. “Your life is a new adventure every day.”
“Do I have a family I left behind?”
He shook his head. “We are both alone in this world, no parents or siblings.” He kissed my cheek once more, hovering there. “We are made for each other.” The sweetness and passion was something every girl would want, but it didn't feel right to me.
I clutched my apple and handheld, desperately confused.
An alarm went off, making me jump. When I looked down, the instructions for my appointment filled the screen of my handheld.
Catch the tram to the city at 10
Go to Building 746 downtown
Meet Dr. Turner
WHISPER RUN AWAY
“Run away?” I whispered and blinked but the words run away remained.
“What did you say?”
I shook my head. “Nothing.” I nearly asked Murphy what it meant but I had a feeling I had sent it to myself for a reason. I blinked again and the words flashed before disappearing and leaving me with just the regular appointment message.
“I better go,” I muttered and walked past him to the path.
“You should get dressed, Gwyn.”
I glanced down at the nightgown, nodding. “Right.” I hurried back to the house and changed into something that seemed like it might be acceptable. We really only had drab colors and loose-fitting styles. The fact I had noticed the difference in the clothing from what I expected, told me I had once had a family in a good position.
I couldn't help but ponder their fates.
I couldn't stop the imaginations.
I was going to ruin society at this rate.
A Tramcar Named Desire
The rumble of the tramcar made my entire body vibrate. My skin tingled as I watched out the window as we passed into the factory and industrial sections. It didn't impress upon me as a new experience. I felt it in my bones that I had been there, even if every movement was surprising. The tram slowed in each region, something I of course knew would happen. But the feel of it slowing and quickening again was odd. There was also the nagging feeling someone was missing. Someone needed to be sitting next to me, whispering in my ear.
Was that Murphy or someone else? Was I meaning to run away from Murphy?
We came to a complete stop on the far side of the factory slums—the people below us in the orchards, as far as social stature went. The tram steam made mist of the cool air, creating an air of mystery around the people on the platform waiting to board. But there was only one person I really saw. One person I could have sworn I knew.
His eyes were the things that caught mine first, bright green and narrowed when they landed upon me. I could have taken offense to the way he stared, but I couldn't get past the feeling I knew him. He boarded, sitting across from me and staring past me out the window behind my head. The glow of his emerald eyes was intense, a stare that seemed to unnerve me completely. I forgot where I was or why I was there. I knew only one thing when I saw him—I knew him from somewhere.
I couldn't place it, just like I couldn't recall my husband or my life. But I knew him better than any other thing, including my name. I could swear I knew his name. “Lyle?” I asked him, earning myself a harsh response in the form of a glare.
“Who?” He sneered.
My face lit up with embarrassment. It had been the first thing I was sure of. “Sorry. I thought you were someone I knew.”
“His name is Lyle? What kind of pathetic name is that?” His gaze narrowed even more. “Sounds like a girl’s name.”
“I don't know. I didn't mean to bother you.” I shrugged, hoping he would see that I had made a mistake and leave it at that.
But he didn't. He stood, as the tram started on its path to the city again, stretching and slumping into the chair next to me. I tried to shove over, away from him but it was impossible with the rail next to me. He turned his face, grinning at me in a way that made me feel like I’d forgotten to get dressed. “You’re an awfully pretty girl to be worrying about a loser with a name like Lyle.” He grinned like he knew things about me I didn't even know.
“I don't know him anymore.” I shook my head slowly, struggling to maintain my breath. “He must have been someone from my old life.”
He winced. “You’ve had commencement then? Sucks to be part of the real world.” He picked at my sleeve like it was nothing but a rag. “I have to assume orchards by the manner in which you dress, milady.”
I scowled, pulling away from his dirty fingers. As a person from the factories he had no right to judge me.
When the city came into view, the tram lowered into a tunnel to make our final approach into the large city station. I sat in awe, staring at the amazing sight of the station there as his hand slipped into mine. He leaned in and whispered, “I was always fond of the orchards.” He placed a soft kiss on my cheek and rose, leaving me there to stare at his back as he mixed with the crowd leaving and boarding the tram. Eventually I lost him, forcing myself to stand and saunter into the crowd. It was then I noticed the piece of paper in my hand.
Paper?
How odd.
We never used paper, did we? I didn't recall using it even though I knew what it was. Of course I knew what it was. I pulled my handheld from my pocket, making it look as though I was reading something on the screen and spread the small paper open.
FIND ME AT THE CLUB OF THE UNKNOWN TONIGHT, 9191 EXITOR AVE.
WE NEED TO RUN. LYLE WILL BE THERE.
Oh and eat this piece of paper so no one reads it.
Lyle? He did know Lyle? Weirder still, I knew Lyle. I didn't know a single other person but I knew a man named Lyle?
I cocked an eyebrow, confused and sort of grossed out. What kind of person gave another person a piece of paper they expected them to eat? What kind of guy approached girls that way? Did he know me or was he bothering me because of the Lyle thing? But how did he know I would call him Lyle?
Apart from the name Lyle, the word run was really all that stuck with me. I had sent myself that message, run. I tapped a finger against the handheld and sighed before walking from the stunning building to the busy street. I pocketed the paper and walked as if I had some clue as to where I was going.
Realizing I really didn't know where I was going, I fixed my gaze upon the guard who was leaning against a light pole across the cobblestone street from me. I walked to him, hoping he was polite. When I got close his expression said otherwise.
“Excuse me, sir. Do you know where Building 746 is?”
He looked me up and down, nodding slowly. “One block down the street and it’s on your left.” His grin turned in a way that made my insides clench. “Are you lost?”
I wanted to cry and tell him I was. I was lost in my life and everything else but he gav
e me an unsettling feeling. So I shook my head and brushed past him to hurry the block to the doctor who might have answers. “Thank you.”
When I got to the building, I paused, enjoying the look of the large stone structure. It was the sort of place I imagined important things happened. All I could do was imagine the things Dr. Turner was going to do to try to help me. That's what pushed my feet through the door to the smiling face of the guard. “Gwyn, how are you?” His blue eyes probed mine with the question.
“Fine, thank you. And you?” I wondered if he knew me from school. He could be my age. He had an olive complexion, square jaw, and bright-blue eyes, but best of all, when he smiled there was a dimple in his right cheek. He was the kind of handsome that made you swoon or contemplate things a young lady ought not to. It wasn't right to boast about feelings, love, or lust in the company of others. But I could imagine meeting him at the Club of the Unknown. That I could definitely imagine, even if I shouldn't. My mind ignored the rules, as I suspected it always did, and imagined what it would feel like to be paired with a fine looking man like him. Not that Murphy wasn't handsome, because he was, but the guard was something else. Exactly the sort of something any girl would want to meet in the Club of the Unknown. I scolded myself for imagining again, something I ought not think about.
The Last City of Men was a place of modesty.
He tilted his head to the side, narrowing those blue eyes that for whatever reason were holding me captive. “Do you remember me yet?”
“I’m sorry, I do not.” I shook my head, lowering my gaze. “Do we do this every week?”
“Yeah.” He swung his hand out in a sweeping motion, pointing at the elevator door. “Next time you will for sure.” He stepped forward, nodding at the round button on the wall. I lifted my hand to press it but it scanned my thumbprint. I pulled my hand back quickly, earning a grin from him. “The scanner needs to know who is coming up in the elevator. You do that every week as well.”
“Oh.” I followed him to the doors and stood next to him, waiting for them to open. The heat from his body being so close to mine made me shiver. There was something incredibly familiar about him, something about the way he smelled. I closed my eyes, letting the warmth settle inside of me. It was like a warm cup of tea or a hot bath. I could soak, basking in it.
“You’re on the fifth floor,” he spoke softly as the back of his hand brushed against mine. I opened my eyes and stepped onto the elevator and pressed the five. It felt like he should come with me but he didn't. I went alone, completely baffled at the day I was having.
When the door opened I walked out into a short hallway that led to a sitting area with chairs lining the wall. I sat in one and folded my hands the way my mother had always taught me to do. All kids were taught that.
My mother.
Her memory was suddenly there. She was a blur but I could swear I knew the shape of her through the haze. She called me Gwynie and kissed my forehead and cheeks. She cooked and cleaned and took care of us. There was an us, more than her and me.
“Gwyn, how lovely to see you again. Please come with me,” a man’s voice interrupted my thoughts. I opened my eyes, not even realizing I had closed them, as the image of my mother floated away like a figure made of smoke. A man about triple my age stood there, giving me a pleasant smile. He sighed when I didn't move. “I’m Dr. Turner, dear. Still no memory then, I can assume?”
I opened my mouth to tell him about my memory of my mother and the guard but something told me not to. The same something that told me I had written the words whisper run away to myself for a reason.
For no reason at all, beyond the gut feeling I should have never even acknowledged, I trusted no one.
No one.
Not the man in my bed who I was clearly paired with.
Not the recording of myself speaking calmly.
Not the man on the tramcar with the green eyes who knew Lyle.
Not the guard who smelled like a warm hug.
Not the doctor standing here smiling at me now.
I trusted no one and couldn't even place the reason for it.
The principle of the new day was that it was intended to free us from the worry of yesterday, but suddenly I was starting to see that having no yesterday at all wasn't good either. I needed those memories, those learned tidbits that made up a life. I knew I should have them but there was a wall in my mind—a barrier.
“Do you need verification of who I am?” His tone would suggest I had apparently needed it many times.
I shook my head, standing and walking to him. He held an arm out for me to take. I hesitated but took his thin arm, letting him lead me down a different hallway than the one I had come from.
“I was thinking about you this very morning, the way the air smelled in my office from the fresh basket of apples I had delivered. You always smell of fresh apples. It’s better than any scent a woman can wear, in my opinion.” He chuckled and rubbed my arm as he led me to a door at the end of the bright hallway. The walls were a stark white, shocking even.
When we entered his office the color relaxed me a little as it shifted from the painful white to pale beige. It was an earthy color and made me think of something I couldn't place until I said it aloud, “This color reminds me of sand dunes.”
He looked around before pausing and looking back at me. “Dunes? Where have you seen a dune?”
I shrugged, truly not certain where I had seen the color before. “At school, I’d imagine.” I nearly choked, having let the word imagine slip from my lips, but he appeared not to focus on that part of the sentence.
“At school, huh?” His face didn't budge for a whole second before he clasped his hands together and smiled joyfully. “You remember seeing things at school?”
“I suppose, but I don't remember when or how.”
“It’s better than nothing.” He nodded, pointing at a large comfy chair. “Have a seat. I want to know all about these memories you’re recalling.”
I followed and sat across from him, relaxing into the softness of the fancy chair. Something I would never have in the orchards. This level of plush and softness was something I would only have in doctors’ offices or places like that. I didn't know how I felt about that fact, but I could tell it wasn't a good feeling.
He pulled out his handheld and put on a pair of glasses as he settled into the chair. “Tell me everything that happened today.”
I sighed, not sure of what to say or do. Would telling him most of the truth bring me harm? Who harmed anyone in The Last City of Men? No one, apart from the people taking advantage of the reset. I had heard of that, people harmed by those who were excited the reset would prevent the victim from remembering the next day.
I remembered my mother telling me never to follow a boy into a dark hallway or to let one convince me to meet him somewhere alone. She spoke of bad things like that enough to ensure I remembered them. She had wanted me to be skeptical of guys, in case I was in the company of a bad one. She had said you couldn't tell from a look or a smell, but from a feeling. A gut feeling. My cheeks burned as I recalled the conversation. There was a shiver of excitement at remembering it and then a shudder from the bad feeling the talk gave me.
I focused back on the expectant look on Dr. Turner’s face and nodded, convincing myself I wasn't in the presence of a bad man. “I woke confused, not sure where I was. A strange man was in my bed. I was scared, naturally. I snuck from the bed, not sure of what to do.”
He lifted a hand, interrupting me. “Did you think to find your recording of the learned memories we are hoping to create?”
I shook my head. “Not until I was outside.”
“I see.” He made a note on his handheld, making a strange face.
“How long have I been coming to see you?”
He gave me a long stare, almost as if he was not sure if he should answer or not. “Six months.”
My insides churned. “I should remember by now.”
Again he paused
before he spoke, “Right, exactly. Even a slow learner would have created memories by now.” He shook his head. “It doesn't matter. We have to work with what we have. Tell me the rest of the morning.”
My heart ached but I managed to mutter the rest out quickly, “I found my handheld, met my husband, learned I had fallen and hurt myself and lost all of my learned memories. Discovered my parents are gone, which makes me sad even if I don't remember them. Rode the tram here, walked to the building, and came up to see you.” I left out telling him the part where I wrote a strange sentence to myself—WHISPER RUN AWAY—or the part where I knew the guy on the tram and the guard, or the part where I recalled my mother to the point her voice was filling my ears.
“Did you eat today?” He wrinkled his lips, pursing them.
“An apple.”
“Excellent.” He nodded, folding his arms after he finished making a note. “Were you scared at all today? Beyond waking to a stranger obviously. Or did you trust in the reset?”
It was my turn to pause and wonder how much I should say. I had left out the strange man with the green eyes and the note on my handheld. I didn't answer, just shook my head.
“Well, that's an improvement really. You normally wake frightened and in such a state that we have to sedate you. Murphy has had to bring you in. Today you did it on your own. That's remarkable in a small way.”
My jaw dropped as I let the imaginations run away with me. No matter how hard I pushed my mind I couldn't really imagine myself in a state, or frightened to the point of screaming. I had been frightened beyond belief all morning and had kept it together, something that felt natural.
“What do you think has changed today?”
The corners of my lips curled. “I don't remember yesterday so I couldn't tell you.”
“Of course.” Dr. Turner smiled peacefully again but there was something behind his eyes when he chuckled.
It made me ask the thing I feared the most. “Will I wake every day new from the reset, like a child who has no learned memories yet?”